Great conclusion to the book! I came across a quote from Aristotle once that has stuck with me. He said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” The character needed as our foundation for our communication isn’t built by a few acts, but over time by our habits. Our lives consist of the abundance of our habits. When that develops character in us, we have a message to communicate that others will listen to and be blessed by. This then, is how we become our message.
John, I can’t believe it’s the final chapter; it’s been a privilege to read this initial draft of your new book and comment.
Some additional items related to Connect With Yourself, Vulnerability, Credibility:
I remember a recent Oprah when Maria Shriver, California’s First Lady, talked about really doing an introspective assessment very late in life. I think she did so only a couple of years ago; it was definitely after becoming First Lady. Her story stirred up such strong feelings in me, not because it was my personal story too, it wasn’t; it was her delivery with such vulnerability that it imprinted on my mind and my heart went out to her. Her realness brought with it such credibility.
I remember sadly thinking, “If only people would do that assessment much earlier—I wish it was heavily focused on throughout high school—can you imagine a generation much healthier, more in touch, aware, more self-confident? Talk about being prepared for life? If only it were so, how different Maria Shriver’s life may have been?”
She went on to say, “I don’t want you to think ‘What does she have to complain about? She’s First Lady for heaven’s sake?’ Like you’re not poor, you’re First Lady so you don’t really have problems.” Like she isn’t allowed to have problems. If every time we had a problem, we pushed it down or ignored it because at least we aren’t starving in Ethiopia, we would be in trouble. We need to maintain a balanced perspective, regardless.
Jesus was a good example. After a psych evaluation was done, Jesus was found to be very balanced in all areas. Can you imagine if Jesus were unbalanced? The negative impact it would have had on His credibility? Would anyone have listened to Him? He led by example, His Father’s.
Results of psychological profile on Jesus, excerpted from “The Case for Christ” by Lee Strobel:
1. He never demonstrated inappropriate emotions—he was an emotionally healthy individual.
2. When he was angry, it was a righteous reaction against injustice and blatant mistreatment of people.
3. He was rational and obviously in contact with reality—he wasn’t paranoid or delusional, nor did he suffer from dementia.
4. He spoke clearly, powerfully, eloquently and brilliantly.
5. He had absolutely amazing insights into human nature.
6. Socially, he had deep and abiding relationships with a wide variety of people from different walks of life.
7. He cared deeply about people and was able to respond to them based on where they were at and what they uniquely needed.
8. He maintained balance in a demanding and stressful lifestyle.
Under Connect With Yourself, you might provide a Framework. Frankly, an introspective process is tough for people; it can be a bit overwhelming, like they aren’t sure where to start, and once they’ve started, have they covered all the bases? A Framework is helpful and easier for people to expand upon rather than starting from scratch. I’ve included mine as merely an example:
PERSONAL FRAMEWORK
“You’re not trying to be someone else; you’re not discarding your personality for another’s; you’re simply peeling back & discarding layers of acquired bad habits in favor of adopting new ones that showcase your unique personality.”
Disclaimer: Intentionally limit your time spent on this introspective process or you risk becoming self-centered.
Balance 80% “just do it!”, 20% “ice cream” (not perfection!! ..mistake? >>stop >>reset >>ask forgiveness=clean slate >>don’t freefall =very least amount of baggage!):
1.0 Spiritual – talk to God like other relationships you have..when you’re sitting down, walking, driving, showering….pray for friends and family, for their salvation, protection, problems, strength. Don’t ever let guilt separate you from God—he already knows and he can help even if it’s on-going sin you’re having trouble stopping or find yourself wanting to continue..just ask for his strength to turn it around to an even better and more exciting outcome for you. “Lord, I pray these things for myself and for my family and friends: our father who art in heaven (the Lord’s prayer) ..renew my heart and spirit Lord..fill me with the Holy Spirit..give me wisdom to be the best you designed me to be, full of all the opportunities and adventure and laughter and love that you have in store for me.” He created our most intense amazzzzing attributes so why not want the most of these for u!:)
2.0 Inside(Core Attributes)
2.1 respect (must be earned—can’t be demanded—everyone wants it—you need to act on the rest of core to earn it and keep it)
2.2 friendly & open, soak up & seek out strong-moments that fuel a healthy vibrant life, character & integrity, responsibility & wisdom, loving & giving, adopt philosophy that 97% isn’t personal & 3% pick your battles…
2.3 take inventory (“view from the cheap seats” an objective view of self: list all strengths and weaknesses. *note: a strength is something you look forward to, that energizes & satisfies; it’s not something you perform well but leaves you blah. keep strengths with you to review & add to often, and learn new skills & create plan w/mini-steps to either eliminate or compensate for weaknesses)
2.4 learn/acquire skills (no endless seminars w/o action & application)
2.5 program your brain (visualization, positive internal dialog, stop mulling over negative, what you focus on expands…)
