268 responses so far ↓

• 1 Jennifer Williams // Aug 31, 2009 at 11:45 pm

  This is an amazing start to yet another soon-to-be best seller I’m sure! As always, it couldn’t be more true. In reading the “Connecting is Key” section, it makes me think about the neighborhood that we just moved into 1 1/2 months ago. I have taken the time to get out, meet my neighbors, talk to them, learn their names, kids names, dogs names, occupations, etc…. and as a result, know everyone within 5 houses any direction of me. My neighbors will come outside each night and sit and talk with me while our kids play, and every night, without fail, someone will make the remark – “Wow, until you moved in, we rarely talked, didn’t know each other, and would never sit out in the evenings and socialize. Here you’ve been for less than 2 months, and you know everyone!” The sense of community and bonding that is taking place is remarkable….it’s true that people want to be made to feel connected and a part of something.

  Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity to preview your newest manuscript! I’m looking forward to hearing you again in person September 12 in Texas!

  With Gratitude,
  Jennifer Williams

• 2 Michael Hall // Aug 31, 2009 at 11:54 pm

  This is very telling of the times we live in, and no matter how much we think we are connecting through facebook, or emails, we must be careful to make a connection, if only to show a genuine interest and give a person a smile, we can light up their day.

• 3 Peter Bishop // Aug 31, 2009 at 11:58 pm

  Great first chapter! Can’t wait to read the rest. I love the brilliance behind rolling out a book on connection to the online community, by creating a space to dialog and wrestle and give people value in speaking their thoughts.. you create connection. Love it.

• 4 Manraj Dhillon // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:03 am

  John, you have yet again amazed me with your work ethic. I love all the concepts you are always creating. I am currently reading your book, “Talant is Never Enough” and have also already read your book, “Road Map For Success”. Keep up the great work buddy, your friend from World Wide, Raj Dhillon.

• 5 Debora McLaughlin // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:06 am

  John, excellent, I plan to read it again tomorrow. I work with professional to activate their Personal Power of Influence (the book I am working on now) and the most important part of being influential is to be able to empower others and to gain the influence of your team/family/friends to achieve your personal and professional goals. I liked your statistics (I like educational information) references to people we can all relate to but what I loved best was your personal reference to your history. I’ve read most (all?) of your books and use them in our leadership coaching library but in this chapter I really felt I knew you and that through your stories could relate to my own stories and that of my clients. How many times do we miss the opportunity for connection in a world that orbits too fast? In today’s world we are so much smarter together than leading alone. Helping others to connect is the key to helping people not only succeed but more importantly live a far more fulfilling life. I believe we all have gifts to share as well, if you don’t connect you rob us of that gift. Will continue the review and thank you for sharing!

• 6 Richard // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:07 am

  I read this chapter and instantly it started making want to connect even more with people.I now see the value of connecting everyday of my llife.

• 7 Lori Mode // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:09 am

  Can’t wait for Chapter 2!

• 8 Marshal Ausberry, Sr. // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:20 am

  I believe the biggest reason Bush won the second election over John Kerry. President Bush connected on one critical issue of major concern of all Americans. President connected with Americans when he said, ” I will keep the fight over there and not here!” (paraphrase). President Bush connected on the major worry and fear of voters– and he had a solution that was believable! I believe that put him over the top. His opponent did not connect well on this critical issue of Voters.

• 9 David Quach // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:28 am

  It is true that life is all about relationships in a wider community than an individual me. And connection thus helps greatly. One thing I learned is that, as I connect to others with authentic interest and concern for them as a whole person, they open themselves up, and from there I can find ways to contribute meaningfully into their lives. There are of courses people who connect to contribute, to the lives of those they connect, whereas some others connect to capitalize for their own advancement. This is truly a great insight and means to better our lives with others. Thanks John for sharing your life for the better of others’.

