189 responses so far ↓

• 1 Tim Buttrey // Sep 21, 2009 at 12:02 am

  Sorry. I made a comment earlier on chapter two and when I posted it the comments had already closed. I hope it is OK to place the chapter two post here at the beginning of chapter three!
  ——————————————-
  My post at the end of chapter one was “Genuine connecting won’t happen unless I am truly interested in the other person.” When I read the title of chapter two I had to smile!

  Chapter two. Sadly, when I was younger and immature, I saw my marriage primarily as a benefit to me. Linda was there to be my “helper.” She felt called to be a pastor’s wife and me to be a pastor. That seemed convenient! Because I took Linda for granted I failed to genuinely care about her leading to severe disconnection. I have learned from my mistakes and now want to earn a PhD in LJB (Linda Jane Buttrey.) We now believe that self-centeredness is the number one destroyer of marriage. In addition, we teach other-centeredness as being the great liberator. Our concept of other-centeredness (Christ-likeness) seems more appropriate than even selflessness. In my studies of Jesus he is much more other-centered than selfless. Just a thought.

• 2 Nivine Zakhari // Sep 21, 2009 at 12:45 am

  Not only is this chapter helpful for general speakers, but it is a good reminder of important considerations for trial attorneys. Have you considered including examples of juror feedback on trial lawyers?

• 3 Krissie Goetz // Sep 21, 2009 at 12:57 am

  John,
  This is exceptional! Oh my goodness! I loved it! I look forward to reading more and more chapters of this upcoming book! I love your talks at all of the World Wide Group functions! Thanks for being such a light for all of us!

• 4 Sue Cartun // Sep 21, 2009 at 1:46 am

  John:

  It just keeps getting better. Chapter three is chocked full of useful nuggets. Thank you.

  I’ve been fortunate to be asked to speak many times to my peers in the real estate world and agree wholeheartedly with your four components of communication: what people see, understand, feel and hear are critical for the speaker to address.

  The valuable lesson I’ve learned about delivering the message with all four of those components in mind is exactly what you pointed out. If we want our audience to take action on the message, we must MOVE when we deliver it. We cannot stand behind the lectern or sit across the desk, or freeze in front of a non-moving camera in the video.

  We must gesture, pace, nod, and *connect* in a natural way that is genuine to whom we are as a person, when conveying a heart-felt and compelling message we want to have someone take action on, or take away to use.

  Nothing changes until something moves.

• 5 Lucia Diaz // Sep 21, 2009 at 2:00 am

  that was AWESOME!!!! it is great, excellent, i believed you covered all i needed to know about the topic… Great Job… I love this chapter, it is definitely one that i will read over and over and over… and EVERYONE should read it =-)

  Thanks!
  God Bless

• 6 kriszel torres // Sep 21, 2009 at 2:31 am

  WOW! I’ve been learning so much from these three chapters. Thank you so much!

  A little edit for point 3.WHAT PEOPLE FEEL-CONNECTING EMOTIONALLY ‘Confidence is like that- when invested on others- helps people to feel comebued to the person who IS giving it and it makes them confident in themselves. ‘

• 7 Laverne Lai // Sep 21, 2009 at 3:43 am

  Dear John,

  Superb! Big thanks for reminding me that facial expression, body gesture and face to face communication still are the core of the effective communication.

  As now is the era of Blackberry (in Indonesia), many people usually communicate via this device. Walking and texting, talking and testing, even having a holy matrimony and texting
  The top thing of our mind when hearing the word “connection” is no longer “connection” between people, but more to internet “connection”.
  It’s ironic that what’s made to keep us connected to others actually set us in a less intimate situation.

  Looking forward to next chapters!!

  Happy connecting,
  Laverne

• 8 Joyce // Sep 21, 2009 at 4:03 am

  Interesting note about the lighting in your speaking venue. This weekend our church staff had intentionally attempted create an aesthetic environment with candles and dim lighting during the weekend service (not our normal practice). However, it was so dark, I couldn’t read my Bible nor take notes during the message. I would conclude our pastor couldn’t see us either and couldn’t adjust as he normally does, as a result, I struggled to stay engaged. Sometimes the “small stuff” isn’t so insignificant. Thanks for that experienced tip.

  Also, Mike Harrison is credited as the source of the quote: “People … will always remember how you made them feel.” I love the quote, however a brief Google search shows this quote is also attributed to Mother Teresa, Maya Angelou, Mark Twain, Bonnie Jean Wasmund, Carl W. Buechner, Walt Disney, Dr. Thomas L. Garthwaite, Steven Krushen, Michael Port and (of course) the infamous “Annonymous.”

• 9 Maureen Sherman // Sep 21, 2009 at 4:15 am

  As the child of a mother and grandmother hard of hearing before hearing aids were accessible to those with deafness I have spent my life longing to connect but with limited skills an intelligent mind and a powerful family life and story around the devastation one family experiences with the absence of deep and meaningful connection.
  As a Coach I found I attracted many through my story and successes yet I have recently noticed the limitations and potentially debilitating communication of my need for altering my style of connection. While I do so quite well in some situations I realized that unless I find the key to connection more authentically I would need to retire. However praise God one more time He delivers my need this time through you John someone only He knew I had this sense of connection with that drew me to you that I now understand was a resonation and alignment with the congruency of any of your messages wether in written word or on TV. For obvious reasons I have a keen sense of the non verbal and incongruency of a message and delivery which has often left me feeling doubtful and confused
  since I thought it had to do with the absence of a learning that children of deaf people might experience. However this chapter perfectly describes why we connect with some and not with others and the relevance of the nature of congruency. This chapter also raises ones consciousness regardless of the environment to asssist in the reconnection that so many long for.
  Gods refining hand and a message so timely for me and those I can more boldy serve now.
  Wonderfully inspiring.
  Bless the messenger and the message.
  Maureen

• 10 Lyn // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:07 am

  Dear Sir John,

  Same feelings of awe, wonder, interest, admiration and enjoyment were what I felt when I read Chapter 3 of your new book, “Many Communicates, Few Connect” . These were also my feelings when I read the first of your many publications that I have received in my email ad through articles-that-help. about “Thinking for a Change.” Since January, 2005 to present, I have always enjoyed reading your articles in Leadership Wired.

  But now, the more that I admire you for embarking on interactive book writing….. very new idea and innovative, in my own opinion.

  You have comprehensively covered the topic on connecting beyond words. I like the four components and how they are explained. Most of all, I like to read about your personal experiences because they give us hope and inspiration that we can also do the same – learn and improve ourselves as authentic communicators, especially with our family members, friends and co-workers.

  May I just ask to clarify the phrase: “….to let them know how WE ARE delighted WE ARE to be with them….”

  I am also wondering about an idea that came across my mind when I saw the title of one of your references, “Silent Messages.”

  Is silent communication also a way of connecting? Like, when I just look into your eyes, and you immediately understand me without me saying a single word? Or, do moments of silence also help in connecting? Like, when we just look at the speaker, and the speaker just looks into the audience, and they both instinctively know that they feel or think similarly? I am just wondering . . .

  As a whole, Chapter 3 is great! I have never imagined that this topic on communication can be expanded to cover such a wide range of ideas, and appropriately so, with our modern information mass media, and emerging cyber language in texts, chats and the like.

  Thank you so much, Sir John, for making yourself accessible and in easy connection with us. More power and God bless.

• 11 tami rush // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:11 am

  so far i have enjoyed all three chapters…..bright smiles and a beautiful day…..tami

• 12 Larry Baxter // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:28 am

  This was a helpful but difficult chapter! As someone who tends to come across more intellectually and dispassionate I can see there are many ways in which I can (must!) improve. Yet knowing how to ‘be more expressive’ and letting yourself shine through is going to be a big change. In grad school in science we were taught that you talk must be completely objective, all about the facts, and never use a first person pronoun. How much different to try to actually ‘connect’ with an audience!

  The one thing that was a disconnect between us in reading this was that you seemed to be pushing a style that you are good at (you said you’re a visual communicator). There was an unintended conflicting message for me: ‘find your own voice’ and ‘communicate more like me, not the way you are now.’ Thanks!

• 13 OGUNSAKIN ADEYEMI // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:54 am

  WOW! Another intresting chapter. l’ve really been blessed reading the first 3 chapters of your new book.
  Please e-mail me the list of bookshops or stores where l can get your books in Nigeria. Thanks, God bless you.

• 14 Metamor4sis // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:56 am

  Gasp! Waiting with bated breath for the next chapter….

• 15 Theresia Halim // Sep 21, 2009 at 10:01 am

  Hi John,
  Chapter 3 is revealing many of your effective scheme. When you wrote that you have to live what you write, you did. That makes this chapter very powerful.

  I think it’s a good idea to emphasize the know-your-audience and about delivering genuine message.

  Once i had an unsuccessful experience talking to junior service community. When i find out that 99% of junior church kids went there because of their parents [think that's why we were not connected] i feel sorry and hope that i could manage such situation to use my simple thoughts and inspirations to help people.

  Your book will definitely make a big change.

  Sincerely,
  Theresia

• 16 Jackie Mendez // Sep 21, 2009 at 10:28 am

  Chapter 3 was great. I think that expanding with how to step for componets of communication will assist the reasder immensely.

  As you have illustrated in previous books, after chapter or even in the chapter questions and ercercises help each one reading to practice and learn the concepts. As you may jknow, readers of maxwell want takeaway lessons. How can you improve if you do not offer guidelines to practice the concepts.
  I know through my own learning experience, I have read, going out to practice is where the challenge gets stuck. Desire is there but the guidelines and steps may not be properly outlined.

  Any how, greast material. All is falling into place with this great simple concept of connecting emotionally to serve others!

• 17 Sandi Benz // Sep 21, 2009 at 10:43 am

  THANK YOU for allowing us to be part of this publication. This is an honor to be able to participate and we thank you for your outstanding leadership!
  As it has been said about William Booth – the Founder of the Salvation Army and OTHERS…..
  Early in the 1900′s William Booth prepared a telegram to be sent out to all Salvationists across the world. With the cost being so high he could only afford to send out one word. The word he carefully chose to speak to all Salvationists was one that would be carried forever as a signature for the Salvation Army mission. That word send out across the world was “Others”, and still the founder’s message lives on.
  Thanks again for including this portion in your book on ‘OTHERS’ – its so crucial in communicating.
  Blessings
  Sandi

• 18 Joel Dobbs // Sep 21, 2009 at 11:31 am

  Thanks again John for this opportunity to participate in the making of this book.

  I believe that Ronald Reagan was one of the 20th century’s greatest communicators and connectors. In addition to his folksy personality and easy smile, he passionately believed in his mission as president and the philosophy that served as his foundation.

  I recently had the opportunity to read three books on Reagan that drove this point home. Two were publications of his personal letters and his diaries from his time in office. Here we get a look at the real man and see the unwavering passion he had for democracy and for this country. The third is a brilliantly-written book titled “Reagan’s Secret War” and deals with his complex relationship with several Soviet leaders. Here again one sees an unwavering commitment to his core principles.

  This passion, I believe, is part of what came across in Reagan’s many speeches and press conferences and helped make the Great Communicator also a Great Connector.

  Thanks again John for sharing your work with us.

• 19 Stephanie // Sep 21, 2009 at 12:04 pm

  Actually that is not what the Mehrabian research said. Here’s an interview of him in which he says he cringes when he hears it misquoted:

  http://wordsthatmovemountains.com/files/page1_1.mp3

• 20 Mark Ralls // Sep 21, 2009 at 12:11 pm

  Back several years ago (maybe 20 or so) I was involved in sales. One of the techniques we were taught was called “Feel, Felt, Found”. This technique was to be used to overcome objections to buying the product. Basically it went like this:

  When the customer expressed an objection, you would say “I know how you feel, I felt the same way when I first heard these claims. But do you know what I found. You would then explain while this is a common comment, it is unfounded because of… fill in the blank for that objection.

  The purpose was to connect at an emotional level. This technique work for some and not for others. I believe the reason is believing in the product. If you truly believed, you had passion and you connected, if you did not truly believe in the product, nothing was going to give you the ability to connect.

• 21 Chew Keng Sheng // Sep 21, 2009 at 12:53 pm

  Dear John,

  Thanks for this chapter.

  Typical of John Maxwell’s style, this chapter is packed with tons of helpful tips, and shifts from focus to focus in a fast pace:)

  From personal experience as a lecturer, I agree totally with what you said. Oftentimes, what determine whether I will successfully connect with my students or not is not really the contents of the lecture (though that is important); but rather, whether I am REAL or not.

  I personally experienced and believe that people can see through you, beyond your talk, beyond your slides, beyond your outward appearance. They can see whether you are really genuinely care for them and concern for their performance and grades, or whether you are just up there to showcase how much you know.

  At times, really, action speaks louder than words. Respect has got to be earned. When you earn their respect, you win the right to hold their ears for your talk.

  I also agree with you that the first few minutes either makes or breaks your talk (in your chapter, you quote Roger Ailes for the seven-second rule to make the right first impression). I personally think we have got more than 7 seconds but no more than, probably, first 5 – 10 minutes to make that first impression. Within the first five to 10 minutes, they will decide whether you are worth their attention or not. You can force their presence in the room or hall, but you can’t force their attention and mind to your talk.

• 22 Gareth Stead // Sep 21, 2009 at 1:01 pm

  Dear John

  I am an avid reader and follower of your principles and teaching on Leadership. This chapter is up there with your best, as always. You make the complex simple and easy to apply.

  As a South African pastor, I have come to appreciate how well American culture has mastered this art of connecting and story-telling. I would write the names of Colin Powell, Bill Hybels, Oprah Winfrey and Joel Osteen alongside yours in my “connecting” hall of fame.

  However, I would appeal for more examples from other non-American cultures. As much as we appreciate the strengths of the USA in so many areas, this chapter would be even more effective outside of the USA and hopefully even in the USA with a greater diversity of illustrations.

  How about stories about powerful connectors like Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, and Winston Churchhill to name a few.

  Thanks for the opportunity to comment.

  Gareth Stead
  Pastor, Cape Town, South Africa

• 23 Justin Westcott // Sep 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm

  These are GREAT lessons for a young leader like myself who strive to connect with others!
  I thought the chapter was excellent! However, I feel that the concept of 4. What People Hear–Connecting Verbally can be expanded upon. Although the essence of what you are saying is that the words aren’t AS important as the way you say it with the emotion you communicate (with which I full agree), but they still ARE important. Are there stories where you INTENDED to mean something but your choice of words got in the way and was less effective? I think this would help that section, otherwise a great chapter!

• 24 John Love // Sep 21, 2009 at 1:46 pm

  Thank’s John

  I am a pastor and speak each Sunday. I never realized how many non verbal mistakes I was making until I saw myself on video. Now it is my regular exercise to go back and listen to myself on tape to determine, not only what I said, but also how I said it. The tape doesn’t lie.

  The book is great-thank you

  John Love

• 25 Brian // Sep 21, 2009 at 2:05 pm

  There is a number 5.
  5. What People Hear—Connecting Spiritually

  I hope this does not sound weird, but we are made in God’s image and God is spirit. So, there is a connection between us that is spirit. This goes way deepter that Connecting Emotionally.
  Time does not allow me to expound but I think you get the message/idea.
  Born again or not, we all still connect spiritually.

• 26 Brian // Sep 21, 2009 at 2:06 pm

  Sorry.
  5. What People Sense—Connecting Spiritually

• 27 Susan Davis // Sep 21, 2009 at 2:56 pm

  When I was in 6th grade my cousin introduced me to marijuana. Then some older “friends” introduced me to alcohol. In Jr High I was intoduced to Cocaine and sex and then added pills to the mix when I was in High school. I didn`t become your text book addict, I was what you call a functioning adddict.

  My addictions followed me into adulthood into my 1st marriage to a man who was addicted like me. Into my divorce and into my next marriage. I did get clean for 9 years while I was married the 2nd time. Well…. I wasn`t really clean, I just traded addictions. I became addicted to pornography when my husband convinced me that it would enhance our sex lives. After our 9 marriage, we got divorced and I returned to my “old friends” to numb the pain. My life hit bottom shortly after.

  I finally gave my life to God and was attending church every time the doors were open, but usually high or under the influence of alcohol or some other drug. It only lasted for a little over a month when God said to me… you can`t live both lives… you need to choose. I chose life with Jesus.

  Jan 1st of 2000 God delivered me from my addictions. They no loger had a stronghold on my life. I have been clean and sober since.

  I felt the calling to share what Jesus had done for me but I couldn`t see how. I was not a speaker by any way shape or form. I thought to myself, who is going to listen me?

  I had the opportunity to start a Celebrate Recovery ministry at my church, which had about 3500 members. The Pastor did not let just anyone share his pulpit. But they decided I had a story to tell and he allowed me to give my testimoy on a Sunday morning with about 2000+ in attendance.

  I was supposed to write an outline so they knew what I was going to say. It came down to the last minute and I told them I had no idea. The night before I was to speak, God gave me the scripture Isaiah 61: 1-11 telling me that I was appointed to set the captives free and to preach the good news and also Mark 13:10-11 about how not to worry beforehand about what to say, the Holy Spirit will give me the words.

  I had no idea what was going to come out of mouth but I just knew that God would give me the words.

  I had 5 minutes. From the moment I took the stage, I have no recolection of what came out of mouth other than I just shared my story. I looked around at the peoples faces, and just shared my heart. At one point, I received a standing ovation! I was overwhelmed. I ended up speaking for almost 10 minutes and the Pastor just let me go until I was done.

  I connected. People came up to me after the service and started sharing their testimonies, and telling me how touched they were by what I shared. I had to smile because I really didn`t remember exactly what I said!

  I had lived it, therefore I knew it.

  I remembered the emotions of the pain of addiction and the joy of redemtion, therefore I felt it.

  I shared what I had done to change, therefore I shared my actions.

  I would say based on this chapter, that speech had all the components of connection and it worked to a tee. Now I know why it worked!

• 28 Perry Holley // Sep 21, 2009 at 3:08 pm

  Hi John,

  Thank you for the great chapter. As someone that does a lot of public speaking myself I would say that I have found two indicators of whether I connected with my audience or not. The first is the level of engagement with me during my talk. This can be measured by eye contact and active listening signals for a large audience and by verbal interaction and eye contact with smaller audiences. The audience size really does not matter, I can always tell if I have connected or not based on engagement factors. Secondly, I can tell that I have connected when I hear comments after my talk about how much energy I exhibited on stage. I appreciated you calling out energy as a component of connecting. I find that my energy comes from two sources; my love of the content that I am speaking about and my intense desire to want to add value to the lives of those kind enough to come hear me speak. It really is not about my words, but about the passion and belief I put into delivering those words. People notice and people connect when they know how much you care about the topic and about them personally.

