203 responses so far ↓

• 1 Nacir Coronado // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:15 am

  I just started to read this chapter, i ve learned so much from John, but here I am its about 11pm on a sunday with my family at my father laundry room and here I am reading and when I started to read this secon chapter I came to realize that this time that im spending reading I should use with my kids and not so focusing on better my self, because they are my life. Sorry John I got to read this second chapter some other time and be a Dad, I dont get to do this much

  Thank you for all your wisdom

  God bless you

  Nacir Coronado
  ’til today in off duty dad

• 2 Lucia Diaz // Sep 14, 2009 at 1:03 am

  “I might have loved you, but you are so caught up in self-love that mine is really unnecessary.” wow!!! that was one sentence that embraces it all!! i’ve never read it, but i see it all the time in others (including me) what an awesome observation!!

  I strongly agree with every aspect of this chapter. Specially because God spoke to me last week during prayer and said “You think i’m gonna let you spend your energy on you?” Ever since that day, i’ve focused my attention on other people and now even kids can see that i’m off my own agenda!!! It made a HUGE difference in my connection with people (OF ALL AGES) when I took my eyes of “ME, ME, ME”

  Yes, I still have plans for myself, i haven’t abandoned me, but, focusing on other people before me has made a great impact, and it has only been one week!! I can’t imagine how much more is to come…

  GREAT JOB!!
  God Bless!

• 3 Sue Cartun // Sep 14, 2009 at 1:06 am

  Hi John,

  Wow. This is such a great idea for your readers. I am loving this interactive approach between author and reader. What a switch-up!

  I’ve invited several friends on Facebook to read each chapter along with me so we can discuss it every week. I think we just developed a new form of book club – reading the book as it is being written – discussing it in social networking environment. How’s that for connecting?

  A couple quick edits:

  In the paragraph directly under the cartoon – “When I made a call to action, often”: Should read .

  And this sentence doesn’t make sense, though it is a quote of Jerry Weissman’s: “Whereas a Feature may be irrelevant to the needs or interests of your audience, a Benefit, by definition, is always.”

  Many Thanks,
  Sue

• 4 Sue Cartun // Sep 14, 2009 at 1:10 am

  “When I made a call to action, if often…” should read, “When I made a call to action, it often…”

  carots don’t work when sending in a blog. Who knew!

• 5 Robin Willis // Sep 14, 2009 at 2:03 am

  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter. It made me excited about connecting with people and helping them. I have found that once you discover what a person needs/wants, delivering that to them brings a special thrill. You do often get compliments doing this, but I have found that the real pleasure comes not from the compliments, but from actually having been able to meet someone’s needs.

• 6 Michael Harrison // Sep 14, 2009 at 8:58 am

  Thank you for sharing. I always have to push back a bit a listen closer when I pull the truth of Maxwell off the shelf or from the net. Here is another excellent example of that truth. PLUS I am preaching this month about MAKING CONNECTIONS with people. Great insight. I pray makes many of us better leaders all for the sake of the Kingdom!

• 7 Barb Giglio // Sep 14, 2009 at 8:59 am

  I have truely enjoyed reading both chapters. As with the first chapter I feel when a person has a geniune desire in their heart to acommodate others, only then can we truely serve. I had an experiance years ago when I worked for Revlon that I will never forget. I talked so much and so fast about what I was selling and in that moment I assumed my costomers where mother and daughter and it turned out they where “sister”! I insulted the two of them so badly and humiliated myself. In that moment I learned to “listen” and not be so forceful. By that experience, I automatically find that I take a step back and “listen” to what ever situation I find myself in. Only then, can I be used to make a difference. I have also found that gratitude goes far and wide. After I connect I always share how grateful I am for the sale, the gift, what ever it might be. All this has to be genuine and from the heart or it comes off as insincerity.

  Thank you for allowing others to read your book and sharing! Be blessed today!

  Barb Giglio

• 8 musho // Sep 14, 2009 at 9:19 am

  wow!!John reading through this chapter has been such an eye-openr to me. one of my biggest reasons for my fears of public speaking is that i always think what i say will not be relevant enough to the audience.but reading through this chapter has me realise that i have always yearned to go beyond just communicating my thoughts,feelings or even opinions but to also connect with the people indivudually and as a whole…i am so loving this book already cant wait read the rest..
  thank you.
  musho..:-)

• 9 Maurice // Sep 14, 2009 at 9:32 am

  Great Chapter! It is true that many of us are worried about own agendas & not others.

• 10 Dale Hart // Sep 14, 2009 at 9:46 am

  If perception is a person’s own reality, then connection is dependent upon perception. Connection has everything to do with what a person perceives about the other person. If I think you care about me or my concerns, I can feel connected to you, whether you really care or not.

  Therefore, feeling connected, in and of itself, does not always accomplish authentic connection. You can connect with me through the inspired words you write, though we’ve never met. A minister’s words may connect with me because God is using him to speak His words to me, but I may not have a personal relationship with the man.

  Authentic connection is when two people feel connected to each other. It is like a battery; there is tremendous power that is only available when both terminals are connected. Strive for authentic connection with those around you in order to access the power of those relationships.

• 11 amenze // Sep 14, 2009 at 10:03 am

  wasnt able to finish the first chapter but i really enjoyed reading this it has given me a lot of insight,thanks for putting a new chapter up from time to time,you are changing lives. would love to write a book in the near future and you really inspire me

  all the best,
  amenze

• 12 Bobby Robson // Sep 14, 2009 at 10:30 am

  Congratulations on what I’m sure is another “best seller” for you John.

  “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care” is one of your most memorable and “value adding” quotes. It’s certainly a central theme for this book and a required attribute for anyone trying to be an effective communicator.

  One of the most overlooked and least addressed communication skills taught in schools and seminars is listening…body language and verbal response. This is particularly critical in small groups and one on one settings. You could be the most charismatic, articulate and knowledgeable speaker ever and be a poor communicator if you don’t remember and reflect your aforementioned advisory “care” quote.

  Carlos obviously wasn’t listening and his attitude clearly reflected it.

  My spiritual gift is exhortation and your books, especially on communication, have been instrumental in helping me recognize that gift but more importantly how to best use it to encourage my family, friends and business associates. Thank you for all of your hard work helping others grow their leadership and communication skills.

  Blessings,

  Bobby

• 13 Marcia // Sep 14, 2009 at 10:30 am

  Love it! It reminds me of the song by Big Daddy Weave, “It’s All About You.” A friend of mine once told me, “you think life is all about you, well it’s not!” I am continually trying to remember that. So thanks for writing this. I look forward to reading the whole book.

• 14 Mike Torrey // Sep 14, 2009 at 10:30 am

  Loved your story from Machu Picchu. Connecting with a place is no different than connecting with a person – you just have to let it reveal itself to you. All the information I had “collected” on Machu Picchu I pushed aside to let imagery speak.

• 15 Gail MCKenzie // Sep 14, 2009 at 11:22 am

  The Light Bulb Moment

  As a personal fitness trainer and Life Without Limits Life Coach I often have to “help” a client decide whats next. I have not had the success that I selfishly thought I would have in growing my business and I think I am seeing why. I haven’t been really connecting. I have been the tour guide with an agenda WOW and OUCH. I have been looking for a good tag line for my business and I may have created one while I was reading this chapter. Instead of BODY BY GAIL how about this tagline. “Body by You!. You set the goal and we help you get there” This turns the whole process into THEM and not me. WOW how awesome is that revelation. Now I have to rewrite my speech for my event on Saturday and see if I can make it a “how can I serve You ” speech. http://www.sisters4life.info. It’s my first big speech in a large venue hopefully it will be a business booster if I focus on what is really important “my potential client” Thanks John !

• 16 Martha Klein // Sep 14, 2009 at 11:31 am

  I just found you on facebook, I am reading chapter two and see the synopsis on chapter one. I know I can’t comment, but is there anyway to still read all of chapter one?

• 17 Jennifer L. McCarty // Sep 14, 2009 at 11:45 am

  John,

  Thank you so much for the blessing of this project! Connecting with others is so very important, and you are helping me so much.

  The thing that stuck out to me was the last bit of this exerpt:

  “A Feature is a fact or quality about you or your company, the products you sell, or the idea you’re advocating. By contrast, a Benefit is how that fact or quality will help your audience. When you seek to persuade, it’s never enough to present the Features of what you’re selling; every Feature must always be translated into a Benefit. Whereas a Feature may be irrelevant to the needs or interests of your audience, a Benefit, by definition, is always.”

  Specifically, is always what? Something is missing, or needs to be bracketed in.

  Bless you!
  Jennifer L. McCarty

• 18 Cheryl Navaroli // Sep 14, 2009 at 11:55 am

  Wow! I especially related to the part with Calvin Miller and as always with you, I am humbled by your ability to point out and share your “flaws”. I try to be perfect to everyone all the time and help and love everyone and criticism is hard for me. This helps me to see that people don’t want perfection they want the real you relating to them.
  Thank you.. I can’t wait to read more.

• 19 Matt Gaylor // Sep 14, 2009 at 11:57 am

  I loved the feature/benefit bit! It reminded me of the other day when I was watching TV. There was a commercial on for a motorized cart… One of the things they mentioned was that if you call now we’ll send you our “Full Color brochure”. I remember wondering is the “full color” mention there because they believe the audience cares about color print… Then I wondered do older people comment regularly about the fact that full color was used on the literature they are reading?

  I pictured that comment being added by someone who was concerned about the added cost to print in full color and he wanted to be sure it was mentioned in order to maximize the revenue of that expense. Or was it a ploy to make me feel like he bit the bullet for me so he could serve me in a way which I could care less about.

  In the end I deemed it a feature (not worth mentioning) & not a benefit that I must call now to have.

  Maybe Im just not the target audience for the motorized cart industry & that’s why it didn’t ring true. John your older not quite ready for a cart I’m sure but does full color equal benefit or feature for you? Lol

  Matt Gaylor
  typed with my thumbs on my iPhone

• 20 Brenda McGinnis // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:16 pm

  I am starting to rebuild my business in the floral industry and this chapter of your book spoke directly to me. I love the sentence that says”nobody wants to be sold but everyone wants to be helped.” If I aproach everything I do in that way I really believe that God will bless my business. We are all in the people business. Everything else is just a tool. Seeing this today could not have come at a more oportune time for me. Thank you for this wonderful aproach to publishing. Fantastic.

• 21 Isabelle Alpert // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:18 pm

  The true meaning of connection:

  “The ability to see and act on behalf of others:
  To be able to give to people that which they can not do for themselves”.

  We were on a guided tour to a waterfall in Hawaii this summer. Our time on the island was short and we wanted to see has much as possible. Seeing is one thing, but being a part of it is something that I did not anticiapted. Our guide was able make us feel like we were part of the Hawaiian culture and people. She was enthusiastic, inclusive, passionate and caring. She asked us questions, embraced the group and made us feel cared for and part of the ‘island’. I will treasure that tour forever, for it became a part of me.

  Our second tour was a helicopter ride over the magnificent Na Pali coast on the island of Kauai. Our guide was not interested in what we saw and just gave us a “scripted” narration of the sites. I left that trip very dissatisfied. Even though my initial expectations was just to see the scenery , but actually unbeknownst to myself, I wanted to be “in” the scenery. What a difference.

  I think your outline in this chapter is excellent, as a reader I would like to learn how to make better connections.

• 22 Jacqueline // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:25 pm

  I began to see myself as I readthis chapter. Always looking at what is in it for me rather than, how can I be of serivce to others. This has been very insightful and I am looking forward to reading and learning more of how I can truly connect with others and be a person of value to them.

• 23 Trudy Metzger // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:31 pm

  Powerful! Absolutely powerful! I smiled and I cried as I searched my own heart – what a timely message! The one line that is hauntingly accurate, in how it sums up what you are saying in this book so far, is: “I might have loved you, but you are so caught up in self-love that mine is really unnecessary.” That is the message I was getting from these chapters but to see it in black and white that way, grabs the heart, demanding self-reflection and soul-searching. “Is this how I come across to some people? Are they unable to connect with me because I seem – or possibly am – so full of myself that they think I do not need them?”
  Thank you for vulnerably opening up your heart to us again in this chapter. Humbly sharing some of your early struggles and shortcomings gives us hope for personal growth and change. I find it hard to fathom a time when you didn’t connect with people because I can still tell you exactly where I sat when I first heard you – almost down to the row and the seat! I can tell you who was with me and what we ate at that event; the impact was that powerful! Bless you, bless you, bless you!

• 24 Trudy Metzger // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:33 pm

  I read each chapter first for content and then for editing, but it always feels wrong to jump into editing and syntax after sharing my previous thoughts. However, editing is also a passion of mine, so here goes. I will attempt not to repeat edits others have noted. Please bear with me, I have worked as an editor in the past.

  Connecting Is All About Others
  Paragraph 2: “… I was determined to take my wife, Margaret there.” (comma after Margaret)

  Great Expectations
  Paragraph 2: “I tried making conversation with Carlos, attempting to get to know him and asking questions about his background and his family…” (Since asking questions is part of getting to know someone, I wonder if the sentence would flow better as follows:”I tried making conversation with Carlos, asking questions about his background and family in an attempt to get to know him, but he never really engaged.”)
  Paragraph 4: “The spectacular experience I’d had on my previous visit and that I had hoped to share with Margaret and my friends was ruined by Carlos and his barrage…” (Possibly consider comma after visit, and again after friends.)
  Paragraph 6: “midafternoon” should be hyphenated: mid-afternoon

  The Lightbulb Moment
  Paragraph 1: “…invited me and my brother-in-law, Steve Throckmorton, to…” (not sure if there is an exception to the rule of putting others first, but, considering the topic, I would either put Steve first or change the wording to “…me, along with my brother-in-law, Steve Throckmorton, to…”
  Paragraph 2: Should there be a semi-colon after “thinking” instead of the comma since there are no quotations?
  Paragraph 3: “And that day I heard him say something…” (I suggest taking “And” out and starting with “That day…” for the sake of impact and to avoid over-use of “and” at the beginning of a sentence, since the previous sentence also starts that way.)
  Paragraph 3: “I saw how selfish and self-centered I’d been.” (I find “selfish” and “self-centered” are somewhat redundant, but may work for impact with some readers.)

  It’s Not About Me
  Paragraph 1: “All it takes are the will to change your focus, the determination to follow through, and the acquisition of a handful of skills!” (The beginning of this sentence doesn’t work well for me, to the point of distraction. “All it takes, ‘is’…” would flow, and because the word “the” precedes each of the things required, it works.)

  Immaturity
  Paragraph 1: “I was in my early twenties, and I did not see the big picture.” (Because the word “I” is used frequently in this paragraph, I would eliminate the second “I” and have it read, “I was in my early twenties, and did not see the big picture.)
  Paragraph 3: “And we understand that part of the parenting process is helping children understand that they are not the center of the universe.” (I would change the second “understand” to learn, grasp or comprehend etc.)
  Paragraph 5: “As people grow older, we hope their self-centered attitude will soften and their attitudes will change.” (With attitude used twice, could “self-centered attitude” be changed to “self-centeredness” or “self-centered tendencies”?)
  Paragraph 6:” But we need to fight against our naturally selfish attitude, and believe me, that can be a lifelong battle.” (I would change ‘can be’ to ‘is’ – I haven’t met anyone who overcomes selfishness completely and never fights that battle again! Also, I believe the comma before ‘and’ is misplaced. I suggest, “…naturally selfish attitude and, believe me, that (is) a lifelong battle.”)

  Failure to Value Everyone
  Paragraph 1: “I was so focused on my own agenda that I often overlooked and ignored many people.” (I would take out “often” or “many” to make the sentence flow better.)
  Paragraph 2: “One of the best stories I’ve ever read that illustrates this point is told by a nurse. (Comma after “read” and again after “point”)
  Paragraph 5: “This truth is understood by successful people in every walk of life in every part of the world.” (Comma after “life”)

  A Matter of Connection
  Paragraph 1: “In 1995, he visited a coffee shop chain in the United States called Gloria Jean’s that was begun by Gloria Jean Kvetko in Chicago.” (Comma after United States, and again after Gloria Jean’s.)

