Chapter 5 Synopsis
Connecting is More Skill than Natural Talent
I want to tell you a story that will help you understand how bad I was as a communicator when I started out. I think it’s the kind of thing that can give anyone hope.
While I was in college studying for the ministry, it was common for small churches to invite potential pastors to speak to their congregation. One week before I was to preach my first message of that type, I accompanied a friend named Don so I could hear his first attempt.
Don got up before the congregation and launched in. But after only three minutes, he ran out of gas. He had nothing more to say. After a few moments of stammering, he quickly sat down. Everyone was in shock.
On the drive back to campus, the one thing I kept telling myself was, “My sermon has to be longer than three minutes.” The rest of that week I spent every spare second preparing for my inaugural speech. As I worked, I kept adding points to my outline. By Sunday, I had nine points. I didn’t give a single thought to connecting with my audience. I had only one goal: to last longer than three minutes.
Margaret and I were engaged at that time, and she accompanied me to the little church for this important first step in my career. When I was done with the sermon, I was pleased with myself and felt satisfied. I thought I had done a pretty good job.
On the drive back to town, Margaret was unusually silent. Finally, I asked her, “How did I do this morning?”
“I think you did fine for your first time,” she responded after some hesitation. She didn’t sound very enthusiastic, but I was encouraged nonetheless.
“How long did I speak?”
After a really long pause, she replied, “Fifty-five minutes.”
I was clueless! Can you imagine what the people must have thought as they left the service? I had no idea how long and boring my message had been. And they knew that I didn’t know. But what could they do? Too polite to simply walk out, they were held captive by an inexperienced speaker who had no idea how to communicate. They would have preferred three-minute Don.
Philosopher-poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “All great speakers were bad speakers first.” Those words certainly applied to me. I started off bad—really bad. It took me many years of practice to improve my speaking. And I got better only after I learned what all good communicators have in common: they connect.
What Makes People Listen?
If you want to be a better communicator or a better leader, you can’t depend on dumb luck. You must learn to connect with others by making the most of whatever skills and experience you have. When I listen to great communicators, I notice that there are a handful of factors they seem to draw upon that cause people to listen to them. As you read about them, think about which of them you could use to connect with others:
Relationships—Who You Know
Why did millions of people start listening to Dr. Phil McGraw, a psychologist who helped lawyers as a trial consultant, and begin taking his advice on life, love and relationships? For the same reason that millions started listening to Dr. Mehmet Oz about health issues. They knew Oprah Winfrey and appeared on her television show.
Certainly these two men have credentials. McGraw has a PhD in psychology, and Oz is a cardiothoracic surgeon and Columbia University professor. But most people neither know nor care about these facts. As soon as Oprah Winfrey’s followers learned she had confidence in them, they had confidence in them.
One of the quickest ways to gain credibility with an individual, a group, or an audience is to borrow it from someone who already has credibility with them. It’s the basis of celebrity endorsements, sales referrals, and word-of-mouth advertising. Who you know can open the door for you to connect with someone. Of course, once the door is open, you still have to deliver!
Insight—What You Know
Most people want to improve their situation in life. When they find someone who can communicate something of value to them, they will usually listen. If what they learn really helps them, a sense of connection between them can often quickly develop.
One of the figures from American history whom I most admire is Benjamin Franklin. He had a remarkable career and is responsible as one of our Founding Fathers for the success of our nation. Franklin had little formal education—he attended school only two years—yet he was highly respected because of his knowledge and keen insight. A voracious reader and intellectually curious man, he became an expert in a remarkable number of areas: printing and publishing, politics, civic activism, the sciences, and diplomacy. He was an innovative inventor, secured the support of France during the Revolutionary War, founded the first public library in America, served as the first president of the American Philosophical Society, and helped to draft the Declaration of Independence. Walter Isaacson called Franklin “the most accomplished American of his age.” He was highly influential, and the people of his time felt a sense of connection with him when he shared his wisdom.
If you have an area of expertise and generously share it with others, you give people reasons to respect you and develop a sense of connection with you.
Success—What You Have Done
A lot of people ask me how I got my start as a speaker outside of a local church. They want to know what my marketing strategy was and how I was able to break in. The truth is that I didn’t have a plan to become that kind of speaker. People became aware of the success I was having in leading and growing a church, and they began inviting me to speak on the subject. They wanted to hear what I had to say because of what I had done.
America has a success culture. People want to be successful, and they seek out others who have accomplished something to get their advice. If you are successful in anything you do, there will be people who want to listen to you. I think many people assume that if someone can succeed in an area, they possess knowledge that may be valuable to them in their own endeavors. And if the person’s success is in the same area as theirs, the potential for connection is even stronger.
Ability—What You Can Do
Individuals who perform at a high level in their profession often have instant credibility with others. People admire them, they want to be like them, and they feel connected to them. When they speak, others listen—even if the area of their skill has nothing to do with the advice they give.
Think of someone like golfer Tiger Woods. He has been called the world’s most marketable athlete. Fortune estimates that Woods received more than $100 million in endorsement income in 2007.[i] He endorses everything from sports drinks to management consulting. One of the products he has promoted is the Buick Rendezvous. Is Woods an expert on cars? No. But he is one of the best golfers in the world. People like him and listen to him because of what he can do. Excellence connects. If you possess a high level of ability in an area, others may desire to connect with you because of it.
Sacrifice—How You Have Lived
Mother Teresa had the respect and the ear of leaders around the world. People of all faiths seemed to admire her. Why was that? Why did they listen to her—a poor, diminutive schoolteacher who lived in the slums in India? Because of the life of sacrifice she lived.
I think our hearts naturally go out to people who have sacrificed or suffered. Consider the feelings of sympathy and connection that people felt for the firefighters who served in New York City during the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center Towers. Notice how much respect is given to the families of servicemen and servicewomen who died while in Iraq and Afghanistan. Think about the weight that is given to the words of civil rights leaders who helped to pave the way for election of Barack Obama, the United States’ first African-American president.
If you have made sacrifices, suffered tragedy, or overcome painful obstacles, many people will relate to you. And if you have been able to remain positive yet humble in the midst of life’s difficulties, others will admire you and be able to connect with you.
These five connection factors are just the beginning. I’m sure you can think of other reasons people connect. The point is that you must take whatever you have, and use it to connect with others. The more factors you have and the better you become at using them, the greater your chance of connecting with people. You must play to your strengths, develop your own style, and cultivate whatever skills you can in order to connect with people.
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104 responses so far ↓
1 Barb Giglio // Oct 5, 2009 at 12:36 am
Another great chapter! It was heart warming to read about your character Mr. Maxwell from another person. I get great joy trying to do as you do for others. I love thinking of others and making people feel special. For my husbands fiftieth birthday I packed his suit case and mine and had it sitting inside the garage door. He thought we where going to church when I handed him a gift to open with tickets to a surprise get away! Not only was it a great surprise for him, our three children enjoyed helping me decide where to take him. The kids even planned to be at the house so it would look like we where all going to church together! We all had so much fun making his birthday special. We gave a gift but received one as well! What’s it all about if we can’t bring JOY into our days. (Jesus, Others, You) God bless! Can’t wait to read the next chapter!! – Barb Giglio
2 Sue Cartun // Oct 5, 2009 at 1:24 am
“Connecting is more skill than natural talent” – honing a skill takes a great deal of thought, diligence, planning and practice. And desire!
Many thanks to Charlie Wetzel for adding his voice and insight into connecting with the audience of the author – his reader.
So, here’s the deal. To connect, you must CARE about your audience to the extent that you are compelled to prepare your message and delivery (speaking or writing) in minute detail – to create the ultimate exerience in and of the moment.
Going back a chapter, that takes energy! And a commitment to diligently always be on the lookout for the best, most impactful, most meaningful way to connect with others.
This chapter is dynamic and rich with thought provoking ideas.