  Thank you!

• 29 Rachel Shultz // Sep 21, 2009 at 3:18 pm

  John,
  Thank you for your devotion to using your strengths to help others develop & refine their own. I have enjoyed many of your books & articles over the years. Thinking for a Change, There’s no Such Thing as Business Ethics, & Put Your Dream to the Test have been my favorites.

  Forging out into “corporate America” seemed the logical choice after college, but the more I’ve grown into my own strengths the more I’ve realized I can make a larger impact outside of it.

  Chapter 3 resonates with me especially in looking at what your friend Dan Reiland mentioned that, “…people with charisma possess an outward focus instead of an inward one. They pay attention to other people, and they desire to add value to them.” Sometimes we get so focused on improving ourselves that we fail to focus on others.

  In the last few years I have been working with horses & ministry. I can think of no, more perfect example of connecting beyond words than the connection a horse offers. As horses are naturally prey, they react & are sensitive to the slightest communication or change in environment. However, God also created them with a strength, gentleness & capacity for unconditional love that to me, reflects His very nature.

  Many are becoming familiar with the amazing way horses tend to those with disabilities & help them find their own strength & confidence through therapeutic riding programs. But less familiar I believe, are the ministries that exist that help seemingly normal people connect to something outside of themselves when they’ve been forced inward through abuse, fear, self-doubt, ridicule, pain, or grief. Horses are honest & non-judgemental & connecting with them can sometimes reach broken people before other people can. Often that connection tears down a wall that allows the person to begin moving forward & connecting with others as well.

  My dream is to serve as many as possible with this ministry & to help people move forward through whatever challenges life has faced them with. My inspiration has been http://www.CrystalPeaksYouthRanch.org & your mentorship. Thank you.

• 30 Jennie // Sep 21, 2009 at 3:54 pm

  I thought this was an excellent primer on public speaking and self-presentation. I have to agree with you that you must connect to others with your own personal experiences. If you took your personal experiences out of this chapter, it would be boring and I would probably just skim through it, but your personal experiences draw me in and help me understand the message you are communicating – that physicality is just as important as your words.

• 31 Trudy Metzger // Sep 21, 2009 at 4:53 pm

  Dear Mr. Maxwell,
  Once again you have written a very captivating Chapter! I now have my husband and five kids drawn in as I share excerpts with them and give hubby a summarized overview each time.
  The overall content of Chapter 3 is deep, challenging, inspiring and well organized. I did, however, miss the stories. I recognize that you are collecting stories to add, and this may well be a chapter where you will do that, so I comment somewhat cautiously. The stories – especially those from your personal experience – bring the book to life and reality for me.
  It’s fascinating to discover something new each time and see how far I have to go – I know I’m not alone in that. I work hard at being a good communicator but what I’m learning is that there’s so much more to discover! I confess that after reading Chapter 2, I wondered, “How will there be enough for 13 chapters?!” Not anymore!
  I love the story of when you were a third grader! That is priceless – made me laugh out loud and when I shared with my kids it produced the same result! You started back then already, living what many of us only begin to discover in adulthood – to accept ourselves and do the best with what God has given us – though I can’t imagine you were anything less than a sweet little boy back then.
  Thanks for teaching us. I’ll be back for class next week.
  Blessings to you and all your loved ones!
  Trudy

• 32 Trudy Metzger // Sep 21, 2009 at 4:56 pm

  Your Actions Speak So Loudly…
  Paragraph 1: “When many people try to communicate…” // I immediately envision a large group of people trying to communicate. Suggest: When they try to communicate, many people believe the message….”
  Paragraph 4: “I believe those three components are essential to connect with others…” // For syntax purposes I would change “essential to connect with…” to “…essential to connecting with…” Later, at the end of that paragraph, I suggest replacing “…” which means ‘and so on’ with “:” which means ‘as follows’ or often indicates a list is coming
  1 What People See – Connecting Visually
  In this subtitle I see something that is repeated throughout the chapter, and is, to me, very visually distracting and more difficult to read. The dash between words has no space before and after, not allowing for easy flow.
  Paragraph 3: ‘board room’ should be one word “boardroom” and, in the last sentence, the word ‘author’ is redundant. How about “Television executive, communication consultant and author of You Are the Message, Roger Ailes, wrote in Success magazine,”
  Paragraph 5: “They react to your voice-the tone and pitch.” This would possibly flow better with “The react to the tone and pitch of your voice.” The sentence immediately following could have a slightly clearer message and extra punch if the commas were replaced with dashes.
  Paragraph 6: “People can perceive a lot in seven seconds. They can decide that they do not want to hear anything a speaker wants to say. Or they can be struck by how much they are attracted to someone. // The word ‘can’ is over-used in this paragraph. The first ‘can’ could be eliminated ,or, if it’s not a generalized statement you want to make, the second ‘can’ could be replaced with ‘may’ and/or the third one to “might. Also the second sentence has ‘want’ in twice, making the sentence a bit clumsy when you read it out loud. If the second ‘want’ is replaced with ‘has’ it works better. “…not want to hear what a speaker has to say…”
  Later in the same paragraph, Henry Ward Beecher’s quote is hard to read but by eliminating a short redundant phrase, it comes to life. “There are persons so radiant, so genial, so kind, so pleasure-bearing, that you instinctively feel good in their presence (‘that they do you good’ – remove and replace with [...]), whose coming into a room is like bringing a lamp there.
  Expand Your Range of Expressions: “… And whether we are aware of it, we also convey messages…” The word ‘whether’ requires an “or not” after “aware of it,”. Could also make the sentence, “And though we may not be aware of it…”
  Next Paragraph: “…When they arrive at our house, we stop whatever we’re doing to let them know how we are delighted we are to be with them…” Remove “how we are” so the sentence reads, “…let them know how delighted we are to…”
  Maintain An Open Posture
  Paragraph 2: “… threatened to prevent my going to a speaking engagement scheduled in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.” I suggest changing ‘my’ to ‘me from’
  Next Sentence: “The only way I could fulfill my obligation was to bring my wife with me to help me get clothed and ready to speak, and to request that the host provide a stool for me to sit on.” I would suggest the following: “The only way I could fulfill my obligation was to bring my wife, to help me get clothed and ready to speak, and request that my host provide a stool for me to sit on.”

  Paragraph 4: “Because I am comfortable and open with others, they tend to be comfortable with and receptive to me.” Suggest changing the end of the sentence: “Because I am comfortable and open with others, they tend to be ‘…comfortable and receptive with me’ or ‘…comfortable and receptive toward me.’”
  Pay Attention to Your Surroundings
  Paragraph 2: “That’s why I always try to see the venue before I speak any time I’m booked for a speaking engagement.” To use ‘before I speak’ and ‘speaking engagement’ is redundant. An alternative could be, “That’s why I always try to see the venue ‘…before a speaking engagement’ or ‘…when I’m booked for a speaking engagement.
  4. What People Hear
  Paragraph 2: “British prime minister Benjamin….” Capitals are necessary for “Prime Minister”
  Putting it all Together
  Paragraph 2: “The best advice I can give you is to tell you to learn how to be yourself” How about, “The best advice I can give you is to learn how to be yourself.” It’s short, it’s punchy and focuses on the best advice that you can give anyone!
  Same paragraph: “So do the best stand up comics and politicians and entertainers and leaders.” I would recommend changing comics to comedians and removing two of the ‘ands’. Possibly start the sentence with ‘And…’ ? “And so do the best stand up comedians, politicians, entertainers and leaders.”

  You are truly one of the ‘best of the best’ in the world of leadership & communicating effectively! This week I asked a business man friend of mine if he’s familiar with John C. Maxwell. “Are you kidding! We use all of his stuff all the time!” He then showed me his book shelves…. I believed him!

• 33 Trudy Metzger // Sep 21, 2009 at 4:58 pm

  Sorry, I meant to put a note at the top of previous post clarifying that it was editing suggestions only and do my own double check on my suggestions. I hit submit by accident…

  blessings!

• 34 william eickhoff // Sep 21, 2009 at 5:15 pm

  Hi John, As your dentist, I couldn’t let your comments about smiling pass without throwing in my 2 cents. I’ve watched you over the years as your smile has evolved. First with orthodontics and then cosmetic dentistry. You walk the talk.

  I have personally seen people transformed by giving them back their smile. Don’t underestimate the power of a smile. Smiling is a choice that one makes and conveys self confidence and warmth. Studies have actually shown that people can discern an insincere smile.

  Andy Andrews in his book, Mastering the 7 Decisions, gives one of the best descriptions of smile I ever read: “My smile has become my calling card. It is after all, the most potent weapon I possess. My smile has the strength to forge bonds, break ice, and calm storms. I will use my smile constantly. Because of my smile, the people whom I come in contact on a daily basis will choose to further my causes and my leadership. I will always smile first. That particular display of good attitude will tell others what I expect in return……….The power of who I am is displayed when I smile.

  Your friend, Dr. Bill

• 35 Joseph Garibay // Sep 21, 2009 at 5:25 pm

  “You need to be more than just a messenger. You must be the message you want to deliver.”

  A friend once told me that we need to be who we’re supposed to be before we can do what we’re supposed to do. Thank you for reminding us that when we’re speaking to people, it’s not just about what we know or what we’ll say, but it’s about having the message embedded into our own spirits before we share it with others.

• 36 Buddy // Sep 21, 2009 at 6:48 pm

  “It’s not enough to hit the notes. There is no point in the singers just standing there and sounding wonderful if they’re not connecting with the characters they are portraying.” ~Bruce Beresford

  “You win the presidency by connecting with the American people’s gut insecurities and aspirations. You win with a concept.”
  ~Thomas Friedman

• 37 Kendra St John // Sep 21, 2009 at 6:57 pm

  As a minister’s wife and leader I know this is key to my effectiveness with the people I contact and help. My husband is better at this communication than I am and constantly helps me to correct tonal and physical idiosyncrasies that I have.
  For example when he called me during our dating stage, he commented to me that my voice would sound irritated when I answered the phone. He also said my discussions sounded like criticism though I did not intend that to be either. We are married now and he continues to help me with communication. This chapter really opened my eyes and ears and helped me understand his perspective. I now run all my presentations by him to make sure I sound and look credible and personable.

  Thank you for the additional advice.

• 38 Kathy Gerstorff // Sep 21, 2009 at 8:16 pm

  Every professional speaker, musician, and small business owner should have the Connection Checklist laminated and posted where they can see it everyday. It’s that important to their success.

• 39 Jacó Junior // Sep 21, 2009 at 8:32 pm

  Dr. John you are a great man! I am from the south part of Brazil. I am 19 and I first read a book of yours when I was 16. I love learn about leadership with you because I also learn principles for my life. Many times I was living a fake christian life, but through your books I was awaken to live God’s dreams for my life! Thank you for being a bless to me! I wish I could meet you someday! God bless you!

• 40 John ODonnell // Sep 21, 2009 at 8:41 pm

  As you write about connections 2 things come to my mind. The 1st is church. We recently moved from Jacksonville, FL to the Champaign, IL area for a new job. The church we left was phenomenal and captured all of the elements you are saying about making a connection. The church we have been going to here in IL, is following the same “script” for growing a church but the sincerity and genuineness seem to be lacking. I can’t put my finger on the specifics yet, but maybe it boils down to trust at this point. The speaker hasn’t captured my trust yet for me to be all in.

  The 2nd thing that came to my mind had less to do with public speaking connections as it did to starting a new job. I remember telling my wife when I came home that the first thing that I need to do is start finding what that connection is and then start making it with those people around me whose support I will need the most. Once I make a connection with them I will be able to influence them and hence be a more effective leader. Again, it boiled down to trust. I had put myself out there to serve and promise commitments and then follow through on those commitments. I had to do first for them before I could expect them to do for me.

  I haven’t read the 1st 2 chapters yet, but I am really enjoying what I have read in the 3rd chapter. Thanks for always making a connection with me and ultimately being a great influence in my life, although not as often as I would like sometime.

• 41 Chadwick Wilkerson // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:29 pm

  I am a basketball coach and I appreciate the insight in this chapter. I love giving the halftime speach that the players can connect with and take to the court. I will use this chapter to improve my ability to communicate and motivate my players. Thanks

• 42 Bruce Carden // Sep 21, 2009 at 9:53 pm

  O.K. John, you got me. I’m connected. I gave you a book I wrote, Tid Bits Of Life, last year at the Jim Blanchard Leadership Conference. In it on pages 146-147 I wrote; “Do you hear only words coming from someones mouth, or do you listen for the message they are sending you. If you listen carefully to people talk, their hearts will show up at some point. The heart will control their words or their tone of voice, or even the look in their eyes. If you can learn to listen for the heart and hear it, it will tell you what it needs or what it wants you to hear. When you learn what someone needs or has in his or her heart, you once again have the opportunity to help them, or yourself, learn and grow just as you did when you looked at what was being done.”
  When I wrote that I thought I was talking about listening, but just now realized I was really talking about connecting. Thanks for the revelation.

• 43 Rhonda York // Sep 21, 2009 at 11:11 pm

  Right on! People need to be outwardly focused in order to connect. People can read other’s intent from their body language and tone. Words are empty if honesty and passion are not there. I have to give a brief announcement at church on Sunday. this chapter will be very helpful. thanks for great info. I even took 3 pages of notes.

• 44 Steven Hiscoe // Sep 21, 2009 at 11:15 pm

  John, another great chapter from a book I am excited to read. As a relatively new supervisor I have been reading many of your books and recommending them to my colleagues. I currently work at a Provincial Police Academy in Canada where our unit of full time use of force trainers are experiencing stress over many issues. Being a middle manager I find myself having to connect with the people I supervise and also senior management.

  I find my ability to connect is directly related to my effectiveness in leading my unit. It certainly is a challenge at times.

  I can equate making the connection in our use of force training especially when an officer has been involved in a violent confrontation and must then explain their actions to people who were not there but are acting as armchair quarterbacks. Don’t just give them the facts, but include your emotion and perceptions, make them fell what you felt.

  Thanks John I look forward to the other chapters.

  Steve Hiscoe

• 45 LEANN SEEHUSEN // Sep 21, 2009 at 11:45 pm

  IT’S JUST THAT CERTAIN SOMETHING THAT MAKES US TAKE NOTICE, ISN’T IT? SOME PEOPLE NATURALLY HAVE ALL OF THESE SKILLS ,TRAITS, AND ABILITIES, WHILE MOST MUST DEVELOP THEM. WITH THIS CHAPTER, YOU HAVE PROVIDED A ROAD MAP TO UNDERSTANDING HOW TO BE HEARD, SOMETIMES, BEFORE WE SAY A WORD. I THINK THAT’S HALF THE BATTLE IN CONNECTING ON ANY LEVEL.

• 46 Polly Scott // Sep 22, 2009 at 12:03 am

  In this chapter, like Chapter 1, you spoke about yourself a lot. However, somehow the tone was different. This is part of exactly what this chapter is speaking about. This chapter did not come across as being arrogant or self-absorbed. Perhaps it’s the examples of ways you’ve had to improve.

  I can see in this chapter some things I need to personally change in my life. This is why I read and own many of your books. You speak about weaknesses, but you also tell how to overcome them and practical things to do. Exactly again what you are speaking about in this chapter. I appreciate your knowledge and your ability to share it in a practical step-by-step way of things to do.

  I’m enjoying reading your book in progress.

  Thanks for sharing!

  Polly Scott

• 47 Leonor // Sep 22, 2009 at 1:39 am

  Dear John,

  All I’ve read thus far has been awesome. It is practical and makes so much sense. Chapter 3 is one that I definitely want to be able to remember in the future and incorporate into my personal life. I personally do not enjoy public speaking but what you discuss applies to all aspects of life, regardless is we speak publicly or not. We must be able to connect visually, intellectually, emotionally, and verbally.

  To be honest, when I have presented in the past, I have struggled with all of the above. It’s so true that we must be able to express ourselves and be confident! I’ve found it difficult sometimes to explain a subject that I wasn’t too familiar with or something that I had not experienced. Because I was not intellectually connecting, I did not relay the message across like I would have wanted and this affected the emotional connection too.

  The one statement that caught my attention is the one under Connecting Emotionally: “People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” I think this is such a powerful statement (it has stuck with me) and perhaps rewording it may help it come across as more effective. I was thinking something like “Even though people may hear your words, in essence they feel your attitude.”

  The other observation I had was on Connecting Verbally. This section seems very short and I was curious if you deliberately made this shorter than the other 3 sections? I wonder if it would help to add a little more information for us (the beginners) as to how words affect our connections. Is there such thing as using the wrong words? Should we be aware of this? Should we keep our words simple? Does it even matter?

  Overall, I think you are doing a phenomenal job! This just keeps getting better as we move into other chapters. I have learned some great concepts and cannot wait to read more! Thanks for sharing! I feel privileged to be learning so much from you!

• 48 Charles Chung // Sep 22, 2009 at 2:07 am

  Hi John,

  Many thanks for the opportunity to participate the whole new interactive experience. I like what you have put together, and I believe this would help the readers when they communicate and, most importantly, connect with others.

  There is one paragraph though I could not follow too much:

  “I was able to keep my commitment, and during the process I made an astounding discovery. By using the stool, I had more energy than usual—even with an injured back. And I also felt more connected with the audience. After analyzing the situation, I came to realize that while sitting, I was more conversational in my communication. That helped me to connect and made me much more effective.”

  I was amazed that you kept your commitment to speak while you were injured, but how come sitting made you more conversational and more connected to the audience. Maybe you wish to elaborate a bit more.

  Bless,

  Charles

• 49 Robin Willis // Sep 22, 2009 at 2:14 am

  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter. I find it very easy to connect with most people when I am doing my job (real estate) and your writing helped me understand why. I am very passionate about helping people, but also have the skills/knowledge to be able to help them. I also use a lot of gestures, eye contact, etc to connect with people during my presentations. This chapter was encouraging to me yet at the sime time re-emphasized the habits that I need to maintain in order to continue connecting with my clients and peers.

  Some questions that this chapter made me ask are as follows: What do you do in a situation where you feel nervous or out of your element? Wouldn’t you end up making a bad impression (first 7 seconds) even if you have the knowledge that people need and are genuine, etc? How do you recommend overcoming that barrier to become comfortable enough where you are connecting with people easily once again?

