Well written, once again… I only have one real problem and that is with the conclusion… As I was reading through the chapter, I kept thinking about Moses and had in mind what I was going to suggest about his leadership but then I hit the conclusion and you beat me to it! I guess you do know what you’re doing after all…
I loved the sections on credibility, accountability and recognizing your strengths/weaknesses. After 10 years of ministry, I’m just beginning to realize these principles in my life and your books have been a significant influence on my journey. Thank you.
Integrity is huge when it comes to leadership. Pharisaical leadership is just good enough to help you fail spectacularly. True, failure can be one of the most beneficial leadership “growth tools” on the market, but leading with a lack of integrity is choosing to fail before your first step.
I choose to live a life of integrity and allow that life to be a beacon drawing followers toward Christ. If – no, when – I fail, it’s because of a leadership deficit, not a life deficit.
Thanks again for sharing your newest work… It’s been awesome to share in!
I DISAGREE WITH YOUR STATEMENT THAT PEOPLE AACCEPT NEW LEARDERS ON COMMUNICTION SKILLS FIRST. THE FIRST THING WHEITHER ITS A CANADATE OR A BOSS IS BASED ON THE OPINION OF OTHERS. WHAT THE MEDIA SAYS OR A CELEBRITY SUPPORT OF A CANDIDATE. IT HYPE THAT EITHER DRAWS US TO OUR REPELLS, AS PEOPLE PICK OUT THE CHARACTERISTICS THEY HAVE HEARD TO BE OF THIS PERSON. LATER WHEN THEY GET SETTLED AND FEEL THEY HAVE A RIGHT OR ARE APART OF THE CROWD WILL THEY MAKE THEIR REAL DECISION
I think this is a great chapter however it almost loses the reader half way through, and then picks back up again. I believe it can actually be turned into 2 chapters! With a summary half way through, I believe these important words written will not be lost “in the crowd.” Communication is such an important topic, it would definitely be worth adding another chapter or two.
Families, Friends, and Co-Workers alike, we all need to learn how to communicate better. There obviously is a disconnect in the world, seeing as the divorce rate has never been higher and wars are being fought over only George Bush knows what. Communication is the key to success in life, business, marriage and family. Thank you for this chapter about how we all communicate but can lack the ability to connect. I pray that as we put more time and effort into watching over the words that are coming out of our mouth, making them words of life, positive and effective, that our communication will not only improve, but begin to pierce through the facade of fake communication that society has built up.
I believe we need to begin to get “real” and honest. If we are not willing to speak the truth in love, then it’s probably best left unsaid. With that said, I thank you again Mr. Maxwell. You are a powerful and effective leader, and look forward to reading your new book in its entirety.
Another excellent chapter – can’t wait for your book to come out in its entirety since I’ve missed some of the chapters.
I might consider making it more personally applicable in the concluding paragraph by expanding after “so start taking steps . . . ” by giving a powerful example of how it worked in your own personal life, perhaps with your wife, one of your children, or beginning to connect with your own staff. It may give the conclusion more inspiration to put into practice what the reader has just read.
What a blessing your writing has been in my own life. Thank you.
It’s been a great ride – learned a lot and have a lot to learn yet – about connecting for better communication.
This phrase rang true and seems pivital to the chapter: “…effectiveness of the communication relies more on the character of the messenger than on the content of the message.” Indeed. Thank you John Maxwell.
I read the chapter. It flowed well. You presented your points effectively and I felt I came away with great information. As I read a previous post, I did think about making this chapter two but, I think the progressive points you wanted to show tied in nicely. By the end however, I feel like you tried to bring it all together but it was too much information to bring in. The Moses example was excellent. It demonstrated the many different points you explained. Maybe using Moses in the beginning and using him as the primary example with each point can bring it all together without it seeming so crowded.
Futhermore, I did see a couple of mistakes.
In “Connect With Yourself”
1st paragraph, last sentence
“And then we have {to} potential should be {the} potential
“Make Amends”
(It seems the way you speak you use alot of “And’s” to start your sentences which is fine but in some instances you don’t need them. For example instead of “And of course” try “Of course” drop the “And”. This isn’t of the highest consequence since most people are reading for content not for correction. Furthermore, if it takes away your voice to the reader, it should be kept. If it doesn’t it should be dismissed.
“Tell The Truth”
1st paragraph, 2nd sentence
change, “the doctor asked {to} man…” to “the doctore asked {the} man…”
Question: Should the {he} in “he asked.” be capitalized? I saw several times when it wasn’t but then I saw an “I answered.” I am not quite sure of the rule but I know there should be consistency and that it is a sentence.
“Do As I Say, Not As I Do”
3rd paragraph, 1st sentence
“first hand” should be one word “Firsthand”
10th paragraph, 1st sentence
There should be a period after “them” in the quotation.
Those are all the things I could see for now. I agree with the points you have presented and can’t wait to buy a copy! Thanks for letting me share my input continue to do an excellent job motivating and challenging people!
A true connector trancends generations and what enhanced Moses credibilty was inspiring Joshua. The most powerful principle being – Every Moses must have a Joshua – your credibility is ultimately confirmed by what others do when you’ve graduated!
I liked all of the modern day “real world” examples which further helps illustrate these principles, but I really liked the strong conclusion with the example of Moses at the end. It truly inspired me to keep my commitment to self development by “connecting with myself” and to continue to grow and develop not just my strengths, but particularly my weaknesses.
Because of our weaknesses, we tend to hesitate before we act or communicate, thereby losing out on one of the most valuable contributors, “experience”. We also simply cannot act to soon, so understanding this balance is key. How and when I communicate during this internal tug of war is one of my weaknesses, and this crowd sourcing experiment (which, by the way, is a very progressive concept that I love !) has already given me some golden nuggets of wisdom and advice on how to start addressing this weakness.
“Connectors Live What They Communicate” and “Deliver results”
Dear John,
I have had the honor to have met you and shake your hand in probably the most unlikely of places I could ever imagine – in the galley of a plane 2 hours before landing and after an 18 hour overnight flight back from South Africa to Washington DC in March of this year. Not only have you accumulated enormous wisdom and knowledge in your life which your share freely, but you truly practice what you preach, which adds greatly to your integrity and the reason why I am such a big fan of your work. Thank you so much !
This will be another timeless “Maxwell Must” and best seller full of wisdom based on enormous knowledge, insight AND experience. I cannot wait to get my hands on the final copy and to add a copy to my daughter’s “Leadership Library”. She will be 4 next year and hopefully able to start reading it soon
One of the first people I thought of as I read this chapter was a second lieutenant assigned to our unit when I was in the Marine Corps.
He was fresh out of Officer Candidate School and obviously overwhelmed in his new assignment. His first day, he called all of the Non-Commissioned Officers together and told us he was counting on us to teach him. He said, “Don’t hurt me, I’m trusting you.” I never forgot his words and he quickly began to grow into his role in everyone’s eyes.
Question – in the section “The Golden Rule” did Jim Blanchard give his personal cell phone number to everyone in the country, or should it be company?
Thank you for allowing us to take part in this journey!
Finally – someone is calling out those motivational speakers who are all rhetoric without substance! We all love to see pretty pictures and hear success stories, but without some personal effort behind their substance, we could be watching and listening to a paid actor for a product rather than a connector, a true motivator with passion and humility. In the end, I think people want to follow those who have shown, not told, how to connect, not just a rah-rah talking commercial cheerleader!
Fantastic chapter. Using Moses as the close ties it all together nicely; Moses exemplifies all the things you have said about connecting – both the positive and the negative.
Only one small grammatical tweak I would suggest, from the paragraph immediately before “Right your Wrongs” – “I hope you will starting now.” This reads funny – either it should be “I hope you will start now”, or “I hope you will – starting now”. Without the pause added by the dash, it sounds like you used the wrong verb form – even though on the second reading, I understood exactly what was intended.
“Education is what remains after you forget everything that you have learned” – to paraphrase George Savile. Even if I forget every word you have written, the changes you have made in my life will remain. Thank you!
Dear John,
Thank you for another powerful chapter. I loved your thoughts on trust.
It is vital as a leaders that our audio matches or video. This makes us follow worthy.
You are a hero leader to me. I use your teachings to shape positive behavior within our killer whale family and training team at SeaWorld. I am excited to read your new book and share it with my team.
Giant Thanks,
Laura
I am in Human Resources and the further I read this chapter, the more I realised that especially dealing with people in HR, I need to be CREDIBLE at all times!! Thus was the pointers and the shared knowledge in this chapter a “wake-up” call to keep on keeping on… Credibility also ties in with integrity for me. People with integrity will DO as they SAY in line with the Golden Rule too!!
I will cetainly strive to keep this chapter in mind always.
In chapter 8 you told the story of the lady describing diaper changing in terms of baseball. I loved the story so my comments are not intended to change the chapter and therefore I hope you will read them even though they are late.
When I read the story I was struck by the difficulties of communicating and connecting with people of different nationalities and cultures. I am a 45 year old woman born in England who has lived most of my life in South Africa. We don’t play baseball here. Thanks to American films many of us do have some very rudimentary knowledge of the game. So with a little concentration and a reread I could appreciate the diaper change story. However it isn’t as easily assimilated here as it would be in the States.
Recently a lovely lady, Dr Jackie Black, was speaking in Johannesburg, to a meeting of the ICF (International Coach Federation). In teaching a concept she gave an analogy to a product which meant nothing to us. I couldn’t even catch the name as it was so unfamiliar. Full credit to her as she quickly noticed she hadn’t got any response from the audience. She then asked us who is a well known cereal manufacturer in SA. We responded “Kelloggs” and she got back on track with “imagine Kelloggs Cornflakes….
I think we in SA are fairly conscious of “translating” for overseas visitors. If those visitors are from England or the States we often know their version of English from films. For other visitors we have to be more descriptive. It doesn’t seem to me that Americans are as aware that we don’t all speak the same English.
Again here in SA we live in a very diverse society so have to be very aware of our audience all the time. From a language, culture, education, socio economic perspective.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
By the way I had the pleasure of hearing you speak at a N21 function in Johannesburg many years ago. I can confirm that you connected with me and that audience. It was a great experience. Thank you.
WOW…..Just reading this chapter has me on fire to read the whole book! Fabulous!
However, since you asked………..
The passage regarding your hiring skills, well, it just SHOUTED at me! What an incredible piece of humble pie….What transparency! Beautifully written…….
You mentioned you have 4 strengths, but you failed to tell us what they were……It left me hanging and wanting to know more:)
In the section, “Lead the Way You Live”…The last paragraph regarding communicators and connectors…..This is so powerful, yet it is condensed to a mere paragraph…..I feel another book or full chapter on being a “Connector” would benefit many! Elaborate if possible….
In your section “Follow the Golden Rule,” I love the Monkey and Tree Act, but I felt in limbo just a bit to the relevance to that particular story……..Very cute, but the following info didn’t pull the story through for the impact…….
Agree with Al regarding “Right your Wrongs”–”I hope you will starting now.”…..Perhaps it should be “I hope you will……Starting NOW!”
John……..Thank you for keeping the faith………
Can’t wait to buy a case of your books!!!
Sunnie Templeton
John, from your pastor days remember the story of Elijah and Elisha as they crossed the Jordan river? It serves as a great reflection on the points you’ve made in this chapter because Elisha could have easily missed his life’s call if he had not been tuned in to the communication from Elijiah. Communication is multi-functional(work, ministry and living) and it crosses generations(it will reproduce itself in others around us). The “mantle” of being a connected communicator can fall on any of us. Thanks for another rich thought provoking chapter……
Well done. If I could humbly suggest the topic of commitment weigh in more? When I first began in the corrections ministry one of the “rules” most all facilities give is; “Don’t make any promises you can’t keep”. I thought and prayed a lot about that. We cannot hope to connect with others and have any credibility whatsoever if we don’t listen long enough to know a need and find out if we’re to be used to meet the need, then commit with responsibility, character and integrity to do what we say we’ll do. Most of the time the commitment is to “Be there” when someone needs you. Making responsible commitments to others and keeping them develops trust and is a character revealing part of communication while the integrity and credibility of the person will be known by the fulfillment thereof.
When the leader and the followers help each other, they share in the success.
I have learned much and have enjoyed the collaboration activity. I look forward to the publication of your new book about making connections in March, 2010.
Thank you for another great book! I’m looking forward to its release. You have challenged me to think more carefully about the value of other people’s trust in another book you’ve written. I’ve been pastoring a wonderful, small church for the past six years. Even though we haven’t experienced amazing growth–we do have a good family feeling and continue to do what we can for our community. I believe I am starting to reap the rewards of trust by being there and staying true “long-term.”
Thank you for the great impact you are having on my leadership.
Thank you for sharing this book in this new way before publication. I am sure that your eventual sales will be increased by the incites gained and the goodwill created.
Here are my thoughts:
You Are Your Message
Faking it does not work. We are transparent in spite of our efforts to the contrary. The youngest child can see the parents are living by saying one thing and doing another. About the only one I seem to deceive in my life is myself.
Connect with Yourself
To bring a little of Rick Warren here. Without a purpose you are lost. I do not believe that anyone and truly connect with yourself without connecting with their purpose. I realize who your audience is with this book but the first step is prayer.
Lead the Way You Live
Is seems to me that this section should be titled Live the Way You Lead. This is a real chicken and egg situation.
Thanks to a link I receive via FaceBook from my broker, I have enjoyed reading most of the chapters. You are succinct and right on about things we need to learn and practice. I am however, disappointed in the last chapter. It lacks the energy to make the reader get out there and embrace and practice the message which has been conveyed in the nine previous chapters. I hope you can strengthen it before publication. Otherwise, you have conveyed a great message which we should all embrace.
“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable”
Manning, Brennan
“Write what you know” – Mark Twain
“Truth to be understood, must be lived” – Charlie Peacock
Another Golden Rule example: “At Four Seasons, corporate values are much more than a programme or a policy – they define who we are and inform the decisions we make. The company’s guiding principle is the Golden Rule – to treat others as you wish to be treated – and as such, Four Seasons strives to have a long-lasting, positive influence on the communities where we operate and on the people we employ and serve around the world. We believe that this goal is integral to our success as a company.” http://www.fourseasons.com/about_us/corporate_values/
In one meeting, a General Manager was looking to improve ratings and asked the entire hotel staff to express ways of improvement. One employee said, “I don’t feel that you respect me.” The GM replied, “That’s ridiculous!” The ratings fell and that GM was transferred. Management’s failure to listen, admit and respond to employees whose entire job is to listen, admit, and respond to customers is the worst possible training; it promotes service failures from the top dog to the bottom dollar.
