When You Get Kicked in the Rear, You Know You’re Out in Front
ByGreek philosopher Aristotle said, “Criticism is something you can avoid easily—by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” Obviously, that isn’t an option for anyone who wants to be successful as a leader.
Good leaders are active, and their actions often put them out front. That often draws criticism. When spectators watch a race, where do they focus their attention? On the front-runners! People watch their every action—and often criticize.
Since criticism is a part of leadership, you need to learn how to handle it constructively. The following has helped me to deal with criticism, so I pass it on to you.
Know yourself.
Do you really know yourself? Are you aware of your weaknesses as well as your strengths? Where do you fall short as a person and leader? Not sure what your weaknesses are? Ask five trustworthy people close to you. They’ll be able to tell you where you come up short.
Know the criticism – and the critics.
When you receive criticism, how do you tell if it’s constructive or destructive? (Some say constructive criticism is when I criticize you, but destructive criticism is when you criticize me!) Here are the questions I ask to get to determine what kind of criticism it is:
- Who criticized me? Adverse criticism from a wise person is more to be desired than the enthusiastic approval of a fool. The source often matters.
- How was it given? I try to discern whether the person was being judgmental or whether he gave me the benefit of the doubt and spoke with kindness.
- Why was it given? Was it given out of a personal hurt or for my benefit? Hurting people hurt people; they lash out or criticize to try to make themselves feel better, not to help the other person.
Stay open to change.
Let’s assume you now know yourself pretty well. You can tell when a criticism is way off-base; maybe it’s directed more at your position than at you. And you know when a criticism is 100% legitimate because it’s about a weakness that you’ve already discovered.
But what about the gray areas? The criticisms that might hold a grain of truth? A good leader stays open to improvement by:
- Not being defensive,
- Looking for the helpful grain of truth,
- Making the necessary changes, and
- Taking the high road.
Accept yourself.
Jonas Salk, developer of the Salk polio vaccine, had many critics in spite of his incredible contribution to medicine. Of criticism, he observed, “First people will tell you that you are wrong. Then they will tell you that you are right, but what you’re doing really isn’t important. Finally, they will admit that you are right and that what you are doing is very important; but after all, they knew it all the time.”
How do leaders who are out front handle this kind of fickle response from others?
The Serenity Prayer, made famous by Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, gives direction in this area:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
If you have endeavored to know yourself, and have worked hard to change yourself, then what more can you do?
Forget yourself.
The final step in the process of effectively handling criticism is to stop focusing on yourself. Secure people forget about themselves so they can focus on others. By doing this, they can face nearly any kind of criticism—and even serve the critic.
I try to live out a sentiment expressed by Parkenham Beatty, who advised, “By your own soul learn to live. And if men thwart you, take no heed. If men hate you, have no care: Sing your song, dream your dream, hope your hope and pray your prayer.”
As leaders, we must always be serious about our responsibilities, but it isn’t healthy for us to take ourselves too seriously. A Chinese proverb says, “Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves. They shall never cease to be entertained.”
***
My friend Joyce Meyer observes, “God will help you be all you can be, but He will never let you be successful at becoming someone else.” We can’t do more than try to be all that we can be. If we do that as leaders, we will give others our best, and we will sometimes takes hits from others. But that’s okay. That is the price for being out front.
John,
This is a great post! When a leader willingly accepts the critique of others, I call it chosen accountability, and I think it is a characteristic of a true leader. Yes, we know that criticism must be filtered and we must consider the source, but you are right, if we get kicked in the rear, we know we are out front.
Thank God for John C Maxwell. I was having trouble even receiving criticism. You help me every day… EVERY day.
I really needed to hear this. I was heavily criticized as a church leader and because of hurts I slowly backed out of all responsibility. I know God has called me to lead, but I am really afraid to step back in.
Love it-often within criticism I find a nugget of truth that I can address-I often have to sift through the negative to embrace the positive. Thanks for the post.