• 50 Robin Willis // Sep 22, 2009 at 2:14 am

  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter. I find it very easy to connect with most people when I am doing my job (real estate) and your writing helped me understand why. I am very passionate about helping people, but also have the skills/knowledge to be able to help them. I also use a lot of gestures, eye contact, etc to connect with people during my presentations. This chapter was encouraging to me yet at the sime time re-emphasized the habits that I need to maintain in order to continue connecting with my clients and peers.

  Some questions that this chapter made me ask are as follows: What do you do in a situation where you feel nervous or out of your element? Wouldn’t you end up making a bad impression (first 7 seconds) even if you have the knowledge that people need and are genuine, etc? How do you recommend overcoming that barrier to become comfortable enough where you are connecting with people easily once again?

• 51 Darret King // Sep 22, 2009 at 2:34 am

  Hi John,

  During 2009, we went on a drive in our church to get youth in our City saved. In one year we had close to 900 people saved in our church, and yet a very small percentage of those people have made a commitment to change their lives and or even attend serivces on Sunday. One of the things we believe God has placed in our hearts is that people will make your church their home when they feel a connection, not get a communication. When you put out your hand, show genuine care, and make a concerted effort over a period of time to draw them into your circle, their lives are changes, not by an event, but by a genuine connection.

  Great book concept – something that is long overdue.

  Darret King
  Pretoria
  South Africa

• 52 Donna Reavis // Sep 22, 2009 at 7:25 am

  Dear John,
  Thank you for Chapter 3. As I was reading it, I was evaluating how I connect when I teach our kids at church. I was glad that over the years of teaching children I have used the same guidelines that you presented. I find that knowing the material really well helps me to concentrate on eye contact, facial expression & even my tone of voice. And it has worked over the years – I’m always amazed when I’m teaching to see the kids sitting at the edge of their seats and really listening.
  Thanks for all the teaching you do at World Wide events & for your books! They are awesome!
  Donna Reavis

• 53 people-power // Sep 22, 2009 at 8:32 am

  Credibility is a leader’s currency and their is a lot of credibility here. Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in such a way that it increases our influence with them. A joyful heart is a normal result of a heart burning with love. Have a great day.

• 54 Joe Tipton // Sep 22, 2009 at 10:17 am

  John,

  Under your comments about first impressions and Ailes’ quote about the first 7 seconds, you could point to how dress impacts that in a professional setting. I was recently asked the question, why is preachers today wear jeans and t-shirts and the late night comedians come out in suits and ties? It is an interesting development. You could tie that in to how dress impacts how people percieve you. Leno would be a great example since you already used him once in teh chapter.

  Also, under the section about keeping an open posture, again the sitaution with most larger churches abandoning the use of a pulpit in favor of a table or a music stand, shows how those communicators are working to be more “open” to thier audience.

  Just a couple thoughts.

  Thanks

  Joe

• 55 LaFern Batie // Sep 22, 2009 at 10:19 am

  John,

  Thank you for all that you do. Connecting visually is powerful! While it speaks to what others see in us, how we connect when we really see others speaks volumes about our deepest desire to help them.

  We are all familiar with the Yiddish Proverb, or some variation, “The eyes are the mirror of the soul.” Do you see me? That question raises my consciousness as I engage with others. We are a society on the run with so much that we are doing, often moving among one another without actually seeing the human that lives inside of the physical being.

  I recently attended a business development conference with several thousand women. As one of the world-renowned speakers greeted participants in a receiving line, she glanced up as she signed an attendee’s book and, for a brief moment, we connected — we actually saw each other. When I finally met her in the line an hour later she said, “I saw you earlier.” She did not just glance in my direction when we first connected nor did her gaze drift as we talked briefly. She was right there with me as if only the two of us were in the room. What it said to me was, “I see you beyond the surface. You matter.”

  As I encounter others, more consciously some days than others, I ask myself, “Are you simply looking or do you really see them?” With awareness and genuine desire, I can recalibrate those connections in ways that are impactful to others.

• 56 Scott Nichols // Sep 22, 2009 at 11:13 am

  John,

  Been enjoying you for many years. I think this book is going to be a useful one.

  Just one concern in this chapter. I have heard the story of the reciting of Psalm 23 in many different places, with it attributed to different actors and in different circumstances. I was wondering if you have an accurate source for this or has it like many “good” stories taken on a life of its own?

• 57 Mauro Pennacchia // Sep 22, 2009 at 11:31 am

  Great chapter Mr. Maxwell! It provides clear steps to follow to ensure a focus on non-verbal communication as well as the need to focus outwards on the audience to add value.

  In the Section Titled, “Pay attention to your surroundings”, you wrote: “Many of my connecting skills are responsive to others. When I see my audience well, I can sense what I need to do in order to enhance their response.”

  If you can expand on how to “adjust” to the reactions of your audience, how to “react” to their non-verbal feedback as one communicates to them, I believe it would add great value to this section. Not only must we, as the speaker, be aware of our non-verbal communication but we also need to constantly note and adjust to the non-verbal feedback our audience gives us as we are speaking.

  In the next section you state titled “2. What People Understand: Connecting Intellectually”, you wrote: “It took me eight years to “find myself” as a speaker. And here’s great news: when you find yourself, you find your audience.”

  If you can expand on your growth as a speaker, what steps you took to really find your most effective speaking style, that would be helpful. I understand you started behind a podium and then realized it served as a barrier to your audience. I think most people rely on that podium when speaking to bear down and hold on for dear life! So your experiences transitioning from that to being more open would be great.

  Thanks and another great chapter!
  Mauro

• 58 Debbie Reno // Sep 22, 2009 at 1:47 pm

  Always appreciate your personal experiences and liked how you added other perspectives to ground your own.

  Look forward to reading ch. 4!

• 59 Johnson Tey // Sep 22, 2009 at 2:39 pm

  This coming Sunday evening will be a new year for a flood of international students in our ministry. What excites me is what I’m finding myself doing this year: being a key speaker and vision caster. It is quite exciting/scary to do something new before I speak. I will be dancing an art form blend that is never done before and invented by the quiet morning along enjoying the song Made Me Glad by Hillsongs.
  It will be totally me up there and share that they can be home here even through they are far away from their home country. I’m hoping they can share their art, videos of their country, and group games. It is gonna be a blast!
  Thank you for sharing those four points: visual, intellectual, emotional, and verbal! I’m ready!

• 60 Hershel Kreis // Sep 22, 2009 at 7:46 pm

  Wow, your connection checklist really resonates with me. The idea of making connections on the intellectual, the emotional, and the volitional levels is very much like teachers teaching to the learning styles of their students (visual, auditory & kinesthetic). Teachers who teach in only one teaching style may miss 2/3 of their class because they are essentially speaking a language that their students cannot decipher.

  One of the “handicaps” of those of us in the 9-1-1 profession is that we can only communicate with our callers in the verbal realm. We can hear the pace of speech, background noise, tone, etc, but we learn through experience how to “hear” more than just the words being spoken by the callers and make a “connection” with the caller in spike of not having all of the non-verbal clues at our disposal.

  As for making a connection intellectually and emotionally, as a member of a regional Critical Stress Management Team, we have found that those we minister to will respond much better to a “peer” debriefer if they are in the room than with just a mental health professional alone. This is because the peers are those that can make the connection as those that have also “been there, done that.” That is one of the jewels of the program as far as I am concerned. After initial contact with a peer, they can be steered towards a mental health professional, if needed, and that is what I think is one of the reasons why the program is as successful as it is.

  Great chapter and I will am looking forward to the next chapter.

  In Him,

  Hershel

• 61 Dwayne Hutchings // Sep 22, 2009 at 10:00 pm

  Great chapter! And thanks for always putting yourself in your books by telling parts of your life’s journey…you prove every time that communication is more then just words!

  One of the things that frustrated me as a young person was looking at my youth pastors and thinking I could never go into the ministry, even though I knew God was calling me to do so, because I felt I couldn’t do what they did! There was a disconnect there, mainly due to words not matching the visual life journey that I was watching being lived out on and off the platform! The main message I was getting was “do as I say and not as I do” even though I can guarantee this was not the intended message they wanted to communicate. These were good men but didn’t understand the true complexity of communication.
  Because of this experience I made a commitment, as I completed my Bible College training and went into ministry, that I would live my life in such a way so that others would look at me and say, “I can do what you do!” This chapter communicates the most effective way to achieve this goal by connecting with people with more then words, but on an emotional level and by modelling what we say we believe!
  We live in a time and with a generation that doesn’t care how much you know until they know how much you care! I personally like what St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words.”

  Great chapter! Thanks for the invitation to read and respond…it’s been an honor!

  Dwayne

• 62 Stephany Hanshaw // Sep 22, 2009 at 10:06 pm

  Excellent reading and instruction. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

  To effectively connect, I believe that leadership must be visible. Leaders’ doings (actions) indicating, as a beacon, the path to the ultimate destination.

• 63 Brian Tkatch // Sep 23, 2009 at 12:53 am

  Nice chapter.

  I really enjoyed chapter 2. Talking about the talker centering on himself. Please add another chapter giving more advice on switching the focus of the speech from the speaker to the listener. One chapter isn’t enough!

• 64 Kim // Sep 23, 2009 at 8:27 am

  Hello sir,
  I thank God for the way he is using you to touch and mentor the lives of people.

  Since i come from an editorial background, i really get into the skin of things to ensure that the text is perfect in all ways..

  One important thing is that the way we speak and the way we write are two different aspects altogether and keeping this in mind, i have edited just first few paras of your text.. it is as follows (my suggestions/corrections are mentioned in capital letters)…

  ====start=====
  People watch a reality show on television where two equally talented people sing the same song. One of them gives the audience goose bumps; the other one leaves everybody cold. Why is that?
  Two professors IN a university teach the same class, (COMMA) at the same time, (COMMA) using the same prescribed syllabus (‘AND REQUIRED TEXTBOOK’ WORDS CAN BE DELETED CAUSE IT IS REDUNDANT, SINCE PRESCRIBED SYLLABUS ITSELF IS SELF-EXPLANATORY). Students stand in line (QUEUE is a better word) FOR registration to get into the first teacher’s (PROFESSOR’s—IF PROFESSOR WORD IS USED HERE INSTEAD OF TEACHER, IT WILL SHOW UNIFORMITY SINCE IT IS USED EARLIER) class, while the other’s class starts below capacity and dwindles to just a few students. Why?
  Two managers work together running a restaurant (BETTER SENTENCE IS: TWO MANAGERS PARTNER TO RUN A RESTAURANT HAVING 20 EMPLOYEES). All twenty employees work regularly for each of them (THIS SENTENCE CAN BE DELETED). AT TIMES, when the first manager needs extra help and asks people to work late, they do so willingly. WHEREAS, when the other manager makes the same appeal FOR the next week, all the employees make excuses EXPLAINING why they can’t stay. What’s the reason for the difference?
  Two parents raise a child together in the same household, enforcing the same rules. One parent gets cheerful compliance and the other gets resistance. Why?
  Shouldn’t the words of the song evoke the same response in both singers? Shouldn’t the same course be equally appealing to students? Shouldn’t both managers expect to be given the same consideration? Shouldn’t parents in the same household inspire the same reaction?
  Intuitively, you probably know that the answer is no. BUT WHAT IS THE REASON? This is because people respond to EACH OTHER not merely ON THE BASIS OF SPOKEN WORDS, BUT ALSO ON THE BASIS OF THE ‘CONNECT’ THAT THEY EXPERIENCE BETWEEN EACH OTHER.
  Your Actions Speak So Loudly, I Can’t Hear Your Words
  WHEN PEOPLE try to communicate with others, they believe THAT THE message is all that matters. But the reality is that communication goes way MUCH beyond words. In an important study, UCLA psychology professor emeritus Albert Mehrabian discovered that face-to-face communication can be broken down into three components: words, tone of voice, and body language. A SURPRISING REVELATION IS THAT WHILE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, what people see us do and the tone we use can far outweigh any words we say. In situations where feelings and attitudes are being communicated:
  • What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed.
  • The way we say it accounts for 38 percent.
  • What others see accounts for 55 percent.[i]
  Amazingly, more than 90 percent of the impression we often convey has nothing to do with what we actually say. So if you believe communication is all about words, you’re totally missing the boat and you will always have a hard time connecting with others.
  While the results of that study may reveal the limitations of words when trying to communicate, it doesn’t do anything to help us figure out how TO COMMUNICATE BETTER with others. So what’s the solution? Howard Hendricks, who has been a long-distance mentor to me for many years, says that all communication has three essential components: the intellectual, the emotional, and the volitional. In other words, when we try to communicate, we must include:
  Thought: Something we know,
  Emotion: Something we feel, and
  Action: Something we do.
  I believe those three components are essential to connect with others as well. Fail to include any one of the three, and there will be a disconnection from people and a breakdown in communication. More specifically, here’s how I think the breakdown would occur. If I try to communicate . . .
  • Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.
  • Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.
  • Something I feel but do not know, my communication is unfounded.
  • Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.
  • Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.
  • Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.
  When ANY OF THE ABOVE COMPONENTS IS missing, the result for me as a communicator is exhaustion. However, when I include all three components—thought, emotion, and action—my communication has conviction, passion, and credibility. And the result is connection.
  ====ends============

• 65 Jay Stancil // Sep 23, 2009 at 9:04 am

  This is an awesome chapter. I would buy this book for this chapter alone.

  First of all, what I really like and appreciate is how this message of ‘connection’ truly applies to persons in nearly any kind of business or profession. Working as a sports information director, it’s important for me to have my staff and the volunteers who assist me to be on board with what we are trying to do, trying to promote. And it’s also important to believe in the school/athletic programs we represent. Otherwise, our message will ring flat with our readers.

  The leader of any group or organization must first believe in the vision AND be able to communicate it effectively to his/her subordinates. And it’s vital for everyone to ‘catch’ on to the same vision for the organization to achieve maximum reward/success.

  I say all that because you have written and communicated this principle in the simplest and easy-to-understand form. All who lead – whether in business, church or even in a home – will greatly benefit from this book and this chapter in particular.

• 66 Kevin Beasley // Sep 23, 2009 at 9:30 am

  John…

  I’m not sure if this fits here or somewhere else in the book, and I just found the interactive writing blog, so I hope I haven’t missed this already.

  What about something on conveyance? I think this would go under what people understand, but I think it’s important enough to be included as a fourth element along with thought, emotion, and action. “Communication is not what we say, it’s what others hear”. Conveyance is intangible, but without it there is no communication, or at best poor communication. In a blog I wrote a while back, I used the example of the word church. Although I use that word, it means so many things to so many people. Another example would be the word love.

  Here’s a quote from that article and a link. I was specifically sharing personal frustrations, but the quote is a little nugget on communication

  “Actually, no word is just a word! Words lend themselves to communication. Communication is not only words. As a matter of fact, words are probably the least important element of communication. Communication is not what I say (words), but how others hear it (understanding). This includes other elements, such as body language, past experiences, assigned meaning, etc…”‘

  http://convergeauburn.org/heartalive/?p=6

• 67 Erin Shell Anthony // Sep 23, 2009 at 10:11 am

  For Point #2:

  A shortcut to finding yourself as a communicator is deciding to just be yourself. People everywhere want to feel accepted and know that they belong, and when you present yourself as perfect, or purely intellectual, the people you desire to connect with just won’t relate. The quickest way to the heart of your audience is to share an authentic story about something that you experienced that also taught you a lesson. This opens up the airways of communication, pulls back the veil of “perfection” and allows your audience to see that you too, are human. An authentic communicator expresses themselves freely and sets off a “chain reaction” of expressive freedom in their audience. When you make the decision to be yourself, so will others, and an authentic connection can then be established.

  I unfortunately learned this the hard way! It was my senior year in college and I was charged with leading 77 of my sorority sisters as the president of our organization. I was authentically myself throughout the election, but once I obtained the position, I thought I needed to be someone else – the perfect president. I failed at this position for many months, lost some friends in the process, and my vice-president stopped speaking to me! It wasn’t until a frank conversation with my advisor that I realized that I was being someone other than myself. There was no need to impress my organization, they elected me for me. Learning to embrace myself and willingly reveal who I am was one of the greatest lessons I have learned.

• 68 June Paul // Sep 23, 2009 at 11:03 am

  Chapter Three is very intriguing – and what you say about the 7, 38 and 55% in regards to what people see and the tone of the speaker is so true.

  The ’55% Rule’ really plays into the surroundings as well. People’s personalities play such a huge portion in communication. There are so many ‘hidden factors’ in the audience that the speaker cannot see but should try to be aware of. People come full of their own thoughts, full of their own emotions and wanting to do something, including the speaker/writer.
  Taking time to check in on ones self, whether speaker or audience is a good thing.
  A person can gain more out of meetings and workshops when they check themselves out before walking in the door. Kind of like hanging up your coat before you walk in, but it’s more a matter of leaving the baggage out of the meeting or workshop. This way you are more open to the surroundings and open to hear what others are trying to communicate.
  This is all easier said than done but it’s good to keep trying.

• 69 Jay Benfield // Sep 23, 2009 at 11:16 am

  I set out this morning to read the third chapter and to offer a meaningful, if not dazzling, comment. Instead, I encountered many new concepts that have left me in a state of thoughtful self-assessment.

  This material has defined for me some very concise goals in some areas that I am admittedly weak. For this reason, I think it best that I follow the guidance of Proverbs 17:28 when it comes to commentary on the content.

  I will mention one minor item that, as something of a Web geek, I stumbled upon. You stated:

  “Add to that the popularity of YouTube, Facebook, Vimeo, PowerPoint, movies, and other media, and you can certainly understand the importance of what can be seen in our culture.”

  I was tripped up by the inclusion of PowerPoint alongside YouTube, Facebook, and Vimeo. Since the latter are social media services and PowerPoint is simply a piece of software for creating presentations, it seems like it doesn’t fit.

  Thank you for a wonderful chapter and for shining the light on some areas in my interaction with others that need improvement!