…and you follow up my very question on Chapter 9 BEAUTIFULLY in Chapter 10. Perfect! I can almost hear “wait for it, wait for it…” Thank you!
…and how many leaders, over time – even recently in TIME MAGAZINE, have compared Moses to Presidents, including this last one. The articles focus on the leader more than the Leader, missing a good deal of the point of the Exodus story, but he certainly is the poster boy for “leading the masses.”
Thank you, John. A wonderful revelation that I’m already putting into practice in my own life and in the lives of others….as is the practice of John Maxwell communicaitons.
Thank you for every influencial and practical chapter..and for allowing and promoting conversation over it all.
One of the most important lessons I have learned in communicating with people is to believe in them – I just don’t believe them. By this I mean people will tell you what they think you want to hear. We hope to create an atmosphere of honesty however most don’t know how to handle the “honest truth” because it involves us personally. Our acceptance of the “truth” about our own weaknesses threatens our self image and we’d rather avoid than engage. To be an effective communicator, I believe you need to engage with others, but travel with mental armour. You will need to accept the fact that you will get hit with an occasional bullet – but if you have bulletproofed your mind, attitude and self-image, you can engage and not be “killed”. Let’s face it, you’re gonna get hit, but in the end, the mental armour you prepare will keep you alive.
The second part of the lesson I have learned in communicating with others is that I watch what people do instead of hearing what they say. I like the phrase, “Your actions are speaking so loud, I can’t hear your words.” It seems to sum up the idea that effective communication is not just listening, but engaging. Engage to understand but more importantly engage to grow. Grow from being battle tested and learn to react and respond to those who you are looking to communicate with.
Peices that really spoke to me personally were…the Moses part and the ability of a man to gather a whole people and help them move.
The other part that spoke to me was the part about how President Obama had recognized his mistake and the Daschle comment. This brought into my mind the first election of President George W. Bush. There was a controversy that happened when the media discovered his drinking in college. Well to his credit President Bush admitted he had drank in college. I felt at the time that it was a turning point in the election. I felt myself that President Bush was more relateable and that he was human. Might be something also to add…
Thank you again for posting this book on the internet and letting us help. I myself have had a good time reading and sending my comments where I felt they were appropriate…
Thanks again for a great chapter, and for giving your readers the opportunity to have a small part in it.
Under the heading “Connect with Yourself” you wrote “The second step comes from liking ourselves, and that comes from self-talk.” It reminded me of a great quote from British preacher Martyn Lloyd-Jones:
“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?”
Another related quote about self-talk comes from Paul Tripp:
“No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do. You’re in an unending conversation with yourself. You’re talking to yourself all the time, interpreting, organizing, and analyzing what’s going on inside you and around you. …you are constantly involved in an internal conversation that greatly influences the things you decide, say, and do….”
[A typo: You wrote about President Obama’s failed nomination of Tom Daschal. It should be Senator Tom Daschle.]
I like your second way in liking yourself is about self talk. Whatever you tell yourself really influence you. I have ran several marathons and whenever I’m on the 20th or 21st mile..where everything hurts…my self talk really carries me to the 26th mile. Thank you John for another great chapter.
Do As I Say—Not As I Do! John I would only add that for leaders and communicator to avoid the pitfall you’ve mentioned, we must remember leadership is about the right to go first-let me explain. If there is a sacrifice to be made-the leader sacrifices first. If there is a price to be paid-the leader pays it first. If there is a vision to be cast-the leader envisions it first. If there is creditability to be built-the leader builds it first. If there is honesty desired—the leader demonstrates it first. If there are fences to mend-the leader mends them first!
Power, Positions and Perks minus Personal Character make for a destructive leader in any organization.
As always, great writing. Found one little error in this sentence: “In the first six months of a relationship—whether its personal or professional… ” needs to be IT’S.
Otherwise – excellent!
Again, thank you for letting us be part of this journey.
Hi John,
Your words are a great inspiration to me. I do fail many a times in my attempts to communicate and connect, and your words inspire me to keep trying, hoping to make it better the next time.
Credibility is such a strong headwind, it will either mask the message or aid it, no matter how you introduce it. Mr. Sewell is right on, “you earn it a nickel and penny at a time” but “you have to expend it by the dollar”. So is teamwork in making that vision come true. I have had the fortune of seeing the customer service Sewell dealerships offer at their Lexus dealership in Fort Worth. It is truly incredible.
Exceptional! As a follower, I always found credibility and consistency to be the two attributes differentiated managers from leaders. In the years I worked in organizational development, a leaders ability to establish credibility was the single reason that organizational change initiatives succeeded or failed. Credibility eliminates fear and fear is a major reason people are adverse to change. Credibility is indeed a leaders greatest capital. Terrific chapter…
Another great chapter, John. May I suggest some quotes you might want to consider to add a little spice? They come from David Gergen’s excellent book, “Eyewitness To Power: The Essence of Leadership Nixon To Clinton.” #1 – “Consciously or not, Reagan was f0llowing in a tradition set early in the century by Teddy Roosevelt and picked up by Woodrow Wilson in his first term, then by Franklin Roosevelt and John Kennedy. Each understood a fundamental lesson: that leaders must inspire people with confidence in the future. Only if he truly believes in the future himself will his followers make the leap and join him. Optimism is contagious.” (Pg. 203, paragraph 2). #2 – “In the best of circumstances, the man and the messenger meet – when a leader has gained the respect of his audience and also has something to say. Reagan, in his farewell address to the nation on January 11, 1989, offered this assessment, ‘I won a nickname, “The Great Communicator.” But I never thought it was my style or the words I used that made a difference: It was the the content. I wasn’t a great communicator, but I communicated great things.’ (Page 216, paragraph 3). #3 – “Speeches take place within a context, never in a vacuum. Listeners bring to the occasion not only their own dreams and frustrations, but also a range of questions about the speaker. Who is he down deep? What does he stand for? Does he speak with authority? Does he care about people like me? Can I place my faith and trust in him? Does he have the capacity to make a difference? Who the speaker is speaks a loudly as anything he says.” (Page 215-216.) Just a thought. Thanks for listening . . . and writing. God bless!
I want to thank you for stretching me spirtually but not all at once.
A wise person once said to seek out people who are where we want to be. Listen to them, study them, observe how they handle situation and little be little without even realizing it you will begin to display some of their characteristics. Not every reader is a leader but one thing is for sure those who lead guard what they hear, read, and those who disciple them. They pay close attention to their inner circle. They are very careful what to let in.
I particularly liked this chapter. Much of the selections I have read deal with verbal and even life-style communication, which are important. However, in this age of cell phones and texting, one of the most effective ways leaders may connect is with “presence,” defined as “living in the moment. A couple of years ago a physician hired me to provide executive coaching for himself. He finally had come to the realization of some of his own weaknesses that diminished his leadership effectiveness. However, there was something affecting his leadership at every essential level including trust. I observed that when he was communicating with subordinates and peers alike, he was often checking his text messages and emails instead of connecting. His behavior did little to instill confidence or trust and in fact undermined his positive leadership qualities. Leaders instill trust, authenticity, and motivate others to join in the vision only if they practice presence in the moment.
John, I’ve read some books of your and never miss you with Joyce in her program. I’ve learnt a lot from you and all those things that you’ve explained in the chapter are so well written.
I would like to share with you something about it. Myself and my husband apart from running our own company run a Foundation(URL on top) in India. Through the Foundation we publish books twice a year which has articles written by myself and my husband, through which we share our personal experiences with God in our daily life. One day I went to the Post Office to post the ordered copies and the person in charge there asked me whether we really followed or lived such a God ordained life(she had read one of our publications). Initially I was take aback by her query but then I realized that she was not wrong in asking me this. Reason being there is hardly any credibility left in our Leaders who know how to give lectures written by someone else but do not follow an iota in their daily lives. It’s sad but true, few days back there was a leadership summit by one of the leading news paper in India and they had invited two celebrities who spoke -about Incredible India and how as leaders we need to do our bit, I wondered. These two celebrities, who the young generation of our country was crazy about and girls took her as their role model, where living in a live-in relationship with each other and not even paying their taxes to the government. It’s sad but are these the future public mentors for our young generation?
Thanks again for the opportunity to be a part of a communication/connection project. You practiced exactly what you preached. This would be a pretty good idea for an English class. I am sure this book will be another best seller! I have learned a great deal, and enjoyed the entire process. Best Wishes.
Hello Dr Maxwell
Here is my contribution for this week.
It has been fun.
I know what you’re thinking and you are correct.
I don’t get out much.
Suggestions:
Paragraph 2;
“…we focus on a person’s communication ability to make judgments about them.”
Try,
…we are constantly putting them under a magnifier and scoring them. I had a
boss once who taught me what to do about it. Whatever we do if we make sure we do it for a valid reason and communicate it many difficulties or poor scores will not manifest.
Heading: Connect with Yourself.
Final paragraph;
“I believe you will be able to do what you were created for only if you know and connect with yourself. And you will also be able to better connect with others and add value to them if you know what you do and don’t have to offer.”
Try,
I believe you will be able to do what you were created for only if you connect internally. So what does that mean John? It means have an internal dialogue that keeps you consistent. It is often referred to as integrity. Know what
you stand for and keep to it. How you connect should have your personal stamp on it whether you are a communicator,teacher, leader or follower. The Bible says, “…the truth shall make you free.” Jn 8:32 (NKJV). This is true whether you are talking to God or to yourself so be honest, first with yourself and then with others. This creates an environment where you can, more consistenly and successfuly, add value into others lives.
Thanks and blessings
Robert.
Typos….
Heading: Connect with Yourself.
Paragraph one.
“And then we have (to) potential to connect with them.” Perhaps the word in
brackets should be “the”.
Heading: Tell The Truth.
Paragraph one.
“After the examination, the doctor asked (to) man to go out to the waiting room…”
Perhaps the word in brackets shoud be “the”.
wow! u r blessed and thanks for sharing this with many of us….its been a great read coz am in a situation where am leading a group of youths and realy need the keys to connect with them…and for sure it takes effort but surely wil do it by grace…
i admit nobody likes the ‘know it all folks’ and we have to be honest with ourselves that we cant know everything…be vulnerable!!! I love it
thanks again
As I was going through the chapter, one point in particular spoke to me a little louder than the rest:
Be vulnerable – “You think your people don’t already know your weaknesses. They do. By admitting them, you’re letting them know that you know them.”
I can relate it to my experience as a young woman in a leadership position at the age of 23. All of a sudden, I was placed as one of the three Assistant Directors in government service. With a department under my responsibility, consisting of staff way above my age, some even almost reaching retirement, I felt like a child in boots too large for my feet. I was young, small in size, inexperienced, new to the place, and I didn’t know my way around so many things.
I decided to be very open with my staff and told them my weaknesses, revealing how much I depended on their knowledge and experience to run the department (which they obviously already knew). I always felt grateful when my assistants backed me up in meetings, when they guided me in situations where others tried to mislead me into wrong decisions and simply when I wasn’t sure of what to say.
I used to think I was lucky. But now, after three years, I have to say it wasn’t plain luck. I have learned from John that being vulnerable helps to connect with people. The support my staff offered me was the result of that principle in practice – I just wasn’t aware of it then.
Thank you, John, for sharing your wisdom and insight! God bless you always.
When you spoke at the beginning of the chapter I got an image in my head of a person that worked for me in the past.
He had a way of quickly connecting with people. That is one of the reasons I hired him in the first place. But about 6 to 8 months later things changed. He hadn’t changed, but my view of him had.
I haven’t had a chance to read through the whole book, but I have caught the last 4 chapters. I’ve thought about how I communicate as a pastor and why. For me Jesus is the great communicator. People flocked around him and they said about him, “He speaks as one with authority… unlike the Teachers of the Law.” Jesus had credibility because he didn’t speak about God, he spoke OF God to the people in terms that they could understand. Relationship matters. I realized that before talking with youth that if I spent even a few minutes just hanging out with them, that when I spoke out of my personal experience with God that it had greater impact.
As I’ve thought about this book I was reminded of my grandpa who had been Superintendent of schools in Waverly, IA for 25 years. At his funeral it was frequently repeated, “Glenn always hired character before ability. You either have character or you don’t, but you can teach ability.” That’s something as a dad that I try to teach my boys everyday. Character counts!
People want to see who you are before caring about what you know. Are you genuine, do you have integrity, are you trustworthy? Who you are as a person can connect you or break you with the people you are leading.
John,
I love your writings, but I think you blew it using Obama as an example in this chapter. Too many people are beginning to doubt that he lives what he communicates. I suppose using any current politician as an example can cause strong emotional reactions so using them can backfire. I believe you face that very danger in this of all chapters.
In the section of taking care of your self I find it to be true PHD.Phill Macgraw in “Self Matter”. is a great starting point I’am finding out,your right in saying that to love your neibhour you have to love your self and know your self weaknesses and strenghts and not be affraid to admit your weaknesses,I know I’am but until now i didnt realize that it had a binding effect.
one Question?.
What steps did you take to inventory your strenghts and weaknesses.
How exactley did you handel the negitive
toughts,as to making them positive?
Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to help you become better. I enjoyed reading and learning from this chapter. You are credible and trustworthy and truly live by example! Your servant leadership attitude motivates us to become better individuals!
The only technicality I noticed was under Tell the Truth section:
……”After the examination, the doctor asked to man to go out to the waiting room so that he could have a word with the woman.” Shouldn’t that be the following: “After the examination, the doctor asked the man to go out to the waiting room so that he could have a word with the woman.”
Overall, this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that touched me dearly and changed my way of thinking! Reading through all your chapters helped me learn a ton and my only suggestion now is that you print this in Spanish too! Your Spanish audience would love it just as much as I did! This will be your next best seller!