2.6 decide your course (form a plan and follow it—don’t react and follow everyone else’s through pressure and guilt [you will be challenged by this throughout your life], but instead simply evaluate their input and see if it improves your course—if so, apply else discard)
2.7 dream plan (dream big because after all every star or Olympian was once a snot-nosed kid who didn’t know anything; someone has to be those stars in life so why not you? BUT then set a plan towards that dream, one with goals and action steps or you’ll never get there and it will always just be an allusive pipe dream)
2.8 develop style (inside..personality)
2.9 be yourself (only after having done the core work or it’s like going to the Olympics completely untrained and unprepared thinking that it’s going to magically be a positive experience where you’ll win:/)
2.10 self-confidence (it’s a choice so choose to be confident because you’ve been objective and done the core work; surround yourself with positive supportive people to reinforce)
3.0 Outside(Physical)
3.1 80% “healthy”/20% “ice cream” diet with supplements
3.2 minimum core workout and everything else is gravy
3.3 develop style (outside)
4.0 Develop Habits/Routines That Produce Most Value For Least Time Spent
5.0 Auto-pilot (don’t get into the habit of making exceptions)
7.0 Connecting (read everything, visualize heavily, practice w/mirror to adjust body language, practice w/strangers in restaurants & stores, refine but stay vulnerable & authentic)
8.0 Relationships
8.1 Friend Attributes List (identify “deal breakers”)
8.2 More-Than-Friend Attributes List (identify “deal breakers”)
8.3 21-day “slow warmup” (20% “allusive friendly connect” 80% “listen/observe”—let them discover who you are—the moment a deal-breaker occurs, phase out slowly to save face=least rejection factor—if More-Than-Friend, The Rules apply and the moment you know there’s no chemistry, slowly steer towards Friend if you can.
8.4 Post 21-day, assess % and type of activities that best suit both of you=win/win scenarios
8.5 bird on your hand which stays 100% flat, no curling fingers up until choking bird..if you curl up even once, than bird is nervous that it could happen again so never truly relaxes and freely connects; the bird has to want to remain there.
I have enjoyed following the writing of this book so much. I have learned so much that will help me in my leadership copacity. And in my everyday life. I took notes that I will cherish for a long time to come. I was inspired to purchase other books and read them that you have written and even read some of the refrenced authors. I am happy that I came upon you as an author, motivator, teacher, preacher, life changer showing me that one of the greatest tools in my leadership is integrity. Because without it I have nothing. Again thank you for your part in changing my life as a leader and person.
I loved reading all of your chapters of your upcoming new book ‘Everyone Communicates, Few Connect’. I am sure it will be another best seller book on leadership. Thank you John for impacting so many people all around the world in your great ways.
Usually I read your chapters to learn and do not leave any comments, however after reading the part ‘You are you message’ I thought Mahatma Gandhi’s statement ‘My life is my message’ aptly fits into this.
John:
I really appreciated the opportunity to be involved with one of your projects. Truly it has been an honor.
The communication/credibility portion of this chapter really stuck with me. I agree! I see a well spoken political candidate win over his/her constituents only to be lost over time because of credibility. It made me think of Paul and how he said he comes with demonstration/power and not fancy speech. Smooth talkers can only go so far.
I also thought about Princess Diana. When she died, I felt as if I lost someone. I didn’t KNOW her! But I felt as if I did. She lived a transparent life and we all connected with her. She lived a very vulnerable life. Not typical of the English Monarchy.
I do however, find that the concluding account of Moses seems to be a little bit abrupt and anticlimax. I wish that account of Moses could be elaborated a bit more – yes, Moses had many weaknesses, but it is also important to highlight more on how God used Moses despite of his weaknesses. It seems that the good ending of Moses was not dealt with enough details.
John, you have done your best work yet! This book is so needed in this day and age of so many ways to communicate yet we don’t really connect. This has already changed my life and sales. What a truly inspired book. Thank you for writing this book. I have already recommended it to many friends and will be buying several copies to give away. Thanks.
Great conclusion to a book I am so looking forward to reading again. This journey helped define and refine what connection is, how I can apply it for my personal growth and how be a catalyst to pass it along to others.
This jumped off the screen: “When you make a commitment you create hope. When you keep a commitment, you create trust.” This statement hit on so many levels, both personally (how are my key relationships, am I making those trust-earning connections with my clients) and on the political stage. (history will tell that story)
It has been a honor to read this preview. It has kept me engaged with making those connections in my path authentic. So look forward to the book. Thank you!
Wonderful! The chapter gives great motivation for literally practicing what you preach and showing the “leadership currency” that you can earn if ever you need to cash in! I laughed out loud at the joke about the husband and wife at the doctor’s office, and my husband did too (of course, not as much as I did). This excerpt to me gives just basic lessons on humility and Christlikeness, but not in religious terms. My favorite quotes…”our lives improve only when we take chances….deliver results before you deliver a message…. and…you earn leadership currency every time you make good decisions”.