• 70 J. Jayson Pagan // Sep 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm

  When you insist on mimicking others, you have just replaced yourself. People need your influence, but it will not come through ‘lip sinking’ those you admire. When you focus on impressing others with ‘lip sinking’ your heroes, by default, you lose the impression you thought was so powerful because it is being repeated through your life which is not built up of the same experiences as the original speaker. If people want to hear a parrot, they will go to the pet store… don’t give them a repeat, give them the most powerful and influential thing you can – YOU! Regardless of the fancy wording and seemingly impressive delivery, it is broken down when it moves through a false conduit. True connection comes when people can feel the eb and flow of life as it moves through you to them. Presidents that speak from the heart, as in Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address and comedians who step into the middle of our lives with laughter off the cuff, make impressions that influence us for years to come. Next to influence, connectivity to your people is the greatest thing you have as a leader. Without the prongs on the end of an extension chord your ability to move influence from one place to the other is impossible. You can replace those prongs with alternative materials but the exchange of current will always be effected.
  Once as a minister I heard a message that was so powerful to me. It was my belief that everyone in our organization needed to hear this message. I listened to that CD and typed that message out word for word. I was anxious about preaching it. I was on edge. When the time came I delivered it just the way I had heard it. Unfortunately, my passion was for the message, one that did not come through my very life. I was more focused on the people hearing it than I was the message. Needless to say, I looked like a big greed and blue parrot squawking repeats of what had impacted me. It had very little effect on those I was endeavoring to minister to. I think this is the difference between a sermon and a message. A sermon can be a conglomeration of stuff that I can get to people in hopes of helping them, but a message is born in the manger of my own heart, empassioned by my life experience and heartbeat, and is more about transformation than information.
  After the message I preached a man came up to me and said, “I heard that same message from another guy.” That was saddening. When he heard the message for the first time it was outstanding. After I repeated it word for word, in the eyes of this parishioner the original speaker had become just “another guy”.
  You can never minimize the need to be yourself. Your greatest opportunity for influence and connection is YOU.

• 71 Shawn Ebaugh // Sep 23, 2009 at 12:06 pm

  John,

  This was an incredible chapter and source of information for communication and connection. The examples illustrated these principles made a tremendous impression on me. However, I saw how these same principles relate to small group or one-on-one circumstances as well as large audiences. As someone in the healthcare field who gives advice to patients regularly, I can see individuals in many fields who may also like to see examples illustrating these points in smaller settings that are critical to their careers or personal lives. Thanks for the incredible advice.

• 72 Anne-Marie Moutsinga // Sep 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm

  I love this Chapter as well as Chapter 1 and 2. So far, I can tell you that you have achieved your goal of connecting with people. Going through your Chapters it feels like you are addressing to me personally … I can related myself with so many examples you have used. Thanks for coming up with the answer I’ve always asked myself “why some people have charisma and others don’t?”

• 73 Sharon Smith // Sep 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm

  I am currently blessed to be a part of the field hockey coaching staff in our local public Middle School and High School for my 5th season. As I was reading this I found myself almost nodding in agreement with so much of Chapter 3.

  When working with a group of 30+ teenage girls coming from all types of backgrounds…some who step on to the field and do not even really like each other or talk to each other in school, there are many challenges and obstacles in getting them to see each other as a family and play as a team. One of my personal goals as a coach is to get them coming together and playing as one team and not one individual that happens to be a part of a team.

  I have used this coaching platform often to not only educate and teach them how to play field hockey, but I embrace the opportunity I have been given to instill strong values and teach them life lessons. I may not be able to openly share my faith in this public school setting, but I can teach them alot about effective communication and caring for each other inspite of their differences. One of the key things I focus on each year has been positive communication. I often give them an example of if I say a phrase this way, with this expression, using this tone and these gestures how do you feel…then I say the same thing with a different tone, different expression and different gestures and ask now how do you feel? Something so simple and small as that example I use often teaches them so much about effectively communicating with their teammates. It is amazing how they have not grasp this concept much at all even by High School. They quickly learn to realize that in order to give constructive advice to one another and have that teammate actually listen and apply it on the field, they need build up a respect between themselves and that teammate, and they accomplish this by HOW they say things. Do they all embrace this lesson each season? I would love to say “yes”, but that would not be the truth. However, most of them have choose to apply it and are realizing how important it is to pay attention to how you say something even more so than what you are saying.

  Thanks for allowing me to share my experience in applying “How” we say things makes a BIG difference in how people respond.

  Blessings to you as you complete your book!

• 74 Lily Trainor // Sep 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm

  Dear John,

  Thank you for an interesting read! Glad to see the good old fashion traits. I agree whole heartedly.
  During my Lifecoaching business I have come across many snearios-One example-
  Permissive parenting is based on the parent’s fear of losing the child’s love. Connection parenting is based on love instead of fear. “I just want to do right by my kid.”.Whatever, it takes!

  Parental communication is vital; it is the key to a successful childcare arrangement. Parental communication is not limited to the spoken word; rather parents communicate by varying their tone, pitch, volume, and body language. Parental communication is the key.

  Good Luck John

  ps-my website is now underconstruction and will be up and running from next week.

• 75 Shelley Quinones // Sep 23, 2009 at 1:37 pm

  Hi John,
  Thank you for listening to God and pursuing your gifts with obedience. You make a difference.

  Putting others first takes courage and the willingness to step out of your comfort zone. It is much easier to focus on ‘my’ needs or ‘my’ wants, or ‘my’ lack of something such as energy or resources. When we take the time to connect with others, even in a small way, like eye contact or a smile, it changes their day. If we can influence their moment, then maybe they can impact the next person in a larger way. This kind of connection can become a sense of joy and gratitude that continues to be contagious.

  I continue to pray for you and your family in this transition time. Thanks for all you do.

  Blessings

• 76 Jason R. Morford // Sep 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm

  I think you missed one VERY important point on “1. What People See-Connecting Visually”. You mentioned how people are watching more and more TV which is true, but there is something that has spiked more than that in children and adults. Video Games. According to http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/07/070702161141.htm between the ages of 10-19 the average boy will spend 8 hours a week playing video games. According to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32463904/ns/technology_and_science-games/ the average gamer is 35 years old!!! Now this tells me that parents are keeping their children’s gaming in check until the children get out on their own then all is let loose. I am sure most of you have heard about the game World of Warcraft, an online game that boast over 9 million players. According to http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/world-of-warcraft1.htm the avarage of all players is 21-22 hours per week!!! and “spikes” up once they hit a higher level (most people that get to the higher level have to play more to get there, basically it takes out the “casual” weekend warriors as they call them). As an EX-World of Warcraft player, I know many who play well over 40 hours a week and some as many as 60-80! Just something to think about.

• 77 MikeDriggers.com // Sep 23, 2009 at 5:17 pm

  Hi John,

  I love this chapter I have always believed that communication is the key to everything we do in life. It can make or break relationships, it can make or break deals, it can make or break the way people have an opinion of you or the deal at hand. It is the right sequence of words back by the tone and emotions of the body language that lead the direction of people’s feelings.

  As a young man I was once told that a picture is worth a 1000 words. I never really understood it until I was older, that communication can be done with out even saying a word. You can either captivate or eliminate through communication of the body or feelings some one shows. In a picture there are no words but we as humans automatically create the words based on what we see, now you ad the “Tone” and “Words” to make up the recipe for communication . Having the right ingredients at that point of communication may come across great as a well baked cake or terrible as eating dirt, gritty and nasty. The subconscious mind will decipher so that we can make decisions. What is amazing is how the body or tone says one thing while the words someone may say is another. We as humans can sense it.

  The principles you have put in this chapter are some great fundamental applications that can help people start the communication from the body language to the tone and the words they choose.

  Thanks again

  MikeDriggers.com

• 78 Jennifer Miskov // Sep 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm

  I was like both of those managers you have mentioned above in the beginning, at different times. I was a manager for Starbucks for a few years and I came into so many of these similar situations. One of my employees started declining in his performance and ended up consistently giving 60% while on the job. I used to get so frustrated and continually try to make him understand the importance and affects of his behavior. Nothing was working or changing things and I was leaving work exhausted and frustrated. Other people’s performance was dropping as well.

  Finally, I tried a different approach. I ended up sitting him down and having a heart to heart with him to find out what was really going on. This lack of commitment was going on throughout his whole life, not just at work. I encouraged him to live his dreams and not hold back. Instead of going up against him and head to head, I sat down beside him and tried to understand his situation more clearly. Attempting to adapt the Situational Leadership model with one of my employees actually worked. The result was a few solid months of him working 110% and then him quitting to move to another country to pursue his dream. I was incredibly happy not only that he worked to his full potential those final months, but that he finally took a risk and pursued his dream.

  I just love your lines “You need to be more than just a messenger. You must be the message you want to deliver. Otherwise, you won’t have credibility and you won’t connect…Nothing can happen through you until it happens to you… For a book to connect with readers, it must be more than just a book. It must possess a part of the author.” This is so true and I am living proof! Except in my case, it doesn’t just posses part of the author, I have given it everything I have, everything I am. I have been working on a story that has been in my heart since 2003. I actually felt so strongly about it that I printed 2,000 copies of the short narrative to hand out for free at a big rally in San Francisco that same year. The story is all about inspiring people to live their dreams, to not settle for the good but to go for the best, to not settle for silver when they’re meant for gold, hence the title Silver to Gold.

  After working on this book on and off over the past few years, I came to the point in my life where I was in a career I really liked but I knew I needed to be doing something else. I was also dating a great guy but knew that he wasn’t the right match for me. I also had this growing desire inside of me to go to England to pursue a PhD so I could teach one day. Money always held me back after finally paying off my first school loans. Finally, by 2007, it struck me that if I am writing a story all about living one’s dreams, that if the story is to have any integrity, any truth, and credibility, then I must take risks and step out to live my own dreams. If I don’t do take those risks, step out into the abyss of uncertainty to stay true to the dream within my own heart, who will believe the story that I am writing?

  When I was hit with that truth, I decided to quick my job, sell my car, leave my comfortable life in Southern California to embark on an unknown but destined adventure to England to follow my dream. And seven years later, yes seven, I am finally in the process of publishing this story, this message in my heart, and because the story has not just been formed by me, but also been formed in me, I believe that it will connect deeply with others. If you want to learn even more about the my whole process you can check out my website at http://www.silvertogold.com/ to get the full story. So, I definitely have found what you have written in those lines to be true with my life and as a strong principle others can follow as well. Great stuff!

• 79 Sarah Doggett // Sep 23, 2009 at 11:23 pm

  I really appreciate you. I have read many of your books and had the privilege of attending some of your conferences, and you made the connection with me on twitter by following me first, which I thought was out of sight, and now to be able to comment on this wonderful chapter in your up coming book is awesome. This chapter had me pondering on my thoughts,emotions and actions and how they are express in my everyday life. In reading this chapter I felt as if you were sitting right here in my office chair side:) can’t wait to get the book.

• 80 Martha Castillo // Sep 23, 2009 at 11:58 pm

  Love this chapter…like the connection checklist.
  One of my challenges used to be that I would get distracted by things around me. My eyes would wander from the person speaking to me because I didn’t want to miss anything around me. I’ve since learned to stay focused on them, regardless of who’s around.
  Thank you John. This will be another great informative book.

• 81 Hani Dagher // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:01 am

  Thank you for this amazing chapter
  for the last few months i was thinking about writing a book but i couldn’t find a way to connect with my readers untill now, when you talked about your books and how you put your heart and soul in each book you write i found my answer and now i know what i have to do. Thanks again

• 82 kim // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:48 am

  Herez more of my editing. My edited work/ suggestions are in CAPITAL LETTERS……

  The Characteristics of Connection
  Any message you try to convey must contain a piece of you. YOU CAN’T JUST DELIVER WORDS OR CONVEY INFORMATION, you need to be more than just a messenger. IN FACT, you must be the message you want to deliver, ELSE YOU WILL LOSE YOUR CREDIBILITY and you WILL FAIL TO connect.

  • Developing the Leader within You possesses conviction because I have developed myself to become a leader.
  • In Failing Forward, I share proven ways THROUGH WHICH I used to overcome my own failures.
  • When I wrote Winning with People, I wanted the book to IMPACT others the SAME way Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People had impacted me as a teenager.

  I work to make EACH of my books more than just a book, more than just paper and ink or an electronic file to be offered in the marketplace. EVERY BOOK OF MINE comes from my heart and soul. I believe in it and genuinely hope it will help whoever reads it.

  If I can honestly answer yes to THESE questions, I feel certain that my connection with the audience was good and I was able to reward them for the time they’ve SPENT ON me.
  If you ARE INTO professional speaking, you may want to use a similar list to ensure that you are doing everything you can to connect WITH YOUR AUDIENCE. However, even if you don’t speak professionally, there is still a principle that applies. When you take responsibility for connecting with others and your attitude is to serve people, your chances of connecting with others increase dramatically. Your attitude often speaks more LOUDER than your words.

  Add to that the popularity of YouTube, Facebook, Vimeo, Movies, and other FORMS OF media, and you can certainly understand the importance of what can be seen in our culture.

  When my wife and I see our grandchildren, we go out of our way to show them how happy we are to see them. When they arrive at our house, we stop whatever we’re doing to let them know how we are delighted we are to be with them, not only in word but with smiles, hugs, and kisses. We want them to feel loved, accepted, and special every time THEY ARE WITH US.

  No matter who you are or WITH whom you are trying to communicate, you can improve your ability by smiling at people and being expressive. Even if you work in a tough environment or a staid corporate culture, you don’t have to maintain a grim visage at all times.

  There’s no substitute for personal experience when we want to connect with people’s hearts. If you know something without having lived it, your audience experiences a credibility gap. OH THE OTHER HAND if you’ve done something but don’t know it well enough to explain it, the audience experiences frustration. You have to bring both together to connect consistently.

• 83 kim // Sep 24, 2009 at 1:12 am

  Sir, I really appreciate the innovative way in which you have thrown open the doors for interaction and connection for your forthcoming book. Am sure, it has set a precedent for other to follow.

  A suggestion- since you are involving the audience for the content, and you have received a phenomenal response, why not open the floors for designing of the coverpage of your book as well?

  A recent case -Rick Warren through 99designs invited designers to design the coverpage of his latest book “The Hope you Need” and the result was amazing. It created a lot of buzz- Around 3000+ entries were received and Rick and his publisher Zondervan are having a hard time to select the best design…check this link out:

  http://99designs.com/contests/28531

• 84 Pia // Sep 24, 2009 at 3:56 am

  Thank you John, for charing your book before printing it. I just read chapter 3 and as always, what you write is so inspiring and thoughtful. I really appreciate your charing all ideas and giving us great possibilities to learch and to change and become better persons and leaders. Thank you and have a wonderful day!

• 85 Fasanya Adeola // Sep 24, 2009 at 8:15 am

  you have impacted me with this chapter. i’m grateful to God for your life and His inspiration. more power sir.

• 86 Randy Griffin // Sep 24, 2009 at 9:59 am

  John,

  John, love this chapter. Here are my only concerns and where I think you should get more up to date data.

  ■77 percent of all Americans get about 90 percent of their news from television.

  I don’t think this number is real today in 2009??

  ■47 percent get all their news from television.

  This number either.

  ■Major U.S. corporations have their own television studios.

  I think this trend is changing because TV is less popular because of the internet.

  ■Video and web conferencing are replacing on-site face-to-face sales meetings.

  YES! This is where it is going. You should look into HD Voice and see what impact this will have on connecting and communication in the future.

  ■Digital video recording systems are becoming commonplace in homes and offices.

  Old news, people are hooking up their PC’s to their TV’s and using iTunes and Netflix.

  ■Children now log about twenty-two thousand hours watching television by age nineteen, more than twice the time spent in school.

  Kids send 20,000 text messages a month and TV is way less entertaining than it used to be.

  This section in your chapter is one that I think needs to be looked at more closely and needs more up to date data and examples.

  Thanks!

• 87 George Johnson // Sep 24, 2009 at 10:18 am

  John-

  Thank you so much for the insight! The first 3 chapters have already helped me change the way I try and connect with others. This is the book i have been waiting for.

  -George
  Lodi, CA

• 88 Franisz Ginting // Sep 24, 2009 at 10:36 am

  PLEASE READ THIS:

  Dear Dr. John, I think you should read (or have you?) a book by Howard G. Hendricks, “Say It With Love” or in Indonesian language is ‘Beritakan Injil dengan Cinta’.

  I just found and read it, and I think that book will give some contributions for your book.

• 89 Franisz Ginting // Sep 24, 2009 at 10:45 am

  PLEASE READ THIS:

  I’m sorry, it was ‘Beritakan Injil dengan Kasih’. Thank you.

• 90 Kathy Nicholls // Sep 24, 2009 at 11:19 am

  This is a powerful message. In the education programs I work with, we often see keen examples of this. One instructor will connect better with the students than another. The outcome? Those students tend to excel in the program. Unless there is a connection, it simply doens’t work. With our online students, the challenge becomes different, but not impossible. Using the technology available, there is still an opportunity to connect. I am often reminded when I speak or write of the phrase “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

• 91 Franisz Ginting // Sep 24, 2009 at 11:23 am

  PLEASE,

  Use not cliche words, or sentences, or stories…
  Please use or create the new ones…
  And please, write from your heart. Everyone ‘can’ write. But, not everyone really connects.

  Thank you, Dr. John, for contributing this book.

  Write to the ears, even to the heart, and soul. Write as (not like) you talk. ‘Verbum ruat, scriptura manet’.

• 92 Melanie Ray // Sep 24, 2009 at 11:38 am

  Mr. Maxwell,

  I’m thankful that you are using tools like this to get such a pertinent message out to so many people. It serves my appetite right for not having to wait until the book is published to read…so thanks! (By the way your Twitter updates alone could be a book by themselves… just a thought!)

  The first thing that really stood out to me was the break down of not being balances in communicating THOUGHT, EMOTION, and ACTION. That’s a big deal. I never want “something that I feel but don’t do be communicated as hypocritical” or any of the others for that matter!

  When you talked about connecting visually, I loved the illustrations and examples used for public speaking. I’ve considered myself confident in certain areas but appreciate the ways in which I can grow. Thanks!

  More importantly, I majority of emphasis was really about my daughter. If she remembers more that 5x what she sees than hears, I want to live before the person I desire her to be. Hugs and kisses, prayer, integrity, modesty, servanthood— wow…. I have a new desire to show her more than I could ever tell her. Thanks for that!

  Mel Ray

• 93 Jenniffer Vielman-Vasquez // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:02 pm

  Dear John,

  I have to say that chapter three is amazing. I love the fact that not only do you point out that verbal communication is important but you also give specifics that can help us in that area.

• 94 Jenniffer Vielman-Vasquez // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:10 pm

  I forgot to mention something that happened to at school. As part of our grade (for an audit class) we were to prepare a class presentationto prepare. I did a lot of research, by going to the library, talking to my professor etc. All to have the knowledge necessary to deliver a great presentation. However, during the presentation I chose to stand behind a podium the whole time. I did this because it made me feel more comfortable. However, doing this hurt my grade. My professor said that although the content was great, the fact that I stood behind a podium the whole time made it a poor presentation. Therefore I ended up getting a B instead of an A.