I remember the Maxwell Leadership Summit we hosted in 2004 with you. It was a commercial and marketing success–over 14,000 people at the Araneta Coliseum (where the Thrilla in Manila was held) and 4,500 the next day at the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC). But we failed to deliver in terms of technical excellence (the mics failed on John and the speakers were not loud enough to reach people at the bleachers) and in customer service and registration as our secretariat system broke down at the convention center. Managers who were lining up for more than an hour were cussing and shouting at my people. I had to take a bull horn and had no choice to apologize to people for the chaos. I told them to just go inside the convention center and ushers would deliver their materials. My welcome address later, which was supposed to be a celebratory welcome for breaking all attendance records for a leadership learning event, became a meek apology to all who were affected. As the team leader and conference chair, I could not blame anyone else but myself. “You are allowed to crucify me…” I said to the audience trying to inject some tongue in cheek humor to lighten the moment. But I was sincere in my apology and later on wrote personal letters and emails to sponsors, groups and individuals who we knew were affected and complained. I offered refunds to them and on top of that a donation of an equal amount to the charity of their choice–plus free John Maxwell books equal to their ticket delivered to them. (I also offered to deliver it personally if they would have coffee with me.) The result of this effort to connect by admitting our faults and reaching out to repair our relationships was a second chance from our customers and renewed trust.
Thanks for allowing us to share this!
God bless,
Ardy Roberto
Co Founder – Salt & Light Ventures, Inc and Inspire Leadership Consultancy, Inc. – Philippines
Nice. One thing I would like to add is to the notion of the Golden rule. I know you are familiar with the “Platinum Rule” Ziglar advocates. I wonder, what is your opinion on that? The former says to use the golden rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. The latter preaches the platinum rule: Treat others as they would like to be treated. I tend to see the world as black and white with gray in the middle. I think these rules fall into the gray category. It is important to treat others with the respect you would want, but it is also important to remember that we tell people how to treat us by the clothes we wear, the things we say, and the people we hang out with. I am a high school teacher, so my perspective is that of someone who spends a lot of time with teenagers. I tell my students I will treat them how they would like to be treated and then teach them how to treat someone with respect. (Often times, adults complain kids these days are being disrespectful. Not true. To be disrespectful, one must first know what it is to be respectful. Ask any child what it means to be respectful and I believe you will be surprised!) That is why the platinum rule has served me better.
Hello John, my name is Sun Yi (Sunny) and I am your friend.
It has been said many times before that communication is the key to success. Today, we are surrounded by technology which is designed to keep us more connected than ever before. We have cell phones, laptops, blackberries, wireless internet, twitter, all designed to ensure that we are able to better communicate. While these are all great devices, which most of us would not want to live without, the ability to connect to another person and ensure success, these devices can be unknowingly dangerous and damaging.
I sincerely believe that developing our relationships ensure that we not only communicate but that we connect for success. The advent of this technology often causes us to miss what is happening in our life at that moment, weather it is the opportunity to communicate and share our life with another or missing something a child is trying to share with us. Turn the technology off! A successful relationship depends on each person being fully engaged in the process of the relationship which means becoming unconnected to become more connected. When we become distracted by the technology in our world and do not become fully engaged with each other then our relationships are being built on a faulty foundation, which is subject to long term damage.
Bottomline – Stay connected by disconnecting and watch how much richer our relationships can become!
John,
Thank you for an excellent opportunity in sharing our stories from around the world. Most of all, thank you for what you do and the impact you have on us all.
I absolutely enjoyed the story about the monkeys in the tree looking up to the not so pleasant sight. It made me think of leadership and how the Law of Connection could play in a tree full of monkeys that we all see and live with every day.
One type of a monkey leader is one that is able to develop relationships and connect with everyone. Even when he moves away from his “tree”, he is greatly missed but still has that connection with his team. All he has to do is make one monkey call and those from his past will drop what they are doing to help him out. He always extends his hand to pull the other monkeys up from the other branches so that they can have a better view.
On the other hand, there’s the “monkey boss” and he isn’t as good at connecting. In fact, some try to coach him to connect with his team but he doesn’t listen. In fact, he doesn’t understand that “they don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” He is a very self centered monkey and never takes the time to connect, even though he monkey chatters all day long. (communicates)
To summarize, the first monkey utilizes connection to help others grow. As for the second monkey, his time will be short lived. His team of monkeys will quickly grow tired of the terrible view from below, rebel and have him “dethroned.”
I guess the moral of this story is; if your team keeps seeing that side of your leadership, you will soon not be seen at all, even if it is a team of monkeys.
John, it has been a great pleasure and I look forward to seeing you again soon.
Make it Great!
Great job, John. I agree with some of the comments above: this chapter probably needs to end more with a memorable bang. (Don’t ask me how… on second thoughts, maybe like this:) How about ending with a personal story from you illustrating this very thing? Also, how about with the generations after us – how do you predict they will define and accept leadership in the 2000s? With the internet, telecommuting, videoconferencing and the like, how will the impact of leadership and communication be impacted? Just something to ponder, going forward. Again, bravo!
As mentioned by some comment, I agreed that we should not quote politician if possible.
Many present politicans, had used his power for name and popularity.
If we want to quote, we should quote those politcians who had passed away and was praised by many famous historians and people.
I could recall the story of Washington, and that his father had connected him with honesty, and honesty is the best policy.
When I first start reading your title, I was a bit confused.
If I am not wrong, this chapter is telling more on the characters of a good connector, i.e. honesty, admit mistake, tell the truth, be vulnerable, connect yourself…
I would like to put simple title as:
Connector live with great characters,
Connector live what they communicate
ABC of a good connector:
A- Appreance
B- Behaviour
C- Conduct/Characters
Thank you for this beautiful and effective experiment in communication and connection. I’ve enjoyed every chapter and look forward to reading the published version as soon as it is available. I’ve already recommended it extensively to my friends and colleagues.
In this chapter, the section about the transition between communication and credibility really resonated with me. I am in a networking business, and when a new person gets involved, it is their communication about the business that creates their early growth. But, as you suggest, there is a point where their credibility or their success in growing their team, seems to outweigh their communication. If they’ve had success, built their credibility, then continued success is easier. If however they’ve had little success, it is very difficult for them to communicate their way to the level of success desired.
I am hopeful that the ideas presented in this book will help me to help bridge the gap between communication and credibility.
John, my only regret is that I wished I had gotten in on this sooner. Hope it’s not too late to hop in at the last chapter.
I’d like to comment on the section of righting your wrongs. An acronym that I have been living these past few years has been Repent (ie. acknowledge your mistakes), Repair (ie. apologize) and Rebuild (ie. make ammends). I think it is important for the reader to understand here that the process of rebuilding may not always be possible. It requires both parties and someone may have the ability to accept an apology and repair on a short term, but rebuilding can be a great challenge. It is for that reason that your next point on accountability is crucial. In the process of righting your wrongs, I think some practical advice is to make known your accountability person to the party that you are working to make ammends. Give them access to that person if possible and allow them to check on you. Opening it up to that level an putting oneself out there in such a manner can go along way in the final piece of the acronym…Restoration.
On a separate note, thanks for your work over the years. You are very much my mentor.
Joe
I believe you have written something about voice. A drummer has a voice, a writer has a voice, even a book has a voice. So, too, a connector has a voice.
One day, someone asked John Sung, “Who are you?” and John Sung said, “I’m just a voice.”
Each communicators or connectors have a different voice―style, character, etc. Hence, they should not trying to be like someone else, although they can be inspired by or love other communicators’ style and message.
So, Dr. John, would you write also something about voice for a communicator or connector in this book?
On connectors live what they communicate, there’s a quote from Dr. Edwin Louis Cole, which perhaps you already knew. (I tried to interpret it from Indonesian language) He wrote, “A man is more than a message. You buy into his message because first you buy into him.”
Thank you, Dr. John C. Maxwell, for spreading your message and voice for us.
Good stuff and great conclusion. Making connections with others is NOT an option. God created us to live in and to thrive in community. That means we will find more and more success the more we partner together, encourage one another and seek to build others up. As you said, start connecting today!
Words like credibility, authenticity, and trust seem to be the foundation for next generation leaders. More and more parents break trust when they break vows. Religious leaders lose credibility due to moral or ethical failure. Political leaders seem to be far from the authentic American Voters they represent. Credibility could be the only revenue when it comes to leadership with the next generation. The leader that leads by example, builds trust, and wins credibility will find the highest influence. High demand for credibility in an individual means a great return on leadership that focuses on the area of trust and authenticity.
I’m an avid follower of your books especially because your teaching are aligned to my belief. I was even amazed to see that a book entitled The Maxwell Leadership Bible and was surprised that it was actually the bible.
I have not finished reading all the chapters since work kept me busy the past few weeks but I would like to share the same experience that you mentioned when you spoke in Russia and you had your daughter perform a russian song. I was assigned on a 6-months assignment as project liaison to our client site in Frankfurt, Germany last June, 2008. During one of the “All hands” meeting, this where all members of the cluster meet to kick-off software release, each one introduced themselves in deutsche, when it was my turn I introduced myself in their language and they applauded. I am Filipino from the Philippines by the way so they were expecting me to speak in english. I was able to do that by asking a Filipino friend who grew in Germany to teach me how to introduce myself in deutsche. With that, I believe I made a good impression that my 6 months assignment became 1 year which has never happened before in the project. My extension came from the manager in Germany. I give glory to God for that.
Having just discovered this opportunity in the last 2 weeks, I am not sure what has been discussed beforehand. As I read, a thought I see expressed various ways is the ability of the communicator to embrace his own humanity lends credibility as a communicator. While this does not need to be carried to the extreme, the success in connecting with people depends on it.
Moses, in this chapter, recognized what he perceived as possible short-comings. He was aware of his doubts.
The figure foremost in my mind is Jesus. While He had no “short-comings” in the sense of sin, He chose to “empty Himself”, and be “made in the likeness of men” (Phil. 2). In my excitement over something, I have projected the image of being better than others. This is DEFINITELY not my desire or belief, but what issues rise! What pollution of the truth I desired to be communicated! There is a “dying” that must occur in order for the humility to be a carrier of the truth.
Credibility does not come without connection, and grows in proportion to your ability to deepen that connection.
Connection can begin by “borrowing” on the credibility of others. “It’s not what you know but who you know” carries a lot of truth. But your credibility will ultimately depend on your own ability to live what you communicate.
Your chapter reminds me of a quote by the late Journalist, Edward R. Murrow who said this: “To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; credible we must be truthful.”
It’s not the big things which cause leadership to fail, it’s a collection of small mishaps that add up.
I can’t wait for this book to come out, and I need to read again other books you have done in the past.
I loved reading this; I made a huge mistake as the Lead Pastor of our church. We were in a building program and the team leading this were planning on taking out a mortgage. One Sunday out of the blue, it wasn’t the Lord telling me, as I realized later; I made the statement during a message that we needed to pay cash for the building -no mortgage. I had not spoken with the elders about this, I just felt led at the time. Needless to say most everyone loved this, but as we neared completion of our 1.6 million dollar addition, we were 600,000 short in order to complete.
This statement came back to haunt me as I realized that I was wrong – As an elder board and me personnally, 6 months later, I admitted in front of our membership that I was wrong, I wasn’t spirit led, as as an elder team we asked forgiveness. Well, the body forgave us but we still had some drastic consequences of losing some families over this – This has been a rebuilding year for me and our board on building that credibility back – This chapter really hit the spot for me. Thanks and God Bless, may God use this book as He has the others you penned.
This is the first chapter I have had the opportunity to review; i’m under the impression the others were posted previously, and I am looking forward to the entire book.
Your insights that being a good communicator is how you start the relationship, but credibility cements it, is dead on. All of us have had someone in our past who was eloquent, charismatic, with a good message, who subsequently couldn’t deliver.
Also being a great communicator is not about great powerpoints, powerful speeches, insightful tweets, etc. It is about being genuine. I think people have insights into how geniune a person is earlier than 6 months. But the human need for hope, will often put a “bad” feeling on the back burner for some period of time. It is easy to get caught up in the “act” of a role, rather than just being you in the role.
Excellent concepts. I look forward to owning the final product.
A few suggestions:
- Change the misleading header “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” to match the other desirable trait headers, perhaps “Do As I Say, And As I Do.”
- The ramped-up accountability factor brought about by social media is another significant influence. Anything less than forthrightness and honesty is quickly exposed and spread. But social media also provides a great vehicle for open, trustworthy communicators to have a global impact.
- As I thought about words vs. actions, I realized that our words merely express intent, and fade in strength and trust without supporting action. But action can stand alone without words.
- The Moses chapter brought to mind how, many years ago, my Psyc 101 professor started the year: After waiting in class 13 minutes with no sign of the professor, the lights suddenly went out and an overhead projector flipped on with these words appearing on the screen, “You have every right to be who you are, but you have no right to stay that way.” Without a word the lights came back on and class began. My professor never referenced those words, but they come to mind every time my weaknesses show and in those I lead.
Also, thank you for writing “The Success Journey.” It helped me intentionally focus my career options when my long-standing career ladder disintegrated beneath me.
After reading through I figured that this is one issue we usually have as protégés. A lot of leaders start off by exciting us with their depth of wisdom and we marvel and want to be just like them and then, somehow along the line they fall short of our expectations largely because we somewhat immortalized them neglecting they fact that they are not super humans. This trend often dampens the enthusiasm of protégés and as a result they begin to lower their standards too.
I am really glad that you are doing this and I can feel the depth and insight that would be revealed in this piece and I cannot wait to lay my hands on it.
Good work John, you are really walking your talk by taking you book for a public review even after so many best sellers. Hmmmm
After reading through I figured that this is one issue we usually have as protégés. A lot of leaders start off by exciting us with their depth of wisdom and we marvel and want to be just like them and then, somehow along the line they fall short of our expectations largely because we somewhat immortalized them neglecting they fact that they are not super humans. This trend often dampens the enthusiasm of protégés and as a result they begin to lower their standards too.
I am really glad that you are doing this and I can feel the depth and insight that would be revealed in this piece and I cannot wait to lay my hands on it.
Good work John, you are really walking your talk by taking your book for a public review even after so many best sellers. Hmmmm
I’m only just discovering this project right at the end, but I am thrilled with the important contribution it will make to society. I have always maintained that these skills are learnable, and you are shining a spotlight on it.
Forgive me if you have included this elsewhere in the chapters I did not see, but many readers would appreciate an appendix of some chapter that consists of a step-by-step plan to becoming a better Connector. These would be exercises or practices, perhaps in a time frame (e.g. Six Week Action Plan …).
Best wishes, and I look forward to buying your book when it comes out.