The words that most resonate with me in this post are know those who provide their opinions. To many people allow weak foundational comments to lead them in misguided directions. And of course, the beauty of criticism is I can choose to take it on as valid or set it aside.
John,
I needed this right now at this paticular time! Thank you.
I love reading all that you write just love it.. I am saving this in my favorites to read it again!! Thank you so much!!
Criticism is merely a critic giving an opinion and/or a reaction to a stimuli. Nothing more and nothing less. It is our own inherent set of values/beliefs and truths which animate the critics reaction within ourselves. If we are truly open to progression in this lifetime, criticism can facilitate or hinder us, but ultimately we decide how we choose to feel. We decide whether to retain or dispose of a critics comments/reaction. Our true power lies within and above; keeping our focus on this principle will lend further fortification and strengthening of our foundation for our continued success in this lifetime. This is the principle in which I strive to live by.
John —
Knowing the person who criticizes you is really helpful. Some people routinely criticizes to be negative and cutting — you’ll learn quickly that you can ignore there comments without losing anything. You’ll also discover how to unwrap useful nuggets of info from people with long-winded diatribes
Knowing yourself is also critical. Great point! A quick tip: one of the best ways to truly know yourself is to do it through the eyes of your peers. You may discover some very interesting things! One of the best techniques for doing this is the ‘Johari’ window, created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 to help people better understand their interpersonal communication and relationships. I wrote a series of two blog posts about Johari Windows and how to easily do them.
Such a wonderful and thoughtful post about being criticized as a leader. It’s a constant reminder of why the strongest leaders have the most critics as well as why the most criticized leaders tend to be among the strongest.
I know that this is true, but it can be so hard to hear and apply when you’re failing and giving people lots of reasons to criticize you.
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! Our pastor always says, “You will only be used of God to the degree of criticism you are willing to take.” You just explained it perfectly! Thank you!
When this happens it is definately a sign of growth Loved how you broke it down. Made me think of something in your latest book Everyone Communicates/Few Connect which is “A high Achievier realizes he/she has something to learn from everyone” — John C Maxwell
So thankful to God for how he has used you to stretch so many people to help raise them to a higher spiritual level including me.
Great post! When getting criticized you can get bitter or better…a true leader will always finds ways to improve.
Like most things, this can become easier with practice.
Great insight into receiving criticism. Thank you!Also important is looking back at who is kicking you – sometimes it’s an unethical hustler, sometimes it’s a false teacher, sometimes it’s the President! Don’t let those with suspect motives take your eye off the path before you – you may trip and fall. Yes, we are not to judge, but we need to be “fruit inspectors”.
Forget yourself!
Most can’t take criticism because they are so wrapped up in themselves. We need to get confident with who we are so that we will be unoffendable and can take criticism to grow rather than pout.
Keep bringing the thunder John!
Great advice!
Youre really a master of self improvements sir john, i am one your fan/reader here in the philippines, ive collect & read all your books. thanks for being great leadership teacher..
Keep up your great passion…
Thank you for this message/teaching! Was exactly what I needed to hear. Blessings and favor!
Thank you for the post, your way of processing criticism is great. I learned from my leader and friend three steps
1. I listen to those who love me
2. Those who know more than me
3. Those who do it better than me
I also love your thoughts on forgetting about yourself and focusing on others, I call it “having thick skin”, it’s part of leadership. This can easily be a book for you John.
Eph 6:13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
The REALITY of the enemy. Most people are in denial over spiritual warfare.
RECOGNIZE who it is. Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against power and principalities in heavenly places. Satan uses people to attack God’s people and purposes.
REPENT when needed. God will uses trials to make us mature, therefore with any criticism we need to seek the truth in the matter and repent when needed.
Pray for REVELATION of truth. Satan is the father of lies and the accuser of the brothren. As christians, we need to discern truth and error and not believe the lies as he seeks to distort and destroy God’s work here on earth.
take up the “shield of faith”, with which you can “extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”
17 Take the “helmet” (guard your mind) of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And “pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.”
RESIST RETREATING.
