The Right Thing 101
ByA few years ago, I published a book called Ethics 101. In it, I proposed that ethics was not a changeable thing, based on your situation or personality or industry. Instead, I explained that I believe that ALL ethics boils down to one thing: The Golden Rule.
Essentially, asking the question, “How would I like to be treated?” is an integrity guideline for ANY situation.
Think about it: How DO we like to be treated?
1. We want to be valued.
Did you know that in the American marketplace today, 70% of those who leave their jobs do so because they do not feel valued? Don’t you want others to accept you for who you are and show you through their actions that you matter?
Valuing others, not for what they can do but simply because they are human beings, is the foundation of ethics.
2. We want to be appreciated.
Closely related to the need to be valued and loved is the desire to be appreciated for what we can do. Don’t you want to excel and achieve? Knowing that what you do matters builds your self-confidence and self-worth.
How do we express appreciation? Begin by thanking people at every opportunity. Give credit to others. And make a point of praising people in the presence of those close to them, like family members. Broadway producer Billy Rose shrewdly observed, “It’s hard for a fellow to keep a chip on his shoulder if you allow him to take a bow.”
3. We want to be trusted.
George MacDonald said, “To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” Think about it: Good marriages, business relationships, and friendships all require trust. Without it, you don’t have open and honest communication, and the relationship can be only temporary.
It takes a leap of faith to put your trust in another person, especially someone you don’t know well. But as Henry L. Stinson said, “The only way you can make a man trustworthy is by trusting him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”
4. We want to be respected.
When others trust me, I receive responsibility and authority. When others respect me, it touches something deeper within me. It gives me dignity and builds my confidence. As Arnold Glasow said, “The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.”
The respect of a leader gives people the freedom to perform at their best and the incentive to work with excellence. I can’t think of a more positive working environment.
5. We want to be understood.
Charles Kettering said, “There is a great difference between knowing and understanding. You can know a lot about something and not really understand it.” Likewise, we can know a lot about a person and still not really understand them or why they do what they do.
But the desire to be understood is so strong that many disagreements can be resolved simply when one party (or both) gets the sense that they’ve been understood.
Understanding others means extending yourself and meeting them where they are. You must put the burden of connecting on yourself, not on them.
6. We don’t want others to take advantage of us.
We can cut through almost all of the ethical and moral dilemmas of life by observing this principle with others. If anyone could interpret what I do as taking advantage of them, then my actions are probably a bad idea.
What do you think of the needs listed above? Did I miss anything? And just for the sake of discussion, let me pose a question you can answer in the comments:
Describe a situation in your past in which a person in authority expressed value, appreciation, and respect for you. Why does that instance stand out to you? How did you respond?
Find more on ethics for all areas of life in Ethics 101.
Life’s Philosophy and Fundamentals; Wisdom from above vs Wordly Wisdom
The world’s philosophy says, “I” am the center of “my” world and the world is to revolve around “me”. The bible calls this selfish ambition and vain conceit.
James 3:14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.
17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
God judges the motives of our heart and we must ask, are the things we do placed under the motive category of,
1. sin and self or 2. sincere and subject to one another?
God takes the hidden motives of heart and this is what he sees, when
you work, do you seek to get over on one another or do you seek to serve and carry your load?
The ways of the world are not wise wisdom, but actually adversaries and opposite to the ways of God and ask for his judgment rather than blessing. We will never win with God if we seek to walk in the ways of this world.
Selfish motives cause divison, isolation and ultimately destruction to our spirits and our work, while sincere, servant hearts seek to unify and build others at our expense, which ultimately adds to others and ourselves internally and to others externally.
It requires more inner strength to give of our ourselves than to demand our own and this is the way of God. It is hard to lay down our life and pride and give and go when others don’t deserve, but this is called spiritual maturity and is only developed in the trenches.Can you forgive when others don’t deserve? This results in healing and reconcilliation and this is the way and wisdom of above.
if you…
1. Serve,
2. are subject to one another
3. Sincere in your motives
4. Seek the good of others, your results will add, multipy and unify
if you have..