Enjoyed all the chapters. This one was tougher for me to read in one sitting. Maybe just my crazy life right now.
Toward the end, I got a visual of a child’s wooden train set. The wooden ones with the big puzzle-like connectors to hold it together. I believe that our connections can be like that train set. Either in the railway or the train itself. If the rails are connected properly, the little train can derail. If the trains are connected properly, then part of the train can be left behind. I’ve had pastors who can fit those pieces together perfectly, and the train rides the rail well. I’ve had other pastors (in our moves around the country) who seem bent on disconnecting their congregations.
Our community recently experienced a horrible tragedy when this happened in real-life. After a couple of days of hard rains, some people that lived near a set of railroad tracks noticed the gravel bed under one side of the tracks was eroded away. They made calls to 911 and other agencies, but it was too late. Later in the evening, as several cars were waiting at the crossing for the train to pass, witnesses noticed that the train seemed to start “hopping.” Immediately they were bouncing into the air, and two collided in mid-air causing a horrendous explosion. One woman waiting in a car at the train crossing died while trying to escape and several others were hurt terribly.
Connection is vitally important. Without it an organization will have difficulty and might even “derail.” Be careful that there is nothing that can erode the connections.
i love this chapter. my boss is a sample of a person with a good communication skill but bad credibility. ( & i always pray not to be like him, when I’m became a boss)
my boss, had a good communication skill, love to speak, seem wise, well know motivation speaker. but lack of credibility. that why his staff didn’t respect him, only fear of him. one of the sample is in Jan 09, he said company benefit is low, global crisis, import cost is high, so this year, no year end bonus for employee. but open sesame, few month latter he showed up with a brand new Mercedes Benz S class that he brought with company money.
can you give advise how and employee like me handling n dealing this kind of boss/leader?
Well the last chapter of this awesome book has summed it well. In a world that leaders have forfeited their creditbility for selfish gain people have grown very skeptical. Young people especially have lost respect for leaders from various disciplines thus disengaging themselves from the stimulus of learning. When you have a leader who clearly is succesful in living that which they are communicating you have found yourself in a place that you can stand firm in knowing that you as the reciever have been divinely rooted. Connected to a source that will be a major attribute to your career, personal life, family life, and social life. It is a win, win situation all around the world.
I once heard a preacher say “Good leadership is a blessing and bad leadership is a curse” and to this day I am finding his assement to be true. Connectors must first have a ultimate source from which to draw. In this limited economy of virtue and valor minded people when one has made a good connection successful living can be obtained.
CONNECT W/YOURSELF: 1st paragraph
“and then we have to potential to connect w/them.
(under same heading) 5th paragraph, 1st line.
“If you’ve never taken the time to connect with yourself I hope you will starting now”
RIGHT YOUR WRONGS
1st paragraph
“to be human is to err sounds abit better in my opinion”
BE ACCOUNTABLE
1st paragraph. Last sentence
“they were known/ verses/ they were seen”
TELL THE TRUTH
1st paragraph/2nd sentence
“asked to man to go out to the waiting …with the woman/verses/ asked the man to go into the waiting room with his wife”
DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO
10th paragraph/line 4
“and the end result will be positive? (not sure what that meant it looked out of place somehow)
LEARNING TO BE A GREAT CONNECTOR
Your transition into the character Moses as a example from the Bible was weak. What if some people have never read the Bible or even heard of Moses the Biblicial leader”?
Who would lead/verses/who would settle
As a result of his actions/verses/he had to go into hiding or something to that effect.
Moreover starting sentences with the conjunction But is something new and ok I guess but overuse of this practice weakens the statements.
Also, stick to one heading formation. Either centered or flushed left.
Well there you have it my limited ability to edit hope it helps.
Thankyou sir for such a great opportunity, you my good man are true stock…..
John: In the last paragraph in the second sentence you have, “Whatever is in… It should read Whatever it is in… Thought Id let you know.
Ps Looking forward to the book! This was a great read! Thank you.
Mary West
Awesome chapter! The first time I attended one of your conferences (13 years ago), you taught about the importance of admitting your mistakes as a leader. Prior to that I thought admitting mistakes would undermine my credibility. Instead, be honest about those has been the thing that has enhanced my leadership the most. Thanks!
One error I saw: In the first paragraph after the heading Connect With Yourself, it reads “And then we have to potential to connect with them.”
It was an honor to have the opportunity to have a sneak peak into your upcoming book, “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.”
It will and has already been a great blessing.
The only suggestion that I have for the last chapter would be to perhaps start off a little stronger or reword the first sentence. The first section for the most part flows smoothly and then ties in nicely to “The Trust Test.”
I’m looking forward to the finished masterpiece.
If you want to tingle somebody’s ears, you say something interesting. If you want to impact somebody’s life, you say something with substance.
Thank you for sharing this book. Each Monday morning it has been a highlight to start my day and week by anticipating and reading your latest chapter. It has ended too soon! There have been wonderful thoughts and insights I have received by reading each chapter. I am eagerly looking forward to this book’s release.
This chapter was so interesting as I read about how that connectors connect with themselves before they connect with others. This reminded me of what a successful person told me as I was completing high school and approaching college. He suggested Shakespeare’s quote: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” That has echoed to me down through the years and been a wonderful aid personally and professionally. This is what I take away from this section of the chapter and am happy to be able to see that you live this by example as well as share it with us verbally.
Thank you also for the many resources (books, MIC, seminars…) you provide. Your dedication and discipline to sharing your works reminds me of Henry Adams’ quote: “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Also, Walter Lippmann said, “The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind in others the conviction and the will to carry on.” You have certainly left in us the conviction and will to carry on in our connections.
This has been a pleasure and growth experience. Looking forward to your next book and future blogs in between.
Sincerely,
Bethany
P. S. – Your latest MIC audio recording on the best advice you ever received is wonderful!
so much insight and truth in this chapter!
My favorite part:
When you make a commitment you create hope. When you keep a commitment, you create trust.
And the Moses story
I have a small staff in Liberia, West Africa. I worked for several years as the man with all the answers. The in 2006 I had a spiritual breakthrough that included honesty about my own weaknesses and mistakes. I can feel and see the difference in the way these guys love and trust me. My rule is now, when I have something good to say I use one of them as the example. When I have a problem to talk about I use me as an example. It’s not just a tool, it’s an honest and uplifting way of life. You were part of that new spiritual and emotional awareness. Thank you.
Wow, I so appreciate these insights because they are powerful and life changing. Since my core value is truth I regularly coach myself with this question, “what is the truth here?” If there is ever any doubt, I stop and work through what my motives are, and why I’m doing what I’m doing in a particular situation. I love to learn and grow so that I can help others by sharing what I’m learning along the way.
I love your comment about establishing credibility by living what you communicate. I think as parents this is crucial because the most important people we influence are our children and they will clearly see any hypocrisy in us. Sadly I think this is what has caused many kids who have grown up in church to leave church when they become adults. I couldn’t bear it if I felt that hypocrisy in me caused my kids to forsake a relationship with God or connecting with other Christians in the Body. Honest conversations with my kids about motives, positive influence, extending grace and honoring God are key in our home.
I know many will be encourage and challenged by this great book!
This chapter, like all the others is amazing. I thought it was very interesting that you say that you have 4 strengths and many weaknesses, but choose to focus on your strengths. The reason I found that interesting is because I always beat myself with the fact that I don’t have that many strengths but I’m overloaded with weaknesses. My biggest problem is that I get stuck in my weaknesses and don’t focus as much on the few strengths that I have identified.
Also, the Section Tell the Truth A woman accompanied her very sick husband to the doctor’s office. After the examination, the doctor asked to man..” I believe you meant to say “the doctor asked the man”.
Chapter 10 is perhaps the most challenging of all the chapters in the book. In the section “You Are The Message” I am reminded of a poem to whom the author is unknown. It is titled “I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day”
I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day;
I’d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way.
The eye is a better pupil, more willing than the ear;
Fine counsel is confusing, but example is always clear,
And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds,
For to see a good put in action is what everybody needs.
I can soon learn how to do it if you will let me see it done;
I can watch your hand in action, but your tongue too fast may run.
And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true,
But I’d rather get my lesson by observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give,
But there is no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.
Chapter 10 attacks what may be the greatest enemy to connecting with people and that is PRIDE. Being vulnerable and willing to admit your mistakes is a true sign of humility.
Maybe the greatest need in this hour of much noise is a focused intensity of connecting. This will mute the noise and make the message heard in deed and word.
I have just completed reading Running with the Giants which led me to your website, i was thrilled by your simplicity in the book. Havent seen the other chapters but this chapter has caputered my attention so deeply. The book is a must read. i especially like the part on accepting your weaknesses which myself and other leaders fail to admit. Carry on with you great work.
I have not heard you much, but this read has made me not only listen and read more from you but on the whole issue of leadership. Thanks for the openness, transparency, vulnerability and encouragement.
I am in the United States Coast Guard. And I have seen the use of good connection with personal leadership.
I have been in the enlisted side of the force for the last 5 and a half years, and in that time there have been just a few good leaders that have been in my chain-of-command. Two come to mind at this moment.
LT Shane Morgan is the Logistical Officer at my unit, and the main thing that has impacted me from his leadership is that has always looked to produce credibility and is focused on the members that he has the potential to influence and shape their careers in a positive way.
Comander Menchaca, is the XO at my unit. And the one thing that I see that he does follow the Golden Rule. The story that you related in your text about the monkeys in the tree really brought his others-wareness to mind.
Thank-you for the opptournity to add into this book.
Respectfully.
Grant Higgins FS3 USCGR
True connectors have the courage to authentically share that they don’t always effectively live what they communicate. If anyone claims they live out completely what they communicate they are either the Lord or more likely a liar! Credibility is not perfection but a willingness to admit imperfection.
You are as real as real can get and you are a communicator. Transparency is the key to connecting with people. Putting up walls and hiding behind them will only alienate people and make them feel that you do not understand. We need to care more about what God thinks about us and quit fretting over what man thinks of us. God looks at the heart of a person, society looks at the outer person. Also, stepping outside ourselves to help those in need is a great exercise in dying to self. I want to be able to Think, Be and Do Life with a heart that can reach others, help others and make a difference for all that God places in my path. God Bless You John Maxwell!!! (I am so glad that you wished you lived in Oklahoma!!)
Your sister in Christ,
Dana Henson
I really enjoyed the discussion of connecting with yourself and would have liked to seen a more in-depth discussion.
I think if you are going use Moses as a model leader, the discourse is not complete without addressing the fact that he did not lead the people to the promise land. Many leaders have the charisma and commitment to draw people to them but that does not mean they will be effective in executing God’s will.
Hey John,
Actually, my husband is a great leader-he is wise, steadfast and humble. I’ve always known that Leadership is his gift from God and it is amazing, whatever situation, he has credibility, credibility, credibility and reflects the most fantastic characteristics of leadership. I can tell you this-for years he consistently said “I am the number 2 guy-and I love being the number 2 guy”….as you might guess, he is the number 1 guy….
Be well,
Lea
I greatly enjoyed the points brought out in this chapter. I would just mention that my overall impression was that you used more ‘facts’ and less stories that illustrate and bring your topic to life.
I am very much looking forward to purchasing the published book and seeing how it has benefitted from this unique opportunity to read and comment.
May the Lord bless and greatly enlarge this project.
What a journey! Here is the last response until we get to see the finished product – (unless you want to have a final response from you to us and us to you!)
I agree with 23/58 that the ending could be stronger and the call to action this book requires. I think the quotes from 73 84 89 would be the answer although 89 could be a beginning poem on the frontispiece as a guide to the essence of the book as well.
Love the idea of Moses to finish as most are familiar wiht the Moses/Joshua stories and this brings up the position of Moses with Jethro advising/mentoring and Joshua who he mentors and guides into even greater leadership
I love the comments about Moses (6/7/8) but particularly 11 sums it up.
Quotes I loved – 24 – 27 – 34 -70 – 73 – 84 – 89
Personal examples that could be used – 9 -trust – 15 – powerful 17 – 29 – 44 – 48 – 54 – 55
Great word pictures to incorporate –
Mental Armour (25)
Cultural translations – applies to New Zealand here too
Passing the mantle (16) at the beginning of the chapter?
Headwind – help or hinder (31)
Monkey tree – great expansion by 57
Also – use 9/13/17/29 to amplify points
Just make sure there is a call to action at the conclusion of the book – Everyone has a right to be who they are but no right to stay that way (73)or the To your own self be true (84) or the poem in 89. Blessings to you and yours and the book.
I love this chapter! The “golden rule” says so much and can accomplish so much when we follow it. I’m glad you wrote about admitting when you’re wrong and apologizing. I still wonder about people who never say they’re sorry. Yes we can forgive, but it comes full circle when you hear “I’m sorry”. As I think about the people I connect best with, those with “common courtesy” are the ones that come to mind and are most enjoyable to work and associate with. This book has already been an influence in my life as I take a look at myself and how I can better communicate with others. It’s been such a pleasure to participate in this book. I’ve enjoyed it so much I wish you would write a few more chapters!! I can’t wait for this book to be published. God bless you always and thank you for being such a positive influence!
Barb Giglio
Well written, once again… I only have one real problem and that is with the conclusion… As I was reading through the chapter, I kept thinking about Moses and had in mind what I was going to suggest about his leadership but then I hit the conclusion and you beat me to it! I guess you do know what you’re doing after all…
I loved the sections on credibility, accountability and recognizing your strengths/weaknesses. After 10 years of ministry, I’m just beginning to realize these principles in my life and your books have been a significant influence on my journey. Thank you.
Integrity is huge when it comes to leadership. Pharisaical leadership is just good enough to help you fail spectacularly. True, failure can be one of the most beneficial leadership “growth tools” on the market, but leading with a lack of integrity is choosing to fail before your first step.
I choose to live a life of integrity and allow that life to be a beacon drawing followers toward Christ. If – no, when – I fail, it’s because of a leadership deficit, not a life deficit.
Thanks again for sharing your newest work… It’s been awesome to share in!
