Archive for Attitude

Here’s a truth that I’ve believed for a long time: Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less. If a leader has no one following, he’s only taking a walk.

Of course, not everyone is easy to influence. Some followers are difficult to connect with. Last week we talked about the art of influencing difficult people, with a focus on Fearful Fred. With Fred, the goal was to get him started, to go from no momentum to sustained growth.

But what happens when a follower who had a great deal of momentum begins to fall behind? What does a leader do when this follower stumbles or stops altogether?

Let me introduce you to Slumped Susan. This is the follower who was a good performer, someone who got results and approached her tasks with enthusiasm. But somewhere on the journey, she fell off the tracks. Now, with no momentum or confidence, she’s barely moving.

Just like last week’s Fearful Fred, leading Slumped Susan requires you to understand her, be willing to listen, and give her the tools to grow. If Susan believes that you support and believe in her, she’ll be more likely to start moving forward again.

Understanding Slumped Susan:

  1. Attitude:            Depression
  2. Motivated by:   Coaching
  3. Strength:           Past Success
  4. Weakness:        Pessimism

Listening to Slumped Susan:

  1. Privately sit down and discuss her slump.
  2. Let her talk about the good old days.
  3. List what she did when things went bad.
  4. List what she did when things went well.
  5. If she desires to change, develop a game plan.

Leading Slumped Susan:

  1. Remove her from others while she’s in the slump.
  2. Reprioritize her workload.
  3. Remain with her as much as possible.
  4. Require her to do what is right, not what she wants to do.
  5. Remember to encourage her as much as possible.

Growth program:

Read The Winning Attitude together

Are you a Slumped Susan? Or do you lead one? With coaching and positive attention from the leader, Susan can regain her confidence and begin to shine again.

Next time:  Excited Eddie

Someone once said, “90% of the art of living consists in getting along with people you cannot understand.” Haven’t you found that to be true? I know that if everyone were just like me, then relationships would sure be a lot simpler.

But people ARE different, in wonderfully complex ways. And there IS an art to living together. If you’re a leader, the differences are amplified, because you have to not only get along but also influence the other person. So it’s especially important for a leader to learn how to handle personalities and attitudes that are different from your own.

I’ve led a lot of people over the years, and not all of them were like me. Some were especially difficult to lead. And over the years, through trial and error, I’ve discovered ways to effectively lead most people.

For EVERY person you lead, it’s important to get to know them well. Understanding is the key to success in leading a difficult person. That’s because people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. For the next few weeks, I’m going to share some tips for dealing with the difficult people that you may lead.

Let’s talk about one type of difficult person today, so you can understand who he is and where he’s coming from. This will make you a more effective leader for him and others like him.

Fearful Fred

Have you met Fred? He’s a nice guy, certainly not trying to be difficult. He’s just a person living under the influence of his fears. And their influence is amazingly strong. What Fred is most afraid of is the unknown. He avoids anything new or different, so it’s hard to lead him where he’s never been before. And his fears paralyze his productivity.

To lead Fred, you need to understand him, be willing to listen, and give him tools to grow. People truly don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. If Fred trusts you and believes that you have his best interests at heart, he can be very loyal and even courageous.

Understanding Fearful Fred:

  1. Attitude:           Low Enthusiasm
  2. Motivated by:    Support
  3. Strength:          Steady Worker
  4. Weakness         Fear of Risk

Listening to Fearful Fred:

  1. Privately sit down and discuss Fred’s fears.
  2. Identify his fears and the reasons why he has them.
  3. Evaluate his desire to overcome his fears.
  4. If his desire is high, develop a game plan.

Leading Fearful Fred:

  1. Plan a project together.  This gives him Strategy
  2. Give guidelines to follow. This gives him Structure
  3. Do a project that is easy. This gives him Safety
  4. Do a project together.     This gives him Security
  5. Do a project that is winnable. This gives him Success

Helping Fearful Fred Grow:

Read Failing Forward together.

Do you lead a Fearful Fred? Or maybe YOU are a Fearful Fred. I’ve found from personal experience that by attempting to understand and meet him where he is, a leader can successfully influence Fred and help him to grow. And a motivated Fearful Fred can also lead himself through these exercises and find courage.

Next week, we’ll talk about another difficult person: Slumped Susan.

Back in December, I wrote about the importance of starting well. In the comments, many people agreed with me, but they also pointed out the critical nature of continuing after you start. They were right. Like I said at the time, starting and finishing are the two covers of the book. The main part – the pages – represents the day-to-day labor needed to achieve your goal.

Unfortunately, in many ways starting is the easy part. Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, “The great majority of men are bundles of beginnings.”

What about you? Are you merely a starter? When the enthusiasm for a new idea fades, when the passion cools, when the odds against you increase and the results diminish, when it looks as if success is impossible, will you maintain your intensity and keep going? Are you tenacious?