• 10 Patty // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:58 am

  I liked the first chapter very much. I first want to say that I think I found a typo. Here it is:

  In this paragraph:
  Jay Hall of the consulting firm Teleometrics has studied the performance of 16,000 executives and found a direction correlation between achievement and the ability to care for and connect with people. Here are a few of his findings:

  I think “direction correlation” should be “direct correlation.”

  I found this chapter thought provoking in that I wondered if you’ll address the following in subsequent chapters:

  1. Being genuine in making your connections.
  2. Not coming off as an over-zealous salesman.

  Making connections is one thing but keeping connections with people is quite another thing. I’m very good at making connections. It’s keeping the connections that I’m not good at.

  I worked for a church for 4 years (I was the church lady) and connected with everyone, however it took it’s toll on me. (I’m seriously thinking about writing my own book, “The Church Lady Has Left The Building!”)

  I’ve also worked in an office for 20 years prior to that so I know how to connect with management, but connecting with 700 people in a church, being the eyes, ears, hands, feet, and voice on the front line to the Pastor’s Office was the hardest job I ever lost.

  By the way. Thanks for doing this. It’s great to be a part of a first go around for an important book.

• 11 MaryMoh // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:04 am

  Thank you for making it very clear the importance of communicating and connecting. I fully agree with you. I have clearly seen the effects in school, being a Mathematics teacher in several schools. When the Head doesn’t communicate & connect, teachers feel angry, frustrated and work most unwillingly because competency, heart work and hard work seldom work. No one knows what’s happening around and no one bothers. However, if the Head communicates and connects well with the staff, teachers are happy and are willing to put in extra work . They feel appreciated and connected. There’s good teamwork, a relaxed and happy atmosphere and better results for the pupils. It does make or break a school.

• 12 Susan Davis // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:24 am

  John,

  Once again I believe you have the makings for a best seller. This is a subject to which I am very deeply passionate about. I am committed to being the kind of connector you speak about. I am excited to read the rest of the book and hope to have something to add to it along the way!

  Commited to connecting!

• 13 Bobbie Nelson // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:35 am

  exciting ……..can not wait for Chapter 2 thanks for sharing with us………

• 14 Kurt Billups // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:49 am

  John,

  What an amazing first glance illustration on the power of connecting! This work will undoubtedly transform the minds of those who read it. As for those you have an understanding “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect”, will only reinforce and energize the belief, and for those who may have had it an misplaced it, they will become re-inspired!

  “Connecting is vital for any person who wants to achieve success. You will only be able to reach your potential, (regardless of your profession or chosen path) when you learn to connect with other people.” – John Maxwell

  Thanks
  Kurt

• 15 MinistryGeek.com // Sep 1, 2009 at 2:58 am

  An excellent opening chapter. I find that one must connect over the issues, not just the information in order to be a high achiever. If you are able to paint your vision (the issue) and fill in the details (the information) success will happen.

• 16 Cora // Sep 1, 2009 at 3:31 am

  Hi John, i can truly relate to the topic on hand. i have a lot of trouble trying to connect with people, especially the ones who i work with because i almost always fail to LISTEN. i hear them but i DON’T listen. after reading chapter 1 of your new book, i will take courage in changing my attitude and start connecting. it couldn’t be less important especially since i’m a doctor by profession and so i have to listen, empathize and most importantly CONNECT.
  thanks. i eagerly await the rest of the book and i hope i can share more and connect with you.
  God bless

• 17 Gary Acosta // Sep 1, 2009 at 3:59 am

  John,

  I am impressed by your courage to let us read your manuscript before the book comes out.
  I see that action, as an example of connecting with your followers; by making us an interactive part of your work. Thanks. Great Chapter One I look foward to the rest.