Adam Jones
I DISAGREE WITH YOUR STATEMENT THAT PEOPLE AACCEPT NEW LEARDERS ON COMMUNICTION SKILLS FIRST. THE FIRST THING WHEITHER ITS A CANADATE OR A BOSS IS BASED ON THE OPINION OF OTHERS. WHAT THE MEDIA SAYS OR A CELEBRITY SUPPORT OF A CANDIDATE. IT HYPE THAT EITHER DRAWS US TO OUR REPELLS, AS PEOPLE PICK OUT THE CHARACTERISTICS THEY HAVE HEARD TO BE OF THIS PERSON. LATER WHEN THEY GET SETTLED AND FEEL THEY HAVE A RIGHT OR ARE APART OF THE CROWD WILL THEY MAKE THEIR REAL DECISION
I think this is a great chapter however it almost loses the reader half way through, and then picks back up again. I believe it can actually be turned into 2 chapters! With a summary half way through, I believe these important words written will not be lost “in the crowd.” Communication is such an important topic, it would definitely be worth adding another chapter or two.
Families, Friends, and Co-Workers alike, we all need to learn how to communicate better. There obviously is a disconnect in the world, seeing as the divorce rate has never been higher and wars are being fought over only George Bush knows what. Communication is the key to success in life, business, marriage and family. Thank you for this chapter about how we all communicate but can lack the ability to connect. I pray that as we put more time and effort into watching over the words that are coming out of our mouth, making them words of life, positive and effective, that our communication will not only improve, but begin to pierce through the facade of fake communication that society has built up.
I believe we need to begin to get “real” and honest. If we are not willing to speak the truth in love, then it’s probably best left unsaid. With that said, I thank you again Mr. Maxwell. You are a powerful and effective leader, and look forward to reading your new book in its entirety.
Another excellent chapter – can’t wait for your book to come out in its entirety since I’ve missed some of the chapters.
I might consider making it more personally applicable in the concluding paragraph by expanding after “so start taking steps . . . ” by giving a powerful example of how it worked in your own personal life, perhaps with your wife, one of your children, or beginning to connect with your own staff. It may give the conclusion more inspiration to put into practice what the reader has just read.
What a blessing your writing has been in my own life. Thank you.
It’s been a great ride – learned a lot and have a lot to learn yet – about connecting for better communication.
This phrase rang true and seems pivital to the chapter: “…effectiveness of the communication relies more on the character of the messenger than on the content of the message.” Indeed. Thank you John Maxwell.
I read the chapter. It flowed well. You presented your points effectively and I felt I came away with great information. As I read a previous post, I did think about making this chapter two but, I think the progressive points you wanted to show tied in nicely. By the end however, I feel like you tried to bring it all together but it was too much information to bring in. The Moses example was excellent. It demonstrated the many different points you explained. Maybe using Moses in the beginning and using him as the primary example with each point can bring it all together without it seeming so crowded.
Futhermore, I did see a couple of mistakes.
In “Connect With Yourself”
1st paragraph, last sentence
“And then we have {to} potential should be {the} potential
“Make Amends”
(It seems the way you speak you use alot of “And’s” to start your sentences which is fine but in some instances you don’t need them. For example instead of “And of course” try “Of course” drop the “And”. This isn’t of the highest consequence since most people are reading for content not for correction. Furthermore, if it takes away your voice to the reader, it should be kept. If it doesn’t it should be dismissed.
“Tell The Truth”
1st paragraph, 2nd sentence
change, “the doctor asked {to} man…” to “the doctore asked {the} man…”
Question: Should the {he} in “he asked.” be capitalized? I saw several times when it wasn’t but then I saw an “I answered.” I am not quite sure of the rule but I know there should be consistency and that it is a sentence.
“Do As I Say, Not As I Do”
3rd paragraph, 1st sentence
“first hand” should be one word “Firsthand”
10th paragraph, 1st sentence
There should be a period after “them” in the quotation.
Those are all the things I could see for now. I agree with the points you have presented and can’t wait to buy a copy! Thanks for letting me share my input continue to do an excellent job motivating and challenging people!
MaryAnne
A true connector trancends generations and what enhanced Moses credibilty was inspiring Joshua. The most powerful principle being – Every Moses must have a Joshua – your credibility is ultimately confirmed by what others do when you’ve graduated!
I liked all of the modern day “real world” examples which further helps illustrate these principles, but I really liked the strong conclusion with the example of Moses at the end. It truly inspired me to keep my commitment to self development by “connecting with myself” and to continue to grow and develop not just my strengths, but particularly my weaknesses.
Because of our weaknesses, we tend to hesitate before we act or communicate, thereby losing out on one of the most valuable contributors, “experience”. We also simply cannot act to soon, so understanding this balance is key. How and when I communicate during this internal tug of war is one of my weaknesses, and this crowd sourcing experiment (which, by the way, is a very progressive concept that I love !) has already given me some golden nuggets of wisdom and advice on how to start addressing this weakness.
“Connectors Live What They Communicate” and “Deliver results”
Dear John,
I have had the honor to have met you and shake your hand in probably the most unlikely of places I could ever imagine – in the galley of a plane 2 hours before landing and after an 18 hour overnight flight back from South Africa to Washington DC in March of this year. Not only have you accumulated enormous wisdom and knowledge in your life which your share freely, but you truly practice what you preach, which adds greatly to your integrity and the reason why I am such a big fan of your work. Thank you so much !
This will be another timeless “Maxwell Must” and best seller full of wisdom based on enormous knowledge, insight AND experience. I cannot wait to get my hands on the final copy and to add a copy to my daughter’s “Leadership Library”. She will be 4 next year and hopefully able to start reading it soon
One of the first people I thought of as I read this chapter was a second lieutenant assigned to our unit when I was in the Marine Corps.
He was fresh out of Officer Candidate School and obviously overwhelmed in his new assignment. His first day, he called all of the Non-Commissioned Officers together and told us he was counting on us to teach him. He said, “Don’t hurt me, I’m trusting you.” I never forgot his words and he quickly began to grow into his role in everyone’s eyes.
Question – in the section “The Golden Rule” did Jim Blanchard give his personal cell phone number to everyone in the country, or should it be company?
Thank you for allowing us to take part in this journey!
Finally – someone is calling out those motivational speakers who are all rhetoric without substance! We all love to see pretty pictures and hear success stories, but without some personal effort behind their substance, we could be watching and listening to a paid actor for a product rather than a connector, a true motivator with passion and humility. In the end, I think people want to follow those who have shown, not told, how to connect, not just a rah-rah talking commercial cheerleader!
Fantastic chapter. Using Moses as the close ties it all together nicely; Moses exemplifies all the things you have said about connecting – both the positive and the negative.
Only one small grammatical tweak I would suggest, from the paragraph immediately before “Right your Wrongs” – “I hope you will starting now.” This reads funny – either it should be “I hope you will start now”, or “I hope you will – starting now”. Without the pause added by the dash, it sounds like you used the wrong verb form – even though on the second reading, I understood exactly what was intended.
“Education is what remains after you forget everything that you have learned” – to paraphrase George Savile. Even if I forget every word you have written, the changes you have made in my life will remain. Thank you!
Al
Dear John,
Thank you for another powerful chapter. I loved your thoughts on trust.
It is vital as a leaders that our audio matches or video. This makes us follow worthy.
You are a hero leader to me. I use your teachings to shape positive behavior within our killer whale family and training team at SeaWorld. I am excited to read your new book and share it with my team.
Giant Thanks,
Laura
I am in Human Resources and the further I read this chapter, the more I realised that especially dealing with people in HR, I need to be CREDIBLE at all times!! Thus was the pointers and the shared knowledge in this chapter a “wake-up” call to keep on keeping on… Credibility also ties in with integrity for me. People with integrity will DO as they SAY in line with the Golden Rule too!!
I will cetainly strive to keep this chapter in mind always.
In chapter 8 you told the story of the lady describing diaper changing in terms of baseball. I loved the story so my comments are not intended to change the chapter and therefore I hope you will read them even though they are late.
When I read the story I was struck by the difficulties of communicating and connecting with people of different nationalities and cultures. I am a 45 year old woman born in England who has lived most of my life in South Africa. We don’t play baseball here. Thanks to American films many of us do have some very rudimentary knowledge of the game. So with a little concentration and a reread I could appreciate the diaper change story. However it isn’t as easily assimilated here as it would be in the States.
Recently a lovely lady, Dr Jackie Black, was speaking in Johannesburg, to a meeting of the ICF (International Coach Federation). In teaching a concept she gave an analogy to a product which meant nothing to us. I couldn’t even catch the name as it was so unfamiliar. Full credit to her as she quickly noticed she hadn’t got any response from the audience. She then asked us who is a well known cereal manufacturer in SA. We responded “Kelloggs” and she got back on track with “imagine Kelloggs Cornflakes….
I think we in SA are fairly conscious of “translating” for overseas visitors. If those visitors are from England or the States we often know their version of English from films. For other visitors we have to be more descriptive. It doesn’t seem to me that Americans are as aware that we don’t all speak the same English.
Again here in SA we live in a very diverse society so have to be very aware of our audience all the time. From a language, culture, education, socio economic perspective.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
By the way I had the pleasure of hearing you speak at a N21 function in Johannesburg many years ago. I can confirm that you connected with me and that audience. It was a great experience. Thank you.
WOW…..Just reading this chapter has me on fire to read the whole book! Fabulous!
However, since you asked………..
The passage regarding your hiring skills, well, it just SHOUTED at me! What an incredible piece of humble pie….What transparency! Beautifully written…….
You mentioned you have 4 strengths, but you failed to tell us what they were……It left me hanging and wanting to know more:)
In the section, “Lead the Way You Live”…The last paragraph regarding communicators and connectors…..This is so powerful, yet it is condensed to a mere paragraph…..I feel another book or full chapter on being a “Connector” would benefit many! Elaborate if possible….
In your section “Follow the Golden Rule,” I love the Monkey and Tree Act, but I felt in limbo just a bit to the relevance to that particular story……..Very cute, but the following info didn’t pull the story through for the impact…….
Agree with Al regarding “Right your Wrongs”–”I hope you will starting now.”…..Perhaps it should be “I hope you will……Starting NOW!”
John……..Thank you for keeping the faith………
Can’t wait to buy a case of your books!!!
Sunnie Templeton
John, from your pastor days remember the story of Elijah and Elisha as they crossed the Jordan river? It serves as a great reflection on the points you’ve made in this chapter because Elisha could have easily missed his life’s call if he had not been tuned in to the communication from Elijiah. Communication is multi-functional(work, ministry and living) and it crosses generations(it will reproduce itself in others around us). The “mantle” of being a connected communicator can fall on any of us. Thanks for another rich thought provoking chapter……
Well done. If I could humbly suggest the topic of commitment weigh in more? When I first began in the corrections ministry one of the “rules” most all facilities give is; “Don’t make any promises you can’t keep”. I thought and prayed a lot about that. We cannot hope to connect with others and have any credibility whatsoever if we don’t listen long enough to know a need and find out if we’re to be used to meet the need, then commit with responsibility, character and integrity to do what we say we’ll do. Most of the time the commitment is to “Be there” when someone needs you. Making responsible commitments to others and keeping them develops trust and is a character revealing part of communication while the integrity and credibility of the person will be known by the fulfillment thereof.
When the leader and the followers help each other, they share in the success.
I have learned much and have enjoyed the collaboration activity. I look forward to the publication of your new book about making connections in March, 2010.
There is much discouragement out there. This chapter speaks hope and genuineness. Thank you.
I have found a correction that should be made in
Connect with yourself:
the end of the sentence reads: , I hope you will starting now.
Dear John,
Thank you for another great book! I’m looking forward to its release. You have challenged me to think more carefully about the value of other people’s trust in another book you’ve written. I’ve been pastoring a wonderful, small church for the past six years. Even though we haven’t experienced amazing growth–we do have a good family feeling and continue to do what we can for our community. I believe I am starting to reap the rewards of trust by being there and staying true “long-term.”
Thank you for the great impact you are having on my leadership.
Dear John,
Thank you for sharing this book in this new way before publication. I am sure that your eventual sales will be increased by the incites gained and the goodwill created.
Here are my thoughts:
You Are Your Message
Faking it does not work. We are transparent in spite of our efforts to the contrary. The youngest child can see the parents are living by saying one thing and doing another. About the only one I seem to deceive in my life is myself.
Connect with Yourself
To bring a little of Rick Warren here. Without a purpose you are lost. I do not believe that anyone and truly connect with yourself without connecting with their purpose. I realize who your audience is with this book but the first step is prayer.
Lead the Way You Live
Is seems to me that this section should be titled Live the Way You Lead. This is a real chicken and egg situation.
Thanks to a link I receive via FaceBook from my broker, I have enjoyed reading most of the chapters. You are succinct and right on about things we need to learn and practice. I am however, disappointed in the last chapter. It lacks the energy to make the reader get out there and embrace and practice the message which has been conveyed in the nine previous chapters. I hope you can strengthen it before publication. Otherwise, you have conveyed a great message which we should all embrace.
“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable”
Manning, Brennan
“Write what you know” – Mark Twain
“Truth to be understood, must be lived” – Charlie Peacock
Another Golden Rule example: “At Four Seasons, corporate values are much more than a programme or a policy – they define who we are and inform the decisions we make. The company’s guiding principle is the Golden Rule – to treat others as you wish to be treated – and as such, Four Seasons strives to have a long-lasting, positive influence on the communities where we operate and on the people we employ and serve around the world. We believe that this goal is integral to our success as a company.” http://www.fourseasons.com/about_us/corporate_values/
In one meeting, a General Manager was looking to improve ratings and asked the entire hotel staff to express ways of improvement. One employee said, “I don’t feel that you respect me.” The GM replied, “That’s ridiculous!” The ratings fell and that GM was transferred. Management’s failure to listen, admit and respond to employees whose entire job is to listen, admit, and respond to customers is the worst possible training; it promotes service failures from the top dog to the bottom dollar.
…and you follow up my very question on Chapter 9 BEAUTIFULLY in Chapter 10. Perfect! I can almost hear “wait for it, wait for it…” Thank you!
…and how many leaders, over time – even recently in TIME MAGAZINE, have compared Moses to Presidents, including this last one. The articles focus on the leader more than the Leader, missing a good deal of the point of the Exodus story, but he certainly is the poster boy for “leading the masses.”
Thank you, John. A wonderful revelation that I’m already putting into practice in my own life and in the lives of others….as is the practice of John Maxwell communicaitons.
Thank you for every influencial and practical chapter..and for allowing and promoting conversation over it all.