  The Questions People Are Asking About You
  1. Do You Care About Me
  Paragraph 2: “And you can make both your and their lives better.” (When you read this sentence out loud, it doesn’t sound right. I’m wondering if either of the following would work. “You can make both your life, and theirs better” or “You can make both their lives and yours better.”)
  Directly below this paragraph in the bullets: (Since it is another person’s quote I would add “with” in brackets as shown. It feels incomplete without it and I had to read the sentence about 3 times to get the point he was making.)
  • Ministry: “I get a speech over (with) because I love people and want to help them.”—Norman Vincent Peale, pastor and author.
  2. Can You Help Me
  Paragraph 4: “Whereas a Feature may be irrelevant to the needs or interests of your audience, a Benefit, by definition, is always.” (This is a quote by Jerry Weissman, so again I recommend one small change in brackets so that the sentence makes sense. “… a Benefit, by definition…” either use, (“always is relevant”) or (“is always relevant.”) Without this it sounds as if a Benefit, is always irrelevant because the statement is not creating an opposite or argument to his previous statement.)
  Paragraph 5: “In our current world, people are bombarded with information daily about the features of this product or that gadget.” (For syntax purposes, I would move “daily” so that it reads, “…people are bombarded daily with information about…”)
  2. Can I Trust You?
  Paragraph 1: “skeptical” should be spelled “sceptical”.
  Paragraph 4: “You may not have even believed you could answer yes to one of them! “ (Again, when reading out loud, it is a difficult sentence. I suggest, “You may not even have believed…”)
  If I Were You…
  Final Paragraph: “It goes from being something that you merely do, to become part of who you really are.” (Having used “…’being’ something…” at the beginning of the sentence, it flows better if you say “…’becoming’ a part of who you really are.”)

• 25 Dema Barishnikov // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:52 pm

  John, Thank you for this inspiring but at the same time convicting chapter. So often we do not recognize that we pursue our own agendas and look at other people just as tools to get us where we want to be. Our selfishness is so subtle. It does not matter how talented or gifted we are, we cannot make ourselves “the star of the movie”, but instead we need to let other people be the star. Investing in others will pay dividends to our own life. If I am ever going to connect, I shoud let my audience be my focus, and not myself.

• 26 Karen // Sep 14, 2009 at 12:58 pm

  If your book affects others the way this one chapter (2) has me, it is sure to be another success. I didn’t realize how much I had failed in this area until now. Thank God He knows just how to change me.

  The story about Carlos is an easily understood example of our interaction in life with those around us. Your comparison of “features” vs “benefits” is very eye opening too. Thanks for sharing your insight with us.

• 27 Petie Huffman // Sep 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm

  Hi John,
  Have been a follower and admired your work for years….but this book has really helped me
  more than anything you have ever done. I had
  a sticky- uncomfortable situation last week where I usually would have gone into with
  my eyes avoiding the person – the usual pit
  in the stomach and of course, only thinking of
  me situation. But after reading your first chapter, I made a choice- of going to her first…
  eye contact- celebrating her, not me…and
  making a bad situation turn into a good one.
  My own insecurities make me look a snob….because I avoid eye contact, hesitate
  to work on the relationship…..but now, I am
  concentrating on them, not me!! Thank you!!

• 28 tochi // Sep 14, 2009 at 2:53 pm

  thank YOU for making your manuscript available for us to read, gratis. it is helping me get unstuck – i have been ‘paralyzed’ from action because of my anxiety over whether i can connect meaningfully with my audience. as much as a ’showperson’ as i naturally am, i’ve often walked away from past presentations wondering about this very thing. it really should be about my *message* connecting, rather than my *person* connecting isn’t it?

• 29 John Love // Sep 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm

  Great chapter, I saw Zig just a few years ago in Birmingham, he was mechanical-I felt like he had done the same speech hundreds of times and was simply rushing through it-the person who connected with me on that day was Phil Town. I wonder why Zig made such a great impression on John Maxwell years ago and had lost MUCH of the power to connect by the time I saw him in 2005?

• 30 Raul dela Rosa // Sep 14, 2009 at 3:37 pm

  Great chapter. I read once in one of your books about the definition of charisma. And you said , it’s when you enter a room, your agenda is other people…..somewhere along that line.

• 31 Clint Neill // Sep 14, 2009 at 3:38 pm

  John,

  Just from the first two chapters and one of your previous books I have been able to connect with so many more people than before. I am a senior in high school and have some big expectations for myself, but i realized a few months ago that I can not do it alone. So for the first 3 weeks of my senior year I decided to change my mind set and strat trying to connect with more people. I have found that finding a common ground helps a lot! No matter what you can almost always find a common ground if both parties are willing.

  Another story that I would like to share is one not about me but a very close friend. My friend Chloe has had the pleasure of traveling across the world and living in numerous countries. When she came back to Texas for this past summer she attend a church work camp. When she returned from camp she told me that she had tons of fun and that she met a lot of people that knew me. I asked how many people knew me and if they knew me for a good or bad reason. She said they knew me from school and from different organizations that I am a part of. When I told one of my teachers this she told me, “Just because you don’t really talk to someone doesn’t that you haven’t impacted them!” Right away I knew this was true.

  Thanks again for these exciting books and I can’t wait to see what other life lessons I can learn from you!!!

  -Clint Neill

• 32 Mekru Bekele // Sep 14, 2009 at 4:12 pm

  I have God’s kingdom agenda in all my adult life. This Chapter has spoken to me today that the kingdom truth as powerfull as it is , need to be proclaimed with passion to help the congregation and the lost world. Care is passion, help is action and trust is something to be erned.

  Than you Jhon. looking forward to the next chapter

• 33 Kelley Burns // Sep 14, 2009 at 5:37 pm

  What you are writing here is so timely for me. I can’t wait for the book. Thank you!

  Regards,
  Kelley

• 34 Morten Jacob Sander Andersen // Sep 14, 2009 at 6:35 pm

  Dear John,

  When I was finished reading I asked myself “If I was John, what would be important to know?”

  And that really says it all, because then I suddenly thought about my questing and what has caused me to think that way, without me noticing it, I realized that you have already changed my perspective to the better and for that I thank you.

• 35 Connie Cavender // Sep 14, 2009 at 7:14 pm

  THANK YOU for sharing. I am looking forward to the next chapter and looking forward to getting the book. Thanks, Connie

• 36 Polly Scott // Sep 14, 2009 at 11:36 pm

  If you need to add or subtract material, I would leave out the story of the kids and how they feel about things. Only because it has been passed around on the Internet and seems to be old material.

  The rest of the chapter was very good. It gives me things to think about. That’s why I read your material.

• 37 Sohail Pirzada // Sep 15, 2009 at 12:18 am

  John, you are the Guru of Leadership!
  Everytime I hear you, or read your books, you help me grow and change my perspective.
  I feel excited for what I read in chapter II, and it is timely.
  Thanx a bunch!
  Sohail

• 38 Cindy Carreno // Sep 15, 2009 at 12:49 am

  This is such a great book and it is coming at such a crucial time. Too many people are focused on themselves and what they want at the expense of those around them. These are principles that I can use at home, work and church. Life is all about connecting with people and helping them to rise to another level. I am telling everyone about this book and can’t wait until chapter 3. I think I will read this chapter at least one more time. I loved the example of Machu Pichu. I had an experience on the other end when going to the Mayan ruins in Honduras. The guide that I had was so focused on connecting with the people in his group that he totally pulled you into the tour. He was the most interactive tour guide I had ever had and never lost the attention of any of our group. It is all about connecting.

• 39 Shari Berry // Sep 15, 2009 at 2:10 am

  What a delicious topic!! Building Bridges or Barriers?? Growing up in a large family and working with the public, I’ve always attempted to become a better listener. To me, absolutely nothing is more enjoyable than to “engage” others in a great conversation, sharing experiences, viewpoints, ideas and laughter.
  But often my role, very simply is to ask questions, keep us connected, by offering them an opportunity to be heard and loved.
  All that is required – I already know what I think )

• 40 Mike Otis // Sep 15, 2009 at 4:17 am

  John,

  Great chapter!…..Loved it!………Little late here on the West Coast, however, I would like to share a little story of mine from Jr College, that’s had an impact on both my professional, and personal life. The nurse’s story [What's her name?...:) ] reminded me of this.

  First class in Jr College was Intro to Business. The instructors for the course we’re in the “business world” teaching part time. On the first day of class, our instructor (Gene is his first name) had us introducing ourselves to the class by first name only……….The first person said their name, and the 2nd person said their name and the 1st person’s name, and the 3rd person said thier name and the previous 2, and so on…….all the way to about the 45th person who would say everyone’s name.

  Gene was so certain about addressing someone by their name making a difference….being more personable…..it shows you care……..behind every sale (transaction) there’s a person. He didn’t tell us why he had us go around the room introducing ourselves until after the introduction……………..By the way, I don’t recall Gene’s last name (I’m not kidding!)

  ……That’s it for now, however, sometime this week I will make another comment or two, because I really did enjoy this chapter.

• 41 Joshua Wulf // Sep 15, 2009 at 7:01 am

  Thank you for this John. The way that you are putting this out there is an example of what you are talking about – the medium is the message: it’s all about connecting.

  I had a thought this morning after reading the first chapter and part of this: “Connection is the currency of leadership”

  I don’t know if you remember, but we had lunch together in 2005 in Sydney, and you prayed for me afterwards, before we went back to the day of leadership training that you were doing.

  Look forward to connecting with you again next time you come to Australia. God bless.

• 42 catrin henslee // Sep 15, 2009 at 10:58 am

  The entry concerning trust is much too short and specific. I believe trust is integral to true communication, and wanted to hear more about it, from the viewpoint of this chapter. There just seems to be a need to give it more heft, more importance than the example of the car dealer.

• 43 Kasaandra Roache @inspiremany // Sep 15, 2009 at 12:18 pm

  Loved the 3 questions to ask: Do you care for me? can you help me? Can i trust you?

  I’ll work this into my daily living. I can admit to being more concerned with my own agenda. I will pledge to be a more helpful part of my circle.

• 44 Terry Smith // Sep 15, 2009 at 1:02 pm

  4 times I caught myself saying “Wow” as I was amazed by what I read. Your transparency, observations, and conclusions left me enthralled and I truly benefitted by what I read and learned. The only thing I recommend changing is one sentence. In the paragraph that starts with “Mutual concern…” I would add the word “life” after “your’, such as “..both your life and thier lives better.” The rest is impeccecable, please don’t change anything else, love ya John, Terry Smith

• 45 Russell Wright // Sep 15, 2009 at 2:12 pm

  Great Topic which is a Paradigm of Attitude.
  The quote that has kept me in this paradigm for 25 yrs in Youth for Christ ministry is this.
  “We are influenced the most by the people/person who best meets our needs”
  If I can meet people’s needs I can be their biggest influence for the Kingdom.
  We work proactively meeting 6 needs with every person or group, which always makes for a powerful God – influenced connection.
  This helps us get past adding to knowledge and beliefs, to a place and space where the audience can grow in Christ Values/Virtues. = accellerated discipleship.
  May you and your family be blessed and protected
  Russ Wright
  YFC Australia

• 46 Yvonne Green // Sep 15, 2009 at 2:32 pm

  What a blessing it is just to have the opportunity to preveiw. This is already stretching me sprititaully. There is a guy that I work with who is just convinced that there is no God well today as usual He was talking about it once again. I just said you know the average person usues 18,000 words in a day everyone communicates but only few connect It is so important when communicating to be able to connect That planted a seed May you and your family be blessed as God is using you to disciple me.
  In Christ,
  Yvonne Green
  Canton, North Carolina

• 47 T // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:09 pm

  John,

  I really enjoyed reading the connection that you made with your professor. Its not about me! I wonder if you could expound on your thoughts about the situation. I saw something there but I want more explanation or more insights that you may have had. Otherwise, the topic made me connect even with my own housekeeper in our dept. Her name is Elise. I know you learned more about her. What did you learn from her? Just curious. Thanks so much!! T

• 48 Hershel Kreis // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:24 pm

  Great chapter, John!!!! I loved the quote from Dr. Towns! I think along with the questions that people ask about you, they also ask the question of you if they can trust you with their emotions. Truly engaging speakers not only connect with you on an intellectual level, but also on an emotional level. If you are able to engage them on an emotional level, you will be able to keep their attention as long as you can hold that interest. When I teach beginning dispatchers, I am able to touch their fears, concerns, and other emotions and they seem to become more in touch with the materials. If on the other hand, I teach strictly from the lesson plan with no engagement, I see blank stares. So, in my opinion, the trust question also has an emotional dimension.

  In Him,

  Hershel

• 49 people-power // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:26 pm

  How exciting so many people participated in reading your new book. The pursuit for power comes with connecting, we need to learn enough to want to change and receive enough that we’re able to. Having the heart for connecting is the grand beginning and you will find it isn’t that complicated. Pay some serious attention to making sound decisions about communicating. A big congratulations to chapter one and the best is yet to come. Have a great day.

• 50 Jeff Hartley // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:31 pm

  Excellent work! When you practice this you can quickly see the results. Is it easy? Heck no. It it effective? Is it worth it? You bet.

• 51 Shyju // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:32 pm

  Again, no advice i’m sure u r getting many more this time, just a word that this book is going to be a hit! This is going to help the leadership to gain a new perspective! Thank you sir for all the contribution to leadership!
  Blessings&love from India.

• 52 Craig // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:37 pm

  I love what I’ve read so far… Many things I’d like to Re-Tweet, but have not.

  At the start of the “If I were you…” section it reads:

  “Whenever people take action, they do so for their reasons, not yours or mine. That’s why we have to get on their agenda and try to see things from their point of view. If we don’t, we’re just wasting their time and ours.”

  While I know what you are saying, I guess maybe one thing I would stress that it has to be genuine care. To me this paragraph (and only this paragraph, not the rest of the chapter) reads as if we care for other people only so we can manipulate them into our agenda. I suppose it may just be an issue of semantics, but I think manipulating someone under the pretense of caring for them is worse than not caring about them. Perhaps something “softer” can be used here to make that point?

  Overall, I love where this is going, despite the fact that I fail miserably at this. I’m very much looking forward to the practical application of all this and how I can use this within youth ministry to care better for students and parents.

• 53 Joel Dobbs // Sep 15, 2009 at 4:59 pm

  John,

  First of all, thanks to you and your publisher for this unique and innovative approach to publishing.

  While reading this chapter I was reminded of the CEO of a company I worked for several years ago. While the company enjoyed a period of profitability and success, the CEO, a finance guy by training and background, tended to isolate himself from his employees staying behind locked and guarded doors in his huge office in the executive suite. On the rare occasion when his schedule called for him to attend a meeting in another building, instead of walking across the beautiful campus the few hundred yards to the other building (where he might, God forbid, encounter an actual employee) he would travel down his private elevator to the private garage where his driver would drive him to the other building. There he would be met by security guards who would usher him to the elevator, which was empty and waiting, and them take him to the floor where his meeting was to be held. We had employees who had worked for the company for 10 or more years and had never actually seen the man.

  For a number of reasons, poor leadership and decision making being prime ones, the company abruptly fell on hard times early in this decade. His isolation and lack of connection with the company’s employees made it impossible for him to lead through the crisis and as a result the board replaced him.

  The new CEO was, and still is, a great communicator and connector. As one of his first actions, he reconfigured the executive suite. No, he didn’t build a bigger office for himself, he took a smaller one and converted the former CEOs office into four still quite large ones. He told a group of us that in addition to the former CEOs office “obscenely large,” the windows faced away from the corporate campus! The new CEO took a smaller office with windows that faced his people. By taking and communicating this symbolic action, as well as a host of other ones, he connected with the company’s employees and led a successful turnaround.

• 54 Carolyn Moosvi // Sep 15, 2009 at 5:11 pm

  Hello John,

  The thought that struck me as I began reading about Carlos is that he is not doing what he is meant to do. He is operating mechanically as opposed to passionately. I think when you come across someone who is passionate about what they do, you and they cannot help but connect in a positive way. It’s like watching a baseball game on TV versus attending personally in a stadium where you can feel the energy of the teams and the crowd watching! I tell my children to find their passion in life and follow that path and everything else will fall in to place. I take the bus to work every morning and I can always tell those bus drivers who actually like what they do and enjoy people because they have a smile on their face and they are happy to provide their services.

  Apart from working, I have my own business in the network marketing industry and my business always grows when the focus is on serving others as opposed to serving myself. I enjoy talking to others and always try to remember to use my ears more than my mouth.

  Cheers,
  Carolyn

• 55 Mark Ralls // Sep 15, 2009 at 6:43 pm

  Great work.

  As Jesus said
  “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” Mark 9:35 NKJV
  In this context, servant means one who looks to the needs of other before his own.

• 56 Debra Steeves // Sep 15, 2009 at 7:02 pm

  This is wonderful – you clearly explain through examples the wonder of connecting, and the failure of not connecting.

  I am definitely getting this book when it hits the stores, and recommending it to friends – excellent book!