Consider the fact that Admiral Robert Peary attempted to reach the North Pole seven times before he succeeded. Oscar Hammerstein produced five shows that were flops on Broadway before staging Oklahoma, which had a record-breaking run of 2,212 performances. Thomas Edison failed in his attempt to create a workable lightbulb 10,000 times before creating one that finally worked. To achieve your dream, you need to be able to keep going when others quit.

To develop tenacity, keep in mind that…

Quitting is more about who you are than where you are.

Everyone faces difficulty when working toward a dream. And if someone fails, he can make excuses for what went wrong, how the unexpected happened, how someone let him down, how circumstances worked against him.

But the reality is that the external things do not stop people. Those who achieve their dreams don’t have an easier path than those who do not. They just have a different internal attitude about the journey. The great artist Leonardo da Vinci once declared, “Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed on a star does not change his mind.”

The one who achieves the dream sees the journey differently.

Instead of thinking, “Not enough people believe in me. I’ll never make it,” he says,

“My belief in myself is enough; I can make it.”

Instead of, “It’s taking too long to realize my dream,” she reminds herself,

“Dreams are realized one day at a time.”

Rather than, “Enough is enough! I’ve taken enough hits!” she declares,

“I’ve come too far to give up now.”

Instead of, “I don’t have the strength to hold onto my dream,” he tells himself,

“Hold on a little longer. The darkest hour comes just before the dawn.”

Novelist Harriet Beecher Stowe said, “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

And I love how H.E. Jensen expressed an achiever’s way of thinking: “The man who wins may have been counted out several times, but he didn’t hear the referee.” The only real guarantee for failure is to stop trying.

So when things go wrong, when the obstacles seem too great, when the difficulties get to be too much, when your dream seems to be impossibly far away, your job is to simply keep going. If you stop, it won’t be because of what happens around you. It will be because of what happens in you. Choose to see things differently. Success is probably closer than you think. Just keep moving forward.

Teachability is not so much about competence and mental capacity as it is about attitude. It is the desire to listen, learn, and apply. It is the hunger to discover and grow. It is the willingness to learn, unlearn, and relearn. I love the way legendary basketball coach John Wooden states it: “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

When I teach and mentor leaders, I remind them that if they stop learning, they stop leading. But if they remain teachable and keep learning, they will be able to keep making an impact as leaders. Whatever your talent happens to be – whether it’s leadership, craftsmanship, entrepreneurship, or something else – you will expand it if you keep expecting and striving to learn.

Futurist and author John Naisbitt believes that “the most important skill to acquire is learning how to learn.” Here is what I suggest as you pursue teachability:

1. Learn to listen.

American writer and philosopher Henry David Thoreau wrote, “It takes two to speak the truth – one to speak and one to hear.” Being a good listener helps us to know people better, to learn what they have learned, and to show them that we value them as individuals.

As you go through each day, remember that you can’t learn if you’re always talking. As the old saying goes, “There’s a reason you have one mouth and two ears.” Listen to others and remain humble, and you will learn things that can help you expand your talent.

2. Understand the learning process.

Here’s how learning typically works:

    STEP 1: Act.

  • STEP 2: Look for your mistakes and evaluate.
  • STEP 3: Search for a way to do it better.
  • STEP 4: Go back to Step 1.

Remember, the greatest enemy of learning is knowing. And the goal of all learning is action, not knowledge. If what you are doing does not in some way contribute to what you or others are learning in life, then question its value and be prepared to make changes.

3. Look for and plan teachable moments.

If you look for opportunities to learn in every situation, you will expand your talent to its potential. But you can also take another step beyond this and actively seek out and plan teachable moments. You do that by reading books, visiting places that inspire you, attending events that prompt you to pursue change, and spending time with people who stretch you and expose you to new experiences.

4. Make your teachable moments count.

Even people who are strategic about seeking teachable moments can miss the whole point of the experience. I say this because for many years I’ve been a speaker at conferences and workshops – events that are designed to help people learn. But I’ve found that many people walk away from an event and do very little with what they heard.

We tend to focus on learning events instead of the learning process. Because of this, I try to help people take action steps that will help them implement what they learn. I suggest that in their notes, they pay special attention to

  • Points they need to think about
  • Changes they need to make
  • Lessons they need to apply
  • Information that they need to share

Then after the conference, I recommend that they create to-do lists based on what they took note of, then schedule time to follow through.

5. Ask yourself, “Am I really teachable?”

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: all the good advice in the world won’t help if you don’t have a teachable spirit. To know whether you are really open to new ideas and new ways of doing things, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Am I open to other people’s ideas?
  2. Do I listen more than I talk?
  3. Am I open to changing my opinion based on new information?
  4. Do I readily admit when I am wrong?
  5. Do I observe before acting on a situation?
  6. Do I ask questions?
  7. Am I willing to ask a question that will expose my ignorance?
  8. Am I open to doing things in a way I haven’t done before?
  9. Am I willing to ask for directions?
  10. Do I act defensive when criticized, or do I listen openly for truth?

If you answered no to one or more of these questions, then you have room to grow in the area of teachability. You need to soften your attitude, learn humility, and remember the words of John Wooden: “Everything we know we learned from someone else!”