• 95 Kasaandra Roache // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:33 pm

  I learn about the proximity, lighting, and prescence when it comes to presenting. Vital points! Cant wait til the next chapter.

• 96 Jenniffer Vielman-Vasquez // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:37 pm

  I just want to apoligize for the grammatical errors in my last comment. I copied and pasted several times and did not proof read before posting it.

• 97 `Femi FORTUNE-IDOWU // Sep 24, 2009 at 12:39 pm

  This may likely be best book of all time.
  I`ve read the first two chapters of this coming book and srongly believe it will transform lives and brings out the real leadership in them for Global change. This book is a must read for all african leaders if Africa must move from good to great. Our key purpose in life is to fulfill our assignment and our is to affect lives and to make things happen. This book will effect the changes we need to transforming the heart of our leaders in order to making our world to be a worthwhile arena. This book is created to waking up the africans (leaders) reminding us that we can really be the best if we can put on the armour of a good leader with perssion for the masses. I appreciate you.

• 98 Robert Nicholson // Sep 24, 2009 at 3:36 pm

  I like this chapter.

  Check the Quote by Henry Ward Beecher. I think the first “good” is superfluous.

  The “Grandchildren ” story seems to have an extra “…we are…”.

  “If you desire to connect, you cannot afford to ignore your environment, even if
  you have been asked to speak professionally. That’s why I always try to see the
  venue before I speak…”
  May I suggest you delete the following “…any time I’m booked for a speaking
  engagement.”

  I really like the Charles Laughton story.

  The point immediately following; “There’s no substitute…”; had great impact in
  my view.

  The “Edward H. Friedman” paragraph is great.

  Baseball stories are surprisingly effective, especially as I haven’t a clue what
  a .367 hitter is. I live in Australia and while basebal is played here somewhere,
  I personally have never played, attended or seen a telecast of a baseball game.

  The following passage could be worded better:
  “Confidence like that—when invested in others—helps people to feel connected to
  the person who giving it and it makes them confident in themselves.”

• 99 Julia // Sep 24, 2009 at 8:06 pm

  This is absolutely true! I teach in the public school system – the kids do not retain information unless they see a way to connect it to their own experience and lives. Getting them to take in new information is difficult. I can’t wait for this book to come out so I can read it in it’s entirety! Blessings to you for what you do!!!

• 100 Yvonne Green // Sep 24, 2009 at 10:23 pm

  A wise person once taught me to seize the second and run with it. There is such a differnce in the seconds that I have seized and ran with verses the ones I let slip away. Every section builds on the previous one yet at the same time refencing the core.

• 101 Sumesh // Sep 25, 2009 at 1:51 am

  Dear John,

  You have mentioned as focusing on one’s strengths while communicating. And I am reading “Now,Discover your strengths ” by Marcus Buckingham currently. And as I read your chapter, I see how you have wonderfully put the components of strengths which are related to talents, skills and knowledge in such a “layman” language. How true ! I like the difference between charisma and personality. I also like the statement “be positive, believe in yourself and focus on others”. Adding value is so important in what I do in my profession, and this chapter throws so much light on it. I want to add what one of my mentors always mentions “Focus on adding value to yourself. That will empower you to add value to others. You cannot give to others what you do not have”. I remember that statement every day when I am speaking, conducting a meeting, talking with my spouse, chatting with my friends or even praying because when I have that attitude I am always learning and listening. It motivates me to be humble and teachable. And I think that advice has enabled me to grow as an individual over the past few years. And every day when I have to attend meetings and provide inputs, I remember the the following statement “Prior preparation provides a powerful performance”. I have stayed away from extemporaneously providing speeches or conducting conference calls since I have read that statement.

  Thanks,
  -Sumesh

• 102 Paul // Sep 25, 2009 at 7:22 am

  This is a great chapter!

  The thing that struck me too as I was reading, is that if you are the type of communicator/connector that is described here, the breadth of situations into which you are allowed to communicate widens.
  To illustrate, as a pastor, I often have to communicate into situations I know nothing about. I have never lost a child, or gone through a divorce, or declared myself bankrupt; but I might be required to connect with, and communicate truth to people in any of these situations. I can not speak from experience here, but, because of building up a bank of warm, genuine connection, I am permitted grace by the listener. A bad communicator does not receive this grace, their input is often confined to an area of expertise only, and when they stray from this, people stop listening.
  Being a good communicator/connector therefore means you open up greater possibilities for connection and communication.

  Really enjoying reading this,

  paul

• 103 Henry Will // Sep 25, 2009 at 8:46 am

  John, Great read! Thanks for the reminders! I read some of it to my wife! This book is so good that, even though I’m reading it all online, I’ll still buy it!

  Suggestions:
  I believe that connecting emotionally is the most important of the 4 components of connection. I believe that you would agree with this and therefore perhaps it should be first.

  I would suggest that you draw from some of the information about EQ (The Emotional Quotient) literature that shows studies that have proven that EQ is more important than IQ. And, EQ can be developed, which is a great encouragement to us all!

  I’d suggest that somehow you add some language to bring this to more one-on-one applications of connecting. I really like the applications to speaking to audiences because I do public speaking so it helps me, yet I think most of your readers want to know how to connect one-on-one or in smaller groups.

  You talk about communicating visually. I’d say, take some of your own advice (smile and put some graphics to express the 3 components of communication: emotion, knowledge, and action. Perhaps a triangle would be appropriate. That would be helpful for visual learners. Also, a graphic for the “4 components of connection” would likewise be helpful.

  Also, this sentence (which I love because I’ve learned that I need to apply this for my own children) needs some work: “When they arrive at our house, we stop whatever we’re doing to let them know how we are delighted we are to be with them, not only in word but with smiles, hugs, and kisses.” I’d suggest removing the “we are” before “delighted.”

  looking forward to chapter four!

• 104 Larry Lanier // Sep 25, 2009 at 9:22 am

  We are always communicating something.

• 105 Dan Holke // Sep 25, 2009 at 11:57 am

  Wonderful writing John! It has always been so easy to read your style, and to instantly learn and relate to your message.
  It is so true that we all communicate, and even more through mobile devices and emails, but I think it is harder to truly connect because it is difficult for some people to show that they care. We connect through caring for others, whether it is just one-on-one or presenting in an arena to thousands.
  Our ability to show others that we care is directly related to the strength of our connections. We can improve our connections by going beyond words as you wrote, and by improving our methods to show that we care about others.
  When Louis Armstrong sang “I see friends shaking hands, saying ‘how do you do?’ They’re really saying ‘I love you!’” he was singing about connecting with others! That example can be lived out today by extending the short “Hi, how are you?” greeting as we walk on by, to stopping and taking time to listen and connect with people. That is our first step in showing people that we care about them, beyond the words that we speak.
  I am so looking forward to the rest of this book!
  Thank you,
  Dan Holke

• 106 Barbie Buckner // Sep 25, 2009 at 1:18 pm

  Wow…so intriguing. Excited about the whole picture. Totally believe in the power of communication. As a high school teacher, I often talk to my students about communication.

  For example mom tells the teenager to clean their room, the teenager moves clothes out of the floor and into the closet and calls back to mom and says it is done. Mom comes back, sees the dresser piled up, checks under the bed, and opens the closet…then the teenager is grounded. I can so see how there is a disconnect with one another.

  So look forward with sharing info within this book.

• 107 Paulas Panday // Sep 25, 2009 at 1:57 pm

  Hmm, yah, I am very happy to read this chapter here. I am reminded again again about action speaks louder than words. wow, you have given so much illustration about where you are standing and how do you connect to people from the stage or pulpit. once I learned these about trying to relate to people in my preaching about who they are and how can I lift up their lives by my preaching, I really started listening to their stories, of of people who are alike, so that in next sermon I can make some illustration from the stories that can relate to my audience, I started getting response for thanking to me because they were able to change even their important decision because the message was very much relevant to them and it really touched them enough to make them rethink on their decision and even change it some times.

  I truly believe what you have wrote here, that people remember about what we make them feel the most.

  thank you for being so open and sharing your even small experiences here.

  next time, I will not hide behind the big pulpit in my church, I will come in front and preach from there. I am encouraged to learn that after reading that you always observe your place about where you gonna stand or speak from etc. very practical.

• 108 Michelle Pack // Sep 25, 2009 at 4:11 pm

  Best selling author Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) asked, “If your life was made into a movie, would you go see it?” My answer is: they ARE watching the movie, whether we realize it or not, make it a blockbuster that they will remember and will impact their lives. He also notes on the greatest book ever written, “The Bible is not bullet points; the Bible is a narrative: it’s story after story after story” …because God knows that’s what we relate to and that’s what connects us intellectually, emotionally, and volitionally. We read of stories because we ARE stories – stories to be read, stories to be seen, and stories to be heard. We are designed to express ourselves – even hermits cannot help but write their journeys because we are designed to communicate and leave a legacy of some kind – for good or for ill. The question is never when, (for we are always communicating some message at any point in time), but the question is how our message impacts ourselves and our world.

  Recently, a group of songwriters and producers gathered in Chicago for a discussion on storytelling. Singer/songwriter Natalie Grant told the story of how she returned from India and was fully prepared to share of her experiences before the congregation. The church pastor approached her and said, “We’d like to keep things more ‘touchy-feely’ for this service,” which, of course purposely, negated her stories of suffering recently experienced. The tragedy lost when we “edit out” our lives for what we believe to be more palatable. We live to tell all. I tell people, “People will always talk about you behind your back…make sure it’s good.”

  I still use one my all time favorite John Maxwell quotes: “You think what I’m saying now is bad, you should see what I edit in my head.”

  I was recently a part of a worship experience where 200 women sang to a about 100 men. I stood out, but not how I intended. All of the women were dressed in their finest threads to serenade these men, but I was in an apron because I was helping serve them dinner just moments before (just a sidenote of a visual mismatch, more in my mind than my dress, which almost dictated my decision to not be an impact on these lives). One of the men came to me afterwards and said, “I know you to be a quiet person, and I couldn’t hear you sing, but I could see your smile across the room. Please keep smiling, it said more than anything else.” Oh, the power of a simple smile. Thank you for reminding me to the split second moment that carries rock star influence into someone’s life.

  I have been told again and again by professional writers and editors, “you can write, now include yourself.” Noone ever said “how to include myself.” I am a writer, a one-liner, but not a “storyteller” (despite my earlier Miller notes ). Your notes on the plan along with the desired result are perfect. Truly helped me lay out a simple structure to be achieved in my writing – which help me come to my ultimate goal: reveal myself and connect with others.

  By the way, our camera guys are fully prepared for your ultimate point: when John goes down on one knee, better listen up, it’s key!

  So much more, but that’s key for now.

• 109 Michelle Pack // Sep 25, 2009 at 4:15 pm

  Speaking of edit, “the tragedy felt and opportunity lost when we edit out our lives.

• 110 Alejandro Pozo // Sep 25, 2009 at 5:20 pm

  Amazing chapter!

  Sometimes we focused in separate components of communications, an it’s good, but I think we should put attention in the whole equation as mentioned:

  - What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed.
  - The way we say it accounts for 38 percent.
  - What others see accounts for 55 percent.[i]

  In order to have each % or weight in the equation, we need to have all of them, not just develop the 93%. Here mayority is not enough.

  I want to share an example … “There are studies that mentioned that aprox 95 % of the genomes of humans and great apes is similar” … what I am traying to say, we can not be excluyent with all 3 component, it could be the difference beetween be an human (message with conecction) or be a simple ape (just a message). There is a lot of difference!

  Sometimes, the the worst barrier between me an my audience is my attitude, because I am not sesible to wath is needed before I communicate a message. We need to be alert all the time to anticipate what would be recuried at the “true moment”.

  Finally there is a great book from John Mason titled “Imitation is limitation” where is mentioned that we need to develop our uniques talents, our core business inside of us, beceasue we are the only one that can accomplish God’s purpose for us, nobody else.

  Thanks a lot for this opportunitty.

  Alejandro Pozo, Monterrey-Mexico

• 111 Terry Smith // Sep 25, 2009 at 6:52 pm

  Great Chapter John! my favorite parts were your speaking checklist, your overall honest transparency, and especially the 7 seconds to make a good first impression. I recommend not changing a word, If its perfect, its good enough, Terry

• 112 Goran Ogar // Sep 25, 2009 at 8:11 pm

  The attitude is the key to any successful communication.

  I moved to Canada at the age of 21. Coming from former Yugoslavia during the Balkan wars was not easy, but it was exciting. There were many things I’d considered serious obstacles to my success, but nothing as serious as my accent. The command of English language was not that terrible, but the accent was. On top of everything I was trying to be a preacher and get as many speaking engagements as possible. But there was the accent, my greatest weakness, so I thought. Even going to a store, trying to buy a pair of shoes, was a nightmare. I’d just feel awkward and intimidated asking for anything, let alone a discount, well, because of my accent. Everything changed one day, when a fellow student got into a conversation with me about shopping and negotiating prices. He said: “Hey Goran, you guys with the Mediterranean accent, it’s easy for you. Everybody knows that you like to negotiate prices, so everyone gives you a discount!” His words dawned on me like a revelation come from heaven. That very instant I realized that my worst enemy had been my best friend all along. I went to test the theory right away, and visited a few shoe stores. It worked, you wouldn’t believe the discounts I got! Shopping and conversing with strangers turned from a nightmare to a great fun. It still is today. My accent had not changed, my attitude has. I learned that I had an incredible advantage over a born Canadian, my accent!

• 113 Amy McCart // Sep 25, 2009 at 8:22 pm

  TYPO ??? —
  Should there be an “s” on the end of “word”??

  “to be with them, not only in word but with smiles, hugs, and kisses. We want”
  PS – My favorite chapter so far! Want to read it again and take notes!!! So good! Great stories! Very relatable!!

• 114 Rick Pollen // Sep 26, 2009 at 1:42 am

  Good chapter! It is very practical. Possible one more life story in it would be nice. You are a great writer!

• 115 Ita Imelda // Sep 26, 2009 at 5:48 am

  Hi John,

  I didn’t get to comment on your 1st and 2nd chapters. I read only the 3rd chapter and am amazed at how much I actually learned from it. Thank you! This 3rd chapter alone is like a book of its own, so rich and full of wisdom and knowledge.

  When I was in university to do my bachelor degree, Non-verbal communication was my thesis. I totally can relate to what you wrote above. Now, I have my own export company and I can also relate to this chapter 3.

  If I may add, someone’s words, attitude and body language also may convey either negative or positive message that can either give hope or make others hopeless. We are all capable to build or destroy others with our words and body language. Plus our words are the reflection of our faith. We cannot just think about something, but also speak it out, to make things happen. Because when we speak it out, it helps us to believe and it may also strenghten others who hear.

  For women, since they talk so much, they can learn how to actually “do” the “action”. While men, can learn how to “speak”.

  Thank you.
  Ita Imelda

• 116 Dave Ramage // Sep 26, 2009 at 11:12 am

  Hi John
  loved the simplicity in your main points. As a teacher in a public high school it is all about connecting.
  I’d love you to develop more about mimic / imitation in communication as Against devloping your own style. I love the part in ‘Braveheart’ (not just because I’m Scottish) when Wallace is asked by his men how they should fight and he tells them
  ‘just be yourself’. Too many people mimic ‘great orators’ to the point that you question if they have any originality
  maybe some more tips of Hindrances to Connecting with audiences – though it is all the way through the chapter
  love the way you write –
  D

• 117 Candace Sargent // Sep 26, 2009 at 3:44 pm

  Love the opener John! “Two….” is very effective; it gets people thinking right off “Yaaaaaa that’s very true!..Why is that true?..What is it that makes the difference?..I’m sure it’s not a gene, soooooo, I can become THAT person!..I want to be THAT person!!!!”

  Intriguing, “Something I…” section. So true, conveying someone else’s vision.

  Liked use of Henry Ward Beecher’s quote; there are interesting authentic people and then there are those who practice being interesting people. Obviously, you need to be the real thing or no doubt it will come across loud and clear, beyond your words! People who simply practice, say something OFF that hits us deeper where intuition says “Something’s OFF about them..disconnect!”

  Agree that movement is important and sometimes a touch goes along with it like when you squat to a child’s eye level, lower your tone a little, and touch their hand or forearm slightly. Note: It’s a shame that touch is such a sensitive subject these days because it’s often very essential to connecting.

  Instant light-bulb moment, Laughton’s comment, “I know the psalm; she knows the Sheppard.”

  Wide-smile, Cobb’s quotes “…because I’m seventy.”

  Summation feels incomplete and simplistic which can wash away great detail content in someone’s mind, “Putting It All Together” section. You mentioned it’s intuitive and just be yourself, but I find people’s intuition doesn’t serve them well and their self-awareness isn’t much better…aaaaaand they know it; you may risk disconnecting them.

  Just some thoughts that come to mind:

  In an age of attention deficit, multi-multi-tasking , video games and fast-paced movies with LOTS OF STIMULUS, connecting is frankly…harder! It’s not that we’re taking the shallow approach of “I’ll wow them with my bag of tricks!”…nooo…it’s more like “I’ll start with something I know, do and am passionate about, THEN how can I BESTTT connect?..what tools would help me get my passion across THE WAY I REALLLLLY WANT TO?”

  While the title of this chapter is “Connecting Goes Beyond Words,” I believe OUR CHOICE OF WORDS DICTATES A GOOD PORTION OF THE QUALITY OF OUR CONNECTION BEYOND WORDS. Colorful descriptive language & voice allow you to best express what’s beyond words; they allow your connection to POP! or be deeper light-bulb moments…metaphors, similes, euphemisms, witty phrases, WORD PICTURES that POP “HAHAHAHA LOL!!” or “OMG YESSSSSS!!”, high-interest stories that are DEAD ON POINT!!…all of these words allow you to better convey what is beyond words.

  It’s funny that even texting kind of illustrates this point: although we’re confined to words, text messages that catch our eye or POP! or keep our interest… incorporate descriptives such as these to better convey what’s beyond it, like the classic “read between the lines.”

  It’s a given that eye contact is critical throughout! Just make sure you’re NOT drilling holes through their irises, but instead, you’re focusing around their eye area and only briefly on the irises for emphasis. I know this sounds technical, but in truth, people are very sensitive to staring and glaring, and there’s only a matter of seconds before warm and sincere becomes feeling uncomfortable, CONNECTION BECOMES DISCONNECTION IN A HEARTBEAT and you’re left wondering “WHATTT HAPPENED!?”

