Connecting is all about others.
ByChapter 2 Synopsis
Connecting Is All About Others
When I began my career as a minister, I was not about others. When I counseled people who were experiencing difficulties, my attitude was, “Hurry up and finish telling me your problem so I can give you my solution.” When I was leading any kind of initiative, I constantly asked myself, “How can I get people to buy into my vision so that they’ll help me with my dreams?” When I spoke to an audience, I was focused on myself and not them. I lived for positive feedback. And my goal was always to be impressive. Much of what I did was all about me, yet I still wasn’t succeeding.
When I was twenty-nine years old, my dad invited me and my brother-in-law, Steve Throckmorton, to attend a Success Seminar in Dayton, Ohio, where I heard a speaker who understood how to connect with people. I sat there mesmerized.
I remember thinking, This is someone who understands success. I like him. But there’s more to it than that—he really understands me. He knows what I believe. He understands what I’m thinking. He knows what I feel. He can help me. I would love to be his friend. I already feel like he’s my friend.
That speaker was Zig Ziglar. And that day he said something that changed my life: “If you will first help people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” Finally, I understood what had been missing from my own communication—and from my interaction with other people. I saw how selfish and self-centered I’d been. I realized that I was trying to get ahead by correcting others when I should have been trying to connect with others.
What I learned was that connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating. Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people, it’s not about you—it’s about them. If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward, off of yourself and onto others.
And I know you can do this, because I did! You can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, think about others, and try to understand who they are and what they want. If you’re willing to learn how to connect, you will be amazed at the doors that will open to you and the people you will be able to work with. All you have to do is keep reminding yourself that connecting is all about others.
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John,
I honestly never thought I would ever have the opportunity to give you my own feedback on some of your work. I am 17 years old and I live in Florida, and for the last two years I have been striving to become a better leader. Right now I am in the middle of two of your books, and I have previously finished another two of yours. After reading this new chapter of another “soon to be out” life changers, I have to admit I am in awe of your ability. Not many people can take knowledge learned from others, and learned from their own experiences and write about it in over 30 books. Your gifts never cease to amazing me. I have realized that without leadership training, I will be no one and a complete failure in the area God is calling me to be. I am running out of time because your comments are about to close, but I want you to know that I am so thankful for all you do. Your not only influencing adults, but teens like me. God bless, and please never stop writing, because your awesome at what you do! Keep up the great work!
-Sam
Today my pastor was preaching on this topic, but it was from the perspective of Christ’s calling on our lives. (Mark 8:22-26) Jesus progressively healed a blind man in this passage who once had his sight, but lost it. Do we clearly communicate and connect with people in order to share the love of Jesus with them? Or do we get so busy living our lives that we lose sight of that calling? Pastor Drennon commented that his theology professor once pointed out, “A student learns what his teacher knows, but a disciple becomes what his Master IS.” To connect with people is to truly love them as Christ loves them. Be what the Master is.
John,
The thing about this chapter that struck me was one word — PASSION. I think it must be the basis upon what we build any venture, especially when dealing with people. As a high school educator, I find the old adage, “they don’t care what you know until they know that you care” becomes reality. People will really listen to you once they know that you genuinely care about them first.
Maybe take it this way. Just like the coffee shop business, make people your primary business and the way you’re going to serve them secondary.
I have more to say, but I am out of time…
Thanks,
Scott