  Thanks

• 57 Justin // Sep 15, 2009 at 8:19 pm

  I connected with the three things that another person would be thinking Do you care for me? Can you help me? And Can I trust you? I will be talking to a local council person who is not in favor with our committees. We are inviting hom to our meeting and I hope he comes I will be more in tune to connect with him as a part of our town and not necessarily a person in our town who opposes us and our view. I hope to be reminding myself of these thoughts and assuring this person that I for one have an interest in who he is and what he represents by coming to our meeting. look forward to chapter 3

• 58 Rachel Bentham // Sep 15, 2009 at 8:25 pm

  Mr. Maxwell,

  I admire many writers’ work, but none so much when they get down to my level and admit they have made the same mistakes I have. That is exactly what you have done, and I cannot thank you enough!

  This chapter reminds me of something Brennan Manning writes in his Chapter “Humble Confidence” in the book “Ruthless Trust”. Among the other notable quotes in that chapter–my copy is lined with highlights–the one that sticks with me is this:

  “Humble men and women do not have a low opinion of themselves, they have no opinion of themselves, because they so rarely think about themselves.”

  Calvin Miller’s letter also struck a cord when he writes:

  “We’ll come back to you . . . when you’re real enough to see us . . . after your dreams have been shattered . . . after your heart has been broken . . . after your arrogance has reckoned with despair.”

  My method of selling was shaped by experiencing numerous layoffs in our family and knowing what it was like to be in “survival” mode. I make it my goal to find one thing I can connect with on every call, if I can get them to stay on long enough. Then again, I connect there, because I have been disgruntled at sales people a time or two.

  In conclusion I must say though I do connect with my customers, I find myself complaining that my managers won’t listen…perhaps I am only communicating and not connecting. Perhaps my ego stands in the way and I am afraid to admit I am wrong…

  So, to end this lengthy comment, I must say thank you…for connecting with me. You can be sure that I will buy this book as soon as it hit’s bookshelves.

  Watching for the next chapter!
  Rachel Bentham

• 59 Bridget Haymond // Sep 15, 2009 at 10:18 pm

  I leaned about the value of connecting after an illness that landed me in the hospital for a brain biopsy. Ultimately I had good news, but God used my experience to show me the value of connecting with people. Even while I was in the hospital, I was talking to the nurses and doctors in a personal way and just getting to know their stories. I met some really neat people with interesting stories and had a great time during my 5 day stay in the hospital.

  Wondering if you might be dying changes your perspective. Perhaps that is why I was drawn to life coaching, because I really do enjoy helping others to live productive fulfilling lives.

  You can talk till you are blue in the face, but people know in their gut if you really care about them!

• 60 Nová doba | CCO Lab // Sep 15, 2009 at 11:33 pm

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• 61 Twitted by MarietjieSteyn // Sep 16, 2009 at 2:29 am

  [...] This post was Twitted by MarietjieSteyn [...]

• 62 Robert Nicholson // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:16 am

  Hello Dr Maxwell.
  As usual when reading your books I find myself wanting more. My following comments are mostly about style. The content is great.
  Thanks.

  Me, me, me! (just after the Glasbergen cartoon) Unnecessary.

  Heading: It’s Not About Me! “And the great thing about that is that you can do it.”
  May I suggest taking out the second “that” to read “And the great thing about that is, you can do it.”

  I really like the line immediatly after the “Property Rights of a Toddler”, beginning “As people grow older…”
  The next line beginning “Deep down…” may I suggest one of our PRIMARY wants is to feel important. A Les Giblin
  quote may go well here. I think he said “Everybody wants to be somebody” or something to that effect in
  “How to have power and Influence in dealing With People”.

  Heading: “Three Questions People Are Asking About You”, “…people face in connecting with others.”
  changes tense. Better to read “…you will face in connecting with others.” This will result in too
  many “you’s” in the paragraph but alternate wording or deleting superfluous lines like “You must…”, then
  capitalising “Be able…” and deleting “How do you do that?”

  Paragraph beginning ” Mutual concern…” may I suggest changing “…both your and their lives better.”
  to “…all your lives better”.

  Line beginning “Most people have a strong desire to connect…” reword following “…but hit a wall of
  their own preoccupations, worries and needs.

  Heading: “If I Were You…”. I love it.

• 63 Emran Bhojawala // Sep 16, 2009 at 10:35 am

  Hi John,

  This was an awesome read and I was able to learn a whole bunch from this! I was particularly able to relate to the story about the car salesman. I have been fortunate enough to find a car salesman that actually cares for the customers and helps them with their needs rather than pushing his stock. I used to go to school in Virginia and needed a car for my internship in DC area. I was introduced to a salesperson called Lloyd, who worked with me to find the car that worked for me in that situation. My description to him was “something that runs without issues” and for $3000, he got me a car that has now lasted me for 76K miles!! He had taken full guarantee of the car and if I had any problems or needs I was able to call him and ask advice. He would in turn make sure that he got me the best deal for the best price for any repairs and helped me understand more about cars. Infact, when I wanted to buy a new car, I didnt have to worry about anything – told him my budget — and flew to virginia from Minneapolis to pick up a car I have never seen. Some might say that was rash but this is a common deal for Lloyd. I could have gotten a car in Minneapolis area too but I decided to pick up the car and drive 23 hours back to minneapolis. I am sure that if I wouldve bouught the car anywhere else, I wouldnt have gotten the same sense of security that I got the best deal possible. He is THE legend when it comes to selling cars in the area near my school. There are countless such stories wherein he has gone way out of his way to serve and connect. He does not advertise and all his business comes from previous customers and references. I think thats a perfect example of success in connecting with people.

  Thanks again for all that you do.

  God Bless!
  Regards,
  Emran

• 64 Lis Maxwell // Sep 16, 2009 at 11:44 am

  JM,

  I can’t think of a time when we’ve been more proud of you! It really shows a lot about an author/leader when they are willing to ask for input from others, not fully knowing what they are really going to get in return. A secure person will ask for criticism and use it not only to help themselves, but also to help others. You have given so selflessly to us and the grandkids and we know God is going to use this book to do even greater things through you! We love you!

  Joel & Elisabeth

  P.S. We have always loved your cartoon illustrations. Keep ‘em coming!

• 65 Brian Tkatch // Sep 16, 2009 at 12:26 pm

  John, this is so true, it’s scary.

  I thought the first chapter was nice. More of an introduction to the subject matter. In my mind, this is really the first chapter.

  As you are talking about yourself, and revealing your inner thoughts, i realized that was me too. Yet, i never heard Zig Zigler; i never identified this myself. I identified some things where i need work, but the thoughts you wrote here really hit the mark, and i am grateful to you for it.

  I am now even more anxious to read the other chapters. You already have me thinking.

  —–

  “While I was on a business trip to South America, I got the chance to visit Machu Picchu, the mountaintop home of the ancient Inca, considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World.”

  The last comma could be “which is”.

  “I was in my early twenties, and I did not see the big picture.”

  The comma is extraeneous.

• 66 Richard Bankert // Sep 16, 2009 at 1:13 pm

  Hey John

  I have appreciated reading this chapter. I’m glad I ran across your tweet about it. I work as a director at a summer camp and in our world relationships are extremely important. We are constantly in an environment where hundreds of different tensions are constantly in play. Focusing on others is always a struggle and I know this chapter has given me knew insight on being a better leader and a better communicator.

  Blessings,
  Richard

• 67 Caleb Irmler // Sep 16, 2009 at 1:19 pm

  I have always enjoyed your books, this chapter has been a great read. As an Asst Pastor I speak to small groups all the time but often wonder if I am connecting, if I am helping.

  I can’t wait to read the rest

• 68 simeone // Sep 16, 2009 at 1:21 pm

  great job , i liked the “carlos” story, especially
  this chapter is complete.

• 69 Yvette Kinley // Sep 16, 2009 at 1:56 pm

  Possibly some of the best business advice I have heard ever. I have seen this success personally with my husband in action. We own a autoservice business and time and time again I seen my husband go the extra mile in serving others, especially the elderly clients, driving them sometimes 25 minutes to there farm when their vehicle was broke down or even giving them a courtesy car for days on end. Nothing keeps loyal customers like seeing others needs and doing your best to meet those needs. Galatians 6:2-5 puts the thoughts into perspective. Thank you for being such a faithful servant and sharing truths that bring life into perspective. In order for us to be great in the kingdom we first must learn to serve and be servant to all!

• 70 Kurt Billups // Sep 16, 2009 at 2:25 pm

  John,

  Bravo, on yet another enlightening chapter. Not only do I share your views but you drive the point home in such an elegant an profound way. I always remind my team that, “people don’t care about how much you know until they first know how much you care”. Once again thanks for sharing.

  Kurt Billups

• 71 Marie // Sep 16, 2009 at 2:28 pm

  I really liked the bulk of this chapter. I was a bit disappointed in the opening and closing stories. If the point of the chapter is to get out of your self-focus and look at others value and point of view, it seems ironic to open and close the chapter with “John Maxwell” stories. I am a JM fan (hence why I am reading this!) but those new to JM may read that opening story and think “so nice that my money buying this book sent his family on a nice international vacation”. For those starting this book in the local bookstore, they might decide not to purchase it. The point of the story is excellent and very vivid, but perhaps playing down the non-relevant points (the Orient Express, etc) may keep the cynical reading.
  A similar theme goes for the ending story. The lesson in the closing story is excellent: thinking about what is important to the other person is key to getting what you want, but illustrating that point by telling me JM just got a nice fat book contract doesn’t go over well.
  I am not a cynic. I am thrilled that JM wants to write 10 more books (I want to read them!) and that he has helped enough people get what they want to get what he wants (including taking his wife on a trip to Michu Picu). I also believe I will one day have that opportunity as I continue to help people. I continue to hone my skills in doing so by reading books, including those written by JM.
  Thank you for the opportunity to provide feedback.
  Marie

• 72 David Ligon // Sep 16, 2009 at 2:48 pm

  Great chapter! The subtopic that really resonated with my experience is the portion discussing the idea that leadership has to do with focusing on others and not on oneself. A true leader in essence serves others for a greater good (Law of Addition) and ego-centric motives ultimately fail in that mission. As one rises in leadership, it is actually a humbling experience. An egoistic leader is not really a leader in the truest sense, but is nothing more than a dictator. Also, the Law of Connection requires leaders to touch a heart before they ask for a hand, so that they may empower others to accomplish the collective goal.

• 73 Sumesh // Sep 16, 2009 at 8:40 pm

  Dear John,

  What a chapter. Very insightful and absolutely brilliant. It certainly has made me think
  My questions are:

  Is there a difference in connecting with people from different ethnicities. I have seen that some cultures have to be approached differently than others, in order to form a connection. What is your experience, as you travel the world and connect with so many people successfully.

  Getting on the agenda of others is terrific advice. How do you develop the skill of doing that? Sometimes it is no natural to put your agenda first, especially when you are asked for advice?

  Thanks once again…
  - Sumesh

• 74 Tran Bao Hung // Sep 16, 2009 at 10:47 pm

  Dear John,

  The title of the book itself “Everyone communicates, few connects” have a good attraction to readers, I believe. I am a fan of JM books. I read your book for the first time more than 1 year ago, ie. ‘Talent is never enough’. As soon as I finished that book, I came back to the book store and asked the booksellers to sell me whatever book written by JM. My bookshelf is now overwhelmed with JM books.

  The reason for me to enjoy reading your book is because I found solutions for a lot of my problems there. As I read so many books of yours I am unable to recall Connecting with People belong to which book, but you have mentioned this as a small chapter in one of your published books. I felt so lucky when I found that chapter. My problem was that I am a new comer in an advanced organization. My peers are of high egos and wish to have the entire kingdom of power in their hands. It is very difficult for a new comer to penetrate into such organization within a short time. I feel isolated from time to time. Your chapter about “connecting with people” have helped me. I have kept practicing that since I read the book. I can help many people in the company with my accumulated experiences but the biggest problem is that everybody wants to prove that they are brilliant and not need any help. They only need help when they really get stuck. Again, it is the problem for me. If they let me to help them when it has not come to a stagnant situation, it is much easier. I always wish to be useful even when things get stuck but it becomes a big challenge for me. To overcome this, I always stand behind the scene, I help people without showing my name in the context. However, this is difficult too as this is hard to hide especially for sizable transaction. I wish to be given the opportunity to be a closer member in the team. I know that again you have a key for such situation. I need your advice how to fit a senior person in an existing long lasting organization. The organization keep expanding so they need more senior persons to join but how to give the right roles to the new comer without hurting the existing seniors is hard to solve? I would look forward to a solution for this.

  Thanks,

  Bao Hung

• 75 Jennie // Sep 16, 2009 at 10:55 pm

  I’m a new fan of Maxwell and I’m impressed more and more with each book I read. From the first book I picked up, I’ve been able to intergrate his advice and improve the results of my team. In three months, I went from #8 to #1 out of 19 teams. I believe it’s because I’ve learned to ask my people what they need to succeed and give it to them. Keep up the good work, John! This is the best one yet!

• 76 Catie Perschke // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:47 am

  Thank you for living what you write. Again, I value the way you invite your readers to evaluate themselves, offering examples and personal stories that make the information relatable. You share with us the Benefits, not just the Features.

  I could write my own chapter on what impacted me, and what I would like to get busy applying.

  One comment, in the section of the three questions, I would like to see the question, ‘Can I trust you?’ developed more. With the other two questions, you not only showed why they were so important, you offered practical suggestions on how to think about them and apply them in life. The transition from the third question into your conclusion was a little abrupt. I found myself looking for a relevant example or story.

  It will be very difficult to wait for next week for the next chapter.

  Blessings!

• 77 Carol Shannon // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:59 am

  I heard Zig Ziggler in Olympia, WA in the early 80’s and he was very inspirational and did connect with the audience extremely well. This chapter on communication is great. The 21 Irrifutable Laws of Leadership as well as the Challenge 1000 tapes make a point that Leadership is influence and this chapter is done extremely well.

• 78 Salman Yazdani // Sep 17, 2009 at 2:44 am

  Dear John,
  It’s amazing how we can benefit from each other through the Internet. I live thousands of miles away from you, but you have taught me some of the most important lessons of life. The first two chapters have really made a lasting impression on me, and I do see their positive effects on my personality. I can only imagine how much I would benefit after reading the whole book. The beautiful thing I have noticed in these two chapters is that all your comments are so close to human nature yet we somehow tend ignore them. Please keep up the good work.

• 79 Pastor Stephanie Eagle // Sep 17, 2009 at 6:33 am

  “Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others” is my favorite point from this second chapter. Age is definitely not indicative of maturity.

  I’d like to add something to it. “Maturity is the ability to see and act on the behalf and benefit of others.”

• 80 Henry Will // Sep 17, 2009 at 12:21 pm

  Wow! This is a jam packed chapter! What I would give to instill just this knowledge in my children!
  Thank you so much for this interactive publishing approach and allowing us to weigh in!

  Ok, now for a very difficult few questions that you might want to address in the chapter, if you dare:
  1) What could have you (or someone else) done to connect to Carlos. You said you tried, but what could you have done to open up that connection?
  2) How can someone reach another who is all “tied up in themselves?” and explain to them that they need to be more connective?

  This takes me back to a sermon that Duffy Robbins preached at Ocean Grove NJ this year about Maslow’s levels of learning. See my blog post here on this:
  http://henrywill4.blogspot.com/2009/07/maslows-levels-of-learning.html
  I think that for some people, to “wake them up” from their focus on self, you need to ask questions to get them to start thinking. What questions do you think could be asked of someone to get them to realize that they need to connect?

• 81 Lydia Maria Dross // Sep 17, 2009 at 12:38 pm

  Thanks,

  No matter what you are communicating or what ever topic it may be, if it lacks coming from the heart, you have lost your audience.

  They are many people that communicate well and colloborate well with others, but sometimes the message or the intent of the message is not recceived because the presenter lacks learning to speak from their heart. God moves in the message when the presenter is speaking from their heart. Even if the they don’t communicate well or speak well, or present the material right. If it comes from the heart, every person that is hearer, will receive something that the presenter has conveyed, regardless of the intention of the presenter topic matter.

• 82 Lydia Maria Gonzalez Dross // Sep 17, 2009 at 12:42 pm

  “The question I kept asking myself was this: If I were a publisher talking to an author, what would I want to know? If I were in their position, what would I ask John Maxwell?

  A very good and important point. As speakers, we always think about preparing our messages, make sure we have our notes highlighted, cards ready, preparing the night before etc., but we fail to ask ourselves the very question you have stated. What will our students learn from me today.

• 83 Brandon Reed // Sep 17, 2009 at 12:50 pm

  I can’t seem to bring myself to correct or add to John Maxwell.