  Chemistry beyond the words: all of these affect serotonin levels and release endorphins to give each of us that warm exhilarating feeling of satisfaction that WE’VE CONNECTED THE WAY WE REALLLLLLY WANTED TO!!:)

  Enjoy your writing, John.

  Candace

• 118 Rosemary Medel // Sep 26, 2009 at 4:01 pm

  John, I spoke on Sept. 12th in LA on Leadership. I referred to your book the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. How timely to now have the opportunity to review your next book! As an author, speaker and performer (singer), I am a fan of using the stool on stage. I saw you speak in person at the the Success Symposium in Long Beach. I love your easy conversational style. In chapter three you touch on how singers connect with the audience. I would suggest you expand on that thought because more people can relate to singing. If they cannot sing people still love to try. So my thought is if you can sing with the emotion of the song/performance then bring that same sincerity and passion to all that you communicate. I have another book being released in October and I wrote on Speaking with Confidence. I would be honored to have to read my contribution. Just let me know. John, you are my idol and mentor. And now I get another get book to use as a teaching tool. Thank you, again!
  Rosemary

• 119 CHRISTY MOOSA // Sep 27, 2009 at 2:49 am

  After reading ch 3 I am reminded on how we are created for authentic relationship. This boils down the pretense and rederick.

  When we have authentic relationship people feel and hear our hearts. Our message, when real as just in this book , it reaches from your soul and connects to the soul of others.

  I think in “big” terms like relationship. I admire your ability to take impossible things, like communicaton and relationship and break them into small, edible bite size pieces that build foundations one brick at a time for even the simplest to reap rewards.

  The key word in life is relationship (w God and others). Not an easy task. God bless you, keep you and make His face shine upon you!

• 120 Angela Mack // Sep 27, 2009 at 11:13 am

  Hi John,

  I am a director of musicals as well as a performing arts and music instructor. I really appreciate this chapter because so much of it pertains to what I preach to my performing arts students. I love that you opened up the chapter with an example of two singers! Thank you for expounding upon and defining how to truly “connect”. As a performing arts instructor, I have not found information such as this in standard performing arts textbooks. Yet, it is KEY. Thank you.

• 121 lydia maria gonzalez dross // Sep 27, 2009 at 11:14 am

  Hi John,

  You know John, communication is the essential element of every day living. Jesus communicated to everyone in differant levels and differant ways. Jesus passion to minister to people was so important to the Father that he often used parables so that the people would understand what He is trying to convey. This book so far has demonstrated in my opinion, how to communicate as a professional or in realtionships.

  I want to give you some insights because communication is so very important to me as a delivery of good news to others. However, it did not lack confidence nor did not lack knowledge but it lacked passion in what you believe in before a person opens their month to speak. The message is the essential part of communication.

  Let’s talk about the hinderances of communication and why people are not so successful in communication with others. I have heard so many wonderful speakers and heard topics that really do not interest me. But because the way they communicated their topic, I stayed in tune because I loved the way they spoke, with elequoence and simplicity.

  I struggled with communication since I was a child and it was not because I was not able to speak or had a communication speech problem. It was because I was charged not to speak – an atmosphere which forbidden communication or even the thoughts of it. So I learned not to speak. Now that I am adult, or when I left my home after high school. communication was a big problem for me and often interfered with my ability to write well or comphrend what others were saying. But thank God His grace is sufficient to overcome. I am very keened to how people speak and how they write and sensitive to topics like this one. I want it to grasp my attention. I want it to bring out and nurture those areas in communication that need tending to and healing.

  Thank you !! you have done so with the help of the Holy Spirit.

• 122 Chin M C // Sep 27, 2009 at 11:21 am

  When Laughton departed at the end of the evening, a member of the family thanked him for coming and remarked about the difference in the response by the family to the two recitations of the psalm. When asked his opinion on the difference, Laughton responded, “I know the psalm; she knows the Shepherd.”

  Can I say that the different response was that people who hear the recitations could see, hear and feel that there was full of Conviction in the psalm recited by the elderly lady.

• 123 John See // Sep 27, 2009 at 11:30 am

  John:
  This is a very good chapter and lots of good tips for presenters like myself.

  I would like to comment on the following concept you raise – very interesting. But I would like to add 1 component – “EMOTION – something we feel, and”

  I have found that I could show that I am very passionate in my presentation – show how I feel; however, I do not believe it; it would not still not connect with the people.

  I would like to suggest to add:

  EMOTION – Something we feel and believe in
  MOVE – Something we do

• 124 Thomas Kinsfather // Sep 27, 2009 at 11:39 am

  Great chapter, John. Thanks for welcoming feedback.

  On making someone else’s vision yours: Every president speaks about the American dream, but it wasn’t their idea. They talk about how this dream/vision effects them and how it effects Americans today. This gives the message relevance and emotion.

• 125 Irfan Simanjuntak // Sep 27, 2009 at 11:59 am

  Dear John

  I like it as usuallly. Your point is not merely technics but goes beyond it. You talk about the essence of communication! I like it when you say that attitude occupies important role in communicating. You are right John. We are not talking about “skill” of communication, we talking about conveying our message. Attitude makes you confident, and in turn, give you passion to convey it.

  Thank you for this chapter. For many years I learn about “the skill to speak”, but now I realize that it is not merely skill, it is my life and my attitude. I believe this book will bless many people. God Bless You

• 126 Marvin Penick // Sep 27, 2009 at 12:33 pm

  This chapter left a huge impression on me. As I strive to lead my family effectively, my goal is to connect with them on all levels. There’s a comment at the beginning of this set of comments that mentions getting a Ph.D. in the people you’re trying to lead. I’ll remember that forever.

• 127 Burdette Rosendale // Sep 27, 2009 at 1:03 pm

  Awesome Chapter. I will read it again to soak it in some more. I was thinking about how to develop some of the skills mentioned. Seems like a good place to start is by videoing myself. Thanks for the review opportunity.

• 128 Laurinda // Sep 27, 2009 at 1:12 pm

  Wow, I got a lot out of this chapter. It was hard to read with a critiquing eye, when I was learning so much. The things that jumped out and impacted me were:
  1. Howard Hendricks 3 parts of communication: intellectual, emotional and volitional
  2. 3 components of communication: Thoughts, Emotion and Action and the bullets of how we can be disconnected:
  • Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.
  • Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.
  • Something I feel but do not know, my communication is unfounded.
  • Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.
  • Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.
  • Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.

  LOVED these bullets. I was trying to figure out a graphical representation of above, which would be cool in your book.
  3. The questions you ask yourself after a speech I will definitely use:
  • Integrity—Did I do my best?
  • Expectation—Did I please my sponsor?
  • Relevance—Did I understand and relate to the audience?
  • Value—Did I add value to the people?
  • Application—Did I give people a game-plan?
  • Change—Did I make a difference?

  4. Know your subject AND equally know yourself.

  The only question I had at the end of the chapter was, how to apply what you shared to written communication.

• 129 Kurt Billups // Sep 27, 2009 at 1:13 pm

  John,
  I found chapter 3 explores the profound affect of connecting visually, intellectually, and emotionally with your audience. So many times we miss the mark by not “dropping the curtain ” and placing no barriers between us and our audience. Weather we are speaking to a large group, small group, or having a one one conversation these tools if utilized will make us much more effective in our communication with others.

  Best Wishes,
  Kurt Billups

• 130 Edwin Sarmiento // Sep 27, 2009 at 2:26 pm

  This is my first encounter with the chapters for the book and all I can say is that this has hit a home run. Having been invited to do technical presentations for Microsoft technologies both locally and globally, I know what it means to sit in a presentation with boring PowerPoint slides, bullet points that can kill and listen to a speaker that probably memorized the transcript of the presentation. I have been guilty of doing this myself as I initially thought that this was the way to do technical presentations. Ever since I have learned about the art of delivering presentations, I have committed myself to continuous development on the subject – from creating great PowerPoint slides to delivering the presentation (special mention to great books like Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds, slide:ology by Nancy Duarte and Working the Room by Nick Morgan).

  From experience, I have learned that enthusiasm, emotional and visual connection when delivering a presentation is what makes people want to stay and listen more – even for a highly technical and boring presentation. The reason I get invited to do presentations was not because of the level of content I provide other (other speakers are smarter and have more technical knowledge than I do) but because I was able to connect to the audience, understand what they feel and provide a solution using the technologies I am presenting. It’s hard to be an expert in just one aspect of technology especially when it keeps evolving and this is what I have learned when delivering presentations. It’s hard to be an expert at what you will present on. But what makes you as one when you deliver your presentation is the passion and enthusiasm that come with it during the preparation and delivery. Anybody can deliver presentations on just about any topic they may or may not be expert on. The only difference in making it an effective one is to put yourself in the listener’s shoes, feel what they feel and develop and deliver a presentation based on that.

  Bottom line:It’s all about the listener when we communicate.

• 131 Joanne Maly // Sep 27, 2009 at 2:52 pm

  John,
  I am excited to be able to read your third chapter of your new book (thanks) and will keep my eyes open for Ch. 4.

  From reading some of your books, I can say that you do indeed “….work to make every one of my books more than just a book, more than just paper and ink or an electronic file to be offered in the marketplace. Every book comes from my heart and soul. I believe in it and genuinely hope it will help whoever reads it.”

  That belief, emotion and heart-felt message in your writing is what has made you a leader in this field, and a favorite author for so many.

  Thank you for the example you set for me.

• 132 Maureen Craig McIntosh // Sep 27, 2009 at 2:58 pm

  John
  As a member of Toastmasters International I think Chapter 3 is dead on. I would suggest under the section about Pay Attention to Your Surroundings…that you include a little piece about using the computer while talking on the phone…this is not often talked about but one we all know happens…..

• 133 Deb Ingino // Sep 27, 2009 at 3:05 pm

  Great perspective in this chapter!

  It is amazing that when each of us simply changes our focus from inward to outward, those we come into contact with sense our authentic emotional connection and respond in kind.

  Whether in business or in our own homes, this authentic, connected approach to one another
  can be a catalyst to changing our world.

  I love what you wrote about how you and Margaret react when your grandchildren visit. Could you imagine if we as parents acted that way each time we saw our children? How connected would our children feel? How full would there bucket be? And as a result, how much more would our children have to sow back into this world?

  As you said in your book ‘Winning With Peoople’, “Good, healthy, growing relationships begin with the ability to put other people first.”

  Looking forward to the next chapter!

• 134 Robin Ley // Sep 27, 2009 at 3:26 pm

  Dear Mr Maxwell,
  Chapter 3 is exceptional- I learned A LOT!
  I have felt times when my words flowed flawlessly from my lips and yet felt like they were not fully received. This is because there was not complete integrity in what I was saying, and therefor a lapse in communication.
  I believe I read in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that, ‘Honesty requires conforming our words to reality, and Integrity requires conforming reality to our words. This is to me, the essence of what Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote is about. WELL DONE JOHN!

• 135 Janet George // Sep 27, 2009 at 3:32 pm

  The beginning of this chapter really drew me in quickly because of how easy it was to identify with the situations.

  Need to delete a “good” and add a “the” to this quote:
  “There are persons so radiant, so genial, so kind, so pleasure-bearing, that you instinctively feel (delete->good) in their presence that they do you good, whose coming into a room is like THE bringing a lamp there.”

  Are you familiar with Carly Fleischmann on twitter as CarlysVoice? She has autism and thus is limited in so many ways in her physical communication – but she can type and has wonderfully “connected” with so many on twitter that she has 5,197 following her as of this moment.

  Than

• 136 Janet George // Sep 27, 2009 at 3:36 pm

  Oops! My previous message got submitted before it was ready! The Beecher quote is also missing an “of” (is like THE bringing OF a lamp there.”)

  Thanks for another great chapter!

• 137 Joanne Maly // Sep 27, 2009 at 3:41 pm

  John,

  I posted a comment on your blog today and wanted to let you know as well that your blog is listed on my own Simply Said blog in the “Blogs I Like” list.

  Thank you for sharing your chapters from your new book online. I love this novel concept of asking for your readers’ input… before the book is published.

  I know you are no doubt ‘really’ wanting reader input, (after all… you said… ” All feedback, editing, questions, and corrections are welcome.) But, as you are such an esteemed author and presenter, I am nonetheless hesitant to offer any thoughts. Perhaps that is why I waited until this afternoon to send this email to you. But then, I put myself in your shoes, and thought – yes, I would really want to hear from my readers as I was working on a draft.

  So, humbly, here are a few thoughts.

  Good luck with your book. And… thank you for sharing your heart and words with readers like myself.

  My very best to you.

  If I try to communicate . . .

  Something I know, but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.
  Something I know, but do not do, my communication is theoretical.
  Something I know, but do not live, my communication is empty.
  Something I know, but do not believe, my impact is stunted.
  Something I feel, but do not know, my communication is unfounded.
  Something I feel, but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.
  Something I feel, but do not live, my impact is marginal.
  Something I do, but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.
  Something I do, but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.
  Something I say, but do not feel, my communication is phony.
  Something I say, but do not live, my communication is lifeless.
  Something I say, but do not embrace, my impact is void.

  Note:
  If you did add any of the above, you might then need to tweak this line to reflect the fourth component…
  However, when I include all four components—thought, emotion, action, and sharing—my communication has conviction, passion, credibility, and clarity .

  And a thought in the line that says…
  Once you have ‘done’ that…

  Note: from my earliest memories… my grandmother kindly ‘drilled’ in me that only ‘turkeys get done’… of course, implying do not be a turkey, Joanne.) A possibility of a word to exchange for ‘done’ in the text could be…

  Once you have succeeded with that…

  ‘Done’ pops up again in the story about completing applications for a grocery clerk job w/your friend in high school.

  Also, in the line that says..
  Add to that the popularity of YouTube, Facebook, Vimeo, PowerPoint, movies, and other media, and you can certainly understand the importance of what can be seen in our culture.

  … I would suggest perhaps adding Twitter to the line-up. That social media option is growing exponentially and has been for 15 mos. or so at this point… so it is a force to be reckoned with.. and definitely is a ‘part’ of our culture.

  Additionally, I would offer the idea of adding the words ‘mobile communication’ in this list as well — again, because that technology use is almost explosive in our culture.

  Again, good luck.

• 138 Peter Lee // Sep 27, 2009 at 4:08 pm

  Great chapter John!

  I learnt a good chunk of this when i was being mentored into corporate management from my old boss. and with time, it became very evident that it wasn’t necessary the words that came out of your mouth, but the tone, body language, eye contact, and overall, the perception that the other party got during the conversation that matters.

  I’ve progressed through high school/university with wit mixed in with sarcasm and came off with a bit of an edge as i was told by my old boss when i transitioned into the workforce, and i was taught then that to be a leader that people would want to follow, i had to change the delivery of my words with much more to be effective in winning people over. i wanted to be a leader and decided that day to make a change, and i worked on communicating with people where the perception of what i was trying to convey was the result i wanted. i soon became so conscious of how ineffective i was prior to understanding this. it didn’t happen overnight, but i am so thankful this lesson was taught early enough for me to have remedied and it had brought much success in the corporate world, and it has definitely given me a slight edge in running my own business and now i have the privilege of helping some peers work on this.

  I’ve grown even more since then, and have been analyzing my interactions with people to see what they might have gotten out of it and to be proactive in bettering my overall perception delivering skills to win the respect from my peers, trainees, and clients constantly.

  i was also at your edmonton event yesterday, and you were just amazing. i can’t wait til you come back!

• 139 Tara Turkington // Sep 27, 2009 at 4:16 pm

  Hi John,
  I am a big fan and have read many of your books. I enjoyed this chapter. As part of my job, I coach people in how to deal with the media, and many of your tips were reinforcement of what I’ve learnt as a journalist. I always tell media training delegates, “It’s 10% of what you say, and 90% of how you say it.”
  I’m looking forward to this book, too, but do agree with Gareth who made a comment above, that it would be great to have some more egs from outside the US if possible.
  Thanks and good luck with the new book,
  Tara Turkington
  Johannesburg, South Africa

• 140 B. Cassandra Thornton // Sep 27, 2009 at 4:20 pm

  Connecting Goes Beyond Words
  Chapter 3 is well written. The information really stirred my heart. Recently, I attended a Successful Thinkers Mixer with Jim Bellacera, Founder & Speaker and Bennie Harris, Host. During the mixer I was given the opportunity to share with the audience how important it is for those of us doing internet marketing to really make a commitment to sincerely/genuinely connect with as many of our friends in our social networking circles as possible.
  So many people are just dissimilating or circulating information on a daily basis without any real connection to the people they are sending the information. Yes, the information is valuable, but who are you? I noticed that you said “when you find yourself, you find your audience” and the people that are just posting their business information & or opportunities are often clueless regarding their target audience. They assume everybody wants what they are blasting everyday but NOT! To the ones that I have connections with I created a referral base and I have committed to sharing their business information if I come across someone that need their products or services.
  I’m very passionate about connecting and I am very thankful that you are sharing this information with the world. I realize that some people connect for the moment and some people connect for a lifetime!
  The only correction I see within the chapter was “Rose of Sloan’s Supermakets” spelling Supermarkets.

• 141 Janine Murray // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:09 pm

  Dear John,

  Thank you for this unique opportunity to share with you at this stage in your writing process. It is an honour for all of us to consider that you value our input and feedback.

  As a high school teacher, this chapter really resonated with me as I read it! Sharing thought, emotion, and action indeed characterizes my most effective lessons. Conversely, on days where I end up having to teach something with which I am not as familiar or about which I have no personal connection, I end up feeling a lack of confidence and/or a lack of passion … and everybody suffers! (And teenagers are not the most gracious “audiences”!) Your teaching in this chapter is a good reminder to me.

  The first two sections were motivating, with a catchy set-up … made one want to read more!

  I really liked the example with the psalm and the Shepherd … so true. Great illustration.

  The part about the person with “presence” or “charisma” having an unselfish attitude and putting others first reminds me of when you have a conversation with someone that is focused mostly on them, about which they think was a great “talk”!! LOL I know that people enjoy talking about themselves, but sometimes I feel fake when I’ve allowed the conversation to go that way and they don’t seem to be any the wiser. I’ve always felt that if they are okay with it, they obviously needed it. Does that sound right?

