Archive for Attitude
What are your fears keeping you from doing?
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In a speech in 1933, American president Franklin Delano Roosevelt, addressing a nation mired in a Depression and on the verge of a world war, famously stated, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” During the first century A.D., Epictetus said, “It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.” And in the 1600s, Francis Bacon remarked that, “Nothing is terrible except fear itself.”
Fear is universal. It crosses all boundaries of race, culture, religion and generation. We all feel fear. So why do some people appear to be fearless, doing battle with enemies that others cower before? Because they recognize that the greatest enemy they face is the fear itself. The first battle every hero faces is against fear and its weapons of destruction.
So how should we deal with fear? Avoiding it never really makes it go away; we either become paralyzed or defeated. Frantically searching for a quick fix usually just results in unfocused and wasted effort.
The only way to deal with fear is to face it and overcome it. Dale Carnegie explained it this way: “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Here are some actions you can take to face and overcome fear:
Discover the foundation of fear
The fact is that most fear is not based on fact. Much of what we fear is based on a feeling. According to an old saying, “Fear and worry are interest paid in advance on something you may never own.” And Aristotle explained, “Fear is pain arising from anticipation of evil.”
When you acknowledge that the majority of fear is unfounded, you can begin to release yourself from its power. American general George Patton understood this. He said, “I learned very early in life not to take counsel of my fears.” Businessman Allen Neuharth saw his worst fears come true, only to realize that they weren’t as big as he’d imagined: “I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn’t fall down.”
Admit your fears
One of our biggest misconceptions is that courage equals a lack of fear. In actuality, the opposite is true. Mark Twain explained, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” By admitting our fear, we can then challenge its accuracy.
That’s how General Patton dealt with it: “The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision,” he said. “That’s the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all of your fears and go ahead!”
Accept the frailty and brevity of life
Sometimes our greatest fears are founded on reality. For example, we are all going to die sometime. There’s no denying that. Likewise, life will often be hard and painful. Those things are completely out of our control. By accepting their reality, we can then focus on the things we actually can control.
I love what Gertrude Stein wrote about fear: “Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really frightening.”
Accept fear as the price of progress
“As long as I continue to push out into the world,” said Susan Jeffers, “as long as I continue to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continue to take risks in making my dreams come true, I am going to experience fear.”
To do anything of value, we have to take risks. And with risk comes fear. If we accept it as the price of progress, then we can take appropriate risks that yield great reward.
Develop a burning desire that overcomes fear
Sometimes the best way to fight fear is to focus on our reason for confronting it. Is it bigger than the fear? The firefighter runs into the burning building not because he’s fearless, but because he has a calling that is more important than the fear.
The person afraid of flying decides to confront it not because the fear has vanished, but because a meeting with a new grandchild awaits at the end of the flight.
Focus on what you can control
We cannot control the length of our lives; we can’t control many of the circumstances that we face. Accepting those facts allows us to focus on what we can control. Like American basketball coach John Wooden said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”
As a leader, I often have to deal with the wrong attitudes and actions of the people who follow me. So a long time ago, I decided that,
I can control my attitude, but not others’ actions.
I can control my calendar, but not others’ circumstances.
And it’s not what happens to me, but what happens in me.
Focus on today
Fear tries to make us look at all of our problems at once: those from yesterday, today, and tomorrow. To be courageous, you have to focus only on today. Why? Because it’s the only thing you have any control over.
I love what a wise man once said about an ocean liner: If an ocean liner could think and feel, it would never leave its dock; it would be afraid of the thousands of huge waves it would encounter. It would fear all of its dangers at once, even though it had to meet them only one wave at a time.
By focusing only on what’s right in front of us, we can manage tremendous risk because we know we’ll only have to deal with it one wave at a time.
Put some wins under your belt
Just like fear tends to breed more fear, courage leads to more courage. According to Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
The more we face our fears, the more capable we begin to feel, and the more fears we are willing to face.
Do it now
Often, all it takes to conquer a fear is to change our focus and try some of the above suggestions. As we realize what’s true and focus on what we can control, the fear naturally fades and weakens. But there are other times, when no amount of thinking can overcome the fear. In fact, the more we think in those situations, the more fearful we become. Then, the only solution is action.