  I will say this: I read chapter two, and immediately called a friend to meet for lunch to find out what is going on in his life and invest in him.

  Thanks for connecting with us John (maybe I should say Dr. Maxwell…)

• 84 Yvonne Green // Sep 17, 2009 at 12:55 pm

  This is a must read book. For those of you who know the power that words have and to those of you who don’t. This book is an inspiration and before you know it by putting the practices into practive for at least 21 days. After all whatever a person does for 21 days becomes a habit in other words it becomes second nature. Just by using the tools that are in the book it will help give every reader a word of rhama a word in season that is seasoned with salt. There is no doubt in my mind that this will be a number #1 bestseller. This is a must read. You can’t help but put into practice

• 85 Alessandra Bandeira Malucelli // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:17 pm

  Wow,great chapter!My favorite :”Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t see things from someone else’s point of view. They rarely concern themselves with what’s best for others. In many ways, they act like small children.”
  Do you know Stingy from Lazy Town?I try to connect with my 4years old son watching his favorites cartoons,, and how i learn from it!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX5sIRop-M0
  Blessings! Alessandra

• 86 Candace Sargent // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:40 pm

  Love your opening question… can you hear all those reading, saying a resounding “YEPPP!”

  There are many things I like about this chapter John…I’ll pick one to highlight:

  You know how you describe “considering your audience beforehand” in preparing for the publisher… very important and something Carlos failed to do. If he had, he would have identified the audience as being “first-timers to something OVERWHELMING VAST AMAZING SOUL-TOUCHING SPIRIT-SOARING…!”

  He not only needed to COMPLETELY have that in mind in preparing his script, but even MORE importantly, just before you arrived, he needed to COMMIT to putting himself in your place, really seeing from your vantage point, taking himself back to being a first-timer reflecting on all the feelings and impressions as he experienced God’s amazing handiwork. This small effort would have immediately shown in his eyes, smile, face, spirit… and would have really heightened your first impression, building on it with warmth, depth, infectious enthusiasm… throughout the tour.

  Get into the shoes, the mindset, the skin and soul of your audience—this small effort turns “a connection” into “an INCREDIBLY WIDE-SMILE SATISFYING, ENDORPHIN PRODUCING connection.”

  Then take the connection OVER THE TOP by “active listening with catalyst words” (no ‘um uh huh’) that POP your audience to a higher and higher level of enjoyment, words like ‘Ohhhhh I’ve heard it’s INNNNNCREDIBLE—did you make it to the top?’ when someone in the group describes a similar experience.

  Both of these small efforts pay off in HUGE dividends!! What a much different ending THAT would have been for Carlos: he would have gotten letters, years after the tour, from MUCH-APPRECIATIVE people:)

  Thank you SO much John for a VERY FUN interactive experience like this,
  Candace:)

• 87 Kerry Atherton // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:51 pm

  A great read on connecting with others, John. I’ve always believe that when you harness the ability to mentally switch roles with your audience, you’re better able to reevaluate your own interests in a way that helps both yourself and the people you’re connecting to.

  Keep up the great work,
  Kerry Atherton

  P.S. Lincoln was the 16th president.

• 88 Mohnish Bahl // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:52 pm

  Hey John,

  It was fun reading the second chapter. You did a great job of connecting with me While reading the chapter, I was remembering examples from my past life when I was able to connect (or not connect) with people in different situations.

  Feedback Time:
  The opening is very strong. Machu Picchu is a known place and it helps people to think through their own travel experiences. You could also add what Carlos lost by not connecting – maybe tip from you and your friends. So in this way people would be able to see that by not connecting the person is at a monetary loss as well apart from other disadvantages as mentioned in the chapter. This would drive home the point that in both personal and professional life connecting is so important for doing well.

  I also liked the quotations from various successful people in the “Do you care for Me” segment. My only suggestion would be to expand on maybe on of those quotations. A short paragraph quoting more Lincoln quotes or examples from his life where by connecting with certain people brought changes in his life.

  I also like that you have acknowledged your previous shortcomings in the book. I think it takes courage and candor to do so, and it also makes a connection with the reader.

  These were my few thoughts. Wish you all the best for the book. I will be looking forward to it.

  Thanks
  Mohnish

• 89 Bob Garbett // Sep 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm

  Thank you for the opportunity to share our thoughts on these chapters!

  When connecting with my students (law enforcement leaders), I tell them I see my role as an offensive lineman. I move obstacles out of their way, but it is their responsibility to carry the ball!

• 90 Caleb Gallifant // Sep 17, 2009 at 3:01 pm

  Thank you for your book experiment. What a fun process to be a part of!

  An abbreviated version of Hernandez’ toddler observation list would be beneficial. While the list drives home a valuable point, it is reduntant and lengthy. I found Calvin Miller’s letter brilliant and challenging (as I am that post-college man you spoke of). I also enjoyed Weissman’s distinction between “features” and “benefits.” The only concern I had throughout the chapter was this underlying motif of “help them, so you can help you.” I don’t know if this is the desired theme, but it undoutedly emininates from the text.

  Thanks again,

  Caleb

• 91 Debbie Reno // Sep 17, 2009 at 3:12 pm

  In the section, “It’s Not About Me” — I have found Pride vs. Humility – fall in line similarly to what your book mentions and can really hinder the ability to connect with others.

  “Do You Care for Me?” This section reminded me of something I share with the students I work with in a leadership program — “People don’t care about what you know until they know you care about them.”

• 92 Alejandro Pozo // Sep 17, 2009 at 3:31 pm

  Excellent chapter and perspective about connection!

  Something interesting mentioned in this chapter was:

  “First, I would study good communicators, which is something I have done ever since. Second, I would try to connect with others by focusing on them and their needs instead of my own.”

  I thing it would be a good idea to share a brief list of names about this communicator. Also, knowing a little about your background, I suggest to describe Jesus as the best example as a communicator-connector who came to give us an abundant life, before we asked him to do thath. He know our needs before we ask him!

  By this way I think you can explain this point:

  Mark 10:45 (New International Version)
  45For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

  Finally, the kind of question you can anticipaded from others in a negotiation or in a job interview could be the difference between success or a simple meeting in your agenda. You need to come with a perspective win-win for both parts. If you don’t undestand other’s point of view and needs, you can not connect. What dou you think about a person that comes to an interview and don’t make a basic research about the company, it’s financial situacion, and media news, and only wants benefits from a job vacancy? It’s important to demostrate to be interested in others part!

  Thanks again for this opportunity to be interested in our point of view!

  Regards,

  Alejandro Pozo, Monterrey-Mexico

• 93 Jonathan Sutton // Sep 17, 2009 at 4:55 pm

  I am really enjoying this book. Only one part of this chapter appeared lacking.

  Although I enjoyed the shortened section under the “can I trust you section” I felt that it was a little too short.

  As a reader I also grow tired of hearing the car salesman analogy and feel tempted to skip over reading sections containing car sales analogy. Yes, its a good example but its almost too good because it feels like every speaker and author on the planet uses it and therefore the analogy brings me to a place of mental laziness where I assume the authors point before completing the first sentence.

  In short, the care salesman analogy (just like analogies about lawyers) is over used.

• 94 Allen // Sep 17, 2009 at 7:01 pm

  Dr. Maxwell,

  Thank you for all that you do! You are a great example of one who has found his purpose in life, and has worked tirelessly pursing it. I have benefited greatly from your teachings and I hope to someday provide similar value to others.

  A few thoughts after reading this chapter:

  (1)To be authentic requires us to be authentically interested in others.
  (2)Sometimes the best voice is a silent one.
  (3)Few things have a more lasting impact than our relationships with others.

  I wish you the best of luck in completing this project, as well as any future projects you have in mind.

  Best regards,

• 95 Marie Ruth // Sep 17, 2009 at 8:25 pm

  Dear Mr. Maxwell,
  I’m sorry to say I missed the first chapter, I will not miss any others, you definitely have my attention. This is a book that needs to be written and you’r just the man to do it. I would like to see more under the “#3. can I trust you? ” I am relating your new book to my marraige of over 40 years, and I have a trust issue with my husband, he is a good man and loyal to me, but here’s a quick example of what I mean – - – about 25 years ago I was in the hospital, and in much pain, I asked him to call the doctor and ask him to do something more for all the pain I was in, my husband just left me there, I was so angry I got the phone and did it by myself, to this day I do not trust my husband to ever stand up for me – - -and now that we are geting older I need him too. So what I am trying to say is; there are different kinds of “trust” how do we get it, how do we forgivve it, how do I trust him to be able to do what needs to be done now. I am not good at explaining myself, but I hope and pray you understand what I am trying to say. Trust comes to play in many differenent forms, not just business, and friendships but in all walks and seasons of life, please do say more on this subject, thank you I am keeping you in my prays, and asking God to continue to help you write this book.

• 96 Marissa Briones // Sep 17, 2009 at 8:28 pm

  The message is simple enough one would think that we would figure it out on our own and make connecting work by being “others-oriented.” Thank you for shining the light on the truth about connecting.

  You are continually making a difference in my life, John! Thank you!

• 97 Trudy Metzger // Sep 17, 2009 at 8:54 pm

  Dear Mr. Maxwell,

  Just want to say how much I appreciate your personal stories, they totally connect with me. The first story sends a message that may not be directly related to the book, but one that speaks of your integrity. Your desire to share Machu Picchu with Margaret shows that you live ‘thinking of others’ – you don’t just teach it, and your wife is the best place to start!

  You really balance the entire chapter by quoting other great speakers/writers. The quotes you included are powerful and you could have been concerned about them being ’show stealers’ and excluded them for that reason. To me it shows humility that a great writer/speaker such as yourself would do that!

  I’ve thought a lot about this book this week, and I know I already commented earlier, but I keep returning to the site… I am inspired, impacted and find myself checking my heart and my motives at home, at work and in ministry – “Am I connecting on a level that matters with my audience? Am I hearing them or ‘biding my time’ listening inattentively until I can speak?” – and so many other questions. Never before do I recall reading a book that has immediately become a part of my day-to-day life and influenced the way I think, as this one has, besides the Bible.

  Waiting with great anticipation and expectation for Chapter 3!

  God bless
  Trudy

• 98 Nate Manthey // Sep 17, 2009 at 8:58 pm

  Great! Love the chapter. As I was reading, I came up to the “Property law as viewed by a toddler” by Michael V. Hernandez. I think it’s good information, but a bit long. I didn’t read all the sentences. I skimmed through them. Please, I throw no stones. I can only imagine the time spent shaping and molding each sentence and paragraph. I know you would only put information you deemed important. Just a suggestion from a reader.
  Thanks for learning everyday. It has pushed me to go and do likewise.

• 99 Sandy Gorman // Sep 17, 2009 at 9:14 pm

  Placing value on listeners is so rich. I am growing as a leader and a parent as I read each chapter.

  One day my daughter was telling me about a situation she had just been through. I responded by comparing her experience to a situation that I had experienced. This did not make her happy. She wanted me to focus on her and her situation. The next opportunity I had with her, I focused on her. I listened and told her that I was sorry she had to go through this. It was about her and not me. She felt comforted and we had a good day.

• 100 Michael Shuffield // Sep 17, 2009 at 9:48 pm

  “If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself.” That one line is worth the price of the entire book if enough of us get that, if I can get that.

• 101 Michael Shuffield // Sep 17, 2009 at 9:48 pm

  “If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself.” That one line is worth the price of the entire book if enough of us get that, if I can get that.

• 102 Sharri Tiner // Sep 17, 2009 at 10:11 pm

  I loved the chapter. I loved reading it. I got it. I will use it. I will try to keep on asking myself…how can I connect. I feel as a reader, that’s my job. I do it well and you do yours well too! I’ll keep reading. Great work John. Thank you, Sharri

• 103 Diane // Sep 17, 2009 at 10:18 pm

  Dear Dr. Maxwell,
  I’m a big follower of yours, and coincidentally a member of CF/RPB. I just found this second chapter of your book and plan on going back and reading the first chapter. I find myself in a situation at this very moment involving a school teacher of my oldest daughter. From my perspective, this young teacher is trying to prove herself, to herself & others, by trying to impress to her students how smart she is, and how much she knows. Unfortunately for her, and more so for her students, she’s losing most of them along the way. Instead of stepping back and seeing what they need, and helping them, she just keeps trudging ahead, sort of like Carlos, and her students are dragging behind, becoming more frustrated. And just like a reader mentioned in an earlier comment, I also would like to know how you point that out to someone who just doesn’t realize it themselves?? I’m not sure you can. This particuliar person does not take constructive criticism well…… and only sees suggestive comments made to her as personal attacks. I’ll keeping reading future chapters, maybe you’ll give me some suggestions. And by the way, I have picked up some really good points that I can apply to my own life. Thank you so much for that!!

• 104 Deb // Sep 17, 2009 at 11:34 pm

  I love this chapter! I know so many people including myself who need to learn these lessons. I don’t mean to do it, but when a conversation in a circle I am near gets exciting I want to be part of it. The excitement resonates in me and compells me to speak, but then the two having the exciting conversation in the circle never hear you. Do you try again? talking even more loudly? No, you just stand there, feeling foolish, realizing that no matter that their excitement stirred you into wanting to be a part of it, the best thing you could have done was listen, learn & enjoy it. I enjoy your books John, they help me grow in many ways.

• 105 Kent Sanders // Sep 17, 2009 at 11:35 pm

  Thank you for this excellent chapter! I recall either hearing or reading the story of the cleaning woman in one of your books or Injoy lessons several years ago. I teach at a Christian college in St. Louis, and one of the courses I teach is “Introduction to Ministry,” a freshmen course. I was inspired by this story and included the same question on the final exam for the course. Much to my delight, most of the students got the answer right! They had taken the time to speak to the head of our housekeeping staff. The central message of the course had sunk in: ministry is all about being a servant.

  And by the way, her name is Judy…

• 106 Cynthia Zhai // Sep 18, 2009 at 12:01 am

  Thank you for the wonderful chapter!
  It reinforced my understanding of what Gandhi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
  Consider to put this quote in this chapter?

• 107 Daniel Tillman // Sep 18, 2009 at 12:06 am

  Firstly, thanks for all you do.  I would simply like to share my heart in regards to this subject.  I have been a fan of yours for a long time and strive to embody the principles you share.  I work as a program manager in a very large company and could literally spend everyday tucked away in front of my computer because of the workload.  I lead teams of engineers in software development for the most advanced computer chips in the world.  If you know anything about people who write software for a living, then you know they can be very intraverted.  And to connect with them requires a little effort.  The principle I employ with them is what Jesus did to reach people and that is to go to them.  You’ll seldom find me at my desk, but instead I’m at they’re desk seeing how they are doing and asking what help I can be to them, doing my best to make sure my asking is not just an empty exercise, but one backed up by action.  It is amazing how much trust can be built by fulfilling a simple request.  Stepping outside of your title and doing small things for your teammates makes a world of difference.  I’ve walked from building to building to pickup items for my engineers and pushed through buracracy to buy what they needed  so they could continue to focus on more important tasks, I like to take the approach in my line of work that Paul the Apostle took in his…I am made all things to all men by all means that I might win (connect with) some.  Running errands and a good listener is what my team needs from me sometimes as much as they need someone to represent them in upper level management meetings.   I’ve spent time listening to my team members about their frustrations in confidence and off the record,  and I often say thank you for even the smallest things that they have done for me.  I work in a weak matrixed environment, where my only power is influence and so connecting is vital to my families livelyhood.  I’ve learned that life and death are truly in the power of the tongue and so i thnik about the best way to convey the messages to those around me before I engage with anyone, whether it be face to face, phone, web conference, email, or instant message.  I see every word and action as a tool for building, strengthing or weaking the connections between us.  Thanks for this platform to share my heart with you, your fans and the world.  Your brother in Christ and raving fan.  

• 108 suzanne caldeira // Sep 18, 2009 at 12:11 am

  john, what a powerful chapter. anytime i’ve struggled in my life; whether it be personally or professionally has been when i’ve spent too much time in the what’s in it for me mindset. this so hits home that if you truly help others reach their goals & meet their needs, you’re automatically going to get to that better place. i’m so glad i found this tonight via twitter.

