All good mentoring relationships begin with a personal relationship. As your people get to know and like you, their desire to follow your direction and learn from you will increase. If they don’t like you, they will not want to learn from you, and the equipping process can slow down or even stop.
To build relationships, begin by listening to people’s life stories — their journeys so far. Your genuine interest will mean a lot to them, and it will also help you to know their personal strengths and weaknesses. Ask them about their goals and what motivates them. Find out what kind of temperament they have. You may not want to equip a “numbers person” for a job that deals primarily with disgruntled customers.
And one of the best ways to get to know people is to see them outside of the world where you lead them (i.e. work, whether paid or volunteer). People are usually on their guard at work. They try to be what others want them to be. By getting to know them in other settings, you can get a glimpse of who they really are.
Try to learn as much as you can about your people and do your best to win their hearts. If you first find someone’s heart, they’ll be glad to offer you their hand.
Adapted from The Maxwell Daily Reader
24 responses so far ↓
1 Dan (Leadership Freak) // Mar 19, 2010 at 1:00 pm
John,
Always love reading your blog.
Getting outside the “normal” work environment also works to build relationships within leadership teams. Go play!
I’m digging into my copy of Everyone Communicates Few Connect and loving it.
Regards,
Leadership Freak
Dan Rockwell
2 Jason Craig // Mar 19, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Great post, thank you for this.
One thing I keep hearing from leaders is that they don’t have time to spend time with everyone, so they spend time with no-0ne. As a result instead of having a relationship with some, they have a relationship with none.
Now I need to look for a post that tells me how to subtly introduce this to my boss without them getting offended
3 james castellano // Mar 19, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Great post. I agree with getting to know your people as a crucial step in leading them. My first published article was on these very subject.
4 SRivera // Mar 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Excellent, Concise Post!
Grace & Peace
5 Yvonne Green // Mar 19, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Great post. There is something that I can learn from everyone. Whether a person realizes it or not they are on a journey.
6 uberVU - social comments // Mar 19, 2010 at 6:03 pm
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7 Tracey McAskill // Mar 19, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Listening is an invaluable skill that needs to be intentionally adapted to those we come into contact with…it is so easy to get caught up in the circumstances and forget to really listen…it reminds be of the saying “God made our ears open and our mouths to close”
8 Jim // Mar 20, 2010 at 7:58 am
Excellent post. I was jut talking to my manager about this just this past week. He actually stated he does NOT want to know anyone outside the office….doesn’t care about their life outside. I couldn’t disagree more. Knowing and understanding your staff as people really helps you understand their moods, actions and attitudes. Another great one John, thank you.
9 Robin // Mar 20, 2010 at 8:31 am
This is a great lesson for would-be leaders. Whether it’s at the workplace or beyond it, the time spent building relationships is an important investment.
And the leader must maintain those relationships; the work isn’t done once the staff is on board and equipped. Leaders who drop that ball can come across as manipulative and insincere and lose momentum – along with the hearts and hands of their staff.
10 schulter // Mar 20, 2010 at 8:51 am
wow wow wow…the simple keys you offer us are the ones that makes the greatest difference…thank you john….
11 maryjane.zavala-padron // Mar 20, 2010 at 10:05 am
Genuine, is the key to reaching the human heart.
Listen to their stories, and truly you will have a deeper understanding and appreciation of who that person is. A diamond ready to sparkle.
mjz-p
12 Wade Sadlier // Mar 20, 2010 at 11:58 am
Thanks again for thye encouragement John. My greatest priority and delight is getting to know the key players in our corp. and then from there the next level of players, etc. I have been able to share the invaluable insights with them that you’ve taught to me about leadership and relationships.
13 Terry Smith // Mar 20, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Very cool John! Thank you for sharing that! PS: I was just awarded a 2009 leadership award from my employer through a reccomendation from those who work below me in rank.. It is the second year in a row! I owe it all to God working through you to teach me how, thank you very much John…Terry
14 Rich Thickens // Mar 20, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Thanks for this – timing couldn’t be better. It’s one thing to know these things intuitively, and quite another to remember to put them into practice and discern how best to do so.
Rich
PS – I only recently discovered this site and the wisdom and information it provides, and I really apreciate the reminders and resources found here.
15 Shontal // Mar 20, 2010 at 1:47 pm
EXCELLENT!! People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. Even those of us who are already aware of this, still need to hear it again and again, in order to develop a deep conviction, and put it into practice DAILY. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I share almost ALL of your posts with my entire team.