With much appreciation to Charlie and John,
Sue
3 Michael Craig // Oct 5, 2009 at 3:10 am
Just like electricity, wires have to touch to get the current (message) from one place to another. I believe that we see an increased tenancy for leaders/speakers to “connect” with others by pulling on the heart strings of a seemingly ever perpetuated victim mentality (especially in America) While this is effective in getting people’s attention and support, leadership should be pointing FORWARD into hope and positive solutions. When anger, bitterness and discontent is the source of your “connection” with people, the effectiveness of the leadership won’t reach it’s potential.
Mike
4 Wade Thompson // Oct 5, 2009 at 3:31 am
Jim Collins “Going From Good To Great” sites the five types of leaders found in organizations. His findings reveal that great companies were led by what he labeled “Level Five Leaders”. These leaders were disciplined, team builders, intelligent, but held a quality that set them apart. That is they demonstrated professional will with humility. As Charlie wrote about his experience in first class with John preparing his bagel for him, I was deeply moved by how connecting is more than communicating, connecting is demonstrating what we really believe about those we work with.
5 Candace Sargent // Oct 5, 2009 at 4:58 am
I thoroughly enjoyed Chapter 5, John!! I love the opener to this chapter: there’s something personal about kicking off conversationally, as if you stopped, turned towards the person to say “I’m going to do something unusual…”
Just a few comments:
To keep reading momentum, making it easiest to follow, I PROACTIVELY ADDRESS QUESTIONS THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BE ASKED BY MOST PEOPLE RIGHT AFTER CERTAIN STATEMENTS ARE MADE. ALSO, I REMAIN CONSISTENT THROUGHOUT with natural progression where segments build best on top of or after other segments, with order of things, labels and representations of numbers especially between related areas/items (e.g. between summary and detail, between intro-paragraph and corresponding list), etc. Here is just a couple of examples: 1) You list Non-Connectors before Connectors, so in the intro-paragraph to the list, switch order to match..‘labeled them “Connector” and “Non-Connector”’ becomes ‘labeled them “Non-Connector” and “Connector”’ 2) In tandem, ‘I had written six names in the connector column and four in the other.’ becomes ‘I had written 4 in the Non-Connector column and 6 in the Connector column.’ where order, labels and representation of numbers are all changed to match.
Under C. Everett Koop, you might also note that he was the only Surgeon General, before or since, that connected very well with America; I can’t even remember the names of others.
Elizabeth Dole connected so beautifully that many women wanted to be like her or wished she was a friend of theirs.
Under ‘What Makes People Listen?’ you might list ‘Ability – What You Can Do’ before ‘Success – What You Have Done’ because it feels like a natural progression, from ‘Can Do’ to ‘Done’
‘The Art of Connecting by Charlie Wetzel’ was a wise choice to have another describe you, and the placement of it here in Chapter 5 is better than starting off with it in Chapter 1. Although people could think he’s biased, they usually don’t go there, especially after the author owns up to it by saying he’s ‘not entirely unbiased’ which just makes us like him more. Most often, it simply adds credibility and they really enjoy reading about someone they admire from another’s perspective. Under ‘Connecting With A Live Audience’ the natural progression would have been to list ‘..Preparation’ first, before ‘..Confidence’; however, if for some reason, you definitely wish to lead with ‘..Confidence’ you might want to indicate the reason in the intro-paragraph to this list (e.g. Attributes are listed most important to lesser.)
Looking forward to Chapter 6,
Candace
6 Amy King // Oct 5, 2009 at 5:13 am
Great chapter. I especially enjoyed the Indian story and Charlie Weztel’s insights. I wonder if one way to make his comments look less like an an “atta boy!” for you would be to say upfront that he will be sharing something about your partnership–in addition to writing about communication in general.
I have enjoyed your speaking and writing for many years–I was one of those ten thousand who subscribed to your taped messages thru’ a business network I’m part of.
By the way, in your second sentence, you are missing a “to.”
7 Jasz // Oct 5, 2009 at 7:01 am
Hi, this is a great chapter. I have always loved reading your books even as a young person. I have been speaking to our youth services in church before I left my country and now I really miss speaking and sharing my heart to people. I also dream that one day I’ll be able to write a book. Thanks so much for being a mentor even when you’re miles away. God bless you more!
8 John Marker // Oct 5, 2009 at 8:11 am
Wow! What a great idea to let prospective readers give feedback to a writer up front. I had no idea that John was a minister. Our senior pastor, Bob Shirock at Oakpointe church in Novi, MI regularly speaks in front of our congregation of 1000+ people similar to John. We are also extremely blessed with how he connects with us in a big way every Sunday morning. Good luck with fine tuning your new book!
9 Alexander Polyakov // Oct 5, 2009 at 8:21 am
Cool! A common feature of connectors: they are very well aware of the subject, they practice. This feeling not only in the hall, but when you read the transcript, a book or listening to the disc. Thank you, John!
10 Henry Will // Oct 5, 2009 at 9:56 am
I just had a meeting of the “board” of PMlessonsLearned.com (a Project Management group that I founded more than 3 years ago consisting all of volunteers). I applied the concepts in this book at that meeting with amazing results! I connected with each of the people as we talked and it brought out their best! Thank you! I look forward to reading chapter 4 and commenting soon!
11 Maribeth Kuzmeski // Oct 5, 2009 at 9:57 am
I agree wholeheartedly! The art of connecting is the key to sustainable success like John has had! I just released an entire book about this topic, The Connectors: How The World’s Most Successful Businesspeople Build Relationships and Win Clients For Life. John Maxwell will be featured in the next book being written now!
12 Rev. Patrick L. Holder // Oct 5, 2009 at 10:23 am
I am constantly reading material on how to connect with my people and I do believe I am improving. As a pastor of 32 years with 30 years as an Army Chaplain also I was not as successful as I would like to have been. I think my biggest issue was the one on Self – Confidence. I have never gotten past the negative image of who I was which was presented in my early home years. I love the people “loving my neighbor as myself” but boy there are STILL to many times I don’t like myself and I think that hurts my ability to connect well. I am retired and still desire to speak and write. Therefore, I am still working on my communication skills. I enjoy your work and have learned a lot from you over the years. I even met John in person about 10 years ago. Praise the Lord.
13 Sandy Gorman // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:15 am
I especially like the descriptions of the 5 connection factors. As with the previous chapters, I feel connected as a reader. To be an effective connector, one needs to be proactive. Connection takes time and effort.
14 Lars Ray // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:18 am
I think I relate to the story under “It’s No Accident” the most within this chapter. I am about to complete a two year assignment here in Mexico City for my company. I do not speak Spanish, although I know enough to be polite. The local employees all speak English very well – but they do not all comprehend what they are speaking all of the time. Needles to say, there have been many moments of confusion, misunderstandings, and flat out communication mishaps all due to the various levels of comprehension of the “shared” words and thier meanings – such as illustrated in your stroy. Both understood the circle, the sky, the onion, and the egg – but both parties interpreted different meanings of those sybmols. That has been my experience here too…and man have I learned a lot from them! And now, I have a story to use as an illustration of the complexities language barriers within a common language.
15 Larry Baxter // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:21 am
While I enjoyed Charlie’s observations, I think this chapter titled “Connecting is more skill than natural talent” would be better served by carving that section in half, and spending more time on mistakes you and others have made *and* on the steps you took to overcome these mistakes. This would further highlight the role of skill over just natural talent. Even so, good chapter!
16 Mary Ballard // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:41 am
I get so excited when I am reading each chapter of your book. I like the fact that John really cares about people. I have attended church and the paster belts out a powerful sermon and then after getting to know them personally they share that they really are not people orientated. At that moment I loose respect. I feel they are just going through the motion of doing a job instead of really caring about people and connecting with them. Thank you for this chapter.
