Too often we think that if we can impress others, we will gain influence with them. We want to become others’ heroes – to be larger than life. That creates a problem because we’re real live human beings. People can see us for who we really are. If we make it our goal to impress them, we puff up our pride and end up being pretentious – and that turns people off.
If you want to influence others, don’t try to impress them. Pride is really nothing more than a form of selfishness, and pretense is only a way to keep people at arm’s length so that they can’t see who you really are. Instead of impressing others, let them impress you.
It’s really a matter of attitude. The people with charisma, those who attract others to themselves, are individuals who focus on others, not themselves. They ask questions of others. They listen. They don’t try to be the center of attention. And they never try to pretend they’re perfect.
Spend today listening to others and letting them impress you.
~ From The Maxwell Daily Reader
35 responses so far ↓
1 Tom McDaniels // Feb 11, 2010 at 11:39 am
I always enjoy John’s thoughts and comments. Always impresses me! Thanks
2 Dan Rockwell // Feb 11, 2010 at 11:40 am
John,
Once again you rock it! Thanks for putting this idea in useful, clear, powerful language.
I think sometimes our insecurities keep us from honoring others.
Today’s Leadership Freak Blog is “waffles.” I think what we CAN’T do is nearly as important as what we CAN do. I’m influenced by another’s struggles and frailties as much or more than I am by their abilities.
You always help me
3 Felix Nater // Feb 11, 2010 at 11:44 am
John,
You say so much with so little words. You are impressive!
Here is my approach to creating the distinction with a WIFT (What’s In It for Them) attitude.
I use the pronoun I to open discussions where I want the conversation to show personal interest in the exchange. Example, “I like what you said, can you tell me more”.
So, though I use I often, like you, I try to get others to talk so that I can learn more about what I do not know. Thanks for reminding me of what I tend to forget that makes the difference.
Felix Nater
4 Wibisono Sastrodiwiryo // Feb 11, 2010 at 11:44 am
how to let people know that i’m impressed by them? especially in social media like facebook?
is to liked their status on facebook considered as impressed?
5 Be Impressed, not impressive - PedroReyna.com // Feb 11, 2010 at 1:52 pm
[...] ~ From The Maxwell Daily Reader Send to Facebook [...]
6 Alvaro Chacon // Feb 11, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Thanks John, I wanted to talk to your fans that you hear this the other day and I think that comes as a glove, is very difficult to achieve excellence but if we imagine what could perhaps achieve great things
7 Kathy Nicholls // Feb 11, 2010 at 4:25 pm
This is so true and an important thing to remember. Finding what is awesome in someone else is always the way to go.
8 Eddie Howden // Feb 12, 2010 at 2:57 am
What a diffirent perspective. I think you eluded to this in your book “Winning with People”. It is a great insight, thank you
9 Azeez Bello // Feb 12, 2010 at 5:55 am
Great words of advice and wisdom!
Thank you for again reminding us all what leadership and influence should really be about!
10 DemoPerez // Feb 12, 2010 at 8:13 am
John!
Real powerfull teaching!
I’ll share it with my leaders team!
11 Ruthie Ziegler-Wessel // Feb 12, 2010 at 8:34 am
Just what I needed from you today, old friend…
12 Nicholas Yannacopoulos // Feb 12, 2010 at 9:47 am
I always say to may leaders “be interested and not interesting”. And I never fail to remind them what you have been teaching throughout the years. . . “People dont care how much you know until they know how much you care”. Its been true from the begining of time and it will continue so.
Thanks for reming us.
Your loyal student
13 Nicholas Yannacopoulos // Feb 12, 2010 at 9:49 am
In my closure I obviously meant “.. reminding us”
14 Julia // Feb 12, 2010 at 10:04 am
I didn’t realize,until recently that I was thinking and believing it’s all about me! I have had an awaking!
Thank God .This is definitely for me! Thank you John
15 Michael Mitchell // Feb 12, 2010 at 10:32 am
Right on John!
Currently reading Becoming a Person of Influence and this single point is a perfect transition into my next chapter of becoming a habitual Listener! Something I can truly say I have the hardest time with, being such a Sanguine/Choleric personality.
Thank you for the thought!
16 ed~win / SAN JOSE, CA // Feb 12, 2010 at 11:04 am
It is very interesting that I use to be this way and after my stroke 2 years ago I have totally changed.
ws-win
17 ed~win / SAN JOSE, CA // Feb 12, 2010 at 11:04 am
It is very interesting that I use to be this way and after my stroke 2 years ago I have totally changed.
ed-win
18 J.R.Agosto // Feb 12, 2010 at 11:05 am
I belive that today’s teaching is correct ;guess I’ve been doing the above ,for awhile,and it’s nevere to late to check yourself,and keep a humble mind an heart. it’s all about severing other’s and maintaing that christ like mind an heart.be blessed people!James
19 Dave Williamson // Feb 12, 2010 at 12:20 pm
John:
If anyone else is like me, you can probably relate to the following: I have so often felt the need to affirm myself, and so to find a way to let others know that this is not just some bumpkin they’re talking to/considering hiring/learning from/teaching, that all too often I have taken the path of least resistance and found a way to work into the conversation a litany of my accomplishments.