As W. Clement Stone said, “When thinking won’t cure fear, action will.”
It is the wise person who accepts that fear is a very real part of life, and it must be faced and overcome with courage. By taking action in the face of fear, he or she achieves results and becomes more courageous.
Another American president, Harry S. Truman, said it this way: “The worst danger we face is the danger of being paralyzed by doubts and fears. This danger is brought on by those who abandon faith and sneer at hope. It is brought on by those who spread cynicism and distrust and try to blind us to our great chance to do good for all mankind.”
What’s your attitude toward gratitude?
Posted by: | CommentsHere in the United States, this is the time of year when we celebrate Thanksgiving. This Thursday, millions of Americans will pause from work for this holiday. For some, it’s just a day to skip work, eat too much, and watch a lot of sports on TV. But for many, Thanksgiving is a day to remember our blessings and offer thanks to God and others who were there when we needed them.
On Twitter this week, I’m sharing some of my favorite short (140 characters or less) quotes on gratitude. But since so much has been said about thankfulness that doesn’t fit into 140 characters, I’ve had to leave out a number of wonderful quotes and illustrations. So I’ve decided to share them here. Below you’ll find some of my favorite longer quotes on the subject of gratitude. I hope they inspire you to be thankful during this season.
Gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues but the mother of all the rest.
-Cicero
Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
–Charles Dickens
The devil doesn’t have to steal anything from you, all he has to do is make you take it for granted.
–Max Lucado
I have often thought it would be a blessing if each human being were stricken blind and deaf for a few days during his early adult life. Darkness would make him more appreciative of sight; silence would teach him the joys of sound.
–Helen Keller (blind & deaf from an early age)
Spending a little time calculating the number of things that go right is a simple but powerful way to reactivate our sense of wonder and gratitude.
–Richard Carlson
Only a small percentage of people are continually successful over the long run. These outstanding few recognize that every success comes through the assistance of many other people – and they are continually grateful for this support. Conversely, many people whose success stops at some point are in that position because they have cut themselves off from everyone who has helped them. They view themselves as the sole source of their achievements. As they become more self-centered and isolated, they lose their creativity and ability to succeed. Continually acknowledge others’ contributions, and you will automatically create room in your mind and in the world for much greater success. You will be motivated to achieve even more for those who have helped you. Focus on appreciating and thanking others, and the conditions will always grow to support your increasing success.
-Dan Sullivan and Catherine Nomura
From the Talmud: He who gives should never remember; he who receives should never forget.
When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.
–Elie Wiesel
Silent gratitude isn’t much good to anyone.
-Gladys Bronwyn Stern
I just wanted to talk about baloney…
Posted by: | CommentsIf you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, or pay attention to Upcoming Events listed here on this blog, you might have noticed that I preached this past weekend. I’m a teaching pastor at Christ Fellowship Church in West Palm Beach, Florida, which means that I get to preach a few times a year.
Although after this Saturday night’s experience, I might think twice before the next time.
I’ve heard from enough other pastors about this that I’m pretty sure we all face it at one time or another: You prepare a sermon on a specific topic, only to receive a lesson on that very topic before or during the sermon. An example would be the pastor preaching on humility who has to deal with a humbling situation a few days before Sunday.
As for me, let’s just say that this weekend I was preaching about having a good attitude. And I ended up facing a challenge to MY attitude AS I PREACHED that… well…
You need to see for yourself:
Clearly, God knew that I needed an object lesson for my sermon. I just wish I could’ve finished my baloney sandwich story…
Failure is an inside job
Posted by: | CommentsPhoto from Flickr, Chris Daniel’s Photostream
His name is Roger Crawford, and he makes his living as a consultant and public speaker. He’s written a few books, and travels all across the country working with Fortune 500 companies, national and state associations, and school districts.
Those aren’t bad credentials. But if that doesn’t impress you, how about this: before becoming a consultant, he was a varsity tennis player for Loyola Marymount University and later became a professional tennis player certified by the United States Professional Tennis Association. Still not impressed? Would you change your opinion if I told you Roger has no hands and only one foot?