  Regarding one of the comments made by Larry Baxter, I think he makes a good point in questioning how you say to “find yourself” as a speaker, but then go on to encourage a sort of prescriptive method. Perhaps that could be addressed in the chapter … ie. what to do when it’s not your style, and how to incorporate your tips when it doesn’t come as naturally.

  Thanks again!
  All the best with the book. It seems like it will be very helpful.

  Sincerely,
  Janine Murray

• 142 Tara Lancaster // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:12 pm

  Great chapter! ‘Were’ in last sentence in paragraph on chapter on grandkids should be ‘we’re’ or ‘we are.’

• 143 Waldemar Smit // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:15 pm

  Dear Mr. Maxwell

  Thank you for the free reading opportunity.

  Typo under EXPAND YOUR RANGE OF EXPRESSION

  Remove one “WE ARE” from the sentence about showing “how delighted we are to be with” your grandchildren.

  Yours sincerely
  Waldemar

• 144 Sue Duffield // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:16 pm

  I will never forget my dad’s hands. He was a hardworking, blue collar worker who abused his hands daily – yet somehow maintaining them to be immaculately manicured, tan and perfect. This was a paradox of something both functional and inspirational to me as a child. The hands that fixed my bicycles, painted my bedroom avocado green (70′s child!), fixed refrigeration units, and “pointed” me in the direction of extravagantly caring for others, were also the hands that liberally defined his soul. While I lay bruised and injured, sitting on a stretcher in an emergency room following a front end collision with my ’73 Plymouth Duster, this seventeen year old was a complete wreck. A complete wreck – until I felt my dad’s hand touch my shoulders. I knew immediately who it was without turning around. I felt his power, his sense of touch; a familiar calming and an instant connection that said, “It’s OK.”

  In my years of speaking and (hopefully) communicating and connecting the gospel, whether by song, word or comedy, I’ve become very aware of how powerful the hands are in both giving and receiving the subtle delivery of facts, faith, truth, compassion, and overall coordination of heart and body. Definition says of “hands: ” They are the chief organs for physically manipulating the environment.” Both scary and true. They express the depth of one’s innermost thoughts and emotions. It’s usually a dead give away (to me) when a speaker’s hands try to manipulate something the heart is not saying.

  It’s no wonder that Jesus, knowing the power HE was, made it a point to touch and “connect beyond words.” Lives were instantly healed and changed, simply by HIS touch.

  So here I am, paying for a manicure and sitting in the chair with my freshly polished nails in a pretty metallic burgundy. I’ll do all I can to make my hands look beautiful. But the truth is, they weren’t made just for cosmetic purposes – there’s a real passion here. I’m ready to rid myself of the “pretty hands gospel”, and get down right dirty and calloused, until someone is moved and changed by my touch.

• 145 Cheryl Navaroli // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:22 pm

  I cannot wait to get this book! You write exactly as you speak to us in person with emotion and we feel like we really know you. When you share your personal experiences with God (like your sermon at Christmas 2 years ago at Christ Fellowship…so passionate that I can still recall the whole experience) we feel your love for Christ and your love of people. Thank you for another amazing experience.

• 146 Cheryl // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:28 pm

  I commented on the last chapter and couldn’t wait for Chapter 3! This is GREAT stuff!

  I think that most people fall into the category of “doing something but not being able to explain it…and your audience gets frustrated.” I’ve run across brilliant scholars teaching seminars and I remember feeling frustrated because I wanted to understand what they were saying and understand their work, but I still had no clue. I think that most of us new speakers can admit that we have to work harder on honing in our audiences.

  What really stood out to me was these lines:

  “The art of communicating beyond words requires the ability to bring all four of those factors together—the right words with the right emotion while being intellectually convincing and making the right visual impression. And all this needs to be done with the right tone of voice, the right facial expressions, and positive body language.” I think communication experts will be quoting these lines years after the book comes up.

  In addition to all the great things I will take from this chapter, these words will stand out to me the most. As I practice for the days to come when I will start speaking and connecting with my audience, I think of speakers I like. Most of them have a knack of talking directly from their soul, and others have the expression and gestures that made their words come alive that it moves you to the core. And some are just so conversational and down-to-earth in their speaking style that you instantly want to be their buddies. Eye contact also resonates with me. When a speaker makes eye contact with me even once during a speech, he/she wins me over instantly. This chapter helps define why I like these speakers and helps me understand the “how”.

  Regarding the tone of voice body language: I hosted an early morning panel discussion once and the guy with the “least talked about topic” topic, got the best feedback. I was stunned then because before the panel, I had secretly hoped that he could get a couple of people interested in his topic. Your chapter reminded me that he made little jokes whenever it was his turn, he had a one-liner that he kept repeating, he had this boyish laugh and demeanor that made him connect with the audience (and I could tell that he was nervous; especially since he was beet-red the whole time) but everytime he made a statement, the audience responded with murmurs, nods, giggles, etc. Later a couple of people said, “boy that guy was something, he must have had too much coffee but he was something, I sure would like to hear him again.” And when the assessments went around, he got the most positive responses.

  Thanks for bringing it all into perspective.

  You asked for a critique so one thing that I would have loved to have seen added: in the lines that start with: “When I try to communicate…Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispasionate.” I would have loved to see the opposite after you related that version. “When I communicate something I know AND feel, I am passionate!” I know it may sound weird because it is the same thing, but somehow in my “reader mind” I turned the sentence around to convey that meaning. It made it easier for me to repeat to myself or scribble somewhere to remind myself.

• 147 vicki // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:34 pm

  The art of communication is what I see coming out in this chapter.
  Great read! I love the fact that you have included your
  Personal experiences. As you said, this adds credibility
  To your message. I like this chapter and am definitely considering
  Purchasing the book.

  Thanks

• 148 Ryan // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:41 pm

  Connecting Goes Beyond Words was a good chapter. I think it probably could be broken up into two chapters due to the amount of information. I really would like you to expand on: The solution to better communication:

  “In other words, when we try to communicate, we must include:

  Thought: Something we know,

  Emotion: Something we feel, and

  Action: Something we do.

  I believe those three components are essential to connect with others as well. Fail to include any one of the three, and there will be a disconnection from people and a breakdown in communication. More specifically, here’s how I think the breakdown would occur. If I try to communicate . . .

  Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.
  Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.
  Something I feel but do not know, my communication is unfounded.
  Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.
  Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.
  Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.
  When components are missing, the result for me as a communicator is exhaustion. However, when I include all three components—thought, emotion, and action—my communication has conviction, passion, and credibility. And the result is connection.”

  Give some specific examples here.

  I would also like to see an outline of the 4 components of connection prior to going into detail on each one. Show me the big picture, then break it down.
  “People will not always remember what you said. They will not alwasy remember what you did. But, they will always remember how you made them feel.” – This applies to me each and every day, I have to take into account how I make my students/players feel. If I can make the last guy on the bench feel as important as the leading scorer, then I have done a great job coaching. If I can help the student how really hates English enjoy at least one story, then I have done a good job.

  I know what people see is the most important of the four components of connection, but the other 3 could be expanded a little. Again, add a chapter.
  I really enjoy reading the book and adding to the blog. This is educational in itself and helping everyone who contributes be communicators to a bigger audience.

• 149 Lepang Ferguson // Sep 27, 2009 at 5:49 pm

  This is really moving and it reminds me of myself. I went out with a friend a few months ago who said that the reason why people give me so much attention is because I give 100% attention to anyone i speak to until the conversation is finished.
  I think that is chapter is really on point, and it speaks utterly to this generation because it is a generation with so much information that it takes a lot for one to get through to people because they are so bombarded with information. My father has been in the service industry all his working life and he taught me that each individual customer is as important as the other, and that you have to deal with each issue with equal importance. One thing i am learning about Leadership in particular is that it is based on being relevant, that means being completely connected with people at any given point in time, not being present all the time, but being relevant, because you can be present and not be relevant. That takes listening closely to the needs of people and working day and night to find the answer that fills those needs, but that should also be your innate desire to inspire destiny, which is fueled by the knowledge of one’s purpose. Once we understand our purpose, it is very easy to walk into a room and not say a word and have more impact than the person making the most noise.
  We have a culture of greeting, which is very different to Americans. We walk into a room and greet, that’s part of our culture, and I have found that ‘acknowledgment & attention’ are the greatest tools to attracting a connection because you make people realize that your heart is open to them and that you have interest in them.

• 150 Rick Brown (rb46140) // Sep 27, 2009 at 6:00 pm

  Dear John:
  There are critics, and then there are critics, some of which I am not sure actually read the chapter. It is awesome indeed John. Communication in today’s environment is extremely important given all the negativity in the media and by the media. It is inspiring that you cover all the bases in communicating. I was often reminded of the many great communicators I have had the pleasure of listening to that clearly validate your messages. This book will clearly be on my recommended list.

• 151 Ryan Tongs // Sep 27, 2009 at 6:02 pm

  John,

  Simple and poignant! Thanks again!

• 152 Joseph V. Morrone Jr. // Sep 27, 2009 at 6:11 pm

  John –

  Great content.

  Actions speak so much louder than words! I met a man from church who I thought could be a good friend. Unfortunately, he said what people wanted to hear but never acted on his words. I was there for him when he was down, hating his job, investing time in him in different ways & praying for him. Than when things changed for him and I was out of work it took six weeks for him to reach out to me, indicating he was busy at work, but would see me at church services each week and say that he would call me. He never did. Very valuable lesson for me to make sure that I always do what I say.

  You have to believe in what you are doing & have passion about it. I remember being in an alliance role for a large software company meeting with a partner from one of the global system integrators, who said he had to engage with us further based on my passion & enthusiasm.

  It’s an old cliché, “altitude is determined by your attitude”.

  I agree that movement vs remaining behind a podium in a presentation is important, but I caution all that too much movement can be a distraction.

  Another old cliché, “success is when preparedness meets opportunity”.

  Thanks for being transparent about it taking you 8 yrs to find yourself as a speaker.

  According to the Bible we reap what we sow.

  People with charisma truly enjoy being around people, they enjoy interaction.

• 153 Fradel Barber // Sep 27, 2009 at 6:21 pm

  great chapter! one thing i find is that proper preparation really helps to have all the things in place to properly achieve ‘”the art of communicating beyond words”
  “The ability to bring all four of those factors together—the right words with the right emotion while being intellectually convincing and making the right visual impression. And all this needs to be done with the right tone of voice, the right facial expressions, and positive body language” – is harder to do if you are flustered, ‘winging – it’ or dont know what your going to talk about, especially when talking to a large audience. The audience can also feel if you’ve put work into it…or if you are just ‘getting by’

• 154 Moises Mendez // Sep 27, 2009 at 6:38 pm

  I will remark the following statements:

  Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.

  Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.

  Something I feel but do not know, my communication is unfounded.

  Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.

  Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.

  Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.

  It´s true, sometimes we said what we had to said, just for that.

  Respect, put my feets in the other guy, put first you respect on my, are the basics to win woth the people.

  How many managers are lack of this statements??

  Regards from Mexico

• 155 James MASIMER // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:01 pm

  Thank You Mr. Maxwell
  Paying attention to your sourroundings. My son plays football for Taylor University as a defensive tackle. six foot three,two hundred eighty five pounds While in high school he played the position of a offensive pulling guard. In pulling out of his position by stepping back moving behind the center heading toward the defensive end. At the end of the line . Dad, he would say, if he shows me his numbers I would make the connection.
  I had the priviledge of meeting your dad. I would not be suprised he connected with you a few times.

• 156 Lea Carey/winewithfriends // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:14 pm

  Hi John,
  I have a strong sales background & it’s true that people size you up very quickly! So, it pays to over prepare & take NOTHING

• 157 Lea Carey/winewithfriends // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:18 pm

  Hi John,
  I have a strong sales background & it’s true that people size you up very quickly! So, it pays to over prepare & take NOTHING for granted. Even if you have an inferior product & are competing against the big dogs you just might get the deal because you are more authentic. People love real, they love genuine, they love that you evoke a certain feeling of being a R-E-A-L person.
  Good Luck, you are on a roll,
  Lea

• 158 James Ost // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:33 pm

  Sometimes, in my own home, my wife and I send each other text messages while in different rooms of the house. God help us to use all the different forms of communication available to reach every hungry heart with the Gospel.

• 159 Grace Bower // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:34 pm

  Number 155 and still some time to go! I don’t want to miss the opportunity to comment and appreciate all the previous comments that have enhanced the draft chapter 3 so here are my responses as a New Zealand reader.
  First off – I personally would like to see the comments/stories/personal experiences of the following participants included in your book – If not in this chapter, elsewhere. 27 – Susan Davis, 34 – Dr Bill – and Andy Andrews, 70 – J Jayson Pagan, 77 – Mike Driggers Cake picture, 100 – Yvonne – seize the second, 101 – Sumesh and 102 Angela – two sides of the coin, 112 – Grovan – accent 115 – Ita – opposites, 117 – Candace -many good points, 124 – Thomas -Presidential vision, 134 – Robin’s quote re honesty and integrity.
  The finished product may find a better home than in Chapter Three?!?

• 160 Kimberly Tucker // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:46 pm

  John,

  This is powerful. I believe this is your best yet. I was truely engaged while reading. The topic of this chapter is obviously important to you. I could easily connect with your energy.

• 161 Char McAllister // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:49 pm

  I am a born leader but not having the knowledge or training needed in my fundemental years has hindered my progress because of the lack of confidence. For the past months I have been reading your books. The information is just what I needed. As a recording artist I have struggled unncessarily though miraculously I have been able to connect with my audiences. I want so badly to overcome and settle into who I am as a leader and fulfill my assignment. I am well on my way. This chapter speaks to this area in my life and validates my progress. Thank you so much.

• 162 Rick Clack // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:50 pm

  Another chapter with words to live (or communicate) by. All I can say is practice, practice, practice. I’m sure everyone has been the recipient of the type of communication where the person communicating is more interested in what is going on around them, behind you or looking for someone else. Non verbal communication is very “loud and clear.” Great chapter.
  Thanks,
  Rick Clack

• 163 Dema Barishnikov // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:52 pm

  John,
  You are so right. Often those of us who are involved in public speaking try to copy others who are already successful in that field. And though we can learn from others, finding ourselves is crucial to our effectiveness. People do not want just to be impressed by our intellect, but connect with our hearts. I have always said that it is not reality that is important but a perception of this reality by others. I may think that I delivered a great message. But how did people perceive me?
  John, you keep inspiring me. Thank you.

• 164 Sue Duffield // Sep 27, 2009 at 7:52 pm

  (In addition to my (Sue Duffield) above comment)

  ….by the way John, your hands are in your promo pictures. They also must portray something significant about who you are and how you relate – non-verbally!

• 165 Mike Henderson // Sep 27, 2009 at 8:08 pm

  About 20 years ago as a pastor starting out I attended one of your leadership conferences in Northern Virginia. At the conclusion one day you came down and laid your hand on me and prayed over me. You made me feel special and I felt that you believed in me. Still remember it to this day.

• 166 Ron Pantoja // Sep 27, 2009 at 8:24 pm

  My good friend Melvin Adams, former player of the Harlem Globetrotters, only learned about connecting with people through a long and difficult process. When he was young and still in grade school, he longed to hear his mother say “I’m proud of you”. Of course his mother wanted the best for him, but she just didn’t know how to communicate. In desperate attempts to gain his mother’s attention, he started shooting 3,000 jump shots a day. When the clock hit 2 am he would take the car out and dribble the basketball on the highway with the door open at 5 miles an hour. When he would master that, he would then do it at 10 miles an hour. He would then sleep for 2 hours, get up and go run 5 miles every morning. All these were great things to enhance his basketball skills, but he was trying to use his passions to try to connect instead of focusing on his mother’s personality and her desires. As a result, he became one of the shortest Harlem Globetrotters standing at 5’6, winning many awards and credentials, but still didn’t seem to make any connection with his mother. Finally, he decided to try a whole different approach. He learned about his mother’s favorite restaurant and began to take her there for lunch. Instead of rambling on and on about basketball he would talk about topics she was interested in. Now Melvin and his mother have a great relationship. Melvin retired from the Globetrotters and began to use his method of connecting with people all across the world. Not just on stage, but when being served at a restaurant, or when checking out at the grocery store, and more importantly, with his wife and kids. Through his example, I have seen a life that is dedicated to serving people.

  (Written By Ron Pantoja)

• 167 DrMollieMarti // Sep 27, 2009 at 8:36 pm

  Well done, Mr. Maxwell. Well done!

  This chapter is rich with insights and tools for improving one’s communication, business, and life.

  As a psychologist, I was thrilled to see you educate your readers that to be the best communicator (or to make any lasting change in your life), the fastest and most powerful way is to integrate thoughts, emotions and actions.
  Go-Giver author, Bob Burg, recently wrote how he took this advice to heart and was using it to change a long standing messy desk habit (http://www.burg.com/2009/09/working-through-mds-messy-desk-syndrome/). It is powerful concept.

  Regarding first impressions being made in 7 seconds, there is other fascinating research showing that it can take much less than this.
  You may want to look at Dr. Paul Ekman’s intriguing work on micro expressions.
  A fun and educational quiz based on this work is available here: http://www.cio.com/article/facial-expressions-test.

  I believe that the pillar of this chapter is your point that “any message you try to convey must contain a piece of you…You must be the message you want to deliver.” This comes shining through your books and I enjoyed you sharing more specifics about how your past books carry your DNA.

  I fully agree with your point at the end of the chapter when saying your best advice is to learn how to be yourself. It brings to mind the powerful authenticity quote, “Know thyself and to thy own self be true”.

  Speaking of quotes…you made the excellent point in the chapter of how they become integrated into our language. I think this may actually be true of the quote you attribute to Mike Harrison, which I often have seen attributed to another. A quick google search shows it has been attributed to hundreds of different sources over time. What a fascinating case in point of the power of words as the currency of ideas.

  Finally, a sincere thank you for your Connection Checklist. As a speaker, I will put it to use immediately. I am giving thought to an additional factor, reinforced in your chapter, of Positive Connection – Did I confidently give and receive positive energy with my audience?