I think instead of Do As I Say Not As I Do, you should just say “Do As I Do” as a header for that section. For someone glancing through who wants to quickly get the principles, the other subtitles seem more of a positive “to do list” if you will, of what to do to be a good leader. Doing as I say and not as I do is NOT what you want to do. Perhaps putting it in a positive light would be more effective…perhaps.
I’m not so sure that the Obama illustration is such a good one. It might work a few months from now but this book could still be around 20 years from now. By then the illustration will make the book sound unnecessarily dated and people will have forgotten a lot of the excitement surrounding obama
Hi John! I have a story on being confident with yourself as a leader and how sometimes the people under without knowing help you with that…
As I was in the middle of planning Ammunition Conference(the youth conference our youth ministry puts on yearly) i started to buckle under my own pressure, being a 20 yr. girl with not the most experience. I confided in one of my best friends James, who was also my technical director about how i felt it was all going to fall apart. He looked at me sincerely and said, “Mikhaila, that is nonsense, knowing that you are incharge of this event i feel so secure that you will take care of us(my team) and this conference.” In that moment my entire outlook on my job and myself as a leader had changed. I was confident in my leadership ability and even more in my character, that God would use me for his glory to change lives!
Thank you so much for the wonderful words of wisdom.
As I read this chapter two people stood out to me, my previous principal and ESL Coordinator. Three years ago I was blessed to get a job right out of college in the town that I lived in, in Minneapolis. I’ve heard that the first job you take as a teacher influences the rest of your career. Sometimes it is overwhelming and no one is willing to help you get on your feet (as with my friend who no longer teaches) and sometimes the administration lifts you up and encourages you to reach your potential. I experienced the latter. I felt that my principal and ESL coordinator encouraged me to lead and try new things and they trusted my judgement. I was a brand new teacher and the only one at my school! I felt so loved and appreciated that all I wanted to do was to prove them right. This last year I left Roseville to pursue a job as a teacher missionary in Japan, but I did not leave without recognizing that I was leaving some of the best bosses that I will ever have had. They know how to connect with their staff and this made working for them feel like I was with family. I also want to say that for my first year (as I was there for two years), I also traveled to another school and the principal did not hold this same kind of leadership style and it made me appreciate it even more.
Thanks again!
Hi John
“Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” is a great title and I feel that this book is long due and will make a difference in many people’s lives. I am sure it will be a best seller. In my job in the field of Information Technology I interact with a lot of people across various lines of business on a daily basis and I noticed that practically connecting and partnering with them is very important and is mutually beneficial in achieving the goals for the organization. Many times I have to step into their shoes to understand things from their perspective and your book nailed it. It is very similar in my personal life as well as I interact with different people that I come across in life.
As I was previewing the book “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” I have noticed that the various points you touched in different chapters in this book are very practical and you did a wonderful job in putting all the information together. You have been a blessing to my life personally though your books and in turn I am passing the blessings I received to others. I am sure that this is the case with other readers as well. This book will definitely impact a lot of people and will be a best seller. I pray that the Lord will bless you abundantly in the years to come. Keep up the good work.
*Connect with Yourself*
Would it be wrong to suggest personality assessments to assist readers become aware of their strengths and blindspots?
*Right your Wrongs*
Consider changing: “To be human is to mess up. The question is will you fess up?” to “To be human is to mess up; to connect, you must fess up.”
*Conclusion*
He was not a good leader.
Consider changing first sentence: Even after Moses successfully led the children of Israel out of Egypt, his leadership influence wained. The people were continually…
John,
Thanks for modeling what you have written in this chapter. People crave authenticity and vulnerability. Yet, have no idea how to connect with themselves or others authentically.
You are very good at showing how to reveal to yourself the truth about yourself. Truth can be painful to look at, but it is much more worth the view than hiding and finding relationship defecits later.
We were created to connect. This is an important part of our humanness. It can be learned. Connecting is valuable and allows everyone to feel special and needed. We all have a purpose and can excel at that purpose when surrounded with people we can trust to be truthful and supportive.
When faced with the ugliness of the truth we can then make changes. Without awareness, there is no hope for change and growth.
Great summary chapter of the previous chapters we’ve been reading.
As for Obama and his “apology”….long before he was elected, I had determined that he was an A-1 con-artist. I do not believe his apology was sincere even one little bit. He was just saying what he had to say to make you think what he wanted you to think. He could sell a used car to a new car salesman.
Thanks for letting us read and be a part of your new book.
Typo in second paragraph, first sentence… its, is missing the apostrophe. In the first six months of a relationship—whether its personal or professional, one-to-one or leader to follower—we focus on a person’s communication ability to make judgments about them.