• 109 Piya Medakkar // Sep 18, 2009 at 7:42 am

  Thankyou for sharing the strategies to connect with others. I gave my comments earlier too in 1st chapter. In my teenage, I did not pay much attention to others (including my mum) while talking to them. I have been “self- centered” al the time. I remember one time, me and mum were talking something important and I was busy texting my friend on the mobile, that really offended her and till today she does not share imp. stuff with me. My focus was on”me”. Right now I’m working and this teaching helps and encourages me to communicate with others, its all about change! I really do not know how to connect well. Your book inspires me to help others and see the outcome, thanks! God bless

• 110 Lindsay Fawcett // Sep 18, 2009 at 9:06 am

  Immaturity vs Maturity:
  As I am reading this text, I realize this is what I used to do ALL of the time… now I only do it some of the time (thanks to the grace of God). However, I think it is important to point out that it isn’t only immaturity that makes it all about you, but it can be a lack of self-confidence. Growing up I always felt like I had something to prove. I needed to prove that I was enough. As I have grown up and have had some very godly people in my life, I have learned that not only was I immature, but I had no self-confidence. As my confidence in myself grows, my need to prove myself is diminishing. The most interesting part about this for me is that I am a teacher. I have always been able to connect with my students. I have always been told by my superiors that I am an excellent teacher and that my students love me. Yet, because of my lack of confidence I could not transfer this to situations outside of work.

  I also need to comment on the fact that I LOVE the toddler property thing… I used to Nanny for a handful of toddlers and it is so true!

  I feel like every other sentence is a quotable one!!! This chapter really speaks to my heart!

  I also don’t understand Norman Vincent Peale’s quote…

• 111 Laura Surovik // Sep 18, 2009 at 9:10 am

  John Maxwell,
  You are real!! Just like Shamu…real.
  I am inspired by the opportunity you have given your readers to connect in this fashion. I have followed you for years and have eaten up your books and words. You have made me a better killer whale trainer and leader over the years at SeaWorld. You have been a mentor to me. I have been a trainer for 24 years and I have been “connecting” and teaching others how to connect with Shamu for many years. Shamu has been one of my greatest teachers too. When you look into a killer whales eyes, you realize that it is not about you. It can’t be. The connection is made when they know that you are there for them….it’s all about building trust through a loving caring relationship. Shamu is real. You must be sincere and follow worthy to connect and build a relationship with the ocean’s top predator. They are leaders and they respond to strong leadership. The journey I have shared with our killer whales at SeaWorld has shaped the way I interact with people too. As trainers, we always look for the positive and possibilities when we shape new behaviors with the whales. This carries over into every aspect of life. When I see people, I look for the good and see potential. One of my greatest joys is to be a part of building another person’s dream and seeing it take shape. Hanging out with Shamu over the years had shaped me into being a”possibility thinker”. I still say, “can you believe this is my job?” We swim with, play with, and love killer whales for a living. My faith in the goodness of God and this wonderful way He has given me to learn about and practice “connection” with whales reminds me that anything IS possible when you BELIEVE. Ch 2 of your new book is one that I would post on our training board to start the day at SeaWorld. Thanks for teaching us more about the power of true connection. You speak “Shamu” John Maxwell.
  Bravo!!
  Laura Surovik
  Assistant Curator Shamu Stadium
  SeaWorld Orlando, Fl 32835

• 112 Gerald // Sep 18, 2009 at 11:52 am

  Hi JM. i Just read ch 2 of your book, I’ts inspiring. I use most of your books as my personal leadership manuals. I’ve learned a lot from you over the years. Your books are life changing. be Blessed

• 113 Antoinette Morales // Sep 18, 2009 at 12:26 pm

  Hi John,

  I am excited to read what you are currently writing. Connecting with people is important and understanding how to help them goes a long way.

  I work in sales and I have been told by a previous employer that I was bad at connecting with people. In reality that was not the case, I had connected well with many clients and strategic partners. As you mentioned in the chapter about immaturity and maturity, this seems like a good example. He always felt threatened by my success but yet he never felt confident in the sales team he established. Prior to being let go, he decided he was going to answer all incoming sales calls because he felt we were not doing enough to close the sales. I was leading in that department when he let me go.

  Fortunately, I had connected well with a potential strategic partner that they were already considering me for one of their sales positions. They hired me two weeks later.

  Connecting with people never came easy for me, but I learned and I continue to improve each day. I also speak to college students about this, because I want them to start learning about connecting with others before they graduate. It is an added benefit to help them succeed when they finally get into the real world.

• 114 Geoffory Anderson // Sep 18, 2009 at 1:23 pm

  Dr. Maxwell,

  As I read through chapter 2 it brought back a flood of memories of similiar experiences from my life. I would like to share one of those experiences which I consider to be a “defining moment” from my life.

  In the late 1980’s and 1990’s I was a student and later Graduate Teaching Assistant in the Animal, Dairy and Veterinary Science Department at Utah State University. I had the pleasure of learning from and working with Dr. Lyle McNeal. He is one of the few professors I’ve known who is more interested in connecting with his students than lecturing to them.

  In 2007 , I was contacted by Dr. McNeal who informed me that he had been nominated to receive the Carnegie Professor of the Year Award from the Council for Advancment and Support of Education and the Carnegie Foundation For the Advancement of Teaching. He asked if I would consider sending a letter of support to the foundation on his behalf. Of couse I was delighted to do so. I would like to share one paragraph from my letter to them that illustrates how I learned the importance of connecting.

  “While serving as Dr. McNeal’s Teaching Assistant he made an announcement in class that any student who did not have a place to go for Thanksgiving was invited to his home for Thanksgiving dinner. Several days later I overheard two students from that class talking about that invitation. One of them said that he was offended that a college professor would make such a pretense about caring enough to invite a stranger into their home. He then said that he was very impressed when he later “realized that he (Dr. McNeal) really meant it! I’ve never had a teacher that really cared about his students before” he said.”

  What I wonderfull learning experience that was for me.

• 115 Ban Huat (Seremban, Malaysia) // Sep 18, 2009 at 1:59 pm

  19-Sep-2009 (1.40am Malaysia time)
  Dear John

  Thanks for interesting Chapter 2, which I have just read passed mid-nite. I will try to digest more and look into some value added input, jokes, quotes that will useful in your book.

  On your immaturity heading toward the end… But maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone…. I will add this quote to make it more complete “Growing old is compulsory, but growing up is optional”.

  I will adding a humor in next comment, which I strongly believed will add value. Just like you mentioned that Jimmy Carter come acorss as “humorless” compared to Reagan…. even Reagan smile I can still visualize as i pen this comment

  Cheers & God bless
  BH Lim, Seremban Agape church (Malaysia)

• 116 Ban Huat (Seremban, Malaysia) // Sep 18, 2009 at 2:22 pm

  19-Sep 2009 (2.15am, Malaysia time)
  Dear John

  This humor/joke is for sub-heading NOT GETTING THE MESSAGE. Please decide most suitable place to slot in, if this humor get passed your editorial committee.

  Pastor John had a problematic church member, James. Each time, he preached a sermon, he would target at James directly. However, James never seem to get the hint. Each time, after the sermon, James would come forward to pastor and said “It was a good message for the people”.

  One Sunday morning, it was raining heavily and all roads to the church was blocked. James arrived early, before the flood started and was the only one in church. Pastor was overjoyed and thought to himself “now, I get him..eh..eh.” Pastor preached his heart out. When an hour preaching is done, James run up to the pulpit and hug pastor crying. Pastor try to console James down, but he said “pastor… your message…your message….your message is so good, IF ONLY THE PEOPLE WERE HERE TODAY.”

  I hope you like this humor for your new book

  Warm Regards & God bless
  BH Lim, Seremban Agape church (Malaysia)

• 117 Munish Varma // Sep 18, 2009 at 4:29 pm

  John,

  Connecting to people has risen to my top priority with respect to my interpersonal relations just shortly before I found out about your new book. The timing of this book on your blog couldn’t have been better; and of course, the information is invaluable. The “Dear Speaker” speech in the Ego section is phenomenal, and really drives home the point. Thanks again!

  Munish

• 118 Sharri Tiner // Sep 18, 2009 at 6:27 pm

  Practiced “connecting” all day at work. Substituted for a high school teacher at a charter school. It worked! One young man testing my authority became my experiment: he wanted to argue with me; I asked him to do his work quietly many times. Finally I said that if he needed help to let me know. He said, “How can i when you told me to be quiet?” That was my opportuinity to “connect” or let him know I was there to help with his classwork. It took him totally off guard! You know he waited 5 minutes outside until I let him back into class and I didn’t have one promlem with him again. In fact, he was very respectful towards me asking me if he could do this or that! True.
  BTW If I come to something I find a bit dry or uninteresting when I read, I just skim. I must say I find your speaking ( and the chapter I read) engaging. And just beacuse some may not be interested, it is no reason to omitt. Let the Holy Spirit guide you, as you have been. I just love Him!

• 119 Arnold Ardian // Sep 18, 2009 at 7:14 pm

  Although you can always improve the chapter, I believe you have already make an awesome impact to those who read it. What a briliant chapter! Keep up the good work. God bless you and your team.

• 120 Doug Jenkins // Sep 18, 2009 at 7:19 pm

  As one who remembers you in the “early years” I could connect with your early sentiments as those of my own as well, even yet today. Thank you for reminding me of the servant’s heart that is necessary to be an effective mover of people.

• 121 Vera Archilla // Sep 18, 2009 at 8:29 pm

  John,

  I’d read the chapter 2 and I loved it!
  I live in Brasil.
  I’m doctor and work with people every day. Connecting with people make the difference with the patient. If you don’t connect with the patient but you are a very good doctor, the treatment don’t go so well!
  I’m seeing in my work, where I’m a ombudswoman , that the troubles and demands between doctors and patients is caused by don’t connecting each other.
  I think that you are a very,very…good writer, and this book will be a spectacular success!!
  Thank you!

• 122 Ban Huat (Seremban, Malaysia) // Sep 19, 2009 at 2:14 am

  19-Sep 2009 (2pm, Malaysia time)
  Dear John

  On the sub-heading “A MATTER OF CONNECTION”, I have a visual pictorial illustration, which is funny and carry across the fundamental message of connection. I strongly believed a picture is better than a thousand words

  I have filename the jpeg as “a matter of connection (maxwell)”. I will forward it to Stephanie email as there is not attachment option in the blog here.

  Hope your editorial committee will like the humorous pictorial to be included in your new book.

  Cheers & God bless,
  BH Lim, Seremban Agape church (Malaysia)

• 123 Chin M C // Sep 19, 2009 at 2:29 am

  Three Questions People Are Asking About You.
  Do you care , Can you help, Can I trust you . This is very true. Unless these questions are answered, the listener would not connect with us no matter how hard we tried.
  My wife had a liver problem , there were a few options to solve the problem. We were referred to a liver specialist – I instantly accepted the idea of having a liver surgery as during the consultation the specialist showed care and concern , he was experienced enough to help solve the problem ,and we trusted him that surgery was the most appropriate option. The liver surgery was a success and my wife is recovering well . Praise the Lord .

• 124 Suuprmansd // Sep 19, 2009 at 4:20 am

  John,
  I’m a huge fan of you and many of your books. I haven’t read everyone one yet, but it is on my list to read them all. So far this book is “on par” with the rest of them to provide an amazing value for everyone who reads and applies it to their life. I too for many years couldn’t see past myself and questioned “why am I not growing?”. Because I wasn’t providing the quality of service to a higher quantity of people. I think this book will help many (me included) be able to communicate more effectively with the people we serve in order to find out what they really want and help them achieve it.
  Thank you
  Tracy

• 125 Tracy Hunter // Sep 19, 2009 at 4:22 am

  John,
  I’m a huge fan of you and many of your books. I haven’t read everyone one yet, but it is on my list to read them all. So far this book is “on par” with the rest of them to provide an amazing value for everyone who reads and applies it to their life. I too for many years couldn’t see past myself and questioned “why am I not growing?”. Because I wasn’t providing the quality of service to a higher quantity of people. I think this book will help many (me included) be able to communicate more effectively with the people we serve in order to find out what they really want and help them achieve it.
  Thank you
  Tracy

• 126 Belinda Hurt // Sep 19, 2009 at 9:17 am

  Dr. Maxwell,

  I first want to thank you for the opportunity to CONNECT with you. You have personally blessed my business venture and the Beautiful Bold Believers (MK) that are changing lives through your input in my life. High points in the chapter for me were the following:

  CONNECT, FOCUS ON OTHERS,
  ADD VALUE, How can I help you? The most important Language in the World is: MY Customers Language

  Get off my Agenda — Try to understand what others want —

  People who want to really help people do this naturally.

  Love your stories: I am visual and I when to Machu Picchu by video and totally related to your experience as I watched and reread about the disconnect with the tourists and guide — This was a powerful opening on so many levels.

  Loved the story about Nabi and Peter’s Gloria Jean coffee from the US idea to the Australian Model: great coffee where’s the seats and food.

  That example speaks to the need for connecting and diversity which is much needed. I am amazed at how much disconnect happens because we are culturally disconnected and unwilling to even acknowledge it.
  Yet, We are in the People business of serving………… (if we want to be successful) love this by Nabi Saleh.

  I was most encouraged by your story regarding connecting with your publishers and getting future book contracts.

  You connected by thinking as publishers thought and was able to produce a plan of action for them and ten new ideas for us in the process. I am excited about what these Connections have done for you.
  As we speak I want to tell you that as a writer I am encouraged to take these same steps today and focus on solutions for the women and children and families I serve. Blessings and thanks for all you do.

• 127 Kriszel Torres // Sep 19, 2009 at 9:40 am

  Wow! I love the first two chapters! Cant wait for the next!

  I didn’t realized how different communicating and connecting is from each other.

  The first chapter made us realize what separates good people from great one-their ability to connect to people.

  This chapters make us realize what prevents connection. More often than not its pride; thinking you’re the most important person, what you have to share is what everyone needs and wants to listen to. Nothing could be further than the truth. Whats important is knowing the audience seeing/feeling where they are coming from. This opened my eyes to areas I need to improve on

• 128 Kriszel // Sep 19, 2009 at 9:44 am

  Wow! Great chapters looking for the next!

  God Bless You John!

• 129 Chew Keng Sheng // Sep 19, 2009 at 10:08 am

  Dear John,

  Thanks for the interesting chapter.

  Good insights right from your opening story of Carlos.

  Just a few comments from me regarding this paragraph:

  “I’ve known many teachers and speakers who possess that mind-set. Every conversation is about them. Every communication is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their brilliance and share their expertise.”

  Being a lecturer myself, I can identify with what you said. Although you have identified 3 reasons (immaturity, ego and failure to value everyone) for that, I think a deeper reason (especially within the context of public speaking) under-girding their immaturity and ego-centredness is INSECURITY, especially for new speakers. I can remember the first few times when I am asked to speak: I was literally shaking. When the speaker is insecure, he will want to seek the approval from his audience. And the more he wants to seek approval from his audience, the more engrossed he is in his own self, and how he can impress others, and as a result, he is more likely to fail to meet the needs of the moments.

  Communication is very fluid and dynamic. I can speak on the same lecture many times, but each group of audience has its own expressed and implied needs, and the dynamics of the communication would be totally unique and different.

  Sometimes it depends very much on whether the speaker can “catch” the non-verbal cues being signaled and transmitted from the audience. A joke may sound funny to one group of audience but it can be not funny or even offensive to another group. For that reason, I believe jokes can never be re-cycled. We cannot tell the same joke in the same intonation, the same manner twice. For that matter, sometimes I find prepared jokes to be very artificial. Jokes have got to be spontaneous.

  Another problem I find as a barrier to “connectedness” with audience is Power Point presentation. Sometimes power point presentation can paradoxically kills the spontaneity of the communication. Power point presentation can be a friend or a foe. I find it to be true with many speakers (and myself have made the same mistake too) that we speak for the sake of speaking. We are obsessed with the goal of finishing off the many slides we have prepared without really thinking whether the audience can understand the meaning or not.

  Different audience will have different attention span although a common rule of thumb would be no more than 45 minutes. For that matter, nowadays I am no longer dictated by my clock or by the number of slides I have prepared to know when to stop talking. I take it that the first audience member who yawns as a sign that I should finish off and wrap it up soon (usually to take 15 minutes or so although that is not a hard and fast rule).

• 130 Roscoe Thompson // Sep 19, 2009 at 11:12 am

  John,

  I came to this page through Twitter, which I joined about 2 days ago. I am “Following” 100+ people, and have nearly 100 “Following” me. My best, broad-brushed, summarization of Twitter so far is that everyone is talking, but no one is listening.

  I am part of a network marketing company and am trying to use social media to meet new people on the internet. I have been working on Facebook since the beginning of the year, and have found that the majority of the people could care less about my opportunity or the services we market.

  People do care if I spend some time to get to know them…their interests and their dreams. From those conversations a friendship is born, and from that friendship a business partnership may evolve. And even if a business partnership does not evolve, I have met a new friend…which is of far more value anyways.