1. self ambition
2. insincere motives
3. seek sabatoge others
4. always seek your own your results destroy, divide, isolate
God desires we increase, abound and be established in our relationships with Him and others before anything else. Don’t underestimate relationships and heart motives. This is what we will be judged.
1 Thes 3:12 and may the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another, and for all people, just as we also do for you; 13 so that He may establish your hearts without blame in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints.
As always a wonderful read! I think you hit every point and left nothing out. I enjoyed reading Christy Moosa’s comment as well. I was able to turn this whole reading, yours and hers into a very inspiring devotional for this morning! Thank you both and God bless you.
Barb
Thank you so much for putting this clear and concise! The “Golden Rule” should be the foundation of action for all people and businesses.
It is time again for everyone to remember that we are all connected and one. That the actions we take towards one are actions we bring back upon ourselves.
Living this way requires one to put others first, always and in all ways! It seems hard for people to do these days, as so many are just worried about themselves.
Thanks for sharing and reminding everyone what the world and our lives is suppose to be all about!
“Dream, Believe, Become…”
Tracey Keefer
If our business leaders can get a revelation of the power of these principles, we can change the marketplace and turn this economy around. God’s thoughts are higher than ours and His ways Higher. Love this post. I’m going to buy that book.
Sometime back when I was going through some tough times in my business where I was working hard but nothing seems to be working. Where everone else was going past me and moving on, my boat seemed to be still. That was when I went to my mentor for councelling and was expecting to ask him lot of questions. But instead, he said “what you have as your strengths most of my people in the team don’t have and I believe that is why you’ll be the biggest guy in my team and I totally trust you and believe in you!!” That’s it… that was what i was looking for, someone who can believe in me and someone who respects me. Someone, who I respect a lot in my life and trust….love Abhinav
Although we all desire this great things in our lives, the most important is love. Is true that the fact that be trust worthy is better than being loved, and to be be understood is better than being heard the true motive of doing the right thing is love. Nevertheless how do we love those who we don’t know? Easy, we serve them. Love is the motive for a person to act no matter the impact of his work. He or she might write a book about their experience on leadership, their experience on life. We all love at least one thing or at least one person and that could be ourselves and if we truly do it we we always try try to apply the golden rule in our lives.
“True to faith”
Abishai Mora
Thanks for the nuggets of wisdom, Mr. Maxwell and fellow commenters!
I love what Golden Rule ethics says to the open market politics of today:
–In promoting your product/services, don’t misconstrue or mishandle anyone else’s products or services.
–In speaking about another, don’t restate their argument unless they would endorse your statement of what they said.
–In summary, treat others as you would like to be treated!
Well, first of all, my favorite Leadership teacher in the world just asked me (above) what I think! That’s pretty cool, right there!
I also recently had a higher ranking person in our organization allow me to challenge him about how he had involved another colleague in some projects right after she had taken on a new assignment. I approached him with the thought of “what would maker HER the most successful,” and my superior reacted by telling me that I had convinced him he needs to fire the colleague (from the “additional” assignments he has allowed her to immerse herself in. He saw my point that, to insure her forward-going success, we needed to protect her overzealousness to fix everything all at once. It was a very rewarding exchange about putting another person’s ultimate success in our organization ahead of our own personal needs to get a bunch of stuff fixed in a hurry.
The superior’s response to HEAR my challenge was a very respectful compliment that I appreciate and found encouraging.
Working to put others first, for the good of all…
Robby Martin
To give an answer to the question Mr. Maxwell posed:
John Purvins passed away a few weeks ago, but will not fail to live in my heart’s memory. He showed respect for me by believing I could accomplish a lot, if I worked at it. He was determined (as an elder of the church I attended in college) to see that I learned how to market my skills in the business world. He helped me learn to draw up contracts for the artistic projects I was interested in. With his help, I was able to land some agreements which payed me for doing what I loved and was good at. I have respect for what I can do now…and that is my grateful response for what John Purvins efforts have meant to me.