17 Ruth Post // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:44 am
Dear John
What an amazing chapter. I appreciate the section added by Charlie Wetzel. He confirms that you live what preach/teach, which is a very important factor, because there are just too many people out there that wants to tell others how to do things, but then don’t do it themselves. I hope to be a speaker in the near future and am learning so much from your insights. Thank you for letting us, your readers, be a part of this wonderful new book that is going to blow the minds of your readers. You have many people looking up to you, more than you might even be aware of and this is where Charlie’s section that you added just put down the final stamp of what most people already know. I often have my own thoughts about people, but it means so much more to me when someone confirms it, because then I know that I am not mislead and therefore I also think that adding this section is GREAT!!!
Can’t wait for the next chapter.
Ruth
18 lydia dross // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:45 am
Communication is essential but without passion, it is pennyless.
19 Marlene L. Balingit // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:58 am
I am reading John’s Book Leadership Gold and you have to run to the Library or Bookstore to get it. Can’t wait to get this Book because Leadership is about Connecting with People. One of my written goals is to get All of John’s books and apply everything he writes on Leadership. I am already enjoying the benefits of his mentorship right now from the lessons he is teaching me as a motivational speaker.
20 Bryon Ownby // Oct 5, 2009 at 12:21 pm
John, I truly enjoyed reading the content of this chapter. As I am transitioning careers into the adult learning field and speaking on various leadership topics, in my opinion, this is the life of a speaker to engage others in learning and improving their skill set. Although I would rate myself as decent in connecting, I have been given feedback regarding great class room interactions and people are relating to my topics regarding positive changes implemented after attending my sessions. However, this chapter is going to help me take a step back and have an internal reflection moment to review my style for improvements. The two sections that stand out to me the most, What Makes People Listen and The Art of Connecting. I hope the readers will truly take some time and reflect how they are listening and connecting with others!
21 Sandy Gorman // Oct 5, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I especially enjoyed the 5 connection factors. As with the previous chapters, I am learning how to connect. In order to connect, the leader needs to be proactive and it does take skill and effort.
22 Judy Montgomery // Oct 5, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Spendid! I love connecting with others. This information is so helpful.
God bless, Judy
23 Dan Fishbeck // Oct 5, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Excellent chapter on connecting. I particularly enjoyed the examples of the speakers that were effective “connectors”. However, I became “disconnected” during the analogy using sign language with the Native Americans. I would recommend a different example, something along the line that Lars Ray described, using a current scenario with language confusion. The result could “connect” through the use of situational comedy. The example used is dated, biased and distracts from an otherwise informative chapter.
24 Rolando Cubero Monge // Oct 5, 2009 at 2:23 pm
It has been a funny chapter with the history of the Indians and I have now more hope to be a better communicator!
Each time in my life, I learn more the impact of leadership in my job, friends and family. And the example is very important too.
25 Brian // Oct 5, 2009 at 2:29 pm
People will listen to someone for hours if they have passion and insite. Jesus could sit in a boat or on a hillside and talk for hours, and everyone was with Him. Communicating to the heart, not just the head.
26 Richard Whitehead // Oct 5, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of this process. While I get an early read and opportunity to learn I am never disappointed. Reading Mr. Wetzel’s observations proved most interesting. I am always on the lookout for the tidbits I can use when I teach others to teach and he put it succinctly with Confidence, Authenticity, Preparation, Humor, and Other-mindedness. Thanks for all you do.
27 John Love // Oct 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Great chapter-only one criticism; The story about the wagon train and the Indian war party was hard to follow. I had to interrupt my reading pace and really think about what was being said between the two groups.
Otherwise, Great Chapter.
28 Nina Roach // Oct 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm
What a dynamic chapter, “Connecting Is More Skill than Natural Talent” that I just read. I am fueled to pursue my dreams of being an effective connector. I was captivated by this chapter and didn’t desire to stop reading it. Youv’e got me John and that is the goal to connecting to your audience, you delivered through your writings just what I was thinking and answered some of my unsolved questions simply. Your writings appeared effortless and I know because of your years and skills they were but also inspiring and attempting for someone who is unskilled in connecting as I am. Thanks again, I can’t wait to read the next chapter as well. I also love the input of Charlie Wetzel as well!
29 Noni Kaufman // Oct 5, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Thanks, John and Charlie for the chance to give input. What a great illustration of other-mindedness and collaboration!
I enjoyed reading this chapter and have one observation to point out. There are 3 content sections which I, as the reader, was looking to relate to each other or be tied together in some way.
Rather it seemed each section focused on different topics. (All great topics!)
The first section focused on what did and didn’t work for speakers making a connection which brought out communication style characteristics.
The second section focused on the nectar that attracts listeners.
The third section addressed the signature qualities of you, John as a communicator who connects, what I would term, your “brand.” As I read the three sections, I was looking for the first section focus to feed into the second and third.
Perhaps the intro to the chapter can highlight the three topics and how they’re all important for communications to create strong connections and then to include in the summary as well.
Thanks for inviting us to share!
Noni
30 Rena Williams // Oct 5, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Thank You! Reading this chapter made me laugh and think. There is excellent materials in the writing of this book. It really gives me hope, knowing your story about how things started out bad for you. I really cracked up on the “Don, 3 minute story”. I love this chapter!
31 Lucia Diaz // Oct 5, 2009 at 7:11 pm
i was kind of lost at with the intro… it was hard to follow..
I loved the fact that you brought someone else to talk about you!!! that is very clever and refreshing =-) i don’t think it was “self-serving”
AWESOME!!
God Bless
32 Emmanuel Eliason // Oct 5, 2009 at 7:15 pm
I have no doubt that Charlie Wetzel is doing a great job as John’s writer. Until recently, I did not know Charlies was the writer of John’s books, simply because I can feel the emotions, stage and audience connection of John in print just as I do when I hear him speak.
The chapter is very well written. On thing I like about it is the fact that connecting is something we can all learn and improve on continually. I will seek to apply these principles in my family, career and calling. Thank you for a wonderful piece.
33 Robert Nicholson // Oct 5, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Hello Dr Maxwell
Many years ago as a fifteen year old I met a great connector, his name was Professor Julius Sumner-Miller. He was a well know physicist of US origin but based at the University of Sydney. Although I met him only once I consider him one of my top influencers outside of family and spiritual life. Let me name the top five in no
particular order;
Professor Julius Sumner-Miller,
Pat mesiti,
Dr John Calvin Maxwell,
Alan Richardson,
Harry Mayfield.
Two High School teachers; two ministers, authors and speakers; one University Professor. All of these are people who sowed value into me.
Professor Sumner-Miller; in common with the others in the list; exhibited care for his students whether individually, or as part of a target demographic and I feel it is irrelevant which One I fit into. He did it passionately and with such a sense of urgency that we, his students, knew he was doing something important for our benefit. I feel that at some level he cared for me as an individual while still not even knowing me. He was passionate about improving people by
teaching them. His subject was physics but what he taught went far beyond any syllabus. The real lesson was building a passion for learning. Now at the age of forty eight I still feel the benefit for having been one of his students, even if only for half an hour.
A correction shown in brackets from Charlie Wetzel paragraph 5:
Outside of his family, there are not a lot of people who know (much) him better than I do.
Blessings.
Robert
34 Ken Anderson // Oct 5, 2009 at 8:08 pm
John: Thanks for the pre-publication sharing of Chapter 5. Your use of Twitter and releasing a book chapter by chapter in draft form is a bold move. Curiosity and your Tweet drew me in.
These tactics make you a great connector. Will a future chapter be about “Connecting and Showing Authenticity Using Social Media”?
Can’t wait for the book.
Chapter 5 is great.
35 maryjane.zavala-padron // Oct 5, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I loved the chapter!! Connecting is the most important step into building healthy relationships. I am a social worker , so my day to day has to do with communicating with my clients– and connecting with them. If I do not know where to meet my client where she is at.. then we do not connect.
36 Timothy Teasdale // Oct 5, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Hi John, this is Tim in Paraguay, I have one of my favorite quotes for you from my favorite leader. “If you speak to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you speak to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” -Nelson Mandela. Take care and God bless you John.
