Archive for Communication
R.E.S.P.E.C.T… What does it mean to you?
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A few years ago, I read an article about a young man who, at age 23, went to work as the senior pastor of his first church. He found the experience very intimidating because he was to be the spiritual leader of people who had children and grandchildren older than he was.
How did he handle it? By showing his people respect and asking them to treat them in kind. To make his standard clear to everyone, he shared ten rules for respect that he promised to live by, and he asked his people to do the same.
Here are his rules:
- If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
- If I have a problem with you, I’ll come to you (privately).
- If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I’ll do the same for you.)
- If someone consistently will not come to me, say, “Let’s go see him together.” (I’ll do the same for you.)
- Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
- I will be careful how I interpret you.
- If it’s confidential, don’t tell. If anyone comes to me in confidence, I won’t tell unless (a) the person is going to harm him/herself; (b) the person is going to physically harm someone else; (c) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
- I do not read unsigned letters or notes.
- I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. Do not let others manipulate you; do not let others try to manipulate me through you.
- When in doubt, just say it. If I can answer without misrepresenting something or breaking a confidence, I will.
His story intrigued me because I had faced a similar situation early in my career. The young pastor’s list reflected what I’d learned in my own experience.
Most people greatly desire the respect of their leaders. And when leaders give it freely, I believe it creates a very positive relational environment. As author Alfred Glasow said, “The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.”
UPDATE: Many have asked who was the young author of the Rules of Respect in this post, adapted from my book Ethics 101. He is Charles Christian, who is still serving as a pastor in Washington. The article containing his rules was originally published in Leadership Magazine in 1999.
The power of words on a page
Posted by: | CommentsNineteenth-century writer Walt Whitman struggled for years to get anyone interested in his poetry. He became very discouraged. But then he received a note that read:
Dear sir, I am not blind to the worth of the wonderful gift of Leaves of Grass. I find it the most extraordinary piece of wit and wisdom that America has yet contributed. I greet you at the beginning of a great career.
It was signed by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I can’t help but wonder what might have happened to Whitman had Emerson not invested in him by writing those kind words. That note must have been like fresh air to Whitman, who breathed in its encouragement and was inspired to keep writing.
You don’t have to be a professional writer like Emerson to make a difference in someone’s life. Just taking the time to write a note of encouragement is evidence of your willingness to invest in that person.
from 25 Ways to Win with People
Don’t shun the sting!
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Today I’m probably known most for my public speaking. The irony is that when I first started speaking, I was anything but effective. In fact, I remember being really fearful, and it showed. In my first speaking opportunity as a senior in college, I was terrible. People described my speaking style as “stiff.”
I could’ve given up then – decided that public speaking was not for me. After all, I really wasn’t any good at it. But even then I knew it was part of my calling, so I kept at it. I studied effective communicators. I spoke to audiences (mostly small groups) at every opportunity. And after SEVEN YEARS, I finally felt more comfortable than fearful speaking to a group. Then I had to begin working to develop and improve my style. Again, I kept at it.
In time I got chances to speak to larger audiences. The first time I spoke to over a thousand people was in Columbus, Ohio, in the 1970s. In the 1980s I spoke to an audience of more than 10,000. In the 90s, I actually spoke to audiences of tens of thousands. And now in the 21st century, I’ve been blessed to speak live in events that were simulcast to even larger audiences.
I don’t say all this to brag. I say it because in those early years, when I was afraid the entire time I was speaking, I could not have imagined where I would end up decades later. The key was refusing to let my fear rule me. Instead, I accepted it as the price I had to pay for personal progress.
English playwright William Shakespeare said, “He is not worthy of the honeycomb that shuns the hive because the bees have stings.”
Is there a “hive” that you’re avoiding because of the pain or difficulty that you believe lurks there? Don’t let your fear block you from taking small steps in your development. You never know where they might lead.
Adapted from The Maxwell Daily Reader
How do you get your ideas heard?
Posted by: | CommentsRecently, I was asked a question that I hear pretty often.
Usually the questioner is young, perhaps newly-graduated from school. They’re almost always new to their current job. And I can often hear their frustration when they ask:
Please tell me, how can someone just entering the workforce create change?
Maybe you’re familiar with this question. Do you see a need for change in your organization? Are you frustrated because you can’t get anyone else to see it – much less do something about it? Maybe you’ve just graduated from university and gotten your first job. Or perhaps you’re a veteran worker, but newly-hired. Either way, it seems like a cruel joke.