I really enjoyed reading your article today. I don’t believe that people today or not too many people understand how to be true leaders. I havent seen it much here in Denver, CO.
I did have a few that treated with respect. The office jobs were the worst one’s. I dont think going in a person private things is treated them with respect. I hate for people to stand over me and watch me. I hate to be treated if I could not be trusted. I don’t think following a person is treated them with respect. I don’t think invading a person privacy is treated them with respect. Why even hired the person. This makes know sense to me. I wouldn’t hire a person if I felt I had to do these things. Letting others(supervisors) on jobs devalue a person is not treating them with respect. Racism is not respect.
I had one manager here in Denver , she is not living; who gave me a job I has know experince in; she believe in me. She knew I could handle it. She saw something in me that at the time I didn’t even see. I found out that I could handle little bits at a time. I had little confidence back than. She did not care about the majority and what they thought about her decision to hired me. This is a women I highly respect. Why do good people die? I had one job ; where my employer trust me with a key. Not too many people would trust me with there house key. I don’t like to let these kind of people down. I some times make mistakes. I have lot’s of scares I think, that affect my decison making. I want to be heal of them. I cant count on one hand good experiences here in Denver. I have a lot of bad one in my memory though.
Kathy
I think many people yearn for this. It’s not just in business that people don’t feel appreciated and respected. Pastors of churches can (even with good intentions) not respect their people. We’re in the middle of a change of pastors and many people who had left are coming back. My family talked about leaving the church as well, but being loyal, we stayed. Our offers of help were rebuffed when they didn’t meet the vision of our pastor. We were only wanted if we did exactly what he wanted (even to reviewing notes of anyone speaking on the platform about anything). I often would leave church feeling worse than when I arrived.
Anne
First, I have read the book Ethics 101 and it is one of my favorite books. I like the message throughout.
Second, I have been appreciated by three people telling me that I was the best boss they ever had, after they or I left the positions we filled. What a compliment!
It stands out because sometimes one feels that doing the right thing and living by a code of ethics is hard in the business world where people believe that there are situational ethics. Many times, we, as managers, are undervalued because of the managers who are not so honest or don’t have an ethical base.
To answer the last part of the questions, I tried to respond humbly because I can be prideful at times and know it. I smiled and told the person thank you for the statements and feelings behind it. Inside, I was cheering to myself saying to myself that I made a difference.
Excellent article Mr. Maxwell. I read on my iPhone while waiting in a Texas airport to travel to attend the EQUIP in Ohio.
Seek first to understand others and I have given up on being understood, I just now enjoy listening and learning from others.
Life would be bliss if 100% of all humans fall the “Golden Rule”
I work in an elementary school. The Golden Rule? The classroom is the perfect incubator for it! So many opportunities everyday as the little learners bunch together for 7 hours of learning. It tickles my funny bone to no end to watch as the adults interact together in front of the children. Lead by example comes to mind soon after the Golden Rule when you know that there are 20 pairs of eyes fixed on you!
One of your quotes is: “The world is full of 2 types of people givers and takers. One thing is for sure everyone wants to be around a giver.”
There is a lot of truth in this. Regardless of how a person is they always want to be around the best. No one really wants the worst.
Another answer to this question is: “The Golden Rule”
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Hi John, understand that it’s the ideal, meanwhile how to keep doing the Right Thing 101 if we ourselves getting mostly quite a little of being appreciated, understood & respected in life? Living in a world of different culture of showing an open expressions of appreciation & respect from yours. Keep doing the duty & good things, increasing communications skills, already done, but not yet a plausible result. How to keep our spirit & enthusiasm in good shape in that situation? Do craving for more appreciation & applause of what I’m doing daily to inject a positivism & confidence to do bigger things,shape my talents.
Maxwell, that’s it; that is what i regard as the change that changes the change. which is the tonic the world actually needs to move forward.
