Build your relationships on the solid ground of TRUST
By“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.”
~George MacDonald
In the Law of Solid Ground in my 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, I asserted that trust is the foundation of leadership. But that’s not all. In reality, trust is necessary in ALL good relationships. Good marriages, business relationships, and friendships all require trust. Without it, there can be no open and honest interaction, and the relationship will be only temporary.
How do you gain the trust of others?
Manchester, Inc, a consulting firm in Philadelphia, used a survey of more than 200 companies to discover the best ways for leaders to build trust with employees. They found that people who engender trust…
- Maintain integrity.
- Openly communicate vision and values.
- Show respect for employees as equal partners.
- Focus on shared goals rather than personal agendas.
- Do the right thing regardless of personal risk.
- Listen with an open mind.
- Demonstrate compassion.
- Maintain confidences.
In addition to this helpful list, I would add that a critical way to GAIN trust is to be willing to GIVE trust.
Former US Secretary of State Henry L. Stimson remarked, “The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way you can make a man trustworthy is by trusting him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”
Haven’t you found that to be true of yourself? We all want to be trusted. And by taking the leap of faith to trust in someone, you give them a gift that they usually want to repay.
As you strive to invest confidence in others in the same way you would like it invested in you, take comfort in the words of Camillo Benso di Cavour, who said, “The man who trusts men will make fewer mistakes than he who distrusts them.”
Adapted from Ethics 101
Hi John,
Thanks, I truly Believe that these are the core reasons of gaining trust from others, because I have seen it time and time over, thanks again for sharing your wisdom with us. Shloimy Henig
Integrity and Character are twins. In essecence they are insperiable. These are definately the foundation when it comes to gaining trust from others. Another key is to Connect for that is all about others Such simple yet profound wisdom
I dont understand why there is a need to gain trust,Its very simple: people trust you if you are honest and distrust you if you are dishonest.
Thanks for a great post.
I’ll add that trust has a competence component. In other words it doesn’t matter how trustworthy I think a carpenter is, I’m still not trusting him to deliver my next son or daughter.
Best to you,
Leadership Freak,
Dan Rockwell
I wrote a blog on trust: http://preview.tinyurl.com/28g6x42
Good one John!
And, to take it a bit further, you can easily substitute “customer” for “emplyee” and simply look outside of the organisation as well as looking inwards.
John Coldwell
To have the trust of another is paramount for successful interactions. In order to achieve this, you must possess the ability to meet that persons expectations. To garner their confidence with certainty and assurance through your actions. To consistently exceed and surpass those elements that are required for that person or entity. Once you have achieved this you will be given the obligation and responsibility with whom the confidence is placed to fully entrusted.
Thanks for your good post john sir,i am request everyone not to get hold of the wrong end of the stick I was just clarifying my doubt.
Good Morning John
Thanks for this powerful post. It reminds us that there is a give and receive; a plant and harvest; a model and watch component to real success in leadership and in life. As we become more self-aware of our contribution we should anticipate improvements in the results we generate!
Thanks again for your self-awareness and your leadership!
Great post and very timely for me. Seeing integrity at the top of your list was a confirmation for me. All meaningful relationships must be built on trust which is reinforced by integrity. I have to believe that you are who you say you are and you are going to do what you say you are going to do. Explicit and implicit lying erodes trust.
Secondly, “do the right thing regardless of the personal risk”. That’s a difficult principle for most of us to follow. However, adhering to this principle may diminish the present results but yield greater future dividends.
Desiring to lead in integrity,
Nona Ogunsula
libertyip.blogspot.com
Those are great things that we all need to work on. Another word that comes to mind is transparency. Being transparent I believe also builds trust. I think we can sum it up very simply. The Talmud states that your insides
( your thoughts and private behaviors) should match you outward actions and appearance. When you have that you have trust.
Akevy (Akevy613@twitter.com)
I think its need to know person really good, in order to trust them. Because if you trust someone who is not trustworthy, or evil against you, what good it will be for you?
Usually we have enough ppl whom we can trust, so its enough:)
The answer to your question of The secret to gaining trust is effective listening. People trust those that really listen to them through strong eye contact, full attention to what is being said, asking questions to verify complete understanding of what the person is saying and what it means to them.
Trust requires risk. For trust to build someone must risk trusting another who has yet to earn that trust .
[...] Maxwell: Build Your Relationships on the Solid Ground of Trust trust is necessary in ALL good relationships Donald Miller: Why the Bible is a Terrible Book for [...]
I believe there can be varying levels of trust. Unconditional trust is something I rarely give, but your garden variety trust is usually worth the risk of disappointment. I agree that trusting others is the quickest way to gain their trust.
I generally thought that to gain trust was simply to always be honest and consistent, and also to do as you say as often as you can possibly make it. But the list at the top made it sound so complicated.
Hi John what a great post, in this world there is no trust, we can only put our trust in God, we however take chances to trust on human beings, nice one thanks.