One of the most important lessons I have learned in communicating with people is to believe in them – I just don’t believe them. By this I mean people will tell you what they think you want to hear. We hope to create an atmosphere of honesty however most don’t know how to handle the “honest truth” because it involves us personally. Our acceptance of the “truth” about our own weaknesses threatens our self image and we’d rather avoid than engage. To be an effective communicator, I believe you need to engage with others, but travel with mental armour. You will need to accept the fact that you will get hit with an occasional bullet – but if you have bulletproofed your mind, attitude and self-image, you can engage and not be “killed”. Let’s face it, you’re gonna get hit, but in the end, the mental armour you prepare will keep you alive.
The second part of the lesson I have learned in communicating with others is that I watch what people do instead of hearing what they say. I like the phrase, “Your actions are speaking so loud, I can’t hear your words.” It seems to sum up the idea that effective communication is not just listening, but engaging. Engage to understand but more importantly engage to grow. Grow from being battle tested and learn to react and respond to those who you are looking to communicate with.
Dear John,
Another wonderful chapter.
Peices that really spoke to me personally were…the Moses part and the ability of a man to gather a whole people and help them move.
The other part that spoke to me was the part about how President Obama had recognized his mistake and the Daschle comment. This brought into my mind the first election of President George W. Bush. There was a controversy that happened when the media discovered his drinking in college. Well to his credit President Bush admitted he had drank in college. I felt at the time that it was a turning point in the election. I felt myself that President Bush was more relateable and that he was human. Might be something also to add…
Thank you again for posting this book on the internet and letting us help. I myself have had a good time reading and sending my comments where I felt they were appropriate…
John:
Thanks again for a great chapter, and for giving your readers the opportunity to have a small part in it.
Under the heading “Connect with Yourself” you wrote “The second step comes from liking ourselves, and that comes from self-talk.” It reminded me of a great quote from British preacher Martyn Lloyd-Jones:
“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?”
Another related quote about self-talk comes from Paul Tripp:
“No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do. You’re in an unending conversation with yourself. You’re talking to yourself all the time, interpreting, organizing, and analyzing what’s going on inside you and around you. …you are constantly involved in an internal conversation that greatly influences the things you decide, say, and do….”
[A typo: You wrote about President Obama’s failed nomination of Tom Daschal. It should be Senator Tom Daschle.]
I like your second way in liking yourself is about self talk. Whatever you tell yourself really influence you. I have ran several marathons and whenever I’m on the 20th or 21st mile..where everything hurts…my self talk really carries me to the 26th mile. Thank you John for another great chapter.
Do As I Say—Not As I Do! John I would only add that for leaders and communicator to avoid the pitfall you’ve mentioned, we must remember leadership is about the right to go first-let me explain. If there is a sacrifice to be made-the leader sacrifices first. If there is a price to be paid-the leader pays it first. If there is a vision to be cast-the leader envisions it first. If there is creditability to be built-the leader builds it first. If there is honesty desired—the leader demonstrates it first. If there are fences to mend-the leader mends them first!
Power, Positions and Perks minus Personal Character make for a destructive leader in any organization.
As always, great writing. Found one little error in this sentence: “In the first six months of a relationship—whether its personal or professional… ” needs to be IT’S.
Otherwise – excellent!
Again, thank you for letting us be part of this journey.
Hi John,
Your words are a great inspiration to me. I do fail many a times in my attempts to communicate and connect, and your words inspire me to keep trying, hoping to make it better the next time.
Credibility is such a strong headwind, it will either mask the message or aid it, no matter how you introduce it. Mr. Sewell is right on, “you earn it a nickel and penny at a time” but “you have to expend it by the dollar”. So is teamwork in making that vision come true. I have had the fortune of seeing the customer service Sewell dealerships offer at their Lexus dealership in Fort Worth. It is truly incredible.
Read this today on their website…
When one teaches, two learn.
When two teach, four learn.
Thus, we create our future.
Annual Motto, 1999
Safety Systems Inc. Oahu, HI
Exceptional! As a follower, I always found credibility and consistency to be the two attributes differentiated managers from leaders. In the years I worked in organizational development, a leaders ability to establish credibility was the single reason that organizational change initiatives succeeded or failed. Credibility eliminates fear and fear is a major reason people are adverse to change. Credibility is indeed a leaders greatest capital. Terrific chapter…
Another great chapter, John. May I suggest some quotes you might want to consider to add a little spice? They come from David Gergen’s excellent book, “Eyewitness To Power: The Essence of Leadership Nixon To Clinton.” #1 – “Consciously or not, Reagan was f0llowing in a tradition set early in the century by Teddy Roosevelt and picked up by Woodrow Wilson in his first term, then by Franklin Roosevelt and John Kennedy. Each understood a fundamental lesson: that leaders must inspire people with confidence in the future. Only if he truly believes in the future himself will his followers make the leap and join him. Optimism is contagious.” (Pg. 203, paragraph 2). #2 – “In the best of circumstances, the man and the messenger meet – when a leader has gained the respect of his audience and also has something to say. Reagan, in his farewell address to the nation on January 11, 1989, offered this assessment, ‘I won a nickname, “The Great Communicator.” But I never thought it was my style or the words I used that made a difference: It was the the content. I wasn’t a great communicator, but I communicated great things.’ (Page 216, paragraph 3). #3 – “Speeches take place within a context, never in a vacuum. Listeners bring to the occasion not only their own dreams and frustrations, but also a range of questions about the speaker. Who is he down deep? What does he stand for? Does he speak with authority? Does he care about people like me? Can I place my faith and trust in him? Does he have the capacity to make a difference? Who the speaker is speaks a loudly as anything he says.” (Page 215-216.) Just a thought. Thanks for listening . . . and writing. God bless!
I want to thank you for stretching me spirtually but not all at once.
A wise person once said to seek out people who are where we want to be. Listen to them, study them, observe how they handle situation and little be little without even realizing it you will begin to display some of their characteristics. Not every reader is a leader but one thing is for sure those who lead guard what they hear, read, and those who disciple them. They pay close attention to their inner circle. They are very careful what to let in.
Connect with heart and soul, it simple!
I liked the conclusion. The story of Moses was a simple but decisive and well applied end.
I particularly liked this chapter. Much of the selections I have read deal with verbal and even life-style communication, which are important. However, in this age of cell phones and texting, one of the most effective ways leaders may connect is with “presence,” defined as “living in the moment. A couple of years ago a physician hired me to provide executive coaching for himself. He finally had come to the realization of some of his own weaknesses that diminished his leadership effectiveness. However, there was something affecting his leadership at every essential level including trust. I observed that when he was communicating with subordinates and peers alike, he was often checking his text messages and emails instead of connecting. His behavior did little to instill confidence or trust and in fact undermined his positive leadership qualities. Leaders instill trust, authenticity, and motivate others to join in the vision only if they practice presence in the moment.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be part of this process.
I love how you tied it ALL together with Moses as the example. No matter how you start; it’s that you learn and grow along the way to finish well.
Rick
John, I’ve read some books of your and never miss you with Joyce in her program. I’ve learnt a lot from you and all those things that you’ve explained in the chapter are so well written.
I would like to share with you something about it. Myself and my husband apart from running our own company run a Foundation(URL on top) in India. Through the Foundation we publish books twice a year which has articles written by myself and my husband, through which we share our personal experiences with God in our daily life. One day I went to the Post Office to post the ordered copies and the person in charge there asked me whether we really followed or lived such a God ordained life(she had read one of our publications). Initially I was take aback by her query but then I realized that she was not wrong in asking me this. Reason being there is hardly any credibility left in our Leaders who know how to give lectures written by someone else but do not follow an iota in their daily lives. It’s sad but true, few days back there was a leadership summit by one of the leading news paper in India and they had invited two celebrities who spoke -about Incredible India and how as leaders we need to do our bit, I wondered. These two celebrities, who the young generation of our country was crazy about and girls took her as their role model, where living in a live-in relationship with each other and not even paying their taxes to the government. It’s sad but are these the future public mentors for our young generation?
Thanks again for the opportunity to be a part of a communication/connection project. You practiced exactly what you preached. This would be a pretty good idea for an English class. I am sure this book will be another best seller! I have learned a great deal, and enjoyed the entire process. Best Wishes.
Ryan
Hello Dr Maxwell
Here is my contribution for this week.
It has been fun.
I know what you’re thinking and you are correct.
I don’t get out much.
Suggestions:
Paragraph 2;
“…we focus on a person’s communication ability to make judgments about them.”
Try,
…we are constantly putting them under a magnifier and scoring them. I had a
boss once who taught me what to do about it. Whatever we do if we make sure we do it for a valid reason and communicate it many difficulties or poor scores will not manifest.
Heading: Connect with Yourself.
Final paragraph;
“I believe you will be able to do what you were created for only if you know and connect with yourself. And you will also be able to better connect with others and add value to them if you know what you do and don’t have to offer.”
Try,
I believe you will be able to do what you were created for only if you connect internally. So what does that mean John? It means have an internal dialogue that keeps you consistent. It is often referred to as integrity. Know what
you stand for and keep to it. How you connect should have your personal stamp on it whether you are a communicator,teacher, leader or follower. The Bible says, “…the truth shall make you free.” Jn 8:32 (NKJV). This is true whether you are talking to God or to yourself so be honest, first with yourself and then with others. This creates an environment where you can, more consistenly and successfuly, add value into others lives.
Thanks and blessings
Robert.
Typos….
Heading: Connect with Yourself.
Paragraph one.
“And then we have (to) potential to connect with them.” Perhaps the word in
brackets should be “the”.
Heading: Tell The Truth.
Paragraph one.
“After the examination, the doctor asked (to) man to go out to the waiting room…”
Perhaps the word in brackets shoud be “the”.
wow! u r blessed and thanks for sharing this with many of us….its been a great read coz am in a situation where am leading a group of youths and realy need the keys to connect with them…and for sure it takes effort but surely wil do it by grace…
i admit nobody likes the ‘know it all folks’ and we have to be honest with ourselves that we cant know everything…be vulnerable!!! I love it
thanks again
As I was going through the chapter, one point in particular spoke to me a little louder than the rest:
Be vulnerable – “You think your people don’t already know your weaknesses. They do. By admitting them, you’re letting them know that you know them.”
I can relate it to my experience as a young woman in a leadership position at the age of 23. All of a sudden, I was placed as one of the three Assistant Directors in government service. With a department under my responsibility, consisting of staff way above my age, some even almost reaching retirement, I felt like a child in boots too large for my feet. I was young, small in size, inexperienced, new to the place, and I didn’t know my way around so many things.
I decided to be very open with my staff and told them my weaknesses, revealing how much I depended on their knowledge and experience to run the department (which they obviously already knew). I always felt grateful when my assistants backed me up in meetings, when they guided me in situations where others tried to mislead me into wrong decisions and simply when I wasn’t sure of what to say.
I used to think I was lucky. But now, after three years, I have to say it wasn’t plain luck. I have learned from John that being vulnerable helps to connect with people. The support my staff offered me was the result of that principle in practice – I just wasn’t aware of it then.
Thank you, John, for sharing your wisdom and insight! God bless you always.
Hi John, thank you for sharing.
Sorry that I will give suggestion bit by bit, as I could not wait to write out to you.
“Trust means confidence”
I think “Trust is more than confidence”.
I am confident on some one skill in protecting me, but I do not want him to protect me as I could not trust him!
I had trust on some one because I feel more secure, more safe, more sincere, more comfortable in dealing with him.
Confidence alone will not make people trust you, if you did not possess good characters to let people feel it.
Great book! Can’t wait to purchase it and have it as part of my collection next Spring!
Thanks John, another great chapter.
When you spoke at the beginning of the chapter I got an image in my head of a person that worked for me in the past.
He had a way of quickly connecting with people. That is one of the reasons I hired him in the first place. But about 6 to 8 months later things changed. He hadn’t changed, but my view of him had.
His character did not live up to his words.
I understand the dynamic much better now.
I haven’t had a chance to read through the whole book, but I have caught the last 4 chapters. I’ve thought about how I communicate as a pastor and why. For me Jesus is the great communicator. People flocked around him and they said about him, “He speaks as one with authority… unlike the Teachers of the Law.” Jesus had credibility because he didn’t speak about God, he spoke OF God to the people in terms that they could understand. Relationship matters. I realized that before talking with youth that if I spent even a few minutes just hanging out with them, that when I spoke out of my personal experience with God that it had greater impact.
As I’ve thought about this book I was reminded of my grandpa who had been Superintendent of schools in Waverly, IA for 25 years. At his funeral it was frequently repeated, “Glenn always hired character before ability. You either have character or you don’t, but you can teach ability.” That’s something as a dad that I try to teach my boys everyday. Character counts!
People want to see who you are before caring about what you know. Are you genuine, do you have integrity, are you trustworthy? Who you are as a person can connect you or break you with the people you are leading.
John,
I love your writings, but I think you blew it using Obama as an example in this chapter. Too many people are beginning to doubt that he lives what he communicates. I suppose using any current politician as an example can cause strong emotional reactions so using them can backfire. I believe you face that very danger in this of all chapters.
Thank you John.
In the section of taking care of your self I find it to be true PHD.Phill Macgraw in “Self Matter”. is a great starting point I’am finding out,your right in saying that to love your neibhour you have to love your self and know your self weaknesses and strenghts and not be affraid to admit your weaknesses,I know I’am but until now i didnt realize that it had a binding effect.
one Question?.
What steps did you take to inventory your strenghts and weaknesses.
How exactley did you handel the negitive
toughts,as to making them positive?
THANK You
Johnny
Dear John,
Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to help you become better. I enjoyed reading and learning from this chapter. You are credible and trustworthy and truly live by example! Your servant leadership attitude motivates us to become better individuals!
The only technicality I noticed was under Tell the Truth section:
……”After the examination, the doctor asked to man to go out to the waiting room so that he could have a word with the woman.” Shouldn’t that be the following: “After the examination, the doctor asked the man to go out to the waiting room so that he could have a word with the woman.”
Overall, this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that touched me dearly and changed my way of thinking! Reading through all your chapters helped me learn a ton and my only suggestion now is that you print this in Spanish too! Your Spanish audience would love it just as much as I did! This will be your next best seller!
To More Success!!!! Thank you!
Thank you, John! I wll get the book and also recommend others too! It is good to use for reference, over and over again!