I can’t wait for the new book. Thank you John Maxwell. Scott
Thank you for the opportunity to connect with you in this way! Right into the chapter…
Connect With Yourself – Last sentence, first paragraph reads: “And then we have to potential to connect with them.” Correct phrasing should be: And then we have the potential to connect with them.
Right Your Wrongs
Failure to admit mistakes
causes
the message to be questioned
which causes
the integrity of the leader to be questioned!
The words are good, but presentation needs work. The mind craves special characters to lead to the next lines, perhaps.
In this same section, Make Amends – this message is good, and I feel you gain credibility and connection with the audience by letting them know you made the offer to the host to come back the following year at your own expense.
In general – A lot of name dropping. Some is okay – especially to relate an audience to a point. But there are many names in this chapter. Suggestion: After reading this comment, re-explore the text to see if you are satisfied. It IS John Maxwell’s book.
The Conclusion began very well. In fact, I feel this Chapter is one for my small town currently working through a lot of transition (Wilmington, Ohio).
THANK YOU again for the opportunity to participate in this process! I have really enjoyed reading the last two chapters–and just wish that I had been able to read the rest of the book first, so I could put your final thoughts into better perspective with the work as a whole!
I really appreciated the emphasis on “Living What You Communicate!” Too often we see a big disparity between what people say and what they do! I also appreciated the sections on vulnerability, practicing the Golden Rule, and delivering results!
Here are a few thoughts as I read and reflected on this chapter and the conclusion:
1. Was Moses really lacking in communication skills–or was that just one of several excuses he mentioned because he really didn’t want to lead the Israelites? (His next words after saying he is “slow of speech and tongue” are “Oh, Lord, please send someone else to do it (Exodus 4:10, 13)!” Moses, having grown up in the king’s family, would have been given the best possible education in Egypt–unlike his Israelite peers slaving to complete various Egyptian building projects. Educationally, he would have been FAR more qualified than any of the people he was being asked to lead, and with far more communication experience in a wide variety of situations.
2. The illustration dealing with President Obama’s effectiveness (and especially the sentence “As I write this, he has been in office for less than six months”) seems to unnecessarily date the book. Perhaps consider changing the illustration or re-writing the passage to make it more timeless.
3. The paragraph on steroid use in baseball didn’t seem to fit well, perhaps because while you mention that “the game has been irreparably damaged,” you never directly state that the players’ credibility and accomplishments have also been forever diminished.
4. In the first paragraph under “Be Accountable,” which refers to various U.S. Presidents, the sentence “If you’ve read about them, you know they were all very different” seems a little condescending to the average reader, given how famous each of the men are.
5. In the second paragraph under “Connect with Yourself,” there are two unnecessary shifts in pronoun use (going from the first person “we,” to the second person “you,” and then back to “we” once again). The paragraph flow more smoothly if re-written with consistency in pronouns.
6. The illustration about the Sewell auto dealerships would be more powerful if condensed. Not that the facts aren’t important, but so many details are given about the history of the dealership (which are not necessarily required for the illustration to be understood) that the main impact of the story is diminished.
7. One or more recent examples should be given in support of the sentence “History is filled with examples of leaders who made an impact by being in front and saying, in essence, ‘Follow me.’ The three illustrations which are used are all over 100 years old.
8. The final paragraph of the conclusion could be stronger. Perhaps consider including a quotation or brief illustration to make the ending even more memorable.
Overall, the final chapter is well done and powerful!
I so appreciate the opportunity to read your work, learn from your example, and continue to grow as a person and as a leader focused on inspiring others.
Having been a sales manager for 5 years I totally understand the importance of connecting. I have to say the one point that struck me the most was being vunerable. It is so hard for people to let their guard down. People see it as a sign of weakness when really it is being honest and open to let them know you are not perfect either. However, as a leader it is important to still search for the answer when you don’t know it. You may admit you don’t know, but it is important to be diligent in finding out the information. Otherwise, you come across as un concerned and this will definetly leave you unconnected. Thanks for the preview.
[...] That’s especially true if you are a leader or speaker or you have some other kind of authority. I think most people would agree with that. It’s easy to know, but harder to do. As it’s been said, wisdom is knowing the right path to take. … My friend Collin Sewell, who serves on the board of my non-profit organization EQUIP, recently told me a story that illustrates the power of living what you communicate. It’s no secret how difficult times have been for the American …This Blog [...]
Great conclusion to the book! I came across a quote from Aristotle once that has stuck with me. He said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” The character needed as our foundation for our communication isn’t built by a few acts, but over time by our habits. Our lives consist of the abundance of our habits. When that develops character in us, we have a message to communicate that others will listen to and be blessed by. This then, is how we become our message.
Thanks! God bless.