  Blessings on you and your work,
  Dr. Mollie Marti

• 168 Trudy Metzger // Sep 27, 2009 at 8:38 pm

  There’s an element of irony – if not divine providence – that my husband and I had an unusual miscommunication the same week Mr. Maxwell posted Chapter 3, of Many Communicate – Few Connect, for comment.
  It was the opening night for The Marriage Course and, though a bit nervous, Tim and I were excited about this new adventure. Our church had approached us some weeks earlier to ask if we would consider leading the group each Wednesday evening. Having sensed a call to marriage ministry for some time, and having made our marriage relationship a priority, we agreed to lead the sessions.
  I am a very spontaneous, outgoing, bubbly person who is prone to getting slightly off track if it will add humour or ‘fun’ to an agenda – such as an ‘agenda’ is with me. I adore Tim with every ounce of my affection and he’s very aware of this. Tim, on the other hand, is a reserved, calculated man who is highly organized and plans life carefully. If it isn’t written down on the agenda, it won’t be happening! He loves me in spite of, and maybe even because of, the qualities I have or lack, and is deeply committed to his family. Everything about his person creates a sense of stability for me and makes me feel safe in his presence. I always say, “He isn’t perfect, but he’s about as close as they get!” That said, both playfully and yet with an element of truth, we are very human, and on this opening night we were reminded of that.
  To orient ourselves, and lead effectively, Tim and I had watched the first video several evenings in advance. Being the spontaneous one it stands, to reason that I would more quickly remember personal examples and experiences when asked during an exercise to reflect on our own marriage. As we did this in preparation for the first session, I playfully gave him a hard time about me always taking the lead, but then reassured him that I’m okay with that – recognizing our differences.
  On our first evening with the group, as couples prepared for their fourth exercise in the dimly lit room, Tim said, “Husbands, if you are able go first, I’d encourage you to do that.”
  I thought I detected playfulness in his voice, almost as though he was making a confession, and expected he might say more. In that split second as I turned the music on, I glanced his direction and said, “Honey, is that what you did when we did the assignment the other night?”
  A ripple of laughter – mostly from the men – spread across the room, then silence as they focused on the assignment. I walked over to join Tim, rubbed my hand across his back, and whispered something in his ear.
  I felt the tension in an instant, and realized he had not heard the message I was trying to send. The voice inflection, my body language, everything I was trying to communicate was playful affection, bordering on flirting with him, while giving the men an escape route if their marriage was like ours. I had even given him a flirtatious look as I said it. Why was he hurt?
  “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
  “Well, it didn’t make me feel very good when you asked me that,” he said. He wasn’t angry – just feeling wounded and a bit betrayed that I would publicly challenge him – something I had determined in the first few weeks of marriage, never to do. We spent the entire exercise time talking about what happened so that the tension between us would not disrupt the other couples and interfere with the intended purpose of the course. I asked for his forgiveness, then reassured him of my love and explained what I had intended to communicate. When I asked if he didn’t see my body language, hear the playfulness in my voice, or see ‘the look’ I gave him, he shook his head. He forgave me and the evening progressed smoothly.
  Still, he was hurt and I was bewildered at how this could happen 15 years into marriage. In our third month of marriage, we promised each other never to use sarcasm, and to lovingly address our hurts and grievances as they came occurred. It has been an area of strength in our relationship, and suddenly, on the first night of marriage ministry, it was as though we were talking different languages.
  On our way home as we talked about it again, I suddenly realized what had happened and shared my thoughts with Tim. “It’s what I’ve been reading about in Mr. Maxwell’s book! I know why you didn’t hear what I was trying to say!”
  “Why’s that?”
  I was excited as the revelation spilled out and I summarized Chapter 3 for Tim, and then went on to apply it to our situation. “There were only candles for lighting so you couldn’t possibly see my body language all the way across the room. And the words I spoke got your attention, but the voice inflections wouldn’t have matched what the words were communicating to you, so it makes sense that you didn’t notice my playfulness!”
  Subconsciously all of us assess the messages people communicate into our lives, but we don’t always find the cause or solution to misunderstandings. Having read the third chapter of Mr. Maxwell’s book, we were able to effectively resolve conflict and understand what had taken place, without much stress in our marriage!
  And as though providence arranged the entire experience, our next session at The Marriage Course is on Communication – and we have a personal story to share!

  (posted with hubby’s permission)

• 169 Grace Bower // Sep 27, 2009 at 8:45 pm

  Part Two – Comments on Chapter Three
  My immediate reaction to the heading was “Where’s the quote acknowledgement?” – it came at the end of the chapter. I think it would be of greater integrity to put Ralph Waldo Emerson upfront – maybe as the chapter theme quote before the text begins.
  Acknowledgement of Howard Hendricks as a long time mentor and his points increases readers ability to increase their reading too.
  Love the table of known/unknown negatives. At comment 137 Joanne gave her additions and final of If I know what I say but do not embrace it my impact is void. Her extra lines are impactful to me – also the addition of clarity enhances your paragraph too.
  I love the way you have included authors with speakers and leaders. Everytime you add an example from a different culture/environment/colleague you expand your readership.
  Love having your reinforcement of what/why/ who/ for your books such as your Thinking for a Change was motivated by the impact of Dale Carnegie on you as a teenager. This sets off a chain reaction that enables some teenage reader of yours to “pay it forward”.
  The Connection checklist seems to me to warrant an appendix template at the end of the book as so many people have commented on it -38, 56, 60, 64 – even said they would laminate it as a poster for daily reference on the wall!
  84 – Randy made a good point about your use of data to include twitter and someone suggested that powerpoints were not part of the list – someone else suggested the naming of Moble technologies. Maybe a comment like..at the time of printing… as so many things change so quickly and you want to be as current and relevant as possible for as long as possible. Also the data about television -what about the changes by TIVO – just coming to NZ next month but we have other technologies for recording television for later playback. Also the use of text by young people is hugely impactful – even just in the area of time spent texting.
  LOVE the Henry Ward Beecher quote.
  Oprah often quotes – I think it is Maya Angelou – talking about how important it is for children to see your eyes light up when they come into the room that tells them they’re special and important to you – as with the grandparent response of John and Margaret.
  Loved the moving with energy and purpose advice and the illustration – very powerful.
  I agree with the comment about the source of Quotes such as the Psalm 23/knowing the psalm vs knowing the shepherd. I love quotes but had never heard of Mike Harrison. If you go with someone make it the most wellknown person or acknowledge a group of possible sources so we can learn to give credit where credit is due. For me it is a question of integrity to honour the main creator or it becomes the thin edge of plagerism. Florence Littauer taught us well to credit by name as it enhances both speakers and enables us to spread the word and influence further than hiding behind a “well-known Speaker” label.
  For example I am now interested in reading Edwin H Friedman after the powerful quote you shared and returning to Howard Hendricks books – an expotential side effect of honouring others. For instance when your dentist quotes Andy Andrews it seems to me to be an ideal chance to get a direct – even fresh quote crafted for YOUR book or a personal example from Andy after the quote – everyone wins and creates new fans all around!!
  A final comment – could we have a preview space so we can see our comments in a wider format and correct before posting.
  I got the third post on email but it didn’t have the comments post at the end so I have had to go on the narrow web post.

• 170 Jacqueline Campbell // Sep 27, 2009 at 8:54 pm

  Reading this third chapter could not have come at a better time. This weekend I made the decision to do whatever it takes to become a better speaker and presenter. My business requires me to make presentations and I want to be more effective at it. The tips that you noted in this chapter will be of great value to me in my pursuit. I am looking forward to the release of your book.
  Thanks, John.

• 171 Michael Harrison // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:15 pm

  The truth that has come out of these first three chapters is awesome because connecting with others is something vital to our lives. We are made to connect with others. Our lives are richer and fuller when we connect with others, share our vision and dreams and even life. That is connecting not just on the surface that is words or kind greetings. But when we connect with people, share part of ourselves and our dreams, each of us leaves different having connected.

  It is time that we better our skills of connecting. Including listening, learning, sharing and growing through connecting with others. Thanks for allowing us to catch a glimpse of this great book.

• 172 Jerry Stirpe // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:22 pm

  Mr. John Maxwell, I thank you for posting a chapter from your new book “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” every week.

  I totally agree about face to face communication. There is more to communication then just words. It is the words that you use, the tone of voice, and what others see. I find speaking professionally or just plain making sense is key. With tone, you cant be monotone, use your tone of voice to inhance your message and points. When people see you be well groomed, it will get you farther, and be taken more seriously.

  At the office I work out of, I went in front of the room, and spoke in front of about 70 people. I have never spoken in front of that many people, but it was something I had to do. People had to hear my story. I told them how I stuck up for what we do as a company, and how we help people. This gentlman did not agree with me, but I used facts and examples of how we help and they do not. So I told the story in front of the group at the office. With my tone of voice, apperance and the belief in what I do, I won over the crowd, putting hope into people. They left the room with a purpose, they felt great and motivated. With the value, and difference I gave to people it made me feel great and I motivated myself. I communicated with the crowd and the response was people coming up to me for the whole week about how good I did, and how I stood up for what was right. I got lots of thank you’s from the office. If it was not for communicating my story and experience efficiently the point would not have been made. I am glad it was though.

  Thank You.

  Looking forward to chapter 4, keep up the good work John and team.

• 173 Patty // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:34 pm

  That chapter was absolutely life changing. Somewhere in my reading tonight, I stopped reading it for edits and was just absorbing information that will truly impact me for the rest of my life.

  Believe it or not, I did find one sentence to change. In the sentence below:

  Anytime you are in front of other people to communicate—whether it’s on a stage, in a board room, on a ball field, or across a coffee table—the visual impression you make will either help or hinder you.

  You’ll want to change “board room” to boardroom.

  Thank you so much for sharing this information. I can tell you that my life will change for the better.

• 174 Hans Schiefelbein // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:37 pm

  Another great chapter. I think the section that begins, “When components are missing” should not read in the first person. I think it should be stated as a principle, more definitively rather than personally. Also the stat about 77% of people getting news from TV may be accurate for that source, but it sure sounds off. Too much is happening on websites and now Twitter for that to be still true. Maybe broaden “TV” to include computer screens. Lastly – I’ve said this earlier but I think you should ask more personal questions of your reader. In the section about body language: “What does YOUR body language convey to the people you interact with?”

• 175 Dewey Esquinance // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:38 pm

  John,

  AWESOME!! I can’t wait till chapter 4! I am the Operations Manager for a chain of 16 hardeare stores and I plan to use these tips to better inspire, motivate, and connect with my associates!

  Thanks!

• 176 Laura Morlando ~ The Stress Commando // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:42 pm

  Great Chapter!! LOVED IT!! Very timely too. This is EXACTLY what I needed to share with my team as we did our Women In Confidence Forum last week! You helped me really “connect” with the audience as a panelist using your advice and speaking from my heart! Thank you! I know I still have work to do and now I have the roadmap to deepen my connections with those I know and will meet! Thank you!!

• 177 Darren Scully // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:43 pm

  Mr. Maxwell, I just included you in a prayer and thanked God for your gifts. If I had to describe your gift in only one word, it would be “Connected”! Thank you for connecting with me and everyone else. I cant wait for the rest of the chapters. It is such a challenge sometimes to connect the right way and at the right time. Sometimes, you only get one shot. With your insight, I will connect more often and just think of the difference that will make eternally.

  Connected in Texas!

  DS

• 178 Mike Otis // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:45 pm

  John,

  Another great chapter…….I didn’t read this chapter (3) until Sunday , however, I would like to make one quick comment, before you post chapter 4……As I was reading communicating someone else’s vision, and making it your vision by finding out how it impacts you, the thing that came to mind immediately was, what’s the big picture (whether it’s myself…my goals, values, beliefs, ideals, or company I’m working with)?………and you touched on that a little later in the chapter, by stating what you say, and what you do must be within the context of the bigger picture……

  And that’s probably the difference between low achievers and high achievers (from an earlier chapter of yours), and connecting or not connecting…………

  Kudos to you John for making a difference!
  I look forward to more chapters!

• 179 Sara Canaday // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:47 pm

  Hooray! Thank you for validating the often underestimated and overlooked, components that are undeniably linked to our personal and professional success.

  Here’s a quote I often use when delving into the topic of non-verbal communiation and its impact on our intented messages.

  “What you Do speaks so loud I can’t hear what you say.”

  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

• 180 Amanda Strnad // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:47 pm

  What great information! This a chapter I know I’ll be re-reading several times when the book is released. It’s full of incredibly useful insights! Thank you!

• 181 Jesse Smith // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:48 pm

  I’ve only had time to skim the chapter, but after seeing Grace’s comment I wanted to follow up about TiVo.
  The “time shift” technology has changed how I schedule my time (which doesn’t seem to go with the gist of the chapter) but it has changed how I communicate with people.
  Between TiVo (and other DVRs), Hulu (and other Internet sites), and BitTorrent communication about “Did you see X” last night has pretty much dried up. While we still talk about TV and movies, it’s not assumed that you saw X or that you would no longer be able to see it.

  Anyhow, all of these choices not only change our assumptions about what others watch, but ultimately make us more discerning (?). Not everyone makes the best choices, but with all the available choices media is approached knowing that we cannot consume everything.

  I think this will ultimately change the percentages of media that is consumed. For example I used to watch a large number of prime-time shows eating up valuable study and socialization time. Each year I’ve had TiVo, the number of prime time shows I watch has been reduced – I now expect a certain quality and am willing to “save” quality shows to watch later. In addition, the more that I don’t watch the more that I wind up connecting with people in other ways feeding the desire to not watch and free up time…and the spiral continues.

  Hope that makes sense, creeping up on the 10PM deadline and wanted to get it out, refined or not.

• 182 Terri Trapp // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:51 pm

  Thank you for allowing us to interact as you lead us through this literary experience. I have been reading your works for many years, as recommended by my mentor Coach Kocher. I have found solace in your words and many techniques that have allowed me to grow into a leader to be proud of; communicating with those around us is so critical .There are awesome lessons for a up and coming leaders like myself, who have always tried to strive to connect with others but always felt If I knew how, I would do it that much better; thank you for providing that tool.!
  I thought the chapter was excellent! However, I feel that the concept of 4 needs to be expanded upon and I personally would love to see;. What People Hear–Connecting Verbally can be more detailed and explanatory; if possible elaborate. .
  I believe that Ronald Reagan was one of the 20th century’s greatest communicators and connectors. In addition to his folksy passion, belief in himself and in his mission. As president served the many by connecting.

• 183 C. Hannan // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:54 pm

  I think this is a great idea – looking for feedback and comments and allowing others to contribute. Thank you for the opportunity to contribute. I’ve heard you at conferences a number of times.

  I loved the story of you in the third grade and the mirror. I thought that was a great example concerning a smile!
  I also liked the story of how you went to the manager to ask why you weren’t selected – great learning experience!

  When I read the section where you were discussing charisma something came to mind – something I had heard quite some time ago (I believe it was David Gergen who talked about this). One part of what I understood was about leaders and that they should not only have competence but also character(in terms of integrity etc…) etc….
  You included a paragraph and story relating to ‘charisma’. You went on to say that “He then explained how people with charisma possess an outward focus instead of an inward one. They pay attention to other people, and the desire to add value to them.”

  You then went on to use the term ‘presence’ but seemed to made it a blanket statement that those individuals “…have an unselfish attitude that causes them to put others first. etc…)

  It made me wonder – if it can really be said that ALL people with charisma possess that. (That statement seems to imply that.) I don’t think it can be said.
  Just because someone has charisma,does it mean that they have an unselfish attitude and put others first? Couldn’t they have charisma and be using it for their own purposes?

  In one way it seemed a little similar to the idea of having competience but not the character. ??? Having the ability but……

  will be on the lookout for chapter 4…..

• 184 Marie Clark // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:57 pm

  Great chapter!

  Might want to relate the occupations in the “putting it all together” section to the common person…leading a family, a manager, a community leader. Most readers aren’t looking for a career as a public speaker, a stand-up comic, politician, etc.

  This has been a wonderful experience so far – thank you!

• 185 Robby // Sep 27, 2009 at 9:58 pm

  I have to be blunt. I have never been a huge fan of your writing. Not because I didn’t think it was good or relevant but because I have an MBA and been in business for a while. So many people have put out so much stuff on leadership, etc. that sometimes your books can sound like the latest flavor-of-the-day in business. [Props to you, however, because you started this "thing" on leadership!] More recently I think you’re getting “smarter” … maybe it’s because I have been beat up so much through the years in dealing with people that I am now beginning to appreciate your perspective on communication and people. And… perhaps I didn’t take you seriously because many times management ideas and leadership ideas come at us from all angles and it’s hard to discern a clear perspective when you’re in the ditch digging your way through as I have through most of my career. I am now in ministry and I needed to hear that it took you 8 years to find your voice. That alone is encouragement to me because I do believe you are an excellent communicator.

  Enough about me. Keep giving us insights on communication, vision, passion, and direction. Those are your strong suit. Dig it out and wash it off so we can see it. This is what is most needed in our times.

  Robby

• 186 Tiffany Wright // Sep 27, 2009 at 10:00 pm

  I really appreciate the tips in each chapter. I feel like this chapter gets into the meat of connecting with audiences. This allows me to go back and look at my previous speaking engagements and gauge how well I connected.

• 187 Sharon // Sep 27, 2009 at 10:01 pm

  This was another excellent chapter. A couple brief comments:
  * I thought this chapter did a great job at getting to the point and being concise.
  * How does the breakdown of communication play into the chapter? I was thinking you would use the words in italics somewhere else, but I didn’t see many of them (e.g., dispassionate, theoretical, etc.)
  * I’m not sure a book ever “possesses” an author, but it should represent the author in the many respects you list.
  * If you could add something more about how you can connect to your audience when they cannot see you, it would help with today’s communication challenges in virtual meetings.
  * # 4, re the power of words….. you could include something here about the necessity of speaking well, using the right words, and with the right grammar (for the audience, that is). Otherwise, even if all the rest is fine, talking poorly could turn off the listener, and thus, ruin communication.
  * This chapter just seemed to end too quickly following #4.

  Thanks for letting us help. It is mutually beneficial I believe.

  Sharon

• 188 Adam Coggin // Sep 27, 2009 at 10:06 pm

  Dr. Maxwell,

  What an amazing book. When you mention Dr. Hendrick’s you brought back memories of something I heard him say regarding teaching the scriptures. He said, “It ought to be a sin to bore someone with the word of God.” I think this is true especially with the word of God but applicable to any time we stand before an audience to perform. This chapter has already helped me with some training I am doing at my work. I am so excited to read more. (The training by the way was on The 360 Degree Leader). Thank you for all you do.

• 189 Kathleen Bankole // Sep 27, 2009 at 10:07 pm

  Before reading the third chapter …..I thought I was a pretty good communicator…..Now after reading the third chapter I made mental notes of some improvement that is needed and the great tips I can use that you spoke on. looking forward to reading the book in it’s entirety.

  God Bless!