  G’

• 18 Shawn Francis // Sep 1, 2009 at 4:09 am

  Mr. Maxwell,

  I did not have to get through the entire chapter to see the answer to the “almosts” I have lived . You have renewed my commitment to growth and the me waiting to be. So generous of you to share and I cannot wait for the rest. thank you

• 19 Patricia // Sep 1, 2009 at 4:37 am

  Hi John,

  Greetings from Singapore.
  I am blown away by the first chapter, and cannot wait for the next to come.
  It is very true, and sad, that many talents, potential and abilities are kept under a cap due to the inability to connect.
  This book speaks to me as I am a naturally quiet person who hardly speaks up, or make an effort to connect. Naturally I am not a person who initiates, is proactive, or connects well. There are dreams that I believe God has given to me, but to fulfill these dreams, I will need to connect with people. God’s dreams always require the ‘people’ factor, and that’s what make those dreams GREAT.
  Thanks for making this available to us, and allowing us to start working on ourselves even before the book is out.
  The world consists of 99.99% of ‘others’. =)

• 20 Lindsay Fawcett // Sep 1, 2009 at 4:59 am

  I actually have two comments:
  On the beginning about connecting needing to be a way of life: I am an ESL teacher and when I was still studying I had the opportunity to visit Hong Kong & mainland China. One of the first things I noticed at the various schools we visited was the first thing we did. At every school, we would enter a meeting room, have something to drink and some food (we always had fruit). We learned that in China they never start a meeting without getting to know each other first. They always connect first and people who do not follow along with this custom, will have a harder time there. This goes along exactly with your book! You don’t even need to speak the same language to be able to connect.
  On the Desire to Connect: I am one of those people who grew up being able to do “things” just as good or better than others… but I never understood the idea of connecting. I finally learned to connect with my students which has helped me become a better teacher, but politics have always been my downfall. As I read your book, I see so much of myself in your writing. I always sat there and wondered why not me? I always seem to be the “first runner up” and when will it be my turn? As I am learning to connect I am seeing the changes with the people I work with and even within my group of friends. I wish this is something I could have learned sooner, but my desire to be on top and accomplish my goals have stood in my way – as far back as a similar basketball experience in Jr. High! I thank God for all that he has taught me and is teaching me as I am learning to connect more and more. It is hard work though, but I am seeing the fruits of my labors already! I am now living in Japan and this ability to “connect” is very important when working with the Japanese. Besides, being able to communicate better, I am personally feeling more connected and less lonely as I connect with others. Thank you for helping me see this problem I have and still have in full circle!

• 21 Jim Johnston // Sep 1, 2009 at 5:17 am

  g

• 22 Jim Johnston // Sep 1, 2009 at 5:20 am

  Great stuff Mr Maxwell. This is the kind of material that translates well in my business life and Church life too. Looking forward to the next installment, thanks.

• 23 Opatola Olufolarin // Sep 1, 2009 at 6:33 am

  Hi John,
  Doing my best to read all your books and become a true Maxwellian. This first chapter really puts the icing on the cake. I wonder what the cake itself would taste like (other chapters). May God continue to increase you, even as young minds like mine meditate on the truths in your books. Thanks for sharing.

  Opatola Olufolarin
  Nigeria

• 24 Margret Howard // Sep 1, 2009 at 7:16 am

  I love this chapter! The art of communication is something I am continuing to learn! Thanks so much for sharing :^). I give your books as gifts to inspire others.

  How true about humor used in communication. I use it also. I learned it from my Dad. People will remember how you made them “feel” long after what is said.

  God bless,
  Margret Howard

• 25 Marietjie Steyn // Sep 1, 2009 at 7:30 am

  Hi John

  A spring day greeting from South Africa.

  Thank you so much for the priviledge to read this first chapter of your new book. Being a Maxwell fan I can just say “fantastic”. Connecting with people is one of my weak points and I am looking forward to the rest of this exiting journey. I know that it will be a huge success and that it will enhance many people’s ability to be able to connect with others.

• 26 Alison Dicken // Sep 1, 2009 at 7:32 am

  Followed the link from Twitter because the title intrigued me first time I have seen someone directly look at the difference between communication and connection. Looking forward to Reading further chapters.

