Archive for mistakes
Removing the U from Failure
Posted by: | CommentsDo you think of yourself as a failure? Maybe not in every area of life, but in at least one important one? Well, you’re not alone. Many people think that having failed makes them a failure. Too many people. So many, in fact, that I wrote an entire book, Failing Forward, to challenge that perception.
Seeing yourself as a failure is a negative thinking pattern. It doesn’t make you feel any better, and, even more important, it doesn’t help you do any better in the future. To start “failing forward,” you need to look at failure differently.
Pick any area where you’ve repeatedly failed and do the following:
Examine your expectations for that area. Write them down. Are they realistic? Do you expect to do everything perfectly? Do you expect to succeed on the first try? How many mistakes should you expect to make before you succeed? You’ll probably need to adjust your expectations to allow many more mistakes or failures before success.
Find new ways to do your work. Brainstorm at least twenty new approaches to your job or task. Now, I should point out that people who fear failure have a hard time brainstorming because they don’t want to list a “wrong” idea. Be flexible and list even the most outrageous approaches. Then be even more flexible and try at least half of the ideas on your list.
Focus on your strengths. In areas where you’ve frequently failed, ask yourself, “What did I do right?” It’s normal to focus on what you did wrong in the situation, but everyone has some strengths. Rather than focusing on patching up your weaknesses, determine to use your best skills and personal strengths to maximize your efforts.
Vow to bounce back. No matter how many times you fall down, pick yourself up and keep going. This sounds too simplistic, but it’s really essential. Until you commit to keep going, you will always entertain the option of quitting after a failure.
Don’t wait until you feel positive to move forward. Instead, act your way into feeling good. And stop defining yourself as a failure. That kind of negative thinking will always block you from failing forward.
Are you moving toward breakdown … or breakthrough?
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Every major difficulty you face in life is a fork in the road. You choose which track you will head down, toward breakdown or breakthrough. Dick Biggs, a consultant who helps Fortune 500 companies improve profits and increase productivity, writes that all of us have unfair experiences; as a result, some people merely exist and adopt a “cease and desist” mentality. He continues,
One of the best teachers of persistence is your life’s critical turning points. Expect to experience 3-9 turning points or “significant changes” in your life. These transitions can be happy experiences … or unhappy times such as job losses, divorce, financial setbacks, health problems and the death of loved ones. Turning points can provide perspective, which is the ability to view major changes within the larger framework of your lifetime and let the healing power of time prevail. By learning from your turning points, you can grow at a deeper level within your career and life.
If you’ve been badly hurt, then start by acknowledging the pain and grieving any loss you may have experienced. Then forgive the people involved – including yourself, if needed. Doing that will help you move on. Just think, today may be your day to turn the hurts of your past into a breakthrough for the future.
Don’t allow anything from your personal history
to keep holding you hostage.
~ From The Maxwell Daily Reader, July 15
On success and stupidity – TAKE TWO
Posted by: | CommentsWe are all failures – at least, all the best of us are.
~James Barrie, author of Peter Pan
This is one of the many thoughts and quotes that I’ve been posting on Twitter this week on the subject of failure. Some others:
There are many ways to be a winner, but only one way to be a loser:
to fail & not look beyond the failure. ~Kyle Rote, Jr
I truly believe that the difference between average people & achieving people is their perception of & response to failure.
Let me illustrate from my own life with this:
The March 2009 cover of Success Magazine.
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That was quite a cover. They made me look so SUCCESSFUL.
And the article? Well, it was so good that my wife Margaret read it and asked who it was talking about. 
Ten months ago, you could find this issue on quite a few newsstands. Walk into just about any airport, and you’d see my smiling “successful” face.
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Now, let’s just contrast that amazingly flattering magazine cover with the photo that follows.
Only weeks after the Success Magazine hit newsstands,
a very different photo was taken of me…
coincidentally, IN an airport:
Yes, that IS a mug shot. Yes, I AM an idiot.
On March 13, 2009, I was arrested at my local airport.
What for? Well, probably the best thing is for you to read what I wrote right here on this blog when it happened.
If you don’t know the story, you need to see this. Today I intend to “raise the bar” on stupid for anyone who’s ever made a mistake. Go read it; I’ll wait.