37 Trudy Metzger // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Dear Mr. Maxwell,
This is truly the most touching and inspiring chapter yet! Those closest to us usually know the truth most intimately, if we are at all honest, and most of us can’t lie all the time. To hear Charlie share example after example of ways you bless and serve is a real testament to your integrity. I don’t find this difficult to believe because I’ve had three such leaders/bosses in my life in the past 5 years. The first passed away tragically of cancer, but not before she blessed my life most profoundly. The bagel story that Charlie told in one brief sentence took me back to that memory. Bev Headon served me lunch, brought me drinks and never missed an opportunity to smile, encourage and bless. I was so deeply moved by her servant attitude, because it was the first time I encountered this, that one day I thanked her and told her I want to be a leader just like her. With a twinkle and a smile she said, “You will be.” I’ve since become an office manager and I try always to serve my co-workers and volunteers the way she served.
Having had that experience I know from experience that great leaders do life authentically and in each of the moments Charlie shared I felt as if I was there, experiencing the blessing with the individuals you blessed. It isn’t self-serving or egotistical to have Charlie share his heart, at least not if the readers are listening with their hearts, it is transparent and vulnerable in a beautiful way!
Bless you both for sharing! And, to Charlie: You’re a terrific writer!!
Blessings as always
Trudy
38 Trudy Metzger // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:38 pm
From an editing perspective, I have a few comments.
Non-Connector #4: “…are the people who connected with us the audience that day…” (“…with us, the audience, that day…. “ Commas make it flow and easier to read.)
Insight—What You Know
Paragraph 1: “Most people want to improve their situation in life. When they find someone who can communicate something of value to them, they will usually listen. If what they learn really helps them, a sense of connection between them can often quickly develop.” ( The word “them” is repeated three times in several sentences, causing reading to become heavy. Suggestion: leave the first ‘them’ but take out the second one and/or rework the sentence a bit: “If what they learn really helps (them), a sense of connection can often quickly develop between them.” Another option would be to take out “between them”, since that can be assumed, and leave the second ‘them’.
The Art of Connecting
by Charlie Wetzel
He Possesses Great Confidence. “I have yet to observe a great communicator who didn’t possess confidence” (‘didn’t’ should be changed to ‘doesn’t’ in this case. “I have yet to observe a great communicator who doesn’t..” since we are talking future tense.)
He Exhibits Authenticity. … He wasn’t trying to pretend to be anything other than who he was. (The first sentence is somewhat difficult to read and might flow better with a few minor changes.”He wasn’t pretending to be anything other than who he was.” or should it be “other than who he ‘is’ since he still very much ‘is’?) In the following sentence I would recommend another minor adjustment. “Like anybody, he has his weaknesses…” I would suggest: “Like anyone else…”
Last but not least, a bit of research taught me that a few of my suggestions are no longer up to date (hyphen use for example) and others are the difference between American and Canadian language/spelling. As I make suggestions for editing, I recognize my own errors in past recommendations and even in my previous post!
All around this has been a great chapter in every way—content and technical—and I think the whole world should read the book!
39 Bobby Rosa // Oct 5, 2009 at 11:47 pm
John & Charlie, Wow what a powerful chapter filled with great truths as well as great discernment. For me, being able to wrap my head around the stories both in writing & in person make the “Art of Connecting” much more profound!
The two areas of influence that you have touched my life are; Business Leadership & Christian leadership. Therefore I have decided to respond to both sides.
I feel that connecting as it relates to Christians has its origin in two main factors. Connecting in the church is birthed out of Humility & Unity.
1. Humility.
Christ humbled himself & became a man who wanted to connect us back to the Father. So while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He being our ultimate example delivers a picture to prove this point. He wasn’t waiting for us to get “Saved” before he would love us. & He demonstrated humility thru connecting us to the Father; at what would be considered the greatest personal price ever paid!
For us to connect thru Humility, it requires great attention to developing the character and skill necessary to maintain sincerity in action, better known as the “Jesus Style!” His word reminds us ‘to let this mind be in you, that was also in Christ Jesus!’ This makes it an easier and more authentic way to connect.
2. Unity.
Unity seeks to find common ground to move In, On & Forward. In, because Unity takes an personal commitment to achieve any level of connection. On, because Unity demands a strong foundation for connections to build on to sustain & leverage itself. And lastly forward, because Unity moves multiple streams thru one given path, that gather strength and are redefined as a river, ever moving toward the sea. Thus resulting in the “Big picture” goal of connecting.
With respect to business these two elements are fundamental as well. Humility sees the big picture & requires those who desire to connect to have the right motives, the right attitudes & the right focus. Humility goes miles, while gifting & ability give you trials!
Unity sees the need for all aspects of the organization to connect if for no other reason than to make sure all areas are healthy, but much more than that, unity seeks to include skill found in every part of the organization to promote the greater good. The greatest assets in unity are speaking the same language and saying the same thing! When an organization operates like this, They are full of hope and virtually unstoppable!
Thanks Again,
Bob Rosa
40 Htaik Seng // Oct 6, 2009 at 12:15 am
I also note down the speakers pros and cons points when I listen to them.
41 Thomas Nyaruwata // Oct 6, 2009 at 2:07 am
when l began to apply the principles of connecting many opportunities have come my way and this are becoming simple to accomplish in my life.
42 Lindsay Fawcett // Oct 6, 2009 at 5:01 am
I really like that you added in Charlie’s words. I think it not only gives a better picture of “who” is writing to us, but it also shows that connecting doesn’t have to be a spoken thing. Charlie pointed out that he makes your ideas connect in the written word… that is so important! I think it is also great because this gives your readers the ability to learn more about your writer.
43 Bridget Haymond // Oct 6, 2009 at 9:44 am
Your example of the speakers reminds me of one of my favorite verses from The Message in Matthew 12:34 “…It’s your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words.” Those speakers who were non-connectors were angry, arrogant and not relevant because they didn’t really care about the audience.
I think it is a process of sowing and reaping. When you don’t value others, they can’t value you. And value is a heart attitude that is the launching point of connection from my perspective.
Great leaders are inclusive, not exclusive and you model the life of Jesus as an example to us all. Another terrific chapter with more wonderful insights on connection and I LOVED the story of the pioneer and Indian chief!
44 Terry Smith // Oct 6, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Great Chapter! I was so drawn into it that any distractions around me was easily tuned out because I liked what I was reading and learning! Only recommendations I have are adding the word “to” in second sentence between “going” and “hand”. Then add the word “”about” between “much” and “him” in the paragragh that starts with “I admit…” I loved the warrior story and the insights from Charlie, Great job and God bless you all, Terry Smith
45 VoNi Deon // Oct 6, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Wow! This is speaking my language withoue me even saying a word! Thank you so much for hepling me put into language what is at the core of me! I am a people connector but desire to be an effective one! You are right! Connecting with people is very important and I desire to do it from my heart effectively! There are so many great points in this chapter! I especially enjoyed Charlie’s section on “The Art of Connecting, Connecting one-on-one” That is very important! Thank you for being transparent with us with your story on how you crashed your first sermon! That was encouraging and funny! I Look forward to reading the next chapter! Blessings to you! VoNi Deon
46 Mariam Bederu // Oct 6, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Connecting with a Live Audience
Outside of his family, there are not a lot of people who know much him better than I do.
WHO KNOW HIM MUCH BETTER THAN I DO. it should say that i think
47 RUBEN PEREZ BUSTAMANTE // Oct 6, 2009 at 3:29 pm
estimado hno. es un privilegio para mi leer y saber que el libro que esta diseñando sera de gran bendicion para los lectores de todo el mundo y deseo exito. atentamente pastor Ruben Perez Bustamante
de la iglesia palabra de vida.
Dear Brother, It is a privilege to read this and know that the book that you’re creating will be a great blessing to readers all over the world. I wish you success. Attentively, Ruben Perez Bustamante, Church of the Word of God
48 Michelle Pack // Oct 6, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Hello, my name is John and I’m your friend.