John, I can’t believe it’s the final chapter; it’s been a privilege to read this initial draft of your new book and comment.
Some additional items related to Connect With Yourself, Vulnerability, Credibility:
I remember a recent Oprah when Maria Shriver, California’s First Lady, talked about really doing an introspective assessment very late in life. I think she did so only a couple of years ago; it was definitely after becoming First Lady. Her story stirred up such strong feelings in me, not because it was my personal story too, it wasn’t; it was her delivery with such vulnerability that it imprinted on my mind and my heart went out to her. Her realness brought with it such credibility.
I remember sadly thinking, “If only people would do that assessment much earlier—I wish it was heavily focused on throughout high school—can you imagine a generation much healthier, more in touch, aware, more self-confident? Talk about being prepared for life? If only it were so, how different Maria Shriver’s life may have been?”
She went on to say, “I don’t want you to think ‘What does she have to complain about? She’s First Lady for heaven’s sake?’ Like you’re not poor, you’re First Lady so you don’t really have problems.” Like she isn’t allowed to have problems. If every time we had a problem, we pushed it down or ignored it because at least we aren’t starving in Ethiopia, we would be in trouble. We need to maintain a balanced perspective, regardless.
Jesus was a good example. After a psych evaluation was done, Jesus was found to be very balanced in all areas. Can you imagine if Jesus were unbalanced? The negative impact it would have had on His credibility? Would anyone have listened to Him? He led by example, His Father’s.
Results of psychological profile on Jesus, excerpted from “The Case for Christ” by Lee Strobel:
1. He never demonstrated inappropriate emotions—he was an emotionally healthy individual.
2. When he was angry, it was a righteous reaction against injustice and blatant mistreatment of people.
3. He was rational and obviously in contact with reality—he wasn’t paranoid or delusional, nor did he suffer from dementia.
4. He spoke clearly, powerfully, eloquently and brilliantly.
5. He had absolutely amazing insights into human nature.
6. Socially, he had deep and abiding relationships with a wide variety of people from different walks of life.
7. He cared deeply about people and was able to respond to them based on where they were at and what they uniquely needed.
8. He maintained balance in a demanding and stressful lifestyle.
Under Connect With Yourself, you might provide a Framework. Frankly, an introspective process is tough for people; it can be a bit overwhelming, like they aren’t sure where to start, and once they’ve started, have they covered all the bases? A Framework is helpful and easier for people to expand upon rather than starting from scratch. I’ve included mine as merely an example:
PERSONAL FRAMEWORK
“You’re not trying to be someone else; you’re not discarding your personality for another’s; you’re simply peeling back & discarding layers of acquired bad habits in favor of adopting new ones that showcase your unique personality.”
Disclaimer: Intentionally limit your time spent on this introspective process or you risk becoming self-centered.
Balance 80% “just do it!”, 20% “ice cream” (not perfection!! ..mistake? >>stop >>reset >>ask forgiveness=clean slate >>don’t freefall =very least amount of baggage!):
1.0 Spiritual – talk to God like other relationships you have..when you’re sitting down, walking, driving, showering….pray for friends and family, for their salvation, protection, problems, strength. Don’t ever let guilt separate you from God—he already knows and he can help even if it’s on-going sin you’re having trouble stopping or find yourself wanting to continue..just ask for his strength to turn it around to an even better and more exciting outcome for you. “Lord, I pray these things for myself and for my family and friends: our father who art in heaven (the Lord’s prayer) ..renew my heart and spirit Lord..fill me with the Holy Spirit..give me wisdom to be the best you designed me to be, full of all the opportunities and adventure and laughter and love that you have in store for me.” He created our most intense amazzzzing attributes so why not want the most of these for u!:)
2.0 Inside(Core Attributes)
2.1 respect (must be earned—can’t be demanded—everyone wants it—you need to act on the rest of core to earn it and keep it)
2.2 friendly & open, soak up & seek out strong-moments that fuel a healthy vibrant life, character & integrity, responsibility & wisdom, loving & giving, adopt philosophy that 97% isn’t personal & 3% pick your battles…
2.3 take inventory (“view from the cheap seats” an objective view of self: list all strengths and weaknesses. *note: a strength is something you look forward to, that energizes & satisfies; it’s not something you perform well but leaves you blah. keep strengths with you to review & add to often, and learn new skills & create plan w/mini-steps to either eliminate or compensate for weaknesses)
2.4 learn/acquire skills (no endless seminars w/o action & application)
2.5 program your brain (visualization, positive internal dialog, stop mulling over negative, what you focus on expands…)
2.6 decide your course (form a plan and follow it—don’t react and follow everyone else’s through pressure and guilt [you will be challenged by this throughout your life], but instead simply evaluate their input and see if it improves your course—if so, apply else discard)
2.7 dream plan (dream big because after all every star or Olympian was once a snot-nosed kid who didn’t know anything; someone has to be those stars in life so why not you? BUT then set a plan towards that dream, one with goals and action steps or you’ll never get there and it will always just be an allusive pipe dream)