14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
Love this! Sing your song, dream your dream, hope your hope and pray your prayer!!!!
Also, any time you have a passion about what you do I have found it is easier to handle criticism because you see it, feel it and “just know that you know” what you do is what you where made for and why you do what you do. Like you, you are so very good at “encouraging” others! It comes naturally and I have a feeling you have mastered this subject. 
I love #20 post, Anonymous says it perfectly! God bless you always. Barb 
……p.s. may I use Parkenham Beatty quote, “sing your song…..”?
These are just the right words I need to face my pg resaerch work- stay open to change
John,
This was right on time. Joyce Meyer’s quote is dead on. God told me the same thing after the Chickfila leadership conference in Atlanta. I met you and I informed you that I wanted to be the ‘female’ version of you. You were very gracious and you smiled. The next day, God told me, I don’t want you to be John. I have one of him already. I want you to be you. He told me that I will be able to touch those you can’t and do things that He designed me to do. So thank you for not bashing me, but giving me the smile and the nod. It is amazing how God speaks to us and through us!
Great post. This carries over into all aspects of life, not just business.
As always, it is important for leaders to know who they are so they can remain true to their values and vision while working to improve their weaknesses in the face of criticism, whether constructive or otherwise.
Thanks for this great word of encouragement!
Dear John,
Thank you for the very practical steps on handling criticism. Yes it is true those who go ahead, get noticed and therefore they are the target of criticism. But criticism should act as a motivator to all who aspire to be successful rather than pulling them down. Your steps are on the dot, on how a person could keep himself motivated when criticised.
Sohan.
Wow, what a great article…I am a very passionate person, which is my drive and also my downfall. I put all my passion into everything I do. However when I get criticism it is hard to take. Specially if it is attacking my character or what I do. The only thing that keeps me from going off is the peace I have knowing that one, I did what I thought it was right, and two I gave it all of my best efforts.
Thanks John for sharing this amazing article on criticism!!!
this is really wonderful and very powerful, enlightening to me. Wow thats superb sir thats why i love reading you materials you are indeed a real teacher and trainer
Jeff (message#10) You have a choice to make – it sounds like you have recognized that you are failing at something. It is time to make a choice to stop that behavior. We are more than conquerors in Christ! Of course just making that decision doesn’t mean it all gets better in a moment or a day, a week, etc. but if we choose to quit failing and change our attitude recognizing who were are in Christ – step by step it will get better. I certainly don’t mean to minimize a difficult situation – but we must choose to not be a failure. My prayer for you Jeff is that you will make good choices and recognize who you are in Christ. If you aren’t a Christian it would be a good time to seek out Jesus and see how important he thinks we are.
Thanks for being a TRUTH-SAYER! This article has helped me to first take a retrospective look at me and to especially always consider the source of the critcism! Great article, Dr. Maxwell!
Perhaps John needs to market a Maxwell protective rear-end pad? I sure could use it right now. I have been taking a lot of criticism lately, all that I asked for and it’s a bit sore sitting lately!!
Thanks again John for a post that hits right at the right place at the right time.
Criticism is a tough pill to swallow, but like other medicine, it makes us better! Thanks for the great insights John.
John always comes to my rescue! Thank you for this much-needed pat on the back, no-nonsense perspective on the benefits and burden of leadership, and tips on how to identify constructive/destructive criticism. So timely as I head into planning my festival!
Receiving and benefiting from criticism is difficult if we allow our ego to get in the way. Even off-the-wall criticism will usually have a grain of truth in it that we can find if we will follow the steps that you teach John. It’s kind of like eating fish: chewing the meat of truth and spitting out the bones of untruth. Swallowing the bones can really hurt you.
Five years back, when my wife n me decided to pursue our dreams and start our own mlm business, my mentor gave me a book to start with and that book changed the whole course of our life. the book is ” Developing the leader within you”. from then on i have read almost all the books of you john and trying to enhance our leadership quality. this small writing about criticism also will help us a lot. Expecting a lot more from you john. god bless.