My memorable John Maxwell moment was the west entrance to Christ Fellowship. I had stepped outside just before the Saturday night service to observe a gorgeous full moon displayed in a soft pink sunset. You intentionally walked over, shook my hand, and said “good evening.” You went out of your way to connect and years later, I still recall that moment to others. Going out of one’s way, if possible, not only connects, but impacts people.
If one can get very specific as to the audience likes and dislikes, like any relationship, showing that you are actually paying attention speaks volumes. Even before words are spoken, the person says “you heard my life; now may I hear yours?”
Servant leadership.
A broadcaster once spoke of Rich Mullins at a typical awards dinner..he said (paraphrased) “All of these famous singers and record producers would be in the room enjoying dinner and Rich would be behind the counter, in an apron, serving the dinner. That’s where he was comfortable.” That was Rich, and oh, how his words and life communicated (and will for decades to come) volumes from living out and speaking out of his comfort zone: service.
As always, thank you, John.
By the way, in my humble opinion, I think that if anyone communicates with as much power in BOTH writing and speaking, the name Beth Moore comes to mind. I’m sure others may find the same in some of their favorite speakers, but devouring both styles of her communication – they are very close. She may not SEEM broad to all audiences, but both are powerhouse teachings. She connects.
49 Waldemar Smit // Oct 6, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Dear Mr. Maxwell
Thank you once again for your free sharing initiative.
Your self confidence and authenticity comes out powerfully when you share your weaknesses and past mistakes. Your audience, I’m sure, connects powerfully since they are meeting truth with no barriers from your side. Vulnarability allows others to connect on their terms and gives them a sense of “He’s real, I know this from my own experience of failure.”
Some possible corrections:
Under Non-Connector # 4
…the audience was relieved that that… (Only one “that” should be there.)
Under The Art of Connecting by Charlie…
…who know much him [much] better… (Move the “much” to make sense).
Yours sincerely
Waldemar Smit
50 Mark Ralls // Oct 6, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I remember the first time I spoke to a group of more than two or three people (45). Before I was introduced I felt ill, I almost had to run to the bathroom.
The person who introduced me was well known and respected by the group of people that I was about to speak to.
His introduction was very flattering. I was inspired and encouraged myself by what he said. My thoughts were, I hope I don’t disappoint the listeners. I’m not that good.
But I mustered all my excitement and passion that I had and walked up to speak. His credibility with the people gave me instant credibility. As I began to speak they were very receptive to what I was saying. Their attentiveness helped me to connect with them. In a few minutes most of the nervousness was gone. I began to feel more comfortable.
For me this is an example of using others credibility and existing connection to connect myself. I will never forget that day. I have since then help others in the same way.
Mark
51 Dhes Guevarra // Oct 7, 2009 at 1:03 am
I whole heartedly appreciate your site, and so with your books.
thank your for sharing your thought with us.
52 Dhes Guevarra // Oct 7, 2009 at 1:05 am
I wish i can have some chance to hear you personally, i pray you would come and visit Philippines and and spread your wonderful being.
53 Shelley Quinones // Oct 7, 2009 at 1:47 am
It is such a gift when people are open and willing to connect. Many people are afraid of what others might think of them and hold back. When a person is able to go beyond their comfort zone and reach into another’s heart, something magical happens. Both people are changed and dreams can become reality.
Connecting can be learned but it is a difficult process of idenitfying fears and letting them go. We were designed from the beginning for connection. It is something that is deeply longed for by people across all walks of life.
John, I love how Charlie pointed out that you look for ways to make people feel special. Thank you for doing this. People need to feel special to allow hope to grow and experience the fullness that life has to offer.
54 Laura Nelson // Oct 7, 2009 at 10:56 am
I took three pages of notes on this chapter, and smacked myself in the forehead about five times in response to ah-ha moments. The land of p-12 education is dependent upon community support. In this economy, the mandate to communicate well with patrons is more significant than ever. This chapter left me wondering….are any of these lessons more important/valuable when the stakes for miscommunication are highest?
55 Michelle Pack // Oct 7, 2009 at 2:38 pm
In the line of being true to yourself, I almost forgot that I wanted to share a quote from Mega-Producer Jerry Bruckheimer. When asked, “how do you know which material will be such huge blockbusters?” His answer was, “I don’t. I just make movies that I like and figure other people will like them to.” Boy, do they.
56 Michelle Pack // Oct 7, 2009 at 2:39 pm
edit: too.
57 Henry Will // Oct 7, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I liked the humor! It’s your personality coming out in this writing!
If there was anything I would add, it would be:
1) An explanation of details about how to develop these skill(s). Example: how can you develop confidence? Charlie writes: “you need to do the work required to gain confidence.” What is the work required? Personally, I would say it’s accomplished by preparation, which maybe determines that the section on preparation should be first. But, I think the readers would like to know how to develop these talents.
2) I believe it would be helpful to have a conclusion that reiterates the intention of the title of the chapter (“Connecting is More Skill than Natural Talent”). You could reinforce that these skills can be developed by any individual, just as you have developed them. It doesn’t have to be a long and drawn out explanation, but I think it bears repeating. It may even be a chance for some more humor
58 Diane Stortz // Oct 7, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Great content!
I found it a bit off putting to open the chapter by stating what you’re going to do later. Try moving the personal story at the end to the beginning of the chapter instead. Move the intro material about Charlie’s comments to just before his section appears. You’ll need to beef up the concluding section somewhat, but I think you’ll end up with a much better flow.
59 Bruce Carden // Oct 7, 2009 at 8:45 pm
John is a great connector. I have heard him speak live, listened to his leadership CD’s, and read many of his books. What makes him so effective as a communicator is that he has connected with himself in an amazing way. His vision, mission, and passion are all internally connected. If that were not the case, he would not be the John Maxwell we know and connect with.
If people sense that a person is not connected with themselves, they see little value in making a connection. To make a good connection with people externally, we have to be connected with ourselves internally. If people see or hear otherwise connection becomes much harder. Ask yourself, would you want to connect with someone who is not even connected to themselves?
60 Rhonda York // Oct 7, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Another great chapter and so informative. As a speaker and past member of Toastmasters, I judge speakers when listening to them. To have someone be entertaining, real and connect with the audience is so important. The info in this chapter is great, would like to see more steps on how to actually go about doing that. John and Charlie shared their experiences, but are there some specific tips?
Also, two TYPOS I noticed were in the first paragraph, 2nd sentence shoud be TO hand over the …
Then in Charlie’s first section, the last paragraph should be a lot of people who know HIM much better….
Looking forward to the next chapter and adding this book to my collection of John’s books.
61 Leonor // Oct 7, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Dear John,
This is great information for us who don’t know how to speak. We must be able to “connect” and make it worth someone’s time to listen to what we have to say. As you have mentioned, it is not about us, it is about the other person!!
4th paragraph under The Art of Connecting by Charlie Wetzel: Outside of his family, there are not a lot of people who know much him better than I do. Shouldn’t this be the following: Outside of his family, there are not a lot of people who know him much better than I do.
Overall, I enjoyed learning about the personal experiences. It helps us connect with you and you come across as human and not some perfect, untouchable person who knows it all.
Thanks for sharing!
62 Tom Chereck Jr // Oct 8, 2009 at 8:02 am
I read down to the Indian story, I liked it but it seemed fake. I also read the first paragraph of Wetzel’ comment.
I was so fortunate to meet you 12-1990, be a part of the Injoy Life Club for a few years and be affected by your ministry, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, David Cho all through Dale Galloway.
Before the Indian story it was excellent.
Since one week before the Amish Mascre 10-1-2006, I have been leading most Sundays a worship service from a Street Corner in Salem, OR. I witness to about 1,000 people on a Sunday, during a 2-2.5 hr service with a 1-1 ratio for and against the message. I use dry erase boards, the largest being 4′x6′, the rain doesn’t wash it off. Avery has a jumbo dry erase pen.