2.8 develop style (inside..personality)
2.9 be yourself (only after having done the core work or it’s like going to the Olympics completely untrained and unprepared thinking that it’s going to magically be a positive experience where you’ll win:/)
2.10 self-confidence (it’s a choice so choose to be confident because you’ve been objective and done the core work; surround yourself with positive supportive people to reinforce)
3.0 Outside(Physical)
3.1 80% “healthy”/20% “ice cream” diet with supplements
3.2 minimum core workout and everything else is gravy
3.3 develop style (outside)
4.0 Develop Habits/Routines That Produce Most Value For Least Time Spent
5.0 Auto-pilot (don’t get into the habit of making exceptions)
6.0 Stay Plugged In, Interesting & Funny (news, trends, wit, humor, stories)
7.0 Connecting (read everything, visualize heavily, practice w/mirror to adjust body language, practice w/strangers in restaurants & stores, refine but stay vulnerable & authentic)
8.0 Relationships
8.1 Friend Attributes List (identify “deal breakers”)
8.2 More-Than-Friend Attributes List (identify “deal breakers”)
8.3 21-day “slow warmup” (20% “allusive friendly connect” 80% “listen/observe”—let them discover who you are—the moment a deal-breaker occurs, phase out slowly to save face=least rejection factor—if More-Than-Friend, The Rules apply and the moment you know there’s no chemistry, slowly steer towards Friend if you can.
8.4 Post 21-day, assess % and type of activities that best suit both of you=win/win scenarios
8.5 bird on your hand which stays 100% flat, no curling fingers up until choking bird..if you curl up even once, than bird is nervous that it could happen again so never truly relaxes and freely connects; the bird has to want to remain there.
Again, it’s been a privilege, John.
Candace
I have enjoyed following the writing of this book so much. I have learned so much that will help me in my leadership copacity. And in my everyday life. I took notes that I will cherish for a long time to come. I was inspired to purchase other books and read them that you have written and even read some of the refrenced authors. I am happy that I came upon you as an author, motivator, teacher, preacher, life changer showing me that one of the greatest tools in my leadership is integrity. Because without it I have nothing. Again thank you for your part in changing my life as a leader and person.
I loved reading all of your chapters of your upcoming new book ‘Everyone Communicates, Few Connect’. I am sure it will be another best seller book on leadership. Thank you John for impacting so many people all around the world in your great ways.
Usually I read your chapters to learn and do not leave any comments, however after reading the part ‘You are you message’ I thought Mahatma Gandhi’s statement ‘My life is my message’ aptly fits into this.
Thanks and God bless all
Madhan
John:
I really appreciated the opportunity to be involved with one of your projects. Truly it has been an honor.
The communication/credibility portion of this chapter really stuck with me. I agree! I see a well spoken political candidate win over his/her constituents only to be lost over time because of credibility. It made me think of Paul and how he said he comes with demonstration/power and not fancy speech. Smooth talkers can only go so far.
I also thought about Princess Diana. When she died, I felt as if I lost someone. I didn’t KNOW her! But I felt as if I did. She lived a transparent life and we all connected with her. She lived a very vulnerable life. Not typical of the English Monarchy.
Thanks again for the opportunity!
Thanks again for the chapter!
Indeed action speaks louder than words.
I do however, find that the concluding account of Moses seems to be a little bit abrupt and anticlimax. I wish that account of Moses could be elaborated a bit more – yes, Moses had many weaknesses, but it is also important to highlight more on how God used Moses despite of his weaknesses. It seems that the good ending of Moses was not dealt with enough details.
John, you have done your best work yet! This book is so needed in this day and age of so many ways to communicate yet we don’t really connect. This has already changed my life and sales. What a truly inspired book. Thank you for writing this book. I have already recommended it to many friends and will be buying several copies to give away. Thanks.
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Great conclusion to a book I am so looking forward to reading again. This journey helped define and refine what connection is, how I can apply it for my personal growth and how be a catalyst to pass it along to others.
This jumped off the screen: “When you make a commitment you create hope. When you keep a commitment, you create trust.” This statement hit on so many levels, both personally (how are my key relationships, am I making those trust-earning connections with my clients) and on the political stage. (history will tell that story)
It has been a honor to read this preview. It has kept me engaged with making those connections in my path authentic. So look forward to the book. Thank you!
John,
Wonderful! The chapter gives great motivation for literally practicing what you preach and showing the “leadership currency” that you can earn if ever you need to cash in! I laughed out loud at the joke about the husband and wife at the doctor’s office, and my husband did too (of course, not as much as I did). This excerpt to me gives just basic lessons on humility and Christlikeness, but not in religious terms. My favorite quotes…”our lives improve only when we take chances….deliver results before you deliver a message…. and…you earn leadership currency every time you make good decisions”.