  Roscoe Thompson

• 131 Kimberly Tucker // Sep 19, 2009 at 11:30 am

  Hi John, I got it. The information shared in the chapter was on point. The examples conveyed your thoughts in a meaninful way. Thank you the opportunity to comment. Thank you for your Servant’s Heart.

• 132 LaCinda // Sep 19, 2009 at 11:44 am

  John, You are such an inspiration and this chapter and this book will be yet another yearly read for me I’m sure! As a speaker I’ve unknowingly given value to others no realizing what I was doing! I’ve even had some really big named female speakers be rude to me and tell me “Your too loving and sweet, I’m not like that I’m strong and not weak”
  Well it came John from many years of fighting a sevear illness, haveing two major surgeries one being very disfiguring for a young woman, dropping to 81 lbs, loosing my hair and almost dying twice. It was in this dark places I lost “Me” and God took me, as I asked Him to and created a heart for what really matters! I began to “see” my husband and two little son’s as the precious people they were! I began to so appreciate the Doctors, nurses’s and caregivers as the valiant who fight disease daily and many would say coming to see me was the highlight of their day… Yeah, Right… Some little 20-something year old with grey skin, balding head who’s condition was continually worsining- I don’t think so… It was simply how I chose to love them! Thank You for this chapter as it seems to have empowered me to BE WHO I AM and not hold back of the unconditional
  Love that was birthed within me in the darkest of times! It was all about me before the illness that attacked me and I was a professional controller with life in perfect order but it was exhausting and Lord help anyone who messed it up… I’m so thankful God got in and messed it up!! When I came to the end of me then I was able to surrender and let Gods love flow through me!
  You are amazing John and I’ve seen you at ILM and with the Geralds who are great friends! You inspire us like no other and your a legend in our liberary and much of our speaking and leadership
  Reflects what you’ve brought to the world!
  Many Blessings to you and Dorthy and I hope to meet you personally one day!! I’m writting a book now and maybe I’ll send you a copy.
  Many Blessings!!
  LaCinda Bloomfield
  PS. I’m writting on a small screen with minimal spell check- yikes!! (I can’t even scroll down to reread so probley best not to post : )

• 133 P. Waterman // Sep 19, 2009 at 11:49 am

  Nice work! I would suggest looking at a writing that I discovered in the book “Bridges Not Walls” (edited by John Stewart). The writing is titled “A Teacher’s Approach” and it is only in the older editions of the book (not in the current edition). It is written by a professor from Harvard but I forget his name

  The work is about teachers who truly listen to students and who let classroom discussions take on a life of their own instead of insisting on sticking with a predetermined “lesson plan” . I read it years ago and as I teach it still sticks with me today.

• 134 Shawn Villalovos // Sep 19, 2009 at 12:40 pm

  Hi John,

  This chapter reminds me of a friend of mine named Greg Kapp. I call him the walking “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. He is truly one of the most masterful people I have ever met in being able to connect with people! I have marveled over his capacity to connect with EVERYBODY around him for the 10 years that I have known him. Whether he is speaking with 1 person or 20,000 people!

  One of the most interesting things about him though, is not only his ability to connect with others, but how that connection attracts others around him to the conversation. First of all… he greets all of his friends with a hug, and you can see, even in the biggest, toughest guys, that they look forward to the hug on the way! On probably hundreds of occasions (no exaggeration), I have seen him start a conversation with someone, and in the course of the conversation, he will notice something in somebody nearby, use them as an example of what he is talking to the first person about, and enroll that new person in the conversation. Before you know it, there’s 40 – 50 people excited and involved in the conversation as he scans the group and involves them by learning about them and using their examples!

  I think what makes this so impressive is not only his ability to do it, but more how much he TRULY CARES about the people around him! Every time I see him engage with people, he just poars out his love! I have NEVER met anyone who can say anything bad about Greg. What I have noticed most about him is that he’s one of the happiest people I know, and a magnet for positivity! Not only do I feel great when I am around him, but it’s a reminder and an inspiration to be a better me! He reminds me that I can do so much more to care about those around me, look for the good in EVERYBODY, and spread that love throughout the room. Thank you Greg Kapp for being a mentor, a friend, and an inspiration!

  Thank you John for giving us this forum… just by reading and understanding the messages above will help us all, but remembering those around us that embody these principles, I think, help us to realize that they’re possible for us to achieve!

  Thanks to all who have contributed!

  Shawn Villalovos

• 135 rene jones // Sep 19, 2009 at 1:14 pm

  Thank you so much for the years of writing, counseling, empowering, leading and birthing from your heart. I present leadership training workshops and my focus is on “servant leadership”. Everything that I use comes from you and Chuck Swindoll. Thanks for the mentorship!! I pray that God will continue to use you in leading His people into their PROMISED lands!

• 136 Daina House // Sep 19, 2009 at 2:04 pm

  John:

  Thank you for answering the call to lead –
  Communication is all about relationship. No matter where you are in life, you will always have to communicate with someone; whether it is your boss, your wife, your friends, your family, or your tour guide. Most people do not learn how to communicate, so they just go from one relationship to another trying to get their needs met; rarely connecting with anyone.

  Relationship takes time, it takes insight, and it takes understanding, in good times and in bad. It’s work, but it’s a labor of love and it keeps us connected to one another. Let’s face it; we all need someone else to be successful; you made that very clear in this chapter. We are one body. If there is an amputated limb; there’s no blood flow. If there’s no blood flow, there’s no life.

  You don’t have to teach 2 year olds to say “That’s Mine.” They come out that way. What you do have to teach them is to communicate in relationship.

  You said something that rings so true when you said, “He made me believe in myself.” Everyone needs you to believe in them – exhort them and care about what they care about. That’s why when Zig told stories; the word of the testimony brought relationship and in turn brought an inner connection. Let’s face it, when you earn someone’s trust, you have earned the right to communicate with them. The hardest thing to do is earn someone’s trust. However, when you do, you have the ability to change their lives.

  When I read your book “Put Your Dream to the Test,” you said something in that book that I say everyday. “I’m not like all of them,” Once I trusted your experiences, I trusted the relationship. Once I trusted the relationship; I felt connected to you and your beautiful communication!

  Running to Win,
  Daina House

• 137 Regina Stradford // Sep 19, 2009 at 7:33 pm

  I am so grateful for the opportunity to share in this experience and to have the association with such an incredible leader and man of God! I thank God how he uses others to put a jolt in us at times. This is one of those times for me. My most successful and rewarding times in life has been when I was serving others, ie being that servant leader. Thanks John for bringing that back to the forefront and making me put my eye back on the prize. I look forward to each week’s chapter. Many blessings upon you and your family.

• 138 Chad Payne // Sep 19, 2009 at 7:34 pm

  Great chapter, John!

  What you write about connecting with people reminds me of the picture of charisma someone once shared with me.

  The one who has charisma is NOT the one who walks into a crowded room and declares, “Here I am!” Instead it is the one who walks into a crowded room and exclaims, “There you are!”

• 139 Twyla Allen // Sep 19, 2009 at 8:41 pm

  Great chapter, Dr. Maxwell. FYI, I just saw you live at Christ Fellowship Church and seeing your Dad speak and pray was awesome. What a wonderful legacy.

  Back to chapter 2. This is great and I totally believe it is God inspired. If God cares about the things that are important to us, shouldn’t we care about what’s important to others? Thanks for writing what’s in your heart and from your own experiences. You will never know how many lives you have touched. May the Lord Bless you as you continue with this book.

  You are Loved!
  Twyla Allen
  Georgetown, TX.

• 140 Renee Rivera // Sep 19, 2009 at 9:24 pm

  John
  I enjoyed reading chapter two, it really drove some strong points through on connection. This is an area I along with my staff have been working on, not only within my staff but I now use connection questions in my interviews to help us hire. I look forward to the rest of your chapters.
  I have read many of your books for my development in business and I alway get something from your books. Thank you.

• 141 Ryan // Sep 19, 2009 at 11:17 pm

  John,

  I liked the first chapter, but this one really grabbed my attention. The Zig Ziglar quote is great, “If you will first help people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” As a coach and teacher, I need to constantly remind myself of this philosophy. This quote sums up building a relationship. I see many colleagues (other teachers/coaches) who feel the subject matter is more important than the student. Knowledge is not more important than the student. People will remember more about how you make them feel vs. what little subject matter you present. “Forget about me and what I know, and focus on we and what we can do together.”
  “It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” -John Wooden
  The little details of connecting with others can produce big results.

  Thanks again for the oppotunity to read and comment.

  Ryan

• 142 Dennis Chavez // Sep 20, 2009 at 1:07 am

  John,

  I have followed you on the one adventure we call Life through many of the books you have written and this one so far is looking just as indesipensible as your other works. It is so true that connecting is an integral part of connection! Your words brought an old memory from bible college of a guest missionary who spoke in chapel one time. He said, ” when you speak, the listener might not hear your words as you intended, we can say one thing but our audience is hearing something else.” I say this much about the matter, to make a dream come true we must make a connection between the vision and the followers heart. if not no one will really follow.

• 143 Dennis Chavez // Sep 20, 2009 at 1:07 am

  John,

  I have followed you on the one adventure we call Life through many of the books you have written and this one so far is looking just as indesipensible as your other works. It is so true that connecting is an integral part of connection! Your words brought an old memory from bible college of a guest missionary who spoke in chapel one time. He said, ” when you speak, the listener might not hear your words as you intended, we can say one thing but our audience is hearing something else.” I say this much about the matter, to make a dream come true we must make a connection between the vision and the followers heart. if not no one will really follow.

• 144 MeMeMe // Sep 20, 2009 at 1:54 am

  The first chapter was great…What Happened????
  Just kidding I am enjoying the sneak peak. I have always been one to shake the gifts under the tree and these sneak previews are providing the same pleasure while keeping me excited about the actual book release.

• 145 Alice McClure // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:59 am

  This chapter has so many applications all across the board of professions and relationships. I’ve always been a fan of your books and this one is not disappointing!

• 146 John Gallagher // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:08 am

  John, Good stuff. I know that you are a great preparer when connecting with others, so I can imagine some of your frustration with the tour guide. Connecting is critical. Your three questions to ask sound a lot like the Lou Holtz questions from Do Right…I know you have connected well with him over the years, too!

• 147 Wylie Rhinehart Jr // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:33 am

  When connecting with others, it is vital that they get good feedback from you. If you truly connect with others they will feel good about themselves. They will like what they see, because you are the mirror that reflects what they see in themselves. We reflect either acceptance or rejection. When others look at us, they are looking for affirmation. Many times when we look in the mirror, we are checking to see if we look good. The same thing happens when others try to connect to us. They are looking for the mirror to reflect a smile, something that connects with themselves. You can connect to others with a genuine smile, and caring. Conversely, if offer a cold response, we have reflected rejection. When others look to you let them like what they see, because ultimately they see themselves in what you reflect.

• 148 Neli Atiga // Sep 20, 2009 at 10:10 am

  This was a wonderful chapter!

  I love this quote:
  “You can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, think about others, and try to understand who they are and what they want. If you really want to help people, connecting becomes more natural and less mechanical.”

  All of the people I admire throughout history (and of course my ultimate hero Jesus Christ) have made selfless connections with others as often as they can and as positively impacting as possible. Lives poured out without reserve.

  Thank you Mr Maxwell for making your wisdom selflessly available in this medium, thus not only modeling selflessness in what you communicate, but also how you make available these life altering truths for free. Let’s hope we all learn to live lives poured out!

• 149 Bruce Carden // Sep 20, 2009 at 10:18 am

  Without connecting, a relationship is very difficult to nurture. So connecting is one of the key elements in relationships, and in leading others. To connect we have to listen. Not just hear, but actively listen to others. Then we must not only understand the words, but also the emotions behind the words. When we can understand the words and the emotions they were delivered with, we have laid the foundation of connection.

• 150 Jack Sparling // Sep 20, 2009 at 11:31 am

  John,

  Great 2nd chapter. You are right, how can you connect with someone if you are not willing to put youself in their shoes with a heart for caring and help. If that person don’t trut you, the chances of them letting you put on their shoes is very slim. Looking forward to the journey through the rest of the book. Peace and blessings.

  Jack

• 151 Mike Otis // Sep 20, 2009 at 11:42 am

  John,

  Zig Ziglar’s great, isn’t he?…….I’m sure you heard this one, “It’s attitude, not aptitude, that determines your altitude”………goes along way with connecting with people too, but I guess that’s kind of implied, because if you have a good attitude, more people will want to work with you, or be around you, and help you succeed, in business, as well as personally…….I’ve experienced it before.

  Got a chuckle from the cartoon, especially after Michael Jordan gave his Hall of Fame speech, in which he shared a story about a conversation with an assistant coach, and stated, “there’s an I in win”…….If you didn’t see the speech, you have to check it out on youtube.com…..It’s classic, and if you’re a basketball fan, you’ll love it!……

  I like your comment about, “to succeed in life, we must learn to work with and through others”……..so true! Also, I’d like to add, by stating, “we must learn to work with”, instead of “for” really emphasizes a sense of ownership, pride, respect, responsibility that demonstrates we’re not just going through the motions.

  I like the focusing on the benefits example too…..If you’re not focused on the benefits, you’re not focused on the person……Different features appeal to different people………Goes along with having an eye for the big picture too!

  Great example with Gloria Jean’s. It illustrates the importance of the “human touch”……..I once heard something to the effect, “business goes where it wants to, however, it stays where it’s appreciated”, meaning repeat business.

  And thinking like a publisher is an excellent example of someone who’s got an eye for the big picture………..It shows you’re (and I’m not just referring to you John) thinking like an owner, instead of, as “just an employee” (I’ve heard that many times, and I cringe when I hear it)………….However, I’ve also worked with some employers (low achievers), who for one reason or another it seems don’t want you to think like an owner, but just act like a robot……… Here’s a gem from Warren Buffett, “I always picture myself as owning the whole place. And if management is following the same policy that I would follow if I owned the whole place, that’s a management I like”—-Warren Buffet, “Warren Buffett Speaks”, by Janet Lowe.

• 152 Jun S. // Sep 20, 2009 at 11:45 am

  This chapter is such a blessing. The struggle I have in teaching is greatly addressed here and by God’s grace, I will amend my system according to it. It’s such a shame to realize my mistake in having a great deal of focus on self. Thank you for making me realize this and for pointing out the area not just in my personal life but also in my professional life that I need to work on. God bless.

• 153 Jon M // Sep 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm

  The importance of chapter like this cannot be stressed enough. One of the most crucial components to becoming a better person, leader, father, mother, etc…is developing a sense of respect and humility towards others. While this lesson is not new, it all starts with becoming a better listener. I have just begun to start mentoring younger guys on my college campus and this chapter only reinforces the ideal that God has been placing on my heart. Great mentors are great listeners. But you don’t have to be a mentor to be a great listener. By being a listener you create trust and can strengthen any relationship.

• 154 Giaco Higashi // Sep 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

  Dear John,
  I am an English teacher in Lima Perú. I fully agree with your non-teacher centered definition of connection and real bonding between teachers and students.
  I wrote an article in my blog that is called “THE DNA OF A GOOD TEACHER” and I found in this verse the highest standards and bonding tips of a great teacher that connected with the people: Jesus.

  John 10:11-14 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me.

  1.- The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
  2.- The hired hand abandons the sheep and runs away.
  3.- The hired man works just for the money because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. (PRETTY MUCH LIKE CARLOS IN MACHU PICCHU!)
  4.- The good shepherds knows his sheep and his sheep know him. (Good shepherd feeds the sheep with good food, he loves the sheep to its destiny)

  Nowadays, I’m kind of battleling to change that teacher centered methodology, to make the students produce and even reduce teacher’s talking time, maximizing student’s talking time.

  Finally, the teacher is not anymore the star of the class. Is the student who has to be now the star of the class. Which by the way, will maximise teacher’s leadership.

  They do the job, and we get paid!

  I have a video about how incredible was for me to become a leader inside the classroom just by letting them become the real stars of the classroom, following Jesus teaching tips and oh boy, I reaped tons of love from them.

  You can see my video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_T8_2JMbV0

  May the Lord bless you and keep you Mr. Maxwell. Thank you for all the books you have written, which have helped me to win with people, grow not as a positional leader, but as a functional one (Even 360 degrees!)