About “Righting Your Wrongs”
I remember the Maxwell Leadership Summit we hosted in 2004 with you. It was a commercial and marketing success–over 14,000 people at the Araneta Coliseum (where the Thrilla in Manila was held) and 4,500 the next day at the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC). But we failed to deliver in terms of technical excellence (the mics failed on John and the speakers were not loud enough to reach people at the bleachers) and in customer service and registration as our secretariat system broke down at the convention center. Managers who were lining up for more than an hour were cussing and shouting at my people. I had to take a bull horn and had no choice to apologize to people for the chaos. I told them to just go inside the convention center and ushers would deliver their materials. My welcome address later, which was supposed to be a celebratory welcome for breaking all attendance records for a leadership learning event, became a meek apology to all who were affected. As the team leader and conference chair, I could not blame anyone else but myself. “You are allowed to crucify me…” I said to the audience trying to inject some tongue in cheek humor to lighten the moment. But I was sincere in my apology and later on wrote personal letters and emails to sponsors, groups and individuals who we knew were affected and complained. I offered refunds to them and on top of that a donation of an equal amount to the charity of their choice–plus free John Maxwell books equal to their ticket delivered to them. (I also offered to deliver it personally if they would have coffee with me.) The result of this effort to connect by admitting our faults and reaching out to repair our relationships was a second chance from our customers and renewed trust.
Thanks for allowing us to share this!
God bless,
Ardy Roberto
Co Founder – Salt & Light Ventures, Inc and Inspire Leadership Consultancy, Inc. – Philippines
Nice. One thing I would like to add is to the notion of the Golden rule. I know you are familiar with the “Platinum Rule” Ziglar advocates. I wonder, what is your opinion on that? The former says to use the golden rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. The latter preaches the platinum rule: Treat others as they would like to be treated. I tend to see the world as black and white with gray in the middle. I think these rules fall into the gray category. It is important to treat others with the respect you would want, but it is also important to remember that we tell people how to treat us by the clothes we wear, the things we say, and the people we hang out with. I am a high school teacher, so my perspective is that of someone who spends a lot of time with teenagers. I tell my students I will treat them how they would like to be treated and then teach them how to treat someone with respect. (Often times, adults complain kids these days are being disrespectful. Not true. To be disrespectful, one must first know what it is to be respectful. Ask any child what it means to be respectful and I believe you will be surprised!) That is why the platinum rule has served me better.
Hello John, my name is Sun Yi (Sunny) and I am your friend.
It has been said many times before that communication is the key to success. Today, we are surrounded by technology which is designed to keep us more connected than ever before. We have cell phones, laptops, blackberries, wireless internet, twitter, all designed to ensure that we are able to better communicate. While these are all great devices, which most of us would not want to live without, the ability to connect to another person and ensure success, these devices can be unknowingly dangerous and damaging.
I sincerely believe that developing our relationships ensure that we not only communicate but that we connect for success. The advent of this technology often causes us to miss what is happening in our life at that moment, weather it is the opportunity to communicate and share our life with another or missing something a child is trying to share with us. Turn the technology off! A successful relationship depends on each person being fully engaged in the process of the relationship which means becoming unconnected to become more connected. When we become distracted by the technology in our world and do not become fully engaged with each other then our relationships are being built on a faulty foundation, which is subject to long term damage.
Bottomline – Stay connected by disconnecting and watch how much richer our relationships can become!
John,
Thank you for an excellent opportunity in sharing our stories from around the world. Most of all, thank you for what you do and the impact you have on us all.
I absolutely enjoyed the story about the monkeys in the tree looking up to the not so pleasant sight. It made me think of leadership and how the Law of Connection could play in a tree full of monkeys that we all see and live with every day.
One type of a monkey leader is one that is able to develop relationships and connect with everyone. Even when he moves away from his “tree”, he is greatly missed but still has that connection with his team. All he has to do is make one monkey call and those from his past will drop what they are doing to help him out. He always extends his hand to pull the other monkeys up from the other branches so that they can have a better view.
On the other hand, there’s the “monkey boss” and he isn’t as good at connecting. In fact, some try to coach him to connect with his team but he doesn’t listen. In fact, he doesn’t understand that “they don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” He is a very self centered monkey and never takes the time to connect, even though he monkey chatters all day long. (communicates)
To summarize, the first monkey utilizes connection to help others grow. As for the second monkey, his time will be short lived. His team of monkeys will quickly grow tired of the terrible view from below, rebel and have him “dethroned.”
I guess the moral of this story is; if your team keeps seeing that side of your leadership, you will soon not be seen at all, even if it is a team of monkeys.
John, it has been a great pleasure and I look forward to seeing you again soon.
Make it Great!
Great job, John. I agree with some of the comments above: this chapter probably needs to end more with a memorable bang. (Don’t ask me how… on second thoughts, maybe like this:) How about ending with a personal story from you illustrating this very thing? Also, how about with the generations after us – how do you predict they will define and accept leadership in the 2000s? With the internet, telecommuting, videoconferencing and the like, how will the impact of leadership and communication be impacted? Just something to ponder, going forward. Again, bravo!
Hi John
Connect with honesty: President Washington
As mentioned by some comment, I agreed that we should not quote politician if possible.
Many present politicans, had used his power for name and popularity.
If we want to quote, we should quote those politcians who had passed away and was praised by many famous historians and people.
I could recall the story of Washington, and that his father had connected him with honesty, and honesty is the best policy.
Hi John,
Why first 6 months? Is there any statistic to back up? Even though, is the statistic done in the fair manner?
I think we should not use 6 months, rather than say initially for the first 6 months, and later for the subsequent period.
Hi John,
When I first start reading your title, I was a bit confused.
If I am not wrong, this chapter is telling more on the characters of a good connector, i.e. honesty, admit mistake, tell the truth, be vulnerable, connect yourself…
I would like to put simple title as:
Connector live with great characters,
Connector live what they communicate
ABC of a good connector:
A- Appreance
B- Behaviour
C- Conduct/Characters
Hi John,
Thank you for this beautiful and effective experiment in communication and connection. I’ve enjoyed every chapter and look forward to reading the published version as soon as it is available. I’ve already recommended it extensively to my friends and colleagues.
In this chapter, the section about the transition between communication and credibility really resonated with me. I am in a networking business, and when a new person gets involved, it is their communication about the business that creates their early growth. But, as you suggest, there is a point where their credibility or their success in growing their team, seems to outweigh their communication. If they’ve had success, built their credibility, then continued success is easier. If however they’ve had little success, it is very difficult for them to communicate their way to the level of success desired.
I am hopeful that the ideas presented in this book will help me to help bridge the gap between communication and credibility.
Again, thank you!
-Earl
John, my only regret is that I wished I had gotten in on this sooner. Hope it’s not too late to hop in at the last chapter.
I’d like to comment on the section of righting your wrongs. An acronym that I have been living these past few years has been Repent (ie. acknowledge your mistakes), Repair (ie. apologize) and Rebuild (ie. make ammends). I think it is important for the reader to understand here that the process of rebuilding may not always be possible. It requires both parties and someone may have the ability to accept an apology and repair on a short term, but rebuilding can be a great challenge. It is for that reason that your next point on accountability is crucial. In the process of righting your wrongs, I think some practical advice is to make known your accountability person to the party that you are working to make ammends. Give them access to that person if possible and allow them to check on you. Opening it up to that level an putting oneself out there in such a manner can go along way in the final piece of the acronym…Restoration.
On a separate note, thanks for your work over the years. You are very much my mentor.
Joe
PLEASE READ THIS:
Dear Dr. John,
I believe you have written something about voice. A drummer has a voice, a writer has a voice, even a book has a voice. So, too, a connector has a voice.
One day, someone asked John Sung, “Who are you?” and John Sung said, “I’m just a voice.”
Each communicators or connectors have a different voice―style, character, etc. Hence, they should not trying to be like someone else, although they can be inspired by or love other communicators’ style and message.
So, Dr. John, would you write also something about voice for a communicator or connector in this book?
On connectors live what they communicate, there’s a quote from Dr. Edwin Louis Cole, which perhaps you already knew. (I tried to interpret it from Indonesian language) He wrote, “A man is more than a message. You buy into his message because first you buy into him.”
Thank you, Dr. John C. Maxwell, for spreading your message and voice for us.
Greetings from Jakarta, Indonesia!
Good stuff and great conclusion. Making connections with others is NOT an option. God created us to live in and to thrive in community. That means we will find more and more success the more we partner together, encourage one another and seek to build others up. As you said, start connecting today!
Words like credibility, authenticity, and trust seem to be the foundation for next generation leaders. More and more parents break trust when they break vows. Religious leaders lose credibility due to moral or ethical failure. Political leaders seem to be far from the authentic American Voters they represent. Credibility could be the only revenue when it comes to leadership with the next generation. The leader that leads by example, builds trust, and wins credibility will find the highest influence. High demand for credibility in an individual means a great return on leadership that focuses on the area of trust and authenticity.
Hi, John.
I’m an avid follower of your books especially because your teaching are aligned to my belief. I was even amazed to see that a book entitled The Maxwell Leadership Bible and was surprised that it was actually the bible.
I have not finished reading all the chapters since work kept me busy the past few weeks but I would like to share the same experience that you mentioned when you spoke in Russia and you had your daughter perform a russian song. I was assigned on a 6-months assignment as project liaison to our client site in Frankfurt, Germany last June, 2008. During one of the “All hands” meeting, this where all members of the cluster meet to kick-off software release, each one introduced themselves in deutsche, when it was my turn I introduced myself in their language and they applauded. I am Filipino from the Philippines by the way so they were expecting me to speak in english. I was able to do that by asking a Filipino friend who grew in Germany to teach me how to introduce myself in deutsche. With that, I believe I made a good impression that my 6 months assignment became 1 year which has never happened before in the project. My extension came from the manager in Germany. I give glory to God for that.
Having just discovered this opportunity in the last 2 weeks, I am not sure what has been discussed beforehand. As I read, a thought I see expressed various ways is the ability of the communicator to embrace his own humanity lends credibility as a communicator. While this does not need to be carried to the extreme, the success in connecting with people depends on it.
Moses, in this chapter, recognized what he perceived as possible short-comings. He was aware of his doubts.
The figure foremost in my mind is Jesus. While He had no “short-comings” in the sense of sin, He chose to “empty Himself”, and be “made in the likeness of men” (Phil. 2). In my excitement over something, I have projected the image of being better than others. This is DEFINITELY not my desire or belief, but what issues rise! What pollution of the truth I desired to be communicated! There is a “dying” that must occur in order for the humility to be a carrier of the truth.
Credibility does not come without connection, and grows in proportion to your ability to deepen that connection.
Connection can begin by “borrowing” on the credibility of others. “It’s not what you know but who you know” carries a lot of truth. But your credibility will ultimately depend on your own ability to live what you communicate.
Your chapter reminds me of a quote by the late Journalist, Edward R. Murrow who said this: “To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; credible we must be truthful.”
It’s not the big things which cause leadership to fail, it’s a collection of small mishaps that add up.
I can’t wait for this book to come out, and I need to read again other books you have done in the past.
I loved reading this; I made a huge mistake as the Lead Pastor of our church. We were in a building program and the team leading this were planning on taking out a mortgage. One Sunday out of the blue, it wasn’t the Lord telling me, as I realized later; I made the statement during a message that we needed to pay cash for the building -no mortgage. I had not spoken with the elders about this, I just felt led at the time. Needless to say most everyone loved this, but as we neared completion of our 1.6 million dollar addition, we were 600,000 short in order to complete.
This statement came back to haunt me as I realized that I was wrong – As an elder board and me personnally, 6 months later, I admitted in front of our membership that I was wrong, I wasn’t spirit led, as as an elder team we asked forgiveness. Well, the body forgave us but we still had some drastic consequences of losing some families over this – This has been a rebuilding year for me and our board on building that credibility back – This chapter really hit the spot for me. Thanks and God Bless, may God use this book as He has the others you penned.
This is the first chapter I have had the opportunity to review; i’m under the impression the others were posted previously, and I am looking forward to the entire book.
Your insights that being a good communicator is how you start the relationship, but credibility cements it, is dead on. All of us have had someone in our past who was eloquent, charismatic, with a good message, who subsequently couldn’t deliver.
Also being a great communicator is not about great powerpoints, powerful speeches, insightful tweets, etc. It is about being genuine. I think people have insights into how geniune a person is earlier than 6 months. But the human need for hope, will often put a “bad” feeling on the back burner for some period of time. It is easy to get caught up in the “act” of a role, rather than just being you in the role.
Thank you for this opportunity to comment.
Excellent concepts. I look forward to owning the final product.
A few suggestions:
- Change the misleading header “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” to match the other desirable trait headers, perhaps “Do As I Say, And As I Do.”
- The ramped-up accountability factor brought about by social media is another significant influence. Anything less than forthrightness and honesty is quickly exposed and spread. But social media also provides a great vehicle for open, trustworthy communicators to have a global impact.
- As I thought about words vs. actions, I realized that our words merely express intent, and fade in strength and trust without supporting action. But action can stand alone without words.
- The Moses chapter brought to mind how, many years ago, my Psyc 101 professor started the year: After waiting in class 13 minutes with no sign of the professor, the lights suddenly went out and an overhead projector flipped on with these words appearing on the screen, “You have every right to be who you are, but you have no right to stay that way.” Without a word the lights came back on and class began. My professor never referenced those words, but they come to mind every time my weaknesses show and in those I lead.
Also, thank you for writing “The Success Journey.” It helped me intentionally focus my career options when my long-standing career ladder disintegrated beneath me.
After reading through I figured that this is one issue we usually have as protégés. A lot of leaders start off by exciting us with their depth of wisdom and we marvel and want to be just like them and then, somehow along the line they fall short of our expectations largely because we somewhat immortalized them neglecting they fact that they are not super humans. This trend often dampens the enthusiasm of protégés and as a result they begin to lower their standards too.
I am really glad that you are doing this and I can feel the depth and insight that would be revealed in this piece and I cannot wait to lay my hands on it.
Good work John, you are really walking your talk by taking you book for a public review even after so many best sellers. Hmmmm
After reading through I figured that this is one issue we usually have as protégés. A lot of leaders start off by exciting us with their depth of wisdom and we marvel and want to be just like them and then, somehow along the line they fall short of our expectations largely because we somewhat immortalized them neglecting they fact that they are not super humans. This trend often dampens the enthusiasm of protégés and as a result they begin to lower their standards too.