I think instead of Do As I Say Not As I Do, you should just say “Do As I Do” as a header for that section. For someone glancing through who wants to quickly get the principles, the other subtitles seem more of a positive “to do list” if you will, of what to do to be a good leader. Doing as I say and not as I do is NOT what you want to do. Perhaps putting it in a positive light would be more effective…perhaps.
I’m not so sure that the Obama illustration is such a good one. It might work a few months from now but this book could still be around 20 years from now. By then the illustration will make the book sound unnecessarily dated and people will have forgotten a lot of the excitement surrounding obama
Hi John! I have a story on being confident with yourself as a leader and how sometimes the people under without knowing help you with that…
As I was in the middle of planning Ammunition Conference(the youth conference our youth ministry puts on yearly) i started to buckle under my own pressure, being a 20 yr. girl with not the most experience. I confided in one of my best friends James, who was also my technical director about how i felt it was all going to fall apart. He looked at me sincerely and said, “Mikhaila, that is nonsense, knowing that you are incharge of this event i feel so secure that you will take care of us(my team) and this conference.” In that moment my entire outlook on my job and myself as a leader had changed. I was confident in my leadership ability and even more in my character, that God would use me for his glory to change lives!
thank you…
Thank you so much for the wonderful words of wisdom.
As I read this chapter two people stood out to me, my previous principal and ESL Coordinator. Three years ago I was blessed to get a job right out of college in the town that I lived in, in Minneapolis. I’ve heard that the first job you take as a teacher influences the rest of your career. Sometimes it is overwhelming and no one is willing to help you get on your feet (as with my friend who no longer teaches) and sometimes the administration lifts you up and encourages you to reach your potential. I experienced the latter. I felt that my principal and ESL coordinator encouraged me to lead and try new things and they trusted my judgement. I was a brand new teacher and the only one at my school! I felt so loved and appreciated that all I wanted to do was to prove them right. This last year I left Roseville to pursue a job as a teacher missionary in Japan, but I did not leave without recognizing that I was leaving some of the best bosses that I will ever have had. They know how to connect with their staff and this made working for them feel like I was with family. I also want to say that for my first year (as I was there for two years), I also traveled to another school and the principal did not hold this same kind of leadership style and it made me appreciate it even more.
Thanks again!
Hi John
“Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” is a great title and I feel that this book is long due and will make a difference in many people’s lives. I am sure it will be a best seller. In my job in the field of Information Technology I interact with a lot of people across various lines of business on a daily basis and I noticed that practically connecting and partnering with them is very important and is mutually beneficial in achieving the goals for the organization. Many times I have to step into their shoes to understand things from their perspective and your book nailed it. It is very similar in my personal life as well as I interact with different people that I come across in life.
As I was previewing the book “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” I have noticed that the various points you touched in different chapters in this book are very practical and you did a wonderful job in putting all the information together. You have been a blessing to my life personally though your books and in turn I am passing the blessings I received to others. I am sure that this is the case with other readers as well. This book will definitely impact a lot of people and will be a best seller. I pray that the Lord will bless you abundantly in the years to come. Keep up the good work.
Thanks and God Bless.
*Connect with Yourself*
Would it be wrong to suggest personality assessments to assist readers become aware of their strengths and blindspots?
*Right your Wrongs*
Consider changing: “To be human is to mess up. The question is will you fess up?” to “To be human is to mess up; to connect, you must fess up.”
*Conclusion*
He was not a good leader.
Consider changing first sentence: Even after Moses successfully led the children of Israel out of Egypt, his leadership influence wained. The people were continually…
Thanks for listening!
John,
Thanks for modeling what you have written in this chapter. People crave authenticity and vulnerability. Yet, have no idea how to connect with themselves or others authentically.
You are very good at showing how to reveal to yourself the truth about yourself. Truth can be painful to look at, but it is much more worth the view than hiding and finding relationship defecits later.
We were created to connect. This is an important part of our humanness. It can be learned. Connecting is valuable and allows everyone to feel special and needed. We all have a purpose and can excel at that purpose when surrounded with people we can trust to be truthful and supportive.
When faced with the ugliness of the truth we can then make changes. Without awareness, there is no hope for change and growth.
Under the Apologize section, I would add the following quote by Thomas Jefferson:
“If you have to eat crow, eat it while it’s young and tender.”
Great summary chapter of the previous chapters we’ve been reading.
As for Obama and his “apology”….long before he was elected, I had determined that he was an A-1 con-artist. I do not believe his apology was sincere even one little bit. He was just saying what he had to say to make you think what he wanted you to think. He could sell a used car to a new car salesman.
Thanks for letting us read and be a part of your new book.