I think your last statement is very profound in that people often live up to our expectations of them. Therefore, if we give them trust they will most likely be inspired to live up to that expectation. And that trust can be given in prudent increments.
As with so many things in life it goes back to the golden rule, “Do unto others as your would have them do unto you”.
Great post as always!
Trust is an emotional issue because so many have had their’s violated. But on this one I will always lead by example regardless of whether or not anyone is following. The key is to be impeccable with your word.
John,
I like the way you said, “Keeping the commitment is TRUST”. Also by connecting people will give the TRUST.
This is all easy and makes since unless you’ve had ultimate betrayal in business and life – then try it – not so easy to live by. In fact it’s almost impossible
Because of my distrust and dishonest people of my previous life, I now fully understand TRUST,
Exchanging ideas and heavenly thoughts comes from a trusted mentor and servants of God, I’am now skillfully handling TRUST . Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Every relationship requires proactive behaviors, these behaviors communicate who we are and if we can be trusted. In Leadership trust is elevated to another degree because not only does a leader have to establish trust, but also the character traits below to be considered a leader worthy to be followed.
1. Confidence (able to keep a secret) or we create Distrust (we display no compassion)
2. Compassion (communicate concern) or we Display Disregard (disinterest)
3. Communicate (able to connect) or we display Distance (unable to relate)
4. Cohort (able to compel) or we display Disinterest (people are disengaged)
5. Create Common vision (have direction) or people will Drift (directionless)
6. Confident (able to deliver) or we appear Indecisive (incompetent)
7. Consistent (Dependable) or we create Doubtful (indifferent)
Leaders, not only have to ‘be’ trust worthy, they have to take extra steps to demonstrate they ‘are’ competent leaders who can be trusted to follow.
Dear Brother,
I thank you so much for this new lesson of godly wisdom and knowledge.
May Father God bless you in your ministries.
hey John this is amazing!
I love and appreciate all these comments. My heart and experiences lead me to ponder the question of trust quite a lot. I am coming to believe that in order to trust we must forgive. For me when I come to realize that I may be having trouble trusting someone again, and this is usually someone close to me, that I have not forgiven them for something. I fall into the victim mode…they hurt me, they rejected me, they deceived me somehow, etc. Well scripture tells us over and over…God is the only thing in our lives that is stable and his love is the only perfect love. We are all human and all make many mistakes. When I truly forgive and place my love, faith, and trust in God….then I can open up again to other humans and trust/love again.
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” ~George MacDonald
I like this quote!
And I appreciate the data from the survey. it provides a wonderful roadmap for anyone in a leadership position.
Vision and values – I hope more organizations take time to clarify theirs…then make a point of not only sharing, but actually walking them out.
Thanks for the post!
It’s very helpful.
Thank you.
This really registers with me at this particular point in my life,you have such great knowledge of the human mind and how it operates,it’s amazing,I can tell Who you been hanging out with as we reflect that in our words and behavior.I admire how you take interest in human welfare and reflect the love that Jesus has for us.
[...] John Maxwell says to build relationships on TRUST [...]
The subject of trust is of utmost importance in relationships, we should all build up trust through transparency and honesty in our dealings.
After looking at the list it brought to mind two people in the Bible that demonstrated a relationship of trust. They are Jonathan and David.
Trust….it only comes when words match actions. words are meaningless. I think of Mother Teresa…who gave wanting nothing back…only motivation was to glorify Him.
Great post! I was just pondering on the high rate of divorce nowdays and trust is sure one of the core element to have in a solid marriage.Grazie, thank you.
So true! If there is no trust, it’s very difficult to have a solid realationship and a true leader is always honest & trustworthy. Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work!
Neil Rackham, a behavioral psychologist and sales trainer, summed it up very nicely:
“The deeper we see the more we trust.”
That is, to be trusted we need to be open. And yet… while, in their personal life, most people will agree that “honesty is the best policy”, honesty in business is seen as a revolutionary concept, is said to be impractical and often equated with failure.
Honesty in business is more than the absence of fraud; it means that statements and promises about goods and services are accurate, and that misunderstandings are promptly and carefully remedied. Statements that are inaccurate, vague or confusing and actions that do not compare with words are less than honest.
Nevertheless, media promote the myth that mysteriousness, ruthlessness, and existing solely for profit make good business sense. Deceptive advertising, deceptive pricing and secrecy about employee wages are the norm.
I think there are two important elements that are missing here – relationship and vulnerability. All trust is born by investing in others. I can’t build trust with you unless I begin to learn and care about who you are and what is important to you. That is relationship. So making that initial investment of coming to know others is vital.
Secondly, if I am confident enough to share some of my vulnerability, then relationship can deepen. As you learn that I am not perfect nor conceited, then you will be willing to share more of yourself with me, and trust deepens.
Trust is a personal issue. The challenge in a corporate leadership position is how to get personal in our communication with those we lead to use these building blocks.