I am really glad that you are doing this and I can feel the depth and insight that would be revealed in this piece and I cannot wait to lay my hands on it.
Good work John, you are really walking your talk by taking your book for a public review even after so many best sellers. Hmmmm
I’m only just discovering this project right at the end, but I am thrilled with the important contribution it will make to society. I have always maintained that these skills are learnable, and you are shining a spotlight on it.
Forgive me if you have included this elsewhere in the chapters I did not see, but many readers would appreciate an appendix of some chapter that consists of a step-by-step plan to becoming a better Connector. These would be exercises or practices, perhaps in a time frame (e.g. Six Week Action Plan …).
Best wishes, and I look forward to buying your book when it comes out.
Enjoyed all the chapters. This one was tougher for me to read in one sitting. Maybe just my crazy life right now.
Toward the end, I got a visual of a child’s wooden train set. The wooden ones with the big puzzle-like connectors to hold it together. I believe that our connections can be like that train set. Either in the railway or the train itself. If the rails are connected properly, the little train can derail. If the trains are connected properly, then part of the train can be left behind. I’ve had pastors who can fit those pieces together perfectly, and the train rides the rail well. I’ve had other pastors (in our moves around the country) who seem bent on disconnecting their congregations.
Our community recently experienced a horrible tragedy when this happened in real-life. After a couple of days of hard rains, some people that lived near a set of railroad tracks noticed the gravel bed under one side of the tracks was eroded away. They made calls to 911 and other agencies, but it was too late. Later in the evening, as several cars were waiting at the crossing for the train to pass, witnesses noticed that the train seemed to start “hopping.” Immediately they were bouncing into the air, and two collided in mid-air causing a horrendous explosion. One woman waiting in a car at the train crossing died while trying to escape and several others were hurt terribly.
Connection is vitally important. Without it an organization will have difficulty and might even “derail.” Be careful that there is nothing that can erode the connections.
i love this chapter. my boss is a sample of a person with a good communication skill but bad credibility. ( & i always pray not to be like him, when I’m became a boss)
my boss, had a good communication skill, love to speak, seem wise, well know motivation speaker. but lack of credibility. that why his staff didn’t respect him, only fear of him. one of the sample is in Jan 09, he said company benefit is low, global crisis, import cost is high, so this year, no year end bonus for employee. but open sesame, few month latter he showed up with a brand new Mercedes Benz S class that he brought with company money.
can you give advise how and employee like me handling n dealing this kind of boss/leader?
many thanks,
regards
Well the last chapter of this awesome book has summed it well. In a world that leaders have forfeited their creditbility for selfish gain people have grown very skeptical. Young people especially have lost respect for leaders from various disciplines thus disengaging themselves from the stimulus of learning. When you have a leader who clearly is succesful in living that which they are communicating you have found yourself in a place that you can stand firm in knowing that you as the reciever have been divinely rooted. Connected to a source that will be a major attribute to your career, personal life, family life, and social life. It is a win, win situation all around the world.
I once heard a preacher say “Good leadership is a blessing and bad leadership is a curse” and to this day I am finding his assement to be true. Connectors must first have a ultimate source from which to draw. In this limited economy of virtue and valor minded people when one has made a good connection successful living can be obtained.
Errors to be considered Mr. Maxwell:
Under the following headers:
CONNECT W/YOURSELF: 1st paragraph
“and then we have to potential to connect w/them.
(under same heading) 5th paragraph, 1st line.
“If you’ve never taken the time to connect with yourself I hope you will starting now”
RIGHT YOUR WRONGS
1st paragraph
“to be human is to err sounds abit better in my opinion”
BE ACCOUNTABLE
1st paragraph. Last sentence
“they were known/ verses/ they were seen”
TELL THE TRUTH
1st paragraph/2nd sentence
“asked to man to go out to the waiting …with the woman/verses/ asked the man to go into the waiting room with his wife”
DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO
10th paragraph/line 4
“and the end result will be positive? (not sure what that meant it looked out of place somehow)
LEARNING TO BE A GREAT CONNECTOR
Your transition into the character Moses as a example from the Bible was weak. What if some people have never read the Bible or even heard of Moses the Biblicial leader”?
Who would lead/verses/who would settle
As a result of his actions/verses/he had to go into hiding or something to that effect.
Moreover starting sentences with the conjunction But is something new and ok I guess but overuse of this practice weakens the statements.
Also, stick to one heading formation. Either centered or flushed left.
Well there you have it my limited ability to edit hope it helps.
Thankyou sir for such a great opportunity, you my good man are true stock…..
John: In the last paragraph in the second sentence you have, “Whatever is in… It should read Whatever it is in… Thought Id let you know.
Ps Looking forward to the book! This was a great read! Thank you.
Mary West
Awesome chapter! The first time I attended one of your conferences (13 years ago), you taught about the importance of admitting your mistakes as a leader. Prior to that I thought admitting mistakes would undermine my credibility. Instead, be honest about those has been the thing that has enhanced my leadership the most. Thanks!
One error I saw: In the first paragraph after the heading Connect With Yourself, it reads “And then we have to potential to connect with them.”
Dear John,
It was an honor to have the opportunity to have a sneak peak into your upcoming book, “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.”
It will and has already been a great blessing.
The only suggestion that I have for the last chapter would be to perhaps start off a little stronger or reword the first sentence. The first section for the most part flows smoothly and then ties in nicely to “The Trust Test.”
I’m looking forward to the finished masterpiece.
If you want to tingle somebody’s ears, you say something interesting. If you want to impact somebody’s life, you say something with substance.
This book, I believe will accomplish both tasks:)
Thank you. God Bless!
Dr. Maxwell:
Thank you for sharing this book. Each Monday morning it has been a highlight to start my day and week by anticipating and reading your latest chapter. It has ended too soon! There have been wonderful thoughts and insights I have received by reading each chapter. I am eagerly looking forward to this book’s release.
This chapter was so interesting as I read about how that connectors connect with themselves before they connect with others. This reminded me of what a successful person told me as I was completing high school and approaching college. He suggested Shakespeare’s quote: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” That has echoed to me down through the years and been a wonderful aid personally and professionally. This is what I take away from this section of the chapter and am happy to be able to see that you live this by example as well as share it with us verbally.
Thank you also for the many resources (books, MIC, seminars…) you provide. Your dedication and discipline to sharing your works reminds me of Henry Adams’ quote: “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Also, Walter Lippmann said, “The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind in others the conviction and the will to carry on.” You have certainly left in us the conviction and will to carry on in our connections.
This has been a pleasure and growth experience. Looking forward to your next book and future blogs in between.
Sincerely,
Bethany
P. S. – Your latest MIC audio recording on the best advice you ever received is wonderful!
so much insight and truth in this chapter!
My favorite part:
When you make a commitment you create hope. When you keep a commitment, you create trust.
And the Moses story
great job!
I have a small staff in Liberia, West Africa. I worked for several years as the man with all the answers. The in 2006 I had a spiritual breakthrough that included honesty about my own weaknesses and mistakes. I can feel and see the difference in the way these guys love and trust me. My rule is now, when I have something good to say I use one of them as the example. When I have a problem to talk about I use me as an example. It’s not just a tool, it’s an honest and uplifting way of life. You were part of that new spiritual and emotional awareness. Thank you.
Wow, I so appreciate these insights because they are powerful and life changing. Since my core value is truth I regularly coach myself with this question, “what is the truth here?” If there is ever any doubt, I stop and work through what my motives are, and why I’m doing what I’m doing in a particular situation. I love to learn and grow so that I can help others by sharing what I’m learning along the way.
I love your comment about establishing credibility by living what you communicate. I think as parents this is crucial because the most important people we influence are our children and they will clearly see any hypocrisy in us. Sadly I think this is what has caused many kids who have grown up in church to leave church when they become adults. I couldn’t bear it if I felt that hypocrisy in me caused my kids to forsake a relationship with God or connecting with other Christians in the Body. Honest conversations with my kids about motives, positive influence, extending grace and honoring God are key in our home.
I know many will be encourage and challenged by this great book!
This chapter, like all the others is amazing. I thought it was very interesting that you say that you have 4 strengths and many weaknesses, but choose to focus on your strengths. The reason I found that interesting is because I always beat myself with the fact that I don’t have that many strengths but I’m overloaded with weaknesses. My biggest problem is that I get stuck in my weaknesses and don’t focus as much on the few strengths that I have identified.
Also, the Section Tell the Truth A woman accompanied her very sick husband to the doctor’s office. After the examination, the doctor asked to man..” I believe you meant to say “the doctor asked the man”.
Chapter 10 is perhaps the most challenging of all the chapters in the book. In the section “You Are The Message” I am reminded of a poem to whom the author is unknown. It is titled “I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day”
I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day;
I’d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way.
The eye is a better pupil, more willing than the ear;
Fine counsel is confusing, but example is always clear,
And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds,
For to see a good put in action is what everybody needs.
I can soon learn how to do it if you will let me see it done;
I can watch your hand in action, but your tongue too fast may run.
And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true,
But I’d rather get my lesson by observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give,
But there is no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.
Chapter 10 attacks what may be the greatest enemy to connecting with people and that is PRIDE. Being vulnerable and willing to admit your mistakes is a true sign of humility.
Maybe the greatest need in this hour of much noise is a focused intensity of connecting. This will mute the noise and make the message heard in deed and word.
I have just completed reading Running with the Giants which led me to your website, i was thrilled by your simplicity in the book. Havent seen the other chapters but this chapter has caputered my attention so deeply. The book is a must read. i especially like the part on accepting your weaknesses which myself and other leaders fail to admit. Carry on with you great work.
I have not heard you much, but this read has made me not only listen and read more from you but on the whole issue of leadership. Thanks for the openness, transparency, vulnerability and encouragement.
I am in the United States Coast Guard. And I have seen the use of good connection with personal leadership.
I have been in the enlisted side of the force for the last 5 and a half years, and in that time there have been just a few good leaders that have been in my chain-of-command. Two come to mind at this moment.
LT Shane Morgan is the Logistical Officer at my unit, and the main thing that has impacted me from his leadership is that has always looked to produce credibility and is focused on the members that he has the potential to influence and shape their careers in a positive way.
Comander Menchaca, is the XO at my unit. And the one thing that I see that he does follow the Golden Rule. The story that you related in your text about the monkeys in the tree really brought his others-wareness to mind.
Thank-you for the opptournity to add into this book.
Respectfully.
Grant Higgins FS3 USCGR
True connectors have the courage to authentically share that they don’t always effectively live what they communicate. If anyone claims they live out completely what they communicate they are either the Lord or more likely a liar! Credibility is not perfection but a willingness to admit imperfection.
You are as real as real can get and you are a communicator. Transparency is the key to connecting with people. Putting up walls and hiding behind them will only alienate people and make them feel that you do not understand. We need to care more about what God thinks about us and quit fretting over what man thinks of us. God looks at the heart of a person, society looks at the outer person. Also, stepping outside ourselves to help those in need is a great exercise in dying to self. I want to be able to Think, Be and Do Life with a heart that can reach others, help others and make a difference for all that God places in my path. God Bless You John Maxwell!!! (I am so glad that you wished you lived in Oklahoma!!)
Your sister in Christ,
Dana Henson
I really enjoyed the discussion of connecting with yourself and would have liked to seen a more in-depth discussion.
I think if you are going use Moses as a model leader, the discourse is not complete without addressing the fact that he did not lead the people to the promise land. Many leaders have the charisma and commitment to draw people to them but that does not mean they will be effective in executing God’s will.
Thank you once again for your service,
Melonie
Hey John,
Actually, my husband is a great leader-he is wise, steadfast and humble. I’ve always known that Leadership is his gift from God and it is amazing, whatever situation, he has credibility, credibility, credibility and reflects the most fantastic characteristics of leadership. I can tell you this-for years he consistently said “I am the number 2 guy-and I love being the number 2 guy”….as you might guess, he is the number 1 guy….
Be well,
Lea
I greatly enjoyed the points brought out in this chapter. I would just mention that my overall impression was that you used more ‘facts’ and less stories that illustrate and bring your topic to life.
I am very much looking forward to purchasing the published book and seeing how it has benefitted from this unique opportunity to read and comment.
May the Lord bless and greatly enlarge this project.
John,
This last chaper is amazing. The story of Moses definitely sums up the basis of the book. I’m looking forward to the finished product.
Blessings,
Kim
What a journey! Here is the last response until we get to see the finished product – (unless you want to have a final response from you to us and us to you!)
I agree with 23/58 that the ending could be stronger and the call to action this book requires. I think the quotes from 73 84 89 would be the answer although 89 could be a beginning poem on the frontispiece as a guide to the essence of the book as well.
Love the idea of Moses to finish as most are familiar wiht the Moses/Joshua stories and this brings up the position of Moses with Jethro advising/mentoring and Joshua who he mentors and guides into even greater leadership
I love the comments about Moses (6/7/8) but particularly 11 sums it up.
Quotes I loved – 24 – 27 – 34 -70 – 73 – 84 – 89
Personal examples that could be used – 9 -trust – 15 – powerful 17 – 29 – 44 – 48 – 54 – 55
Great word pictures to incorporate –
Mental Armour (25)
Cultural translations – applies to New Zealand here too
Passing the mantle (16) at the beginning of the chapter?
Headwind – help or hinder (31)
Monkey tree – great expansion by 57
Also – use 9/13/17/29 to amplify points
Just make sure there is a call to action at the conclusion of the book – Everyone has a right to be who they are but no right to stay that way (73)or the To your own self be true (84) or the poem in 89. Blessings to you and yours and the book.
I love this chapter! The “golden rule” says so much and can accomplish so much when we follow it. I’m glad you wrote about admitting when you’re wrong and apologizing. I still wonder about people who never say they’re sorry. Yes we can forgive, but it comes full circle when you hear “I’m sorry”. As I think about the people I connect best with, those with “common courtesy” are the ones that come to mind and are most enjoyable to work and associate with. This book has already been an influence in my life as I take a look at myself and how I can better communicate with others. It’s been such a pleasure to participate in this book. I’ve enjoyed it so much I wish you would write a few more chapters!!
I can’t wait for this book to be published. God bless you always and thank you for being such a positive influence!
Barb Giglio