Besr regards, mazi ibekwe
For me, it’s been rather rare for those in leadership to show their genuine appreciation of me. I think of perhaps the first time it happened. I was a prospective juror and brought into the judge’s chambers for questioning. The judge told the man bringing me in to give me the best seat there. I felt like a VIP, quite good.
Then just today, I received an email from the pastor of a church I’d visited Sunday. It was in response to an email I’d sent him. He said that what I’d done was honorable and said with grace. Wow…and tomorrow, I’m to meet with two church leaders to give them my insight regarding this city…as they’re new here. I feel blessed and highly honored.
Thanks for the great article, Mr. Maxwell. The awesome wisdom captured in the Golden Rule is limitless. I enjoyed the comments above too. To answer your question about a situation that stood out for me: My natural inclination is to be introverted. My grade 6 teacher consistently expressed confidence in my abilities and complimented me often. She even drove all the way to our home that summer holiday to tell my family how well I did in the preceding exams. She had an effect on me that I suppose the sun will have on a new flower bud -slowly the petals started opening and I found myself becoming a more spontaneous and confident little girl. In the process, she also endeared herself to me forever.
[...] The Right Thing 101 By John C Maxwell [...]
November 17, 2010
That’s why we live in different aspects of life. Many people act of what they know was right for them, think no of what happen to them forward, is the result of their act today.
A very good article of yours, John, hope everyone would read so that everyone would realize that life is wonderful if only we live in righteous one.
Because for me, ” if you want to be treated good act as one”.
it is my first time to read john maxwell’s page. i just browse my twitter account and i saw a link on his wall. i was surprised because he followed me back on twitter. upon reading this i was inspired. he is right, it is our nature to be wanted to vale, respect, trust, etc. christy moosa’s comment is also inspiring. now, i will always check this website. thanks. God bless. and continue to be a bless for others.
it is my first time to read john maxwell’s page. i just browse my twitter account and i saw a link on his wall. i was surprised because he followed me back on twitter. upon reading this i was inspired. he is right, it is our nature to be wanted to vale, respect, trust, etc. christy moosa’s comment is also inspiring. now, i will always check this website. thanks. God bless. and continue to be a blessing to others.
Agree with Lara dela Paz, John, you’ve shown up your Right Things 101, when I follow your Twitter, then you follow me back that made me surprised, thank you John you’re the right person to teach us about humble & genuinity.
In reality as John always rewarding reading, I salute you from Guatemala, the golden rule that you teach is great treat others the way you want them to treat you, it’s really sad poderte not express an example of someone who has treated me well, but I’ve encouraged me to do for others as always great read you.
Golden rules that we should apply in our marriages and relationship with family and friends also.. Thank you for one more “soul food”….
Even the devil need some he can trust,some that will be sincerely,& transparent to him,so if u can be all of these,i think u are hot cake in every relationship, i have tried it,it worked for me, its a very interesting attribute of excellence.
Your point about the right thing reminds me of Larry Reynold’s four steps to leadership (www.learn-to-be-a-leader.com) in which he says that the final step is “do the right thing”. Without this, followers will no longer follow and leader is left alone, at the end of their trajectory.
Thank you for a really clear and very helpful site.
Tony Harvey
Dear John and all those who have contributed, I like to sincerely thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping me understand leadership better and from other different dimensions. I recall my History teacher in secondary school, who talked me through how I could manage my speech and stammer less. He patiently helped me through it and today I can speak well and confidently. That was leadership.
Regrettably, I have experienced lots of bad leadership around me in recent times. its almost as if there are No good leaders any more. Too many people are hurting from the effect of bad leadership. We need to know how to cope and overcome the adverse effects of bad leadership. I am wondering if we could devote some time to discuss how to cope with bad leadership as there will always be one around us?
I wrote yesterday on facebook ‘God is saying to us today, sometimes your environment may not change but you will still thrive. Unpleasant situations might still be there but it cannot stop you. Trust Him and you will see His salvation now and always. Remember, He is the reason for this season’.