  Regards and blessings from Lima-Peru

  Giaco Higashi

• 155 Sharon // Sep 20, 2009 at 12:44 pm

  Thank you again for the opportunity to preview your new book. It is such a perfect topic for today’s times. Here are some comments I hope you will find helpful:
  * Your opening sentence is really powerful. However, I am struggling with it. If you are saying the experience was ruined (because of Carlos), then you seem to be placing the blame for it being ruined on someone else. Bad communication, in and of itself is interesting because it opens up the idea that failed communication can produce very adverse
  results (perhaps you discuss this idea later in the
  book?); normally I think of failed communication as not producing results at all. It seems to me that this story of Machu Picchu (which sounds like a great place, btw) could have illustrated the connections you and your guests had with each other, thus salvaging the trip. Instead, it sounds like you are blaming Carlos for it being ruined. It sounds like Carlos was a terrible communicator and connector, I agree. However, if you can focus less on how Carlos “ruined” it (when it was your choice
  to view it as “ruined”), it might be better. Just
  one more quick comment about the Machu Picchu story – it is beautifully written but seems a bit wordy. It is helping you paint the picture of the place, which is great, but if it could be pared back a bit, I think it might be better.
  * After Elmer’s philosophy, in the paragraph which starts with “Such people miss….” I’d suggest starting the second sentence with “In contrast, good teachers…..” or something similar to help the reader switch focus from the poor – to the good communicator.
  * I really like that you are providing examples from your own life, and how you learned from the experiences.
  * I loved the Toddler Property Law. However, it is not really about communcation and connection as much as it is about being the center of the universe, so I question whether it truly fits.
  * The point about only mature people being able to truly connect is one I am not sure I buy into. I have seen many kids be able to connect with one another. So, it is not just age-based maturity that helps a person be a better communicator. Certainly I agree with the idea that people need to fight against naturally selfish attitudes, though.
  * The story about Gloria Jean’s is a great example of connecting to your customers. Very powerful idea.
  * I think you should substitute “being” for “become” in this sentence “It goes from being something that you merely do to become part of who you really are”.

  As a side note, would it be possible for you to
  provide a list of all the chapters in the book? That way we could better understand the context of the chapter we are reviewing in relation to the whole book.

  Thanks again. Sorry for the long-winded comments.

• 156 Raymond R. Brown // Sep 20, 2009 at 1:15 pm

  Hey John,

  Applause!! Applause!! Another Best Seller by far!! I am so happy that you are best friends with the “Old Master” (laughs) Zig Ziglar.
  You are all on my twitter and FB and I am so truley honored. Reading the chapters in advance is a beautiful experience, but the comments that follow? WOW!! It’s like being in an auditorium with the greatest of minds, and everyone has input. Thank you so much for sharing, and I hope these are in the back of the book!! Be well and GOD Bless!!

• 157 Terri Trapp // Sep 20, 2009 at 2:00 pm

  Hi John:

  Well, this chapter definately made me think. and has inspired me to do some reworking on my own life.
  The subtopic that really resonated with my experience is the portion discussing the idea that leadership has to do with focusing on others and not on oneself. A true leader in essence serves others for a greater good No one cares what you do or what you say until they know how much you care and help them achieve their life goals. My focus has always been to help others but lately I not focused on helping others, or shown that I care about what is nagging them, this we can change and must if we are to be great leaders.

• 158 Laura Morlando ~ The Stress Commando // Sep 20, 2009 at 2:19 pm

  Thank you John!
  This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Thank you! My mantra is always…how can I help you? My goal is to be your personal problem solver. However, after reading this chapter I realize I still have a lot of work to do. Particularly with being devoured by the “yeah but..” monster. Yeah but, I hope the audience will like my, Yeah but, do I look just right….etc. I still get lost in my head of mental head trash and lose sight of my true passion. How can I help you? This chapter has most definitley helped me to remember to just be me and practice what I preach. I have stood up and moved out of my own way with this chapter! Hugs & High Fives

• 159 MacNeal // Sep 20, 2009 at 2:33 pm

  Well I have finished reading that chapter, JOhn let me hand it to you now it was excellent. Your notion of killing self is absolutely necessary connectivity. When it comes to connecting we must be willing to give others the benefit of our interest. What I have found over my years of connecting that I just hurry through conversions or meetings with out building that necessary bridge to the other person. John I do thank you, going forward I will give that necessary attention needed to connect

• 160 David Kosberg // Sep 20, 2009 at 3:02 pm

  I almost feel like the part on “Ego” should be deeper. Alot of people I connect with in and out of a church setting have an ego about them. It’s what holds us back from doing so much. Most of the time, what is holding me back is myself. But my ego blinds me from seeing it. But when others speek into my life, they are able to show me how my ego has blinded me to reality. Can’t connected with blinders up. Ego is a huge blinder.

  Awesome stuff so far!

• 161 karen krogh christensen // Sep 20, 2009 at 3:23 pm

  Here I am in Denmark – Sunday night, and by chance I have just been reading Chapter 2 – and is moved by, that this can – and in relative “easy language” – make a different to the mankind – if we will read it and get it!
  – “I tried to connect with Carlos”
  - just nails it
  - there are so many Carlo´s – and Carlo´ines – including me – a women that feels the truths in chapter 2 – Max Bless!

• 162 Carl Boniface // Sep 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm

  John, I’ve admired your work since discovering the ‘Young Reader List’, online at http://www.johnmaxwell.com/readinglist/.
  I was looking for someone who understood the importance of having a good attitude to help students through my website. You certainly do with your book, ‘The Difference Maker: Making Your Attitude Your Greatest Asset’, where you say having a positive attitude will make a great difference to your kids life.
  If I could add anything constructive to your second chapter I would say that parents should concentrate on teaching their children to listen to others, try to learn from others, interact with interest, and use this knowledge to help others find answers if desired by those interested. A suggestion to a solution might work, as opposed to advising against someones will.
  I also believe we can only connect to those who allow us to. We cannot force friendship, nor simply be a helper. First we need to work on ourselves to become better people with a healthy positive attitude. That alone takes commitment, and we all owe it to ourselves to become better individuals. Better means more aware of everything around us. More concerned for wellbeing, and loving firstly towards our own family, and then unto others. Contribute on a spiritual level by regarding everyone as equal regardless of predicament, and show joy when meeting others, and happiness to be given the opportunity to be alive.

• 163 Mariana // Sep 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm

  A while ago a wise teacher told me that in order to communicate better we must look for other´s people values and then communicate our values in terms of their values.

  Communication is an art, thanks for sharing and expressing so wisely many ideas.

  Regards,

  Mariana.

• 164 Ellen Bunch // Sep 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm

  Hi John,
  This book/chapter is very meaningful in our “high tech” world of not connecting one-on-one. My heart’s cry is to find a balance between conntectedness with people, sharing my life and resources, and maintaining things as a good steward/servant of the Lord.
  I’m library media specialist in an elementary school. We have a diverse group of students, which includes a large group of ESOL students. I read books and tell stories to some kindergarten children that don’t know my language. I love my children and try desperately to connect with each one as they sit in “active listening” during our storytime. Almost every visit they hear me say, “I love to know what you are thinking. How are you making a text-to-self connection with this story?” I get so excited as the hands go up! Wow, tell me what are you thinking? Ofcourse, my disappointment is different because of the age of my patrons. However, just last Friday I watched and listened as one of me little Ukraine girls raises her hand with a bright look on her face. Tell me sweetheart, what were you thinking as I shared this story titled, My Librarian is a Camel? Thinking she’s from another country and the story is about how many children around the world are given books from a camel, boat, elephant or even a bicycle as a book mobile. During this time, I’m using the teaching strategy so easily with wait time as I’m genuinly interested in this super answer.) She finally finds the words: “My mom broke her arm.” is what she says. Oh wow, was I duped!! Praise God I always have the Holy Spirit with me to pour out His mercy and grace. She wanted to know that I cared about her home life. This is the kind of ministry that is so needed when adults and children are in survival mode. Hopefully, after hearing all the other children’s responses she had the light-bulb come on. If she didn’t, I’m still going to hug her and ensure that she is safe and understood in my library.

• 165 Cheryl@StartupBizTalk // Sep 20, 2009 at 4:57 pm

  I love it! I’ve read a few of your books but THIS one…I believe will resonate with me more.

  One sentence that is a takeaway for me: “Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people, it’s not about you—it’s about them”

  I think that we’re caught up in different ways of doing things, the “quick-informational-product” the Social Media “Follower/Friend Count” our “Time Value” (although important can be misleading) and the array of tasks that we forget to CONNECT.

  Your “Do You Care?” topic reminds me of a recent experience. I saw someone that I’ve interacted with a few times, learned a lot about her business, and was about to become a client…until she called me by a different name. Then she said, “I’m sorry let me think on this..” This is after a few interactions. Well, if she couldn’t remember who I was, I wasn’t sure whether she would be able to remember what kind of help I needed for my business.

  I love the examples you gave in the book; particularly the example about Nabi. It helps me understand how to connect the dots as a reader.

  Can’t wait for the next chapter!

• 166 Lanny Donoho // Sep 20, 2009 at 5:06 pm

  Hi John
  First of all …what a great idea to have input from all over the world in the middle of writing. And on top of that, using twitter. For an old guy, you are still dancing to the new tunes. ( I have no idea what that meant. I am old too so i thought i would sound relevant)
  2 things:
  1. you refer to Abe Lincoln as the 15th president. I think he was the 16th.
  2. Public speakers, pastors, etc. often do struggle to figure out how to be authentic and come across as caring. Sometimes, as they prepare, they are thinking totally about the topic and not about presentation. I think it’s a good idea for communicators to consider creative ways to help people see the “real” side of who they are, so the audience can see that it isn’t ALL ABOUT THEM.
  So they need to do what you are doing here. Allowing people to help them do that. Andy always has done well at that. He has let me interrupt him and in fun ways make light of him so that people see he doesn’t take himself as seriously as his subject and his audience. You have allowed for that to happen at Catalyst over the years. When “fun” and “conversation” and creative input can be used to show that the communicator’s ego isn’t threatened, then the barriers often drop allowing the audience to hear and see with a different perspective.

• 167 Rhonda York // Sep 20, 2009 at 5:21 pm

  John, we are currently working on a program titled Co-Creating Conversations. Your info in this Chapter is right on especially for sales people. We all can get so caught in what we want and need we forget the real focus-the other person. Great information. If more people learn to connect and communicate, we will have a better world.

• 168 Kimberly Tucker // Sep 20, 2009 at 5:40 pm

  John, Wow, This is awesome. As I read the chapter, I was able to connect personally from my own experiences. The content is solid with good examples . Looking forward to reading chapter 3.

• 169 Janet George // Sep 20, 2009 at 5:40 pm

  Great chapter for everyone….but especially for those in business for themselves…and pastors! Sometimes I feel like the only value I have to them is that I have eyes & ears to see and hear them!

  A poem that came to mind soon after I started reading was one I learned as a small child:
  “I love myself, I think I’m grand!
  I go to the movie and hold my hand.
  I put my arm around my waist,
  And when I get fresh, I slap my face!”
  Easy to laugh at, but I guess we all act that way at some time or another!

  Just a note on Carlos….I couldn’t help but wonder how many travelers try to “buddy up” with him in order to gain a better tour for them self or their group. Maybe he’s given up trying to figure out who the ones are who genuinely care about his life. Anyone in a service type job probably comes across more people with an attitude of “what can you do for me” than not. I would think that could wear a body down over time. Your comment, “I’ve found that we usually have a better experience if I get to know our guide and he or she gets to know us.”, which I’m sure is true, could also be interpreted as your showing interest in light of what you could get from him.

  There were two places that really rubbed me the wrong way. The first was the reference to an American as being arrogant for asking the language question. While the answer the Japanese gave was most excellent, why would asking the question be deemed as arrogant? It seemed like a fair question to me – and an overall put down to Americans in general, that we are all arrogant and think everyone should speak English. The second place, much like the first, seemed to be a put down to the U.S.A. (and thanks to our current President, I’m more than tired of put downs to my country.) The guy with the new business in Australia said he followed the U.S. model, which as you continued reading communicated a failed model. When I first read that story, because my feelings were already a little raw from the earlier American put down, I took it to be a general comment about how business is (poorly) done in America. After I re-read it, I did take the model to mean just the Gloria Jean coffee shops in the U.S., but the damage was already done. I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the chapter because I was “miffed” at the negative American and U.S. comments.

• 170 Laura Surovik // Sep 20, 2009 at 5:46 pm

  A thought about connecting as a leader…
  To lead and train Shamu the killer whale we must approach with ‘confident humility’. We have confidene in the connection or relationship of trust and love built over time, but remain humble knowing Shamu is a killer whale and we are frail falible humans in comparison. It all about the relationship. A trusting sincere connection matters most.
  Thanks for continued inspiration and teachings on leadership. I am anxious for your new book.
  All the best,
  Laura Surovik
  SeaWorld

• 171 Grace Bower // Sep 20, 2009 at 5:55 pm

  Just a quick post in case you close before I finish a re-read and comment on the 170 inputs so far. My first read of this chapter was completely satisfying and I would be happy with it as is. Anything else is the icing on the cake – that said I will come back if I make it. As it is 9.53 Monday morning in New Zealand I already have some grace extended! Thanks for the great work. Love Laura’s insights – hope Shamu makes it in!

• 172 Laurinda // Sep 20, 2009 at 6:20 pm

  I loved this chapter. I got so much. It did leave me with a few questions and maybe you’ll address these in the rest of the book. Your Carlos story, you attempted to connect and he wasn’t having it. When it’s a co-worker or team member you are trying to connect to and they aren’t having it – when do you walk away? (In this case you may have to let them go) What’s the responsibility of the other person? Will you discuss being open to connection? Just curious.

• 173 Nona W. Kumah // Sep 20, 2009 at 6:24 pm

  WOW! Mr. Maxwell, as a Toastmaster and learning to be a better communicator…this chapter has opened my eyes to the “Art of Communication” – “Connect” and “Care for People”. I will recommend it and send it to all my Toastmaster buddies via Twitter and Facebook. We will be discussing this one…

  The flow is very good and others have pointed out many things that do not need to be repeated.
  Thanks for connecting with us via Twitter…

• 174 Billy Hawkins // Sep 20, 2009 at 6:41 pm

  great chapter…so much to chew over!!

  Connecting with others adds a link to your chain and a bond to theirs!

• 175 Dorina Goetz // Sep 20, 2009 at 6:50 pm

  Dear John,
  This chapter reminds me of an experience I just had with one of my friends at work. You see, my friend Lara Lee is an exceptional performer. She is extremely talented at her job but most importantly she has mastered the art of connecting. One day as we were walking to our offices two gentlemen walked by us and she greeted them stating, “Hi guys, how is your day going?” Truly amazed at her authenticity I asked her, “Lara, you know they totally think you are joking right?” She asked that I explain so I did…I told her that many times I have the same experiences where I genially say hello and a couple of other sentences to people and they just get caught off guard. Now a days people just don’t expect you to care about them and how they are doing. I mentioned to her that she sounds almost too good to be true. Isn’t that the case for so many? People just don’t really care about others. I believe that is why she is so good at connecting just the same. Even though she may not capture everyone, some she does…and when it happens…WOW, it’s a miracle to watch people be so in awe of how much she cares for them.

  I really like the example you used of the girl and the quiz about the cleaning lady. I believe that everywhere you go, everyone you meet has the ability to change your life. You just never know what they will teach you.

  Thank you for this chapter!
  Dorina

• 176 Cindy Fisher // Sep 20, 2009 at 6:53 pm

  Thanks for the chapter.
  What I appreciate most – after the content – is the gentle and gradual way you are shifting people’s framework and beliefs. It appears to me that you are building something from the ground up and that I’ll be thrilled to see the new structure in the end.
  Can’t wait for chapter 3!

• 177 Bruce Carden // Sep 20, 2009 at 6:55 pm

  Oh John, you have got me thinking today. Thank you for that! I think many of us, especially those of us in a leadership role often forget the real value of connection. All to often we look at it as; What can I do for you, or even worse what can you do for me. But the real value of connection is neither of those. The real value has much more to do with; what can we accomplish together that neither of us could accomplish alone.

• 178 Beth Hovekamp // Sep 20, 2009 at 7:07 pm

  John,

  Brilliant work once again! You are incredible!

  Beth Hovekamp

• 179 Detra Trueheart // Sep 20, 2009 at 7:14 pm

  John, WOW! this chapter is so right on time. There are a number of people who communicate but don’t connect. This is something I am myself am learning. People do want to be helped instead of being sold to. I am a Mary Kay consultant and we learn that when we are talking or working with people, to interact with them as though they have a sign in their forehead that says ‘make me feel important’ and think this is the crux of it. People want to feel important, loved, and not taken for granted, which can happen if we are the focus instead of those we are connecting with. Thanks for your gift!

