Archive for September, 2009
Connecting Goes Beyond Words
Posted by: | CommentsChapter 3 Synopsis
Connecting Goes Beyond Words
People watch a reality show on television where two equally talented people sing the same song. One of them gives the audience goose bumps; the other one leaves everybody cold. Why is that?
Two professors at a university teach the same class at the same time using the same prescribed syllabus and required textbook. Students stand in line at registration to get into the first teacher’s class, while the other’s class starts below capacity and dwindles to just a few students. Why?
Two managers work together running a restaurant. All twenty employees work regularly for each of them. When the first manager needs extra help and asks people to work late, they do so willingly. When the other manager makes the same appeal the next week, all the employees make excuses for why they can’t stay. What’s the reason for the difference?
Two parents raise a child together in the same household, enforcing the same rules. One parent gets cheerful compliance and the other gets resistance. Why?
Shouldn’t the words of the song evoke the same response in both singers? Shouldn’t the same course be equally appealing to students? Shouldn’t both managers expect to be given the same consideration? Shouldn’t parents in the same household inspire the same reaction?
Intuitively, you probably know that the answer is no.
Why? Because we tend to respond to – in other words, connect with – others based on more than the words that come out of their mouths.
How do we do that? Howard Hendricks says that all communication has three essential components. When we communicate, we must include:
- Thought – Something we know.
- Emotion – Something we feel.
- Action – Something we do.
Communication breaks down if any one of those is missing. But when I include all three, the message itself has conviction, passion, and credibility.
And the result is connection.
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Connecting is all about others.
Posted by: | CommentsChapter 2 Synopsis
Connecting Is All About Others
When I began my career as a minister, I was not about others. When I counseled people who were experiencing difficulties, my attitude was, “Hurry up and finish telling me your problem so I can give you my solution.” When I was leading any kind of initiative, I constantly asked myself, “How can I get people to buy into my vision so that they’ll help me with my dreams?” When I spoke to an audience, I was focused on myself and not them. I lived for positive feedback. And my goal was always to be impressive. Much of what I did was all about me, yet I still wasn’t succeeding.
When I was twenty-nine years old, my dad invited me and my brother-in-law, Steve Throckmorton, to attend a Success Seminar in Dayton, Ohio, where I heard a speaker who understood how to connect with people. I sat there mesmerized.
I remember thinking, This is someone who understands success. I like him. But there’s more to it than that—he really understands me. He knows what I believe. He understands what I’m thinking. He knows what I feel. He can help me. I would love to be his friend. I already feel like he’s my friend.
That speaker was Zig Ziglar. And that day he said something that changed my life: “If you will first help people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” Finally, I understood what had been missing from my own communication—and from my interaction with other people. I saw how selfish and self-centered I’d been. I realized that I was trying to get ahead by correcting others when I should have been trying to connect with others.
What I learned was that connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating. Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people, it’s not about you—it’s about them. If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward, off of yourself and onto others.
And I know you can do this, because I did! You can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, think about others, and try to understand who they are and what they want. If you’re willing to learn how to connect, you will be amazed at the doors that will open to you and the people you will be able to work with. All you have to do is keep reminding yourself that connecting is all about others.
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Connecting Always Requires Energy
Posted by: John C Maxwell | Comments (113)Chapter 4 Synopsis
Connecting Always Requires Energy
When I was working on my bachelor’s degree, I took a speech class. More than forty years later, I can truly say that learning how to speak to an audience has been foundational to my journey through life as well as to my growth as a speaker. It was in that class that I heard what my professor called the “Four Unpardonable Sins of a Communicator”: being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, or uncomfortable.
Do you notice the common denominator for three out of four of those “sins”? It’s energy.
Think about the best communicators you know – public speakers, team leaders, and individuals. Make a mental list, then consider this: how many of them are low-energy people? I’d be willing to bet the answer is none. Even when people come across as fairly low key, they usually possess reserves of energy that are not evident on the surface. Why do I say that? Because connecting with other people doesn’t just happen on its own. If you want to connect with others, you must be intentional about it. And that always requires energy.
It doesn’t matter with whom or within what context you are trying to connect. It’s always the same: you need to bring energy to do it effectively. And to make the most of connecting opportunities, you must channel that energy strategically. There are specific things you can do to help foster connection – everything from taking initiative to knowing your audience to acting selflessly. Learning and practicing these strategies will improve your connection with anyone—with your spouse, at a social gathering, with coworkers or your boss, at a meeting, from a podium, or on stage in a stadium.
If you want to connect with others, but are hoping you can do so without being intentional, forget about it. Connecting always requires energy.
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