I have always realized it is important to hear and resond to comments courteously, it often leads to next Sunday’ message.
I realize that the training I have recieved from you and others helped me to get a third of the vote (4k) in 2008 running for the Oregon House of Representatives.
As long as I go to the Bible, hand my life over to him, wait and listen to what he wants me to say and say it without fear, I will be successful even if I don’t win.
I love you, with a Christian kiss, Tom.
63 Martin Gonzalez // Oct 8, 2009 at 10:25 am
I feel something was left out here. My colleagues and I really believe John’s strength as a communicator is his great storytelling ability. We look at this aspect because we work in the marketing department, and when creating a 30 second succinct message with impact, storytelling is so important. It’s the skill to present a story in a way that is easily followed, that establishes a connection, allows for vicarious-like “relatability”, words that evoke images in the audiences’ minds.
John has mastered this skill, and that is one of the greatest skills I feel he has above all other speakers I’ve listened to.
64 JesseGiglio // Oct 8, 2009 at 11:06 am
Thanks for a comprehensive look at some of the technique behind the art. Some good takeaways for me. Also thought of this;
The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
65 Rusty Williams // Oct 8, 2009 at 11:12 am
I also believe it is skill, but it isn’t just skill alone. I believe what really makes the difference is the attitude and fuel behind that skill. If as a communicator I am consumed by how my skill will make me look in the eyes of the listener then I will not connect. If I am consumed by how my skill will take words, stories, gestures, and my visual resources and use them to dramatically change the listener’s life then the connection I make will be indescribable and uncontainable. When I mix my skill with selfishness/self-centeredness I may make an impression on myself, but when my motivation is to make an impression on the listener I will even use the skill of self-deprication and sharing my weaknesses to get the job done. Our focus makes the difference.
66 Joey Colasito // Oct 8, 2009 at 11:15 am
I agree with everything mentioned. Being a great communicator is all about connecting with the audience, regardless of how big and how small, whether it’s 1,000 people or 1 person.
I love the “What Makes People Listen?” section. Being in the financial services industry and a trainer of trainers, I find it very important to make the connection using your relationships, insight, success, ability and sacrifice but more importantly, we too have to use one of our greatest senses… LISTENING (hearing)!!
I believe a great communicator has to use his or her mouth and ears proportionately. Many people tend to talk a lot about themselves to establish trust and credibility, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, in my opinion, a great communicator needs to find not only “What Makes People Listen?” but to find balance in “How to Listen to People”. If you speak in front of crowds, find out the demographics of the audience. Is it a general audience of many backgrounds or an audience of specific backgrounds. If you talk to a small audience of 1 or 2 people, make them talk… find their “hot buttons”, what makes them tick, what their needs, interests, goals and objections are and then use the gathered information and sincerely be of service and value to them with your connection factors… relationships, insight, success, ability, and sacrifice.
Whew!! Sorry went off on a tangent there. But it looks like Mr. Maxwell is going to have another best seller.. I can’t wait!!
Joey Colasito
Chesapeake, VA
67 Ryan Ladner // Oct 8, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I really enjoyed this chapter on communication. I recently preached my first sermon as the youth pastor for my church. I was obviously nervous when my pastor asked me to speak so I spent some time looking at other pastors and speakers and see how they attempted to connect with audience and make things fun. I found this to be very difficult and it just didn’t feel right. After reading this chapter on communication I definitely see where it is of immense importance to find your own style and really work on connecting with the audience. Just by reading the words of Dr. Maxwell and Mr. Wetzel I am amazed at this insight and advice they have. This chapter has done wonders for me and I am sure it will do wonders for speakers and writers everywhere.
Thanks,
Ryan
Chattanooga, TN
68 Marc Hopkins // Oct 8, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I’ve read your books for so long, I feel like I reaching out to an old friend I’ve never spoken to before. Including Charlie’s point of view gave me an inside look to an old friend; and allowing him to share his own viewpoint reinforces (for me) the points being made.
Here’s my story; I just started my new job as a college professor after years of working in the corporate world. My first day, a group of 4 (3 veteran teachers and me) spoke to a room of potential students (16 and 17 year olds.) The rest of the professors just spoke. I saw these kids drift away quickly. Then, it was my turn.
I wish I remember the moment I gave up on my scripted remarks; I was illustrating a point that their generation has grown up with technology more so then anyone before, and asked the room who plays video games. Ah… I had their interest. Then it hit me, AUTHENTICITY…
I told the group as a 40 year old, I didn’t really understand video games. They laughed; offered their insights, and suddenly, we connected.
After the presentations concluded, I sat with a small group of students over pizza, and talked about career options.
I was fortunate to re-learn the value of authenticity.
69 Phil // Oct 8, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Thanks for this opportunity to learn from the Pros. I’m a frustrated 60yearold that would like to connect / communicate better … just in my Sunday School Class not in large venues. I want to share my successes both personally and in writing. But I’m a bit of an introvert with a slight stutter issue that surfaces on occasion that fuzzy my self-confidence. My point is that this book looks ideal for me and I am so appreciative of it coming from such a great role model. THANKS!
70 Johnson Tey // Oct 8, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I reflect in the chapter that I’m already connected with the audience before knowing them, even before knowing I’m speaking. There is always a way to connect effectively as you pointed out: relationships, credibility, and remembering every member of the audience can connect with a story you have in your life.
It is not about proving how impressive you are to get their attention. Your life is a story. They have a story… looks like we got something in common!
71 Lisa R Combs // Oct 8, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Outside of his family, there are not a lot of people who know much him better than I do.
I think this needs to be reverse “much him” to “him much”
. . .people who know him much better than I do
72 Pinkan Chrisnindia // Oct 9, 2009 at 6:02 am
Mr. Maxwell,
If I want to improve my communication skill,
should I have a mentor whom expert in communication and connecting?
What kind of relationship that must we have?
All of your chapters have inspired me a lot….
I get new spirit to achieve my dream…
I am really enjoying my life…
thank you…Psalm 37:3-6
GBU
73 Binish // Oct 9, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Mr. Maxwell,
Really its just very nice to know about you from another person.
Excellent piece of writing
Regards,
Binish
74 Cheryl Lohner // Oct 9, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I have often been told that I am a great connector. That I have the ability to put people at ease and make them feel valued and supported. I love people and they can feel it. Talking with people one-on-one has always been very easy for me. However, there was a time when I had a terrible fear of speaking. As a business owner I knew this had to change, so I pushed myself to “get out there” hoping that my fear would subside with more experience.
Through that process, I learned that speaking was just another way for me to connect with people, which I loved to do. My goal was to leave people better than before they heard me speak. If they were left with just one nugget that would help their lives or business, I had been successful. I wasn’t always confident in my subject matter, but I was confident in my ability to connect with people. That was a great starting point for me and has served me well through the years.
Thank you so much John for your continued insight and wisdom. God bless you and your team.
75 Colin Tomlin // Oct 9, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I now know why i like to read your books so much. Its because its written as if you were connecting to me in a live setting.
I enjoyed this chapter so much that i called one of my mentors to let him know how much of a great connector/communicator he is which in itself turned out to be a great connector
)
Thanx for sharing your anecdotes with us and allowing us a peek into the life of a truly great communicator by letting Charlie share with us. Far from being self serving it buttressed the point about connecting with others and how intentional it really is!
I will spread the word about this one!
Thanx & God Bless
Colin
76 Ronnie // Oct 10, 2009 at 1:48 am
I am from Malaysia. One pastor friend once told me about he being a speaker in an Australian church. He was accompanied by one more pastor friend. When he stepped onto the pulpit, he froze. Quickly, he introduced the name of his pastor’s friend as the speaker instead of him. I couldn’t imagine he was alone during that time. It would have been one big embarrasment! Thanks John, for sharing your failures too!