Adapted from Self-Improvement 101

Just another note: I’m very excited about a new program I’m involved with: A Minute with Maxwell.

It’s a daily video program featuring short lessons from me on a variety of topics, like perspective, integrity, self-leadership, and persistence.

Signup is free, and besides viewing the videos, you can also influence content by suggesting topics. I hope you’ll join me by signing up at JohnMaxwellTeam.com.

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In a speech in 1933, American president Franklin Delano Roosevelt, addressing a nation mired in a Depression and on the verge of a world war, famously stated, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” During the first century A.D., Epictetus said, “It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.” And in the 1600s, Francis Bacon remarked that, “Nothing is terrible except fear itself.”

Fear is universal. It crosses all boundaries of race, culture, religion and generation. We all feel fear. So why do some people appear to be fearless, doing battle with enemies that others cower before? Because they recognize that the greatest enemy they face is the fear itself. The first battle every hero faces is against fear and its weapons of destruction.

So how should we deal with fear? Avoiding it never really makes it go away; we either become paralyzed or defeated. Frantically searching for a quick fix usually just results in unfocused and wasted effort.

The only way to deal with fear is to face it and overcome it. Dale Carnegie explained it this way: “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Here are some actions you can take to face and overcome fear:

Discover the foundation of fear

The fact is that most fear is not based on fact. Much of what we fear is based on a feeling. According to an old saying, “Fear and worry are interest paid in advance on something you may never own.” And Aristotle explained, “Fear is pain arising from anticipation of evil.”

When you acknowledge that the majority of fear is unfounded, you can begin to release yourself from its power. American general George Patton understood this. He said, “I learned very early in life not to take counsel of my fears.” Businessman Allen Neuharth saw his worst fears come true, only to realize that they weren’t as big as he’d imagined: “I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn’t fall down.”

Admit your fears

One of our biggest misconceptions is that courage equals a lack of fear.  In actuality, the opposite is true. Mark Twain explained, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” By admitting our fear, we can then challenge its accuracy.

That’s how General Patton dealt with it: “The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision,” he said. “That’s the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all of your fears and go ahead!”

Accept the frailty and brevity of life

Sometimes our greatest fears are founded on reality. For example, we are all going to die sometime. There’s no denying that. Likewise, life will often be hard and painful. Those things are completely out of our control. By accepting their reality, we can then focus on the things we actually can control.

I love what Gertrude Stein wrote about fear: “Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really frightening.”

Accept fear as the price of progress

“As long as I continue to push out into the world,” said Susan Jeffers, “as long as I continue to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continue to take risks in making my dreams come true, I am going to experience fear.”

To do anything of value, we have to take risks. And with risk comes fear. If we accept it as the price of progress, then we can take appropriate risks that yield great reward.

Develop a burning desire that overcomes fear

Sometimes the best way to fight fear is to focus on our reason for confronting it. Is it bigger than the fear? The firefighter runs into the burning building not because he’s fearless, but because he has a calling that is more important than the fear.

The person afraid of flying decides to confront it not because the fear has vanished, but because a meeting with a new grandchild awaits at the end of the flight.

Focus on what you can control

We cannot control the length of our lives; we can’t control many of the circumstances that we face. Accepting those facts allows us to focus on what we can control. Like American basketball coach John Wooden said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

As a leader, I often have to deal with the wrong attitudes and actions of the people who follow me. So a long time ago, I decided that,

I can control my attitude, but not others’ actions.

I can control my calendar, but not others’ circumstances.

And it’s not what happens to me, but what happens in me.

Focus on today

Fear tries to make us look at all of our problems at once: those from yesterday, today, and tomorrow. To be courageous, you have to focus only on today. Why? Because it’s the only thing you have any control over.

I love what a wise man once said about an ocean liner: If an ocean liner could think and feel, it would never leave its dock; it would be afraid of the thousands of huge waves it would encounter. It would fear all of its dangers at once, even though it had to meet them only one wave at a time.

By focusing only on what’s right in front of us, we can manage tremendous risk because we know we’ll only have to deal with it one wave at a time.

Put some wins under your belt

Just like fear tends to breed more fear, courage leads to more courage. According to Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

The more we face our fears, the more capable we begin to feel, and the more fears we are willing to face.

Do it now

Often, all it takes to conquer a fear is to change our focus and try some of the above suggestions. As we realize what’s true and focus on what we can control, the fear naturally fades and weakens. But there are other times, when no amount of thinking can overcome the fear. In fact, the more we think in those situations, the more fearful we become. Then, the only solution is action.

As W. Clement Stone said, “When thinking won’t cure fear, action will.”

It is the wise person who accepts that fear is a very real part of life, and it must be faced and overcome with courage. By taking action in the face of fear, he or she achieves results and becomes more courageous.

Another American president, Harry S. Truman, said it this way: “The worst danger we face is the danger of being paralyzed by doubts and fears. This danger is brought on by those who abandon faith and sneer at hope. It is brought on by those who spread cynicism and distrust and try to blind us to our great chance to do good for all mankind.”

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