16 Wendy Higgins // Mar 20, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I couldn’t agree more with what John said! Three years ago I took leaders through the book “Developing the Leader Within You”. I had them come to my home at 7:00a on Fridays. I would have breakfast ready for them and we would spend about 2 hours over breakfast discussing the chapter for that week. You could see the impact not only in the workplace but in their personal lives also. It also allowed me as a leader to build relationships with them. That was the beginning of an amazing journey of growth for the whole team. I could write a book on how this has changed lives and the way we do business here at The Ocean Lodge. Relationships are “priceless”.
17 Barb Giglio // Mar 20, 2010 at 4:03 pm
You always post just enough to remind me how important others are. I thank you for that. Also, I love the last sentence! “If you first find someone’s heart, they’ll be glad to offer you their hand!” Such a true sentence!! Have a blessed weekend!
18 Elan Govindasamy // Mar 21, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Excellent post. It is a great reminder to all of us who are coaching others. It is all about relationship. Strengthen the personal relationship and we strengthen the professional relationship automatically. Listening to life stories is what will cement it all together.
19 DR. PIERRE N. DUTES SR. // Mar 22, 2010 at 1:35 am
YOU EVOKE MY THOUGHTS TO REFINE THINKING. YOU HAVE HELPED ME TO QUELL MEDIOCRE THINKING.
THANKS JOHN!
20 Nicholas Yannacopoulos // Mar 22, 2010 at 11:54 am
Dear Mr. Maxwell,
Allow me to mention that even though we have never met in person (and probably we might neve rmeet unless you come to Hellas orI in the US), you have most certainly been equipping me for the last 13 years. You have been equipping me through your books and DVDs to consistently try to become a better person, fellow, parent, husband, leader. And let me state that you have touched my life more than you think. And you have won my heart from afar as if you have known me. So, what you say is of course correct but in some cases (with very special persons), bondage and equipping can also happen from far away.
Your LOYAL student (who hopes to meet you in person some day)
21 Leler Wilson // Mar 22, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Everything that was said is nothing but the truth. People will often use you as a test dummy. Also, if you show people that you care and are actually listening to them, you will definitely be at the top of their list. Loving it!
22 Ayanna // Mar 22, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Dr. Maxwell,
I have not always been an avid reader, but because of the ministry and passion God has placed upon me, I have decided to buy a few of your books. I must say that I am, indeed, an avid reader now. I find your books to be so inspirational and they cover a broad range of life’s issues. Right now I am reading the daily devotional on leadership…sometimes I read days ahead. I just want to encourage you as you encourage us all…continue to write great, anointed stuff and touching the countless number of lives that you have been doing over the years.
May the good Lord continue to bless you thousandfold.
23 Betzy Peacock // Mar 23, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Great Post Dr Maxwell, very actual approach to something that I consider should ocurr naturally in leadership but it does not happen until someone of your caliper remind us how important relationship are in our lives. Your valuable teaching, encouragment, insights and inspiration are priceless. Thanks
24 Derek Abrams // Mar 24, 2010 at 11:07 pm
John (if I may call you John),
I have discovered an insight that “relationships” are between two people. One cannot have a relationship between a group of two or more persons. For example: “A” and “B” have a relationship, “B” and “C” have a relationship and “A” and “C” have a relationship … but “A” cannot have a relationship with “B&C” nor “B&C” in any combination with the others, because “A,B & C” as a group do not have a relationship, they have, at best, an association; they live in a “context of commonalities”. This is the same for “employees”, “people”, “them”, “they”, “us” or “y’all” – any generalization of a group of people is an association and one cannot have a relationship with a group (IMHO).
So I agree with you that getting to know a “person” is a valuable endeavor, but I caution readers that one cannot apply those insights to a “group” of people and expect the same kind of relationship results.
I have heard persons say that it is difficult to manage all their relationships. I think that is because they are trying to be what others want them to be in those relationships or that the person themselves are not being their “authentic self” in each of those relationships. If one takes a moment to think about relationships, what is the common denominator amongst them all ? “You”. Being yourself in each relationship is how you capitalize upon multiple relationships and when those relationships are grouped together in some common context, one can feel very free to interact with all parties, making relating to “groups” of people easier.
Being authentic also helps to solidify your thoughts and ideas and where you stand, because you are taking and more importantly walking the stand you take regardless of the relationship or the interaction and co-mingling of relationships.
/da/