77 Billy Hawkins // Oct 10, 2009 at 7:25 am
ANOTHER UNBELIEVABLE CHAPTER!!!
This book will be on my mandatory reading list for all leaders in the future!! Jam packed with application and crafted with insight to transform lives!
spelling error I found…
In the second sentence of the chapter it should say I am going TO hand over the reins.
Bring on chapter 6!!
78 Folayemi Oyedele // Oct 10, 2009 at 10:07 am
Hello John,
Though I have no speaking or writing skills, I just wanted to let you know that this work of yours actually helps transform my mind further to see beyond myself and reach out to others (which is what the love walk is all about). My focus now will be on connecting, and this opens up a whole new world. I am glad I can still learn how to connect from experts like you.
I look forward to chapter 6.
79 Ryan // Oct 10, 2009 at 11:24 am
Improving your fundamental skills creates opportunities. “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect!” – subtitle could be – the fundamentals of connecting. I like the way your writer shows us how you apply the fundamentals for your success. Confidence, Authenticity, Preparation, Humor, Others-Mindedness. Demonstrating how you walk the walk from someone else’s perspective is a good idea. I think the key thing for anyone to improve is to find the area you are weakest in and work on that fundamental. Thanks for sharing an inside look at how you use the fundamentals.
80 Chew Keng Sheng // Oct 10, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Thank you John for this chapter.
It is nice to get a glimpse of who you are from a person who has worked with you.
I learned a lot from Charlie’s testimony, and I like to call it:
Six lessons I learned today from the life of John Maxwell:
1. Be generous with your praise of others where praise is due
2. No matter how bad someone has performed, there is always something positive you can affirm him for. Be on the lookout for his strength.
3. Be real and authentic – let others know that you are aware of your weaknesses and you are just as human as they are
4. Be humble – there is always lessons you can learn from others no matter who they are
5. Empower others. I do not need to micro-manage. Give others the space for them to develop the potential that they have inside them.
6. Treat each speaking engagement, or for that matter, any job assignment, seriously and with respect. Do your homework.
81 Daniel Ukpore // Oct 10, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Sir, this is a great chapter and it was very enlightening. May God bless you with greater wisdom to impact the more your world.
I suggest that to connect with all who read now and will read your book when released formally, this could be added as an introduction to this chapter; a talent is more of an inborn ability while a skill is a developed ability, usually, not inborn.
If what I say next is useful, you could place it anywhere you deem appropriate.
In connecting with people, one major but often overlooked set-back, is assumption. As a communicator, as much as possible, dot all “I” and cross all “t”, don’t assume they understand. Even if they do, I could categorically, say that not all do. And thus, some leave elated and others not.
As a communicator, speaking to an audience, you don’t have an audience within an audience, you just have an audience thus, your impact should be felt by all and not a few and for such, minute details are very important.
The bible stated best the consequence if the opposite is the case when it noted; “little foxes ruin the vine”.
Thanks and God bless.
82 hope hammond // Oct 10, 2009 at 10:50 pm
everything you write and say is such an encouragement to me. i’ve never considered myself to be a good speaker, yet GOD has called me to do it anyway. i needed to read this chapter. i appreciate your humility and transparency about you not always having it all together. you’re one of my favorite speakers. a few years ago, i facilitated a leadership class in which i showed some of your videos. you do connect well with others even through a tv. we always referred to you as our buddy, john. =) thanks for being such an inspiration!
83 fradel barber // Oct 10, 2009 at 11:01 pm
This is the best chapter so far!! I really got a lot out of it!….an added thought to the indian story….is that without proper communication people can interpret things differently and have a different understanding of situations which may cause them to disconnect when that is not the intention.
Looking forward to next weeks chapter
84 Alejandro Pozo // Oct 11, 2009 at 12:05 am
Great Chapter, congratulations.
I just want to participate adding one more point about What Makes People Listen? 6. Congruence.
What you say is the way you act. If you have demonstrate that your words are possible to live, you are congruent.
What do you think about a President that ask for austerity to Government ant hang out to society and is not putting the example raising his and his equipment salary and benefits?
Thanks a lot for this opportunity,
Blessings
Alejandro Pozo, Monterrey-México
85 Jim Thompson // Oct 11, 2009 at 12:58 am
A great chapter. Just one point I’d like to see updated: Forbes magazine estimates the endorsement earnings of Tiger Woods in 2007. Do you have access to more recent or even projected earnings? If the book is coming out in 2010, readers would probably appreciate more current information. Just a thought …
86 Alyssa Lee // Oct 11, 2009 at 6:01 am
Thank you for what you share! Can’t wait for my hard copy!
I just started following you on twitter. I follow some other folks, some as well known and others known in their circle of influence. You, however, are the first to follow me back. THAT IS CONNECTING! Such a small effort can produce such great affinity, yet so many miss the opportunity.
Reading this chapter I found myself saying, “Of course, this makes all the sense in the world!” Thank you for your writing to first bring first awareness and then provide a roadmap for grow in this area that is so critical to leadership growth! Much Love! Alyssa
87 Polly // Oct 11, 2009 at 8:49 am
Dear Mr. Maxwell,
I just wanted to thank you and let you know that I get inspired by your writing. I’m not a great communicator, in fact I have a problem of being often misunderstood. This article has given me hope that I don’t have to be a certain kind of personality to communicate well.
Praying for you.
88 Jon Rapusas // Oct 11, 2009 at 8:55 am
It’s no accident that I started this interactive writing experience today. I’m going to get this book in 2010!!!
Before I learnt that in growing in leadership, is a mix of technical and communication skills. John has given the connection factor a greater focus. I remember my training days where I was oozing with passion, but I forget to follow up in the connection with my students.
I really need this book!!!
This chapter gives me hope… But I’ve always remember my favorite saying from you, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. I’m sure that this book will give us the hows in showing how much we care by connecting.
89 Dale Hart // Oct 11, 2009 at 9:20 am
I really enjoyed Charlie’s comments. They were an affirmation of everything you said. We all know people who seem to “know everyone” wherever they go. These people are connectors.
One of the greatest connectors I know is Lance Barrow, who is the Executive Producer of CBS Golf and NFL Football. Lance knows presidents, professional athletes and personalities world wide. They all call him their friend.
But Lance is also close to people who have nothing to give him in return but their friendship. Everyone who knows Lance thinks they are his friend. He is a connector.
Great connectors always seem to “know” everyone because they do not “turn off” their ability to connect as the company they are in changes. They are genuine, and that opens the door for their connection.
90 Franisz Ginting // Oct 11, 2009 at 9:52 am
PLEASE READ THIS:
I think we can learn the best communicators from advertising world.
An advertising worker from Indonesia, Narga Shakri Habib, says:
“Either communicating to one person or to one million people, it requires same discipline.”
“Whatsoever we communicate, it cannot be separated.” (This sentence makes me think. It’s okay because the best communication makes you sense, feel, think─and do. Best book makes you think. So, too, best advertisements.)
Even David Ogilvy said that an advertisement should be communicative, must sell…
I agree with Dr. John C. Maxwell that our communication should be effective and more skill than natural talent. If our communication is not effective, it’s like throwing salt into the sea, useless…
91 R. Lynn Lane // Oct 11, 2009 at 10:10 am
What a pleasure to read this chapter. That connection is very well needed and felt by all people involved.
A great connunicator is a giver and has much empathy for others.
“A person don’t care what you know until they know how much you cars.” Zig Ziglar
Thanks so much for this. It will serve me well.
R. Lynn Lane The Warrior Of Success
92 Chin M C // Oct 11, 2009 at 11:55 am
My wife and I were brisk walking at a park a few days ago. A man whom I have noticed earlier was asking the park warden some questions about whether the school nearby was opened that day.
We have not seen him before . Maybe it was his first time there. I had a hunch that he was trying to CONNECT with the park warden.
As we were busy cooling down after the brisk walk and not really ready to strike a conversation with anyone.