John,
I enjoyed every chapter. Thank you for allowing me to participate.
Sincerely,
Kurt Billups
Typo in second paragraph, first sentence… its, is missing the apostrophe. In the first six months of a relationship—whether its personal or professional, one-to-one or leader to follower—we focus on a person’s communication ability to make judgments about them.
I can’t wait for the new book. Thank you John Maxwell. Scott
Thank you for the opportunity to connect with you in this way! Right into the chapter…
Connect With Yourself – Last sentence, first paragraph reads: “And then we have to potential to connect with them.” Correct phrasing should be: And then we have the potential to connect with them.
Right Your Wrongs
Failure to admit mistakes
causes
the message to be questioned
which causes
the integrity of the leader to be questioned!
The words are good, but presentation needs work. The mind craves special characters to lead to the next lines, perhaps.
In this same section, Make Amends – this message is good, and I feel you gain credibility and connection with the audience by letting them know you made the offer to the host to come back the following year at your own expense.
In general – A lot of name dropping. Some is okay – especially to relate an audience to a point. But there are many names in this chapter. Suggestion: After reading this comment, re-explore the text to see if you are satisfied. It IS John Maxwell’s book.
The Conclusion began very well. In fact, I feel this Chapter is one for my small town currently working through a lot of transition (Wilmington, Ohio).
Thanks again for letting me participate!
THANK YOU again for the opportunity to participate in this process! I have really enjoyed reading the last two chapters–and just wish that I had been able to read the rest of the book first, so I could put your final thoughts into better perspective with the work as a whole!
I really appreciated the emphasis on “Living What You Communicate!” Too often we see a big disparity between what people say and what they do! I also appreciated the sections on vulnerability, practicing the Golden Rule, and delivering results!
Here are a few thoughts as I read and reflected on this chapter and the conclusion:
1. Was Moses really lacking in communication skills–or was that just one of several excuses he mentioned because he really didn’t want to lead the Israelites? (His next words after saying he is “slow of speech and tongue” are “Oh, Lord, please send someone else to do it (Exodus 4:10, 13)!” Moses, having grown up in the king’s family, would have been given the best possible education in Egypt–unlike his Israelite peers slaving to complete various Egyptian building projects. Educationally, he would have been FAR more qualified than any of the people he was being asked to lead, and with far more communication experience in a wide variety of situations.
2. The illustration dealing with President Obama’s effectiveness (and especially the sentence “As I write this, he has been in office for less than six months”) seems to unnecessarily date the book. Perhaps consider changing the illustration or re-writing the passage to make it more timeless.
3. The paragraph on steroid use in baseball didn’t seem to fit well, perhaps because while you mention that “the game has been irreparably damaged,” you never directly state that the players’ credibility and accomplishments have also been forever diminished.
4. In the first paragraph under “Be Accountable,” which refers to various U.S. Presidents, the sentence “If you’ve read about them, you know they were all very different” seems a little condescending to the average reader, given how famous each of the men are.
5. In the second paragraph under “Connect with Yourself,” there are two unnecessary shifts in pronoun use (going from the first person “we,” to the second person “you,” and then back to “we” once again). The paragraph flow more smoothly if re-written with consistency in pronouns.
6. The illustration about the Sewell auto dealerships would be more powerful if condensed. Not that the facts aren’t important, but so many details are given about the history of the dealership (which are not necessarily required for the illustration to be understood) that the main impact of the story is diminished.
7. One or more recent examples should be given in support of the sentence “History is filled with examples of leaders who made an impact by being in front and saying, in essence, ‘Follow me.’ The three illustrations which are used are all over 100 years old.
8. The final paragraph of the conclusion could be stronger. Perhaps consider including a quotation or brief illustration to make the ending even more memorable.
Overall, the final chapter is well done and powerful!
I so appreciate the opportunity to read your work, learn from your example, and continue to grow as a person and as a leader focused on inspiring others.
Thanks again!
Elizabeth Yoder
God bless you and thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience with us. I already pre-ordered your book at Amazon
Having been a sales manager for 5 years I totally understand the importance of connecting. I have to say the one point that struck me the most was being vunerable. It is so hard for people to let their guard down. People see it as a sign of weakness when really it is being honest and open to let them know you are not perfect either. However, as a leader it is important to still search for the answer when you don’t know it. You may admit you don’t know, but it is important to be diligent in finding out the information. Otherwise, you come across as un concerned and this will definetly leave you unconnected. Thanks for the preview.
[...] That’s especially true if you are a leader or speaker or you have some other kind of authority. I think most people would agree with that. It’s easy to know, but harder to do. As it’s been said, wisdom is knowing the right path to take. … My friend Collin Sewell, who serves on the board of my non-profit organization EQUIP, recently told me a story that illustrates the power of living what you communicate. It’s no secret how difficult times have been for the American …This Blog [...]