• 180 Jim Gore // Sep 20, 2009 at 7:36 pm

  This chapter alone is worth the price of admission. IT’S NOT ABOUT ME! Amen, brother. Simple, undiluted self-absorption is robbing the Church of its power and people of their success…spiritually, personally, and professionally. Relationships rule, not rhetoric. Excellent thoughts on one of America’s most critical faultlines.

• 181 Robin Arnold // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:00 pm

  Aging doesn’t always equal maturity but there does seem to be some pivotal points for folks. As I got older it was my observation that one gets what I call “powers,” a few more each year and every 5 years or so, one gets significant powers. So generally quite naturally one grows out of the “me first–it’s-all-about-me stage.” I also note it can be accelerated with a good spiritual base and intentional spiritual growth. Or, by getting some leadership from someone like John Maxwell.

  Recently, I started a new job at the age of 50 something. Frankly I know I am up for the job and can help get things on track but it’s not possible to come in without learning the culture and history, connecting with people, so that they too want to bloom along with me. Heavy handed, do it my way, because I’m smart and know lots of stuff, won’t work, can’t work, and really isn’t a great way to build integrity. I think integrity is key, desiring to have integrity and willingness to build it, is all about supporting others, getting to know what they need, and following through.

  Your books have always blessed me. Thank you.

• 182 Carolann Jacobs // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:05 pm

  John,
  Thank you very much for publishing this chapter. What I was thinking about as I read this was that we’ve all become a little more the stars of our own movies as we connect with others less. Technology has allowed us to communicate without connecting, and many of us just don’t make the time to care. While I have definitely experienced those that care nothing about others, I also recognize that tendency in myself. I realize that my trigger is stress and feeling overcommitted. And, I understand that neither are excuses.

  Carolann Jacobs
  http://www.vividepiphany.com

• 183 Lea Carey/winewithfriends // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:27 pm

  Wow, you have nailed it. We live in a time where true loving kindness/connecting is unfamiliar to people (at best) and often seen as unnecessary & too time consuming. However, let me share with you that I remember almost every kind word that has ever been spoken to me and every kind person that has ever taken the time to connect.

• 184 Pete Krostag // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:37 pm

  As a music teacher, it is important that I connect with my students in order for them to connect with an audience. I have also noticed as a musician, that whenever I connect with the music and not with my own ego, the audience shares in the experience. A musical experience can be lost when the musician focuses on himself and not on the music because the audience loses out on the experience of sharing the moment.

• 185 Angela Hansen // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:51 pm

  Hi John,
  I love how you are asking for input from everyone! So far the first two chapters have been amazing! I have taken a lot already and are starting to apply them! By opening it up to people’s comments you are connecting with all of us and making us feel apart of this book! You are putting into practice exactly what you are writing about! I am very much looking forward to the next chapters!!!

• 186 Paul T // Sep 20, 2009 at 8:58 pm

  I agree with the thesis of this chapter completely. Thinking of others’ needs first is an excellent way to communicate, persuade, and earn influence quickly; I also believe it is something that can differentiate you from many other leaders.

  I have moved around to several different offices within my organization, and I have utilized the technique of putting others first with great success and impact. Whenever I enter into a new office as a leader/manager the FIRST thing I do is take time to schedule a one-hour meeting with each of my direct reports. During these meetings I keep the conversation very light and completely focused on the employee. I ask about THEIR background, family, hobbies, strengths, career goals, and what THEY would like to see improved in the organization. I steer clear of any corporate propaganda, and performance or management issues; I leave that subject matter for later meetings.

  The meeting serves two purposes, it allows me to learn about each employee’s unique needs, desires, and skills, which can be invaluable later on; and it demonstrates my commitment to putting them first. The latter reason is why I schedule these meetings as soon as I take the reigns of an organization, the longer you wait, the less impact the meetings will have. These meetings also serve as a great way to take the “pulse” of the organization.

  Depending on the size of the organization, the time necessary to do this can be substantial, but I believe that the employees realize that and it only adds to the impact. If it is unreasonable to meet with everyone, I believe meeting with a sampling of employees would also be advantageous. I was once asked by a leader of a sister office how I could spare so much time to meet with my employees, I simply said that I made it a priority. I believe as leaders, our time cannot be better spent than by effectively communicating with those whom which we lead.

• 187 Peter H. // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:02 pm

  Good evening, I wanted to make a comment on chapter one that I thought about after you pulled it from your blog page. I don’t really get the relevance of the story about the bank robber and the Texas Ranger, it’s a cute story, but I do not believe that it hold any real value to the chapter itself. I know it confused and distracted me wondering how it fit with the rest of the chapter. Okay that’s it for chapter one.
  Chapter two was great; I enjoyed reading and plan to read through it again in the next coming week. I love the story about Carlos, your guide for Machu Picchu and I started thinking about my circle of friends and family and I put some of them into categories that follow.
  The waiting-for-their-turn-to-talk-type, these people seem to be concerned with themselves, which goes alone with the maturity category you talked about. With them the conversation is really one sided. They aren’t listening to you they are formulating their next fascinating story in their head while you are filling the silent void with your mindless dribble. This is easy to spot, it usually the person who jumps topic so randomly that you wonder how you got on the subject to begin with. This is especially frustrating when you’re trying to communicate something of importance seeking their opinion and they start to tell about the weather in Belize.
  The I’m-listening-just-so-I-can-lecture-you type, I’m sure you know these people, they seem to think they are God’s gift to humanity and that only God Himself imparted wisdom to them and only them. When you speak to them they take bits and pieces of your story and link it up to similar stories that they read in self-help books. The three big issues I have with this type of communicator is first, by only listening to certain pieces that they can link back to something they’ve read they’ve missed the context of what I was just told them entirely. Second, the advice that they never seem to follow their own advice and third people don’t want to be lectured all the time, and that’s usually the M.O. that these people seem to have.
  The one-uppers, classic individual, if you have one, they are two. I think that the only way to talk to these people is to just simply let them have it. It would be an exhausting conversation to truly question all of their statements. I think the best one I heard was from a gentleman I used to work with and we were talking about buying farm fresh eggs and he actually made the statement, “Well, I got fourteen in my dozen…”
  The excessive talkers bombard you with most of the time pointless information or details that drowns out what they are actually trying to communicate. By the time they’re done telling this quick little story it’s an hour later and you have no idea what they just said.
  Straight forwards, I personally love these people. They don’t hold back what they’re thinking right or wrong they throw it out their and they own their statement. Several of my friends are like this and I appreciate their complete honesty with me and in turn I try to be completely honest with them. If we disagree on a particular subject we at least know where stand and avoid the topic if need be.
  I’m-still-normal-listen-to-me’s, this usually happens with someone with a lower self image for whatever reason. They are always interjecting comments randomly into the conversation that draw attention to everyday things that people do. They want everyone to know that they are up to date with that show that everyone watches or that their kid is doing with every other kid is doing. I know this might sound a little odd, but I’ve noticed this trend and one friend and it seems to be centered on their child’s disability. Their need for normality pushes them to let everyone know that they’re doing normal things too.
  These five categories that I’ve put some of my friends into seem to classify some of the people that make it difficult to connect with in a conversation. I’d love to see some chapters deal with connecting with difficult people, maybe throw in some do’s and do not’s. Either way, keep it up I like what I’m reading so far.

• 188 Hans Schiefelbein // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:26 pm

  As I read this chapter as an editor, I kept adding questions to the text that would allow the reader to process the main points more personally. Especially with the content of this book – connecting with people – I think connecting with the reader would be accomplished by asking questions that would allow them to reflect on leadership they’ve experienced, both the giving and receiving ends.

  Specifically, in the “Do you care for me” section you could ask questions such as “Have you ever truly felt cared for? What did that feel like? How did you know you were cared for? Have you ever felt a false sense of care, like the leader put on a nice face but didn’t really care for you?” Reflective questions towards the reader would allow us to connect with the text on a more personal basis.

• 189 Jill Wilberger // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:26 pm

  Dr. Maxwell, it was 1 year ago today (Sept 20, 2008) that I was given the opportunity and privilege to meet you the night you spoke at a special dinner at TRBC in VA. That is the night that my life was changed…because you took the time to VALUE me and connect with me. God orchestrated such an amazing series of events — down to the tiniest of details that not only brought you right to my feet in order for me to HAND deliver a very special letter to you about how you impacted my belated husband (a letter that took me over 3 years to write and had ironically JUST been completed), and dare I say “ironically” again, on the very day that my husband would have been 45! I hope you also remember that impactful day, as I have not been the same ever since! I feel blessed with a new boldness and desire to share with others how truly amazing and powerful our God is; that even in the worst of situations, He can shine if we allow Him to. And, why do I have this new desire? Because YOU cared enough to take the time to connect with me, little ol’ me! And what you wrote in “my” Maxwell Leadership Bible (which had been a Father’s Day gift to my husband many years ago) has stuck in my head, “Jill – God has great plans for you! Trust Him” – I cling to that and I DO trust that God will use me to connect with others like you connected with me that day. THANK YOU for responding to me as you did, and for impacting me in a way that has prompted me to want to carry the torch!! Yes, connecting with others can truly change lives!! We all just need to remember it’s NOT about us, and to quote from one of my favorite books of yours, “…to be all I can be, I need to help you be all you can be.” Thank you for connecting with me, Dr. Maxwell!

• 190 Patty // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:35 pm

  Very good chapter.

  I found the very beginning part of this Chapter about Carlos the self-centered disinterested tour guide.

  I used to work for a self centered pastor and found him to be very similar to Carlos. My boss/pastor would only interact with people who were rich or could provide a free service to him (repair his car, fix his house, install flooring, etc.) or play golf or fantasy football. He would “help” the poor, but only when someone of influence was watching. He worked me to death until I couldn’t work anymore, yelled at me, and degraded me.

  I’m sure that Carlos is still a tour guide just as this guy I know is still a pastor. I was never able to connect with this pastor other than to avoid his wrath and stay out of his way, just like the tourists avoided Carlos.

  No matter what you did, you couldn’t connect with Carlos. No matter what I did, I couldn’t connect with this insecure pastor. “If” they read your book and recognized their shortcomings they could perhaps change. However, I’m wondering if your book will address connecting with self-centered people in authority?

  What do you do when you can’t connect to people who you need to connect with? You’re someone who people look up to. I’m someone who works as a secretary. More often than not I am like the person who people seek out to do a task, but never connect with me.

  I hope you book addresses connecting across social barriers and glass ceilings.

• 191 Justin Joiner // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:35 pm

  Communicating with others is more than a one way conversation. When you’re speaking to an audience What is your main focus? and when you are done can you say you hit the target? Most communicators fail to hit the target but think as long as they get close it will count. You should aim for the mark every single time. The more time a marksman with an arrow stays and focuses one point the easier it is to hit it. Don’t be in a hurry..take your time. Look at the target. Move forward with all you have.

• 192 Fradel barber // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:42 pm

  This chapter is key!! As a sales trainer in the financial industry one of the things I always try to get across to my team is to: be interested, not interesting! You did a great job explaining that!

• 193 Snovia M Slater // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:43 pm

  I enjoyed Chapter 2 as is. There is nothing that I would change. I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to review Chapter 1.

  God Bless and Keep you.

• 194 A special “thank you” for contributing to Everyone Communicates, Few Connect! | John Maxwell on Leadership // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:46 pm

  [...] Technorati Profile ← Connecting is all about others. [...]

• 195 Mike Parker // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:48 pm

  Great Chapter, love the ME cartoon!
  Mike Parker – CRS

• 196 Alan Humphries // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:54 pm

  What an awesome truth.
  I was a young man in my early 20’s. I heard a great speaker deliver a very inspiring message. I was so excited and moved. I waited in the crowd and finally got to shake his hand and tell him how much I enjoyed his message. I never will forget he didn’t even look my direction, he just kept going on to other hands and it seemed it was all about him and not about others. I was not important or at least that was the impression he gave. Now I know better but we never know how much just a glance and a “thank you” can make in a young person’s life. You have made that difference in so many lives.

  Your friend in Alaska,

  Alan Humphries

• 197 Ericka Towe // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:56 pm

  John, I believe your message is poignant and timely. You cover all the bases. If I could support you and add value to this, I would say that to really connect, you’ve got to be willing to be vulnerable. Not necessarily “mushy”–at all–just vulnerable–revealing who you really are in an effort to REALLY see who the person is you are wanting to connect with. In other words, you must be open to truly revealing yourself. In your story about the publishers, you describe how you took the time to think about what they might ask you. When you told them (exactly what they REALLY wanted to know, by the way) they were overjoyed–not just because you were able to give them what they wanted, but I believe you were willing to “GO THERE” with yourself. You could have been afraid to reveal the upcoming books you wanted to write. You could have even had trust issues come up, but none of that happened. You opened yourself up to their criticism not just of your ideas but of whether you had any more books in you. That’s being courageous, unafraid, and vulnerable. I hope this adds value.

• 198 Al Getler // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:58 pm

  After watching John on Saturday night during a Web cast from Christ Fellowship church, something hit me. This author is going deeper as he writes this latest book.

  For over a decade I have followed John C. Maxwell. I have learned so much reading and listening to him. I have been sent to corners of myself, my leadership style and my teams I never thought I would be standing in. Yes, I have enjoyed the master of leadership.

  Today, I feel more connected to John than ever. As I watched him weep Saturday night, as I watched him in awe of his Dad and as I saw him hug his dad, I connected in a way I did not see possible.

  To me, connection is to say, “I am human.” I have always thought John was human, now I know it.

  The best part of this new book might be that, at age 60, John C. Maxwell might be connecting on a whole new level with his audience.

  We love what you do, John. God Bless you and your family, especially your 88 year old Dad.

• 199 Amy McCart // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:58 pm

  I really enjoyed the tips about effective communicating. The story to “Speaker” from “Audience” really pointed out some great insites on how to effectively communicate… what to do and not to do!
  Also, I enjoyed the transparency of how you were early on in ministry and speaking. It is was great to hear some of the “thoughts” you had….. ie: Why isn’t anyone following ME…. why aren’t people listening to ME… etc. – Then the segway to having the opportunity to hear Zig Ziglar was great… “When you help enough people reach what they want, you will get what you want.” – Key to remembering that the KEY is serving and helping others!
  Thanks John! Read it on my Blackberry while on the road. Praise God for technology.

• 200 Tiffany Wright // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:58 pm

  Mr. Maxwell, I am in awe of how much I see that I have failed to connect sometimes. Those letters really struck to me to my core. I am glad I have not gotten to a point where I have “my dreams shattered” before I realize my selfishness. Deep down I think I knew I was being selfish, but didn’t know how to fix it or change my behavior. I am excited about this book because I feel like this is part of the medicine I need to be “get over myself” and be a true servant deed and in my heart. Thank you so for allowing us to preview this book!

• 201 Sam McDowell // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:59 pm

  John,
  I honestly never thought I would ever have the opportunity to give you my own feedback on some of your work. I am 17 years old and I live in Florida, and for the last two years I have been striving to become a better leader. Right now I am in the middle of two of your books, and I have previously finished another two of yours. After reading this new chapter of another “soon to be out” life changers, I have to admit I am in awe of your ability. Not many people can take knowledge learned from others, and learned from their own experiences and write about it in over 30 books. Your gifts never cease to amazing me. I have realized that without leadership training, I will be no one and a complete failure in the area God is calling me to be. I am running out of time because your comments are about to close, but I want you to know that I am so thankful for all you do. Your not only influencing adults, but teens like me. God bless, and please never stop writing, because your awesome at what you do! Keep up the great work!

  -Sam

• 202 Kim Andrews // Sep 20, 2009 at 9:59 pm

  Today my pastor was preaching on this topic, but it was from the perspective of Christ’s calling on our lives. (Mark 8:22-26) Jesus progressively healed a blind man in this passage who once had his sight, but lost it. Do we clearly communicate and connect with people in order to share the love of Jesus with them? Or do we get so busy living our lives that we lose sight of that calling? Pastor Drennon commented that his theology professor once pointed out, “A student learns what his teacher knows, but a disciple becomes what his Master IS.” To connect with people is to truly love them as Christ loves them. Be what the Master is.

• 203 Scott A. Houchins // Sep 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm

  John,

  The thing about this chapter that struck me was one word — PASSION. I think it must be the basis upon what we build any venture, especially when dealing with people. As a high school educator, I find the old adage, “they don’t care what you know until they know that you care” becomes reality. People will really listen to you once they know that you genuinely care about them first.

  Maybe take it this way. Just like the coffee shop business, make people your primary business and the way you’re going to serve them secondary.

  I have more to say, but I am out of time…
  Thanks,
  Scott