As a new member of the team,
You see things with fresh eyes; you see problems that others might have just gotten used to. And if you’re young, you’re probably willing to take on any challenge.
BUT
You’ve also just joined an established group. No one knows you, so you have no credibility, no trust, no goodwill. You may have wonderful ideas, but how do you impress them on others?
What can you do to be heard?
You need to CONNECT.
Based on the definition I used when I wrote Everyone Communicates, Few Connect,
Connecting is the ability to identify with people
and relate to them in a way that increases
your influence with them.
Think about it: Where does change begin in an organization? With the people! So your ability to communicate and connect with others is a major determining factor in increasing your influence. And increasing your influence with them is your way of making change happen.
Here are some next steps to take:
- Keep in mind that connecting requires energy. You must be intentional – not casual – in your interactions. Devote the time and energy necessary, but DON’T steal it from the work you were hired for. The energy you put toward connection needs to be above and beyond what you’re already doing for your job.
- Focus on others. True connection is all about others. If you’re still working on making your agenda happen (i.e. creating change), that’s not connection; it’s manipulation.
- Work on finding common ground. When two people come together to communicate, each has a reason for doing so. To connect on common ground, you must know your reason and the other person’s reason, then find a way to connect the two.
All of this may sound complicated and roundabout when all you want to do get your goals accomplished. But you need to remember: Making a difference in your work is not about productivity; it’s about people. When you focus on others and connect with them, you can work together to accomplish great things.
20 Winners … and no losers!
Posted by: | Comments20 Winners!
It’s time to announce the winners of the Big Case Giveaway! On April 5, we launched it with these simple rules: leave a comment on that post describing how YOU would use 24 copies of ECFC. The publishers’ favorite 20 comments would WIN 24 copies (a case) of the books.
With all of your comments, you all didn’t make their job easy. In one week, readers left 1,090 comments, with some amazingly creative ideas. All I can say is that I’m glad I wasn’t a judge!
So without further ado, here are the winners, as chosen by staff at Thomas Nelson Publishers. Each will receive one case (24 copies) of Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. I’ve included the comment number along with each name. We’re also notifying all winners via email within the next week.
- #63 Tyler Hartley // Apr 5, 2010 at 4:32 pm
- #64 Deacon Bradley // Apr 5, 2010 at 4:32 pm
- #146 Iana // Apr 5, 2010 at 6:42 pm
- #165 Bryan Burt // Apr 5, 2010 at 8:21 pm
- #263 Sol Greear // Apr 6, 2010 at 8:38 am
- #266 Chaplain Steph // Apr 6, 2010 at 8:49 am
- #275 Linda // Apr 6, 2010 at 9:08 am
- #369 Steve Blair // Apr 6, 2010 at 1:33 pm
- #373 RJ Barros // Apr 6, 2010 at 1:36 pm
- #387 Diana M. // Apr 6, 2010 at 1:43 pm
- #568 Angelee Murray, Sales Director // Apr 7, 2010 at 11:06 am
- #593 Erica Pefferman // Apr 7, 2010 at 2:24 pm
- #724 Paul Gustavson // Apr 7, 2010 at 10:16 pm
- #766 Tracey Messick // Apr 8, 2010 at 1:06 pm
- #792 Sylvia Scott // Apr 8, 2010 at 11:28 pm
- #921 Maryann Garding // Apr 10, 2010 at 1:34 pm
- #989 Julia Muscari // Apr 11, 2010 at 7:44 pm
- #1016 Anton Gunn // Apr 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm
- #1077 Millie Rosado // Apr 11, 2010 at 10:53 pm
- #1081 Edwin Sarmiento // Apr 11, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Congratulations to all of you! Now what’s this about…
No Losers?
We were only able to choose 20 winners of a free case of books. But based on your overwhelming response, it’s clear that many of you value the message of Everyone Communicates, Few Connect and would love to share it with others.
So, as a special thank you to all of my blog readers, we’ve arranged for a limited-time discount on the book:
45% off the cover price!
That’s just $14.29/each.
This opportunity comes thanks to 800ceoread.com. They’re offering this special price from now until May 7, 2010. If you are interested just CLICK HERE.
I hope this is helpful to you. Feel free to share this offer with anyone you think might benefit from it.
Thank you again for participating! Your ideas were amazing.
Remember to take advantage of this discount offer
from 800ceoread.com
between now and May 7, 2010.