Just a thought, What was Jesus response to criticism?
Hi John,
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thanks for your blog post on criticism, I totally agree with you, people can choose to be a spectator and criticize others or they can be a part of the big game!! I know what side of the fence I want to be in
I WISH I COULD LAY HOLD ON EVERY OF YOUR BOOKS-CANT STY WITHOUT THEM
Great blog and so much to learn and walk out!
Our Timothy’s and Paul’s. One of the greatest tragedies in my life has been the lack of intimate relationships of those who could truly speak into my life.
As we approach Father’s Day, I wish I could say I say had a father to speak into my life. I greatly desired the wisdom, the attention, the time for someone to pour themselves into me.
I think it important that we seek individuals for us to pour ourselves into and see who listens. I speak to my nephews, nieces, my kids, my coworkers, but how few desire to recieve our input. This is true mentoring and discipling and not just criticism.
Who loves you enough to risk speaking out to you? Who do you love enough to risk speaking into their life? Fear of rejection is a possiblity, but is a needful for each of us to grow. Dont throw your pearls before swine.
True intimacy in relationship is as wisdom of pearls arounds one neck.
I’m really inspired by yo words!and I’ve struggled with low self esteem in a long time because of criticism but now I can relate to your teaching and learn to face criticism without fear and take appropriate steps in accepting or rejecting it.I don’t feel bad anymore when I’m criticized and I don’t have to take in destructive criticism anymore!thank u!
Thank you for the post. It is very encouraging to me. Truly it is tough to take criticism at face value. And learning to take it constructively is something I am improving upon.
And it is not an excuse to use the fear of being criticized to stop doing anything at all which will be the stumbling block to all developmement. Something I am beginning to understand better. We all grow with some knocks and bounces. The main thing is how we overcome – by the wisdom of God.
Excellent article!!! I so needed to hear this today. Thank you for your inspiring articles that give me courage to take on the challenges and be the best I can be.
[...] Best selling author John C.Maxwell gives his advice on handling criticism. [...]
Thank you John, Your articles truly empower me. I appreciate the leader in you. We are many who are following your foot steps. I vividly see your foot prints as I move forward. Keep up the good work.
Cheers
excerpt from Revelations
Good leaders…
Rev 2:2 “I know” your deeds…, your hard work…. and your perseverance…. I know …that you… cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have… tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false.
3 You have …persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.
4 Yet I hold this against you: You have… forsaken your first love.
5 Remember …the height from which you have fallen! Repent… and do the things you did at first.
…If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.
6 But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
7 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes…, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
The bible teaches how to confront, How to lead, how to teach, how to direct. Here in Revelations 2 the angel gives us specific examples how to get us from one place to the next.
1. He, “Reveled in Right Behavior” first gave specific, objective examples of what they did right, built them up, acknowledged their work.
2. Then he gave specific examples of what they did wrong, “Rebuked Wrong behavior.”
3. Then he “Reveal clear Expectations” and wanted of them, revealed where he wanted them to go, gave clear expecations, …repent, return…
4. Then he “Unveiled His Wrath”…if you do not, I will come and remove your lampstand, gave clear warning of the judgment to come.
5. Then he “Revealed their Rewards” and put them “within their reach” if they obey…to him who overcomes I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
6. “Reminds them how”…let those who have hears, let them hear what the Spirit says…Good leaders, “Reminds” their team, is “patient” with them, “rejoices” in them, to see them follow through.
God bless.
for Sir JOHN MAXWELL .. i just praying to GOD may he always give his Blessing for all people who always read your article .. i really need it to feed my brain and to lead my life
Great post. This is very right. Accepting criticism compares to taking medicine. You need to figure out which medicine is the right antidote for your disease. Once you figure that out you take it regardless of its taste. At the end of the day you receive healing to your own body. You get healthy and are able to help others.
Much the same way, accepting criticism is not a fun activity for anyone. Yet, if we consider the end result – the benefit it brings to us and people around us, I believe it’s worth taking this piece by John into consideration.