Roger Crawford was born with a condition called ectrodactylism. When he emerged from his mother’s womb, the doctors saw that he had a thumb-like projection extending out of his right forearm, and a thumb and finger growing out of his left forearm. He had no palms. His legs and arms were shortened. And his left leg possessed a shrunken foot with only three toes. (The foot was amputated when he was five.) Roger’s parents were told by various medical professionals that he would never be able to walk, probably would not be able to take care of himself, and would never lead a normal life.
After recovering from the shock, Roger’s parents determined to give him the best chance possible for living a normal life. They raised him to feel loved, to be strong, and to develop independence. “You’re only as handicapped as you want to be,” his father used to tell him.
When he was old enough, they sent him to regular public schools. They involved him in sports. They encouraged him to do everything his heart desired. And they taught him to think positively.
“Something my parents never did was to allow me to feel sorry for myself, or to take advantage of people because of my handicap,” observes Roger.
Roger appreciated the encouragement and training he received from his parents, but I don’t think he really understood the significance of it or his achievements until he was in college and he interacted with someone who wanted to meet him. He had received a phone called from a man who had read about his tennis victories, and Crawford agreed to meet him at a nearby restaurant. When Roger stood up to shake hands with the man, he discovered that the other guy had hands that were almost identical to his. That got Crawford excited, because he thought he had found someone similar to him but older who could act as his mentor. But after talking with the stranger for a few minutes, he realized he was wrong. Roger says,
Instead, what I found was someone with a bitter, pessimistic attitude who blamed all of life’s disappointments and failures on his anatomy.
I soon recognized that our lives and attitudes couldn’t have been more different. . . . He had never held a job for long, and he was sure this was because of “discrimination”–certainly not because (as he admitted) he was constantly late, frequently absent, and failed to take any responsibility for his work. His attitude was, “The world owes me,” and his problem was that the world disagreed. He was even angry with me because I didn’t share his despair.
We kept in touch for several years, until it dawned on me that even if some miracle were suddenly to give him a perfect body, his unhappiness and lack of success wouldn’t change. He would still be at the same place in his life.
That man had allowed failure to seize him from the inside, while Roger had mastered the art of failing forward.
Chances are that the adversity in your life has been nowhere near as difficult as Roger Crawford’s has been. And that’s why his story is such an inspiration. Roger maintains, “Handicaps can only disable us if we let them. This is true not only of physical challenges, but of emotional and intellectual ones as well. . . . I believe that real and lasting limitations are created in our minds, not our bodies.” In other words, no matter what happens, failure is an inside job.
Adapted from Failing Forward
Don’t shun the sting!
Posted by: | CommentsToday I’m probably known most for my public speaking. The irony is that when I first started speaking, I was anything but effective. In fact, I remember being really fearful, and it showed. In my first speaking opportunity as a senior in college, I was terrible. People described my speaking style as “stiff.”
I could’ve given up then – decided that public speaking was not for me. After all, I really wasn’t any good at it. But even then I knew it was part of my calling, so I kept at it. I studied effective communicators. I spoke to audiences (mostly small groups) at every opportunity. And after SEVEN YEARS, I finally felt more comfortable than fearful speaking to a group. Then I had to begin working to develop and improve my style. Again, I kept at it.
In time I got chances to speak to larger audiences. The first time I spoke to over a thousand people was in Columbus, Ohio, in the 1970s. In the 1980s I spoke to an audience of more than 10,000. In the 90s, I actually spoke to audiences of tens of thousands. And now in the 21st century, I’ve been blessed to speak live in events that were simulcast to even larger audiences.
I don’t say all this to brag. I say it because in those early years, when I was afraid the entire time I was speaking, I could not have imagined where I would end up decades later. The key was refusing to let my fear rule me. Instead, I accepted it as the price I had to pay for personal progress.
English playwright William Shakespeare said, “He is not worthy of the honeycomb that shuns the hive because the bees have stings.”
Is there a “hive” that you’re avoiding because of the pain or difficulty that you believe lurks there? Don’t let your fear block you from taking small steps in your development. You never know where they might lead.
Adapted from The Maxwell Daily Reader







