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Synopsis coming soon…

Nov
02

Connectors Inspire People

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Chapter 9 Synopsis

Connectors Inspire People

When someone begins to communicate with others, the first thing listeners do is start asking questions at a subconscious level. They want to know what’s in it for them. They want to know if the speaker is credible. But they also care about how the person communicates with them.

As I have watched effective communicators inspire people, I have come to the conclusion that there is a kind of formula, which I call the Inspiration Equation, which comes into play. It works like this:

What They Know + What They See + What They Feel = Inspiration

Do people know that you care? That you understand them? Can they see that you are credible? That you live what you say? Can they feel your passion for your message and your confidence in yourself and them? When a communicator is able to bring all three factors into alignment, it creates a synergy that inspires people. And from that place of inspiration, you can often lead people to take action.

Norm Lawson tells the story of a rabbi and a soap maker who went for a walk together. The soap maker said, “What good is religion? Look at all the trouble and misery of the world! Still there, even after years—thousands of years—of teaching about goodness and truth and peace. Still there, after all the prayers and sermons and teachings. If religion is good and true, why should this be?”

The rabbi said nothing. They continued walking until he noticed a child playing in the gutter.

Then the rabbi said, “Look at that child. You say that soap makes people clean, but see the dirt on that youngster. Of what good is soap? With all the soap in the world, over all these years, the child is still filthy. I wonder how effective soap is, after all!”

The soap maker protested, “But, Rabbi, soap cannot do any good unless it is used!”

“Exactly,” replied the rabbi.

According to some scholars, there hasn’t always been such a divide between understanding and action. One linguist says that in up to twenty primitive languages, the words for “hearing” and “doing” are the same word. Only in our modern context have we divided them.

Actor Will Smith once said, “The way I like to measure greatness is: How many people do you affect? In your time on earth, how many people can you affect? How many people can you make want to be better? Or how many people can you inspire?” In the end, what good is our communication if its impact ends the moment we stop speaking? The true test of inspiration isn’t people’s applause; it’s their actions. That’s what makes a difference.

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Chapter 8 Synopsis

Connectors Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys

What words would you choose to describe the best communicators who have connected well with you? Entertaining? Energetic? Funny? Maybe if you gave it some time, you could produce a long list of attributes. Now think about the communicators you don’t care for, the ones who were unable to connect with you. If I asked you to describe them using only one word, what would it be? I’m willing to bet that the word would be boring.

Sadly, for many of us, it’s much easier to bore people than to connect with them. But I have some good news: no matter what your current level of skill is in this area, you can make it better. Being interesting can be learned. I know because my personal experience can back it up.

When I began my career as a pastor, my biggest fear was of being “another boring preacher.” After all, as a kid growing up in church, my prayer every Sunday morning went something like this . . .

Now I lay me down to sleep,

The sermon’s long; the subject’s deep.

If he should quit before I wake,

I ask someone, “Give me a shake.”

No communicator, whether delivering a sermon or chatting at a restaurant, wants to be boring. We want to be INTERESTING. Fortunately, we can do that in a number of ways, like taking responsibility for what listeners hear, being visual and telling stories. Often the bottom line when it comes to holding people’s interest and connecting with others is to be the kind of communicator you would like to hear.

Now don’t get me wrong; no one can connect with everybody. It doesn’t matter how hard you work at it. Though I strive to be an effective communicator, I know there are people I leave cold when I talk. That’s okay. But you can be sure that I will do everything in my power to keep them from falling asleep. The longer they stay engaged, the better the chance I have of winning them over. And the better the chance of adding value to them.

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Chapter 7 Synopsis

Connectors Do the Difficult Work of Keeping It Simple

A few years ago, I was being interviewed on a television talk show. The host held up a couple of my books and said, “John, I’ve read several of your books and they are all so simple.” His tone of voice, body language, and mannerisms made it clear to me and the audience that he did not mean it as a compliment!

My response was straightforward: “That’s true. The principles in my books are simple to understand. But they are not always simple to apply.” The audience applauded, and he conceded what I said was right.

I think a lot of people believe that if an individual, especially an author or speaker, bombards them with a lot of complex information or writes using big words in a style that is dense and difficult to understand, then he is somehow intelligent and credible. In the academic world, that seems to be especially true. When students can’t understand their professor, they often assume it’s because the professor is so smart and knows so much more than they do. I don’t think that’s always true. More often in such cases the teacher isn’t a good communicator. While educators often take something simple and make it complicated, communicators take something complicated and make it simple.

In his excellent book The Power of Little Words, author John Beckley, former business editor of Newsweek, observes: “The emphasis in education is rarely placed on communicating ideas simply and clearly. Instead, we’re encouraged to use more complicated words and sentence structures to show off our learning and literacy. . . . Instead of teaching us how to communicate as clearly as possible, our schooling in English teaches us how to fog things up. It even implants a fear that if we don’t make our writing complicated enough, we’ll be considered uneducated.”

I think everyone can agree that many of the issues we face in life can be complex. A professor may legitimately argue that his or her area of expertise is complicated. I won’t contest that. But as leaders and communicators, our job is to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity. It doesn’t take nearly as much skill to identify a problem as it does to find a good solution. The measure of a great teacher isn’t what he knows; it’s what his students know. Making things simple is a skill, and it’s a necessary one if you want to connect with people when you communicate.

Winston Churchill was perhaps the greatest communicator of the twentieth century. He was an excellent leader, inspiring communicator, and accomplished writer, having won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1953. He continually expressed the importance of keeping communication simple. He stated, “All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope,” and “Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all.”

It may seem counterintuitive, but if you want to take your communication to the next level and connect with people, don’t try to impress them with your intellect or overpower them with too much information. Give them clarity and simplicity. People will relate to you, and they’ll want to invite you back to communicate with them again.

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Chapter 6 Synopsis

Connectors Connect on Common Ground

If I had to pick a first rule of communication—the one practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others—it would be to look for common ground. That rule applies whether you’re resolving conflict with your spouse, teaching a child, negotiating a deal, selling a product, writing a book, leading a meeting, or communicating to an audience.

I’ve already explained how in the first several years of my career as a leader and speaker, my focus was too much on myself. And only when I started to realize that connecting is all about others did I start to improve.

Most people believe that finding common ground with others is a matter of talent: some people are simply good connectors, while others aren’t. While I do agree that not everyone starts out with the same ability to connect, I also believe that anyone can learn to connect because connecting is a choice. It is a mind-set that can be learned. Avoiding certain barriers to connection and choosing to work at finding common ground will greatly increase your odds of connecting with others.

Here’s one strategy for getting started: When I want to really get to know someone, I ask three questions. People’s answers to these give me great insight into their hearts. The questions are:

  • What do you dream about?
  • What do you sing about?
  • What do you cry about?

If you know the answers to those questions, you will be able to find common ground with someone and connect with them.

If there is a more important key to communication than finding common ground, I certainly can’t think of it. Common ground is the place where people can discuss differences, share ideas, find solutions, and start creating something together. Too often people see communication as the process of transmitting massive amounts of information to other people. But that’s the wrong picture. As I already mentioned, communication is a journey. The more that people have in common, the better the chance that they can take that journey together.