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Okay, welcome back.
Yes, it’s all true. In one instant, I went from celebrity shot to mug shot. From the penthouse to the outhouse, so to speak. Now, the good news is that ten months later, everything has worked out okay. And thanks to my friends and family – who seem to have seen my embarrassment as an answer to prayer – I’ve learned to laugh at my stupidity.
(Who else’s friends deal with their own mistakes by proclaiming, “Well, at least I didn’t try to take a GUN into an AIRPORT”?)
Here’s the truth: I’m convinced that I’m not the only one who’s done something stupid. In fact, I believe that ALL of us are just one step away from stupid. We walk a fine line. And whether our failure is a bad decision or a stupid mistake, we need to learn the right ways to respond to it.
In the last few months, I’ve taught a few lessons on failure and the best ways to handle and learn from it. Click the underlined titles to go listen and/or view them online.
Failing Forward, on Robert Schuller’s Television Hour of Power
Famous Failures, a series of three messages preached at Christ Fellowship Church (CFC), West Palm Beach, Florida
(This link takes you to all sermon archives. Click on “Famous Failures” to view/listen to my 3 specific sermons. The first, Stupid Hurts, will update you on my airport experience.)
I hope that if you’re dealing with your own failures, mistakes, or foolish choices, you’ll find some guidance and encouragement in viewing or listening to them.
And now I’ll close with just two of the many book titles suggested to me after this incident:
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Airport Security
and
Developing the Gangsta Within You
Stupid is as stupid does…
Posted by: | CommentsThe reason I started blogging was to teach leadership and try to add value to you, my readers. But in today’s post I need to tell you something of a more personal nature.
I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life. Early in my marriage I would win arguments with my wife, Margaret, and hurt her feelings really badly. I have made business moves that lost tens of thousands of dollars at a time. And I’ve made leadership decisions that led to failures for my organizations. But up until now, none of the dumb things I’ve done has gotten me arrested.
Here’s how this came about. Last Sunday, I was in Birmingham, Alabama, speaking for the Church of the Highlands. It’s a wonderful church with a marvelous leader named Chris Hodges. He is a good friend, the congregation is fantastic, and I had a terrific time.
Most of the time when I have speaking engagements, I fly commercially, especially when the commitments are far from home. But when the engagement is not very far away and it means that I will be able to sleep at home in my own bed, I’ll sometimes fly on a private airplane. That was the case on Sunday.
As I got on the plane, someone from Chris’ congregation gave me a gift: a handgun. “This is for Margaret,” he said, “so she can feel safe when you’re traveling.”
Now, I’m not really a gun person. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who own guns. I have been hunting a few times with friends, so I’ve shot a gun before, but I’ve never bought one. It’s just not my cup of tea. But I knew this was being given as a gift from the heart, so I accepted it, put it in my carry-on, and got on the private plane and flew home.
And then I forgot about it.
For the next several days, I was focused on preparations for an upcoming speaking engagement in Dallas. There was a moment when I thought to myself, “Oh, I’d better remember to get that gun out of my bag,” but because I was in the middle of writing, I didn’t want to stop. By the time yesterday rolled around, it had completely left my mind.
If you’re my age, you may remember a cartoon character called “Mr. Magoo.” He was a man who seemed to wander from danger to danger without ever getting hurt.
My friends used to call me Mr. Magoo. For those of you a little younger, they have also called me Forrest Gump.
Well, off I went to the airport in full Mr. Magoo mode. In security, I put my carry-on bag on the conveyer belt and didn’t think anything of it. Truly, it’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.
You can probably guess the rest. I was arrested, handcuffed, and taken to jail, where I was fingerprinted and photographed. Needless to say, it opened my eyes to a world I’d seen only in the movies. I was glad when I posted bail and was able to leave.
I said this post would be of a personal nature, but there is still a leadership lesson to be learned from it. First, take responsibility for your own actions. What I did was wrong, and it was my fault. I certainly didn’t intend to break the law, but I will face up to the consequences.
The second lesson, to use the words of my friend Kevin Myers, is this: “Stupid hurts.” If you’re not paying attention and you do something stupid, it’s going to hurt you.
In the end, I just hope my mistake isn’t going to hurt anybody but me.
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