At the moment , the man approached us and the first thing he said was ” What’s up , we have not met for some time ! ”
Remember I told you we had not seen this man before so I guessed he was trying to CONNECT with us .
How did he do ? Well, he did not manage to CONNECT because we do not know him ; his opening line put us off as it was not appropriate to have used such opening line knowing well that we were not friends or acquaintances before.
This story shows that it requires Skills – what to say , when to start a conversation to CONNECT.
93 Jason Glenn // Oct 11, 2009 at 3:55 pm
May God continue to bless you. You have a desire to sharpen your gifts towards people. John is truly blessed to be a blessing. Thank you for your service to God and man, and at every level of life. A. W. Tozer said “the simplicity which is found in Christ is rarely found among Christians today. ”
That is what I’m reminded of when I think of your whole approach on people, ministry and connecting. To be a connector they must know you first believe in them. You have a powerful and profound ability that I know God is pleased with your stewardship. Thank you for all your wisdom and knowledge over the years.
94 Luis Fernando Rodriguez Patiño // Oct 11, 2009 at 5:43 pm
World is connected today more than ever before, we can have a family member is the other side of the continent or in the farther corner of the Atlantic, and we can know more about him or her than what is happen to our neighbor. There are no excuses for, no one to tell the world about our own capacity to destroy ourselves faster today than ever-in history. Binary codes made it all, we discover it, we connected it, since the 80′s we develop our alien countdown destroy machine.
Now we face a big deal, we face the capacity of Christians to connect with love, with stewardship, with the same wisdom that connect a body to restart and recreated the original garden, the original place where we can live connected with the fullness of God, yes he is, “Jesus” is in whom the father pleases all his fullness dwell.
To make the point lets connect what is the fullness of God (Wisdom) in a life; with proverbs that talks about a spiritual life: (NIV)
(Col 1:19)
19: For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20: and through him to reconcile (Reconnect) to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
(Eph 3:19)
19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
(Pro 20: 5; 27)
5: The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.
27: The lamp of the LORD searches the spirit of a man [a] ; it searches out his inmost being. (The Heart)
Only by having a spiritual life we can start the process of connection, the process of recreation, Having Jesus in our hearts is more about spiritual life than binary codes.
Thanks for the opportunity Dr Maxwell.
95 Rhonda Baker // Oct 11, 2009 at 6:21 pm
John,
Several years ago you signed a book for me . . . I wasn’t and am not much into book signings but my friend insisted so I painstakingly stood in line for her sake. I’ll never forget how personal you made that experience for me. You looked right into my eyes and said, “Don’t let anyone tell you because you’re a woman that you can’t lead.”
I simply affirm what Charlie has written in that you know how to connect with people one-on-one as well as in a crowd. I went on to finish seminary and am now serving at Central Christian Church in Las Vegas as Pastor of Women’s Ministry. Thank you John for making a difference in my life from a simple book signing (btw – the teaching was great as well).
FYI: My first time teaching, I thought I’d share all that I’d learned in seminary about the 10 Commandments . . . yes, all ten!!! Those poor people. By the time I had gotten to “Thou shall not steal” no doubt they had all nailed me for stealing an hour from them on their Sabbath.
96 Yvonne Green // Oct 11, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I personally can’t wait to buy this book.
Its building block upon building block yet in each building block reflects the core in a different light.
97 Steve McMahan // Oct 11, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I think the word should be publicly.
Fascinating book, I look forward to each week’s installment.
98 D Jonelle Cousins // Oct 11, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Very interesting chapter and so were the others. I am happy to have the opportunity to comment however, I missed it last week by 5 minutes.
This is a very essential chapter in the book because the point of communicating will be lost if there is no connection. The chapter explains the key points in order to connect with the receiver. I am sure it will be well received. You have connected with me in this chapter.
99 Grace Bower // Oct 11, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I an being bold enough to make a suggestion about the composition of the chapter 5.
Have you thought of starting off with Becoming a connecting communicator is a process – your story eg 50 new speaker experience – 70 comment ( nothing about charlie)
Then the next section could be about you always learn as you listen with the 4 non-connector reasons and then the 6 connectors and reasons with the great summarising paragraph.
Next -Relationships – credibility – Ex Oprah example
Insight – Generosity – People putting back
Ability – Role models – 75
Sacrifice – Life examples – Rich Mullins
Then finish with another perspective – My insider – Charlie!Maybe 2nd part ofhapter or a mini chapterin between your two bits – Appreciation by 1/2/6/17/42/44/75/89
I sum it up as the intentional ways you connect and the transcribing of someone who has first hand experience to share.
Loved and would use: 80 – six messages from Charlie’s chapter.
Also use33 and 37 examples and experiences
You had as many for as against with the Wild west story but it is a great example as to how each was so interested in their side that they were unaware of how badly they communicated – definitely important example with humor unless it is offensive to native American indians.
Trust there are some useful threads –
God Bless and Bless God!
100 George Dean // Oct 11, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Good chapter…I am learning all the concepts you spoke of, as I work on honing my teaching skills for grades 4-8 with grades 7-8, being the toughest audience…as they have a take no prisoners mentality sometimes….and look at you as disconnected from their generation.
Learning to be a good communicator and having
Good communication is a process, like you describe, and I look forward to reading your book, and using it to help communicate the need to bring others to Jesus, and let him take over from that point on…
Sorry to have joined the discussion group late, but I was sick for a week, after helping with flood relief in the Atlanta area, and did not know anything about your book until y0u starting following me on twitter, which I thank you for…by the way….and I was quite thrilled that you did…as I have been a fan of yours for over 14 years…when I first heard you speak at Promise Keepers in Atlanta.
Thanks again,
George Dean
Rome, GA.
101 Patty // Oct 11, 2009 at 9:45 pm
I had a hard time with this chapter. I was the office assistant to the Sr Pastor of a church who was (is) a psychopath. To everyone else – he is the perfect pastor. He could easily get 10 people to write about him being a great guy, but I was the person who he would scream at because I was the person in the office who was the closest to him and I saw the real him and all the garbage he did and said. I mean he would scream at me. He would slam my office door shut and scream at me until I shook so bad I would cry. What he doesn’t know is one time someone heard what he did. This person came to me and said, “I’m so sorry this is happening to you and I’m sorry this is your first experience working for a church, it’s not suppose to be like this.” He also said to me, “I wish I could help you, but I can’t. He treats me the same way and I need this job right now, but I’m going to get out when I can – I suggest you do the same.” This was said by the Assistant Pastor.
So, Mr. Maxwell, when I read a chapter like this, I tend to be turned off because it sounds too good to be true.
I wasn’t going to post a negative post, but you said you wanted all opinions and this is how I truly felt.
I really did like the first 4 chapters and will continue to read more chapters as you post it.
Thank you for allowing me to be real here.
102 Kimberly Tucker // Oct 11, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Very insightful. Connecting with others is now more important than ever for me.
103 Janet George // Oct 11, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Well…..it’s like this…..I don’t know ANYONE who doesn’t respect Mother Theresa, the 911 firefighters, or the servicemen/women in Iraq & Afghanistan….but there are PLENTY of people who do NOT respect a number of the current civil rights leaders…..Just sayin’……. Also, when you tell me someone is African America and nothing else, then I am lead to believe that the momma and daddy are both blacks, who either came from Africa or at least their ancestors did. If I later find out that one parent is white (or another race) then my trust in you gets compromised. While I wouldn’t accuse you of lying, I would be watching out for you to deceive me.
As for the Charlie Wetzel chapter, I think it would work best as a chapter at the end of the book, sort of like a “rest of the story” chapter. It was certainly an interesting chapter with good info, but I did catch myself thinking what an old janitor would be saying if he were reading it at that point in the book, “Well, Momma pin a rose on you!”
104 Vera L E Archilla // Oct 11, 2009 at 10:27 pm
A great chapter! Thank you John.
I’m waiting for the next…..
I liked specially of the edification, this a fundamental instrument of the great speakers.
Congratulations John!