What a mistake. I sure wish that it hadn’t taken me this long to learn it. Your affirmation of that, and frankly your insight in everything I’ve ever heard or read from you, is an ongoing kick in the pants (in your gentle way).
Thank you!!
20 Larry Scarbeau // Feb 12, 2010 at 12:43 pm
I have been following John since 1978 and his thoughts, advice and wisdom has never failed to keep me centered.
There is still so much to learn about leadership that it would take many life times but we only have one so let’s not waste it on regrets, lost opportunities and past failure. Rather I for one will daily focus on others in everything I do and continue to seek to leave a legacy that will be one of service not impressive deeds.
Have a great day – keep following to lead!
21 henry samayoa // Feb 12, 2010 at 2:00 pm
GRacias por esta reflexion me hace entender que no debemos apantallar a nuestros colaboradores dandoles una impresion que no es mas que orgullo y centro de atencion, que valioso es poner la atencion en todos aquellos que necesitan nuestra atencion y ayuda, una llamada, un tiempo de compartir alrededor de un cafe y valorar sus problemas y sus bendiciones. Gracias John Maxwell bendigo tu vida, saludos
22 Rick Mortimer // Feb 12, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Once again you have gotten to the heart of the human challenge in just a few words John Maxwell!
“Pride is really nothing more than a form of selfishness…” how very true those words are! Prov 13:10 says [NKJ] By pride comes nothing but strife. Self-centeredness..by either a poor ego or an overinflated one, causes nothing but strife. True humility (recognizing who God says we are) makes us lights in this word to shine for others to follow.
You SHINE John Maxwell!
23 Yvonne Green // Feb 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm
This reminds me of something that Joyce Meyer said ” Humble does not think humble just does — but if you think you are humble than you are haughty which means proud.”
I want to say thank you for allowing God to use you to stretch me spiritually.
24 Norberto Abrego // Feb 12, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Thank you for this teaching, I really learned a lot with this word.
greetings
Norberto Abrego
25 Dr. Kathy Abbott // Feb 12, 2010 at 10:45 pm
How great! Taking the ego out of the mix releases our love for others.
When I truly appreciate everyone else, the universe sings my song.
Thanks, John, for your inspired teaching!
26 Kevin Woodside // Feb 14, 2010 at 12:27 am
Well said. Along the same lines, Jim Collins in Good to Great warned against “spend(ing) too much time trying to be interesting” instead of “investing more time being interested.”
27 Sam Koim // Feb 14, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Thank you John for blessing me with that wonderful peace of wisdom.
Blessings from Papua New Guinea
28 Vangie // Feb 15, 2010 at 1:30 am
Thank you for sharing wisdom that the Lord bestowed in you..
Praying that you will visit us again here in Philippines.
Godbless you so much.
29 Jesus Alberto Martinez // Feb 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I have to confess that I have not try to be impressed but impressive. Great article thank you!
To be impressed will be this weeks work on my leadership skill
30 Jovial // Feb 16, 2010 at 11:34 am
The 5 mins taken to read this short passage has changed my mindset totally about how to be a better leader. Thanks for reminding me of what is truly important in leadership-people =)
31 Milton Solorzano // Feb 17, 2010 at 11:26 pm
John, some much depth in so few words. I love the way God works… sends us what we need at just the right time. I needed this.
Thanks,
Milton
32 Herta Gaete Aguila // Feb 18, 2010 at 8:38 am
gracias, por ayudarme a pensar como es debido un saludo desde Chile
33 Herta Gaete Aguila // Feb 18, 2010 at 9:39 am
John
He leído los comentarios son muy buenos ya que cada experiencia es diferente.
No hay problema tan grande que Dios no resuelva,
No hay enfermedad o angustia que Dios no la sane.
Hace seis meses un voraz incendio destruyo totalmente mi casa habitación.
Era de madrugada, dormíamos mi esposo, yo y mi hija(25 años),
Gracias a Dios unas vecinas nos despertaron.
Angustia, dolor, amargura, impotencia.
Nos aferramos el Señor y dejamos que El hiciera misericordia, estamos aun muy dolidos pero no derrotados, seguimos a la sombra del omnipotente, DIOS es nuestro amparo y fortaleza.
El nos dará nuestra casa nuevamente lo sabemos muy bien, quise compartir con Uds. Parte de mi experiencia espero que sea útil en parte a los que estén pasando problemas, hay que tomar la mano
del Señor y caminar con el, nada mas.
Este comentario corresponde al del 04 de febrero2010
34 Roy Lafuente // Feb 18, 2010 at 2:16 pm
John your articles have a big influence on me, but i want to ask: ¿Everything about leader ship has been wroted??
I want to wrote about leadership too, but i want to wrote originals and efective ideas.
35 轉載:Be impressed, not impressive - Meow Yen // Feb 23, 2010 at 8:08 pm
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