• 27 Lisa Hale // Sep 1, 2009 at 8:46 am

  As a teacher connecting is SO important and it is what truly seperates the so-so teachers from the ones who can have a great, positive influence in the lives of their students! It is a vital piece in establishing authenticity, trust and a recipricol relationship. With that said, bell is going to ring in 5 minutes! I will actually be working on “Possibility Thinking” with my students starting today as discussed in your How Successful People Think book. Students need this stuff too!

• 28 Lucinda // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:20 am

  This is great! I am at a season in my life where I have realized the importance of connecting with people. Looking forward to reading more and developing my connection skills.

• 29 Janet George // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:26 am

  I won’t repeat the same comments others have already made regarding the need for connecting in our relationships and how this first chapter effectively communicates why we have this need. But I do disagree with your assessment of Obama as being a “gifted communicator” who is “able to connect with others.” If that were true, I would always want to listen when he speaks. As it is, I want to change channels whenever I hear him! My perception of his reason(s) for wanting to “connect” drives my attitude in not wanting to connect back with him, and I am not alone in my response. I view him as the consummate con artist, which I find absolutely repulsive, having worked around just such a person for a number of years. I do not view a con artist as being a truly gifted communicator with the able to connect.

• 30 Edith Fragoso de Weyand // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:32 am

  Light arrives to Germany!

  Simply irresistible! I couldn’t wait to read this fabulous intro’ about your new book and I cannot wait to read more. It seems like the principles of connecting are universal.
  I’ve studied communication for many years and never have understand this principle of connecting -nobody has explain this too, I mean in this way before.
  I’m sure this will be a hit and a terrific tool for the people that need and want to increase their connecting skills.
  As a foreigner living in a strange land, I think this could be a kind of hint for me, and for my husband that grew up abroad. Needless to say how difficult could be establish an understandig atmosphere, between people of different cultures and interest, even in the Christian world.
  I think we must be able to be humble in order to recognize that we really need to learn more about this issue.
  Thanks for sharing this!

• 31 Bridget Haymond // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:33 am

  Excellent insights on connecting. I used to think that connecting was simply a gift, but I do agree that it can be learned. However, the desire to connect must be genuine because people can spot a phony a mile away. I believe that is what differentiates a connector from a schmoozer.

• 32 Ricky // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:47 am

  Thanks John for bring across clearly the importance of connecting with people. I look forward to you teaching me more about communicating and connecting with people, my ministry and life depends on it.

• 33 ruthdemitroff // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:50 am

  When I think of my life, metaphors spring to mind – a sonnet, an Indian Jones trilogy, etc. When you used books and library with respect to our spoken words, it really drew me in. It brings forth all kinds of questions about the differences between what pours out our mouths compared to the writer’s mental efforts to find the most precise word, the clearest image, the most effective way to engage the reader.

• 34 Leslie Hulbert // Sep 1, 2009 at 10:03 am

  Awesome chapter cant wait to read the rest of this book. I had a saying when my children were younger; “Go find your self.” they knew it meant to go to there room and think about what was going and think about how to fix it. Well recently my grandson Caleb who is 5 got me so frustrated I said to him “Go find yourself.” Well he had no clue what I meant and took his two index fingers pointed at him self with a confused face and said “I’m right here.” all I could do was laugh I communicated it right to him but to my children it was in a different context.

• 35 Kunruthai // Sep 1, 2009 at 10:36 am

  Hi John,
  Greeting from Thailand
  I’ve always inspied by your books.
  That’s so amazed.. I have same problem as your son-in-law & trying my best to improve my connection skill. Thank God and thank you so much to lead the way.. I can’t wait to read the next chapter.

• 36 Greg Kell // Sep 1, 2009 at 10:38 am

  As a Pastor, I have learned that one of the key elements in connecting with people is to genuinely care about / for them. Having the skills to connect is important – having the desire to connect is irreplaceable! People have the ability to know who really cares for them and who is merely using them to achieve selfish motives.

• 37 Brian // Sep 1, 2009 at 10:39 am

  Great start. As I was reading my mind went to the Bible and how Jesus communicated. He used different ways to communicate to different people. I think here is the main point. Jesus was always personal in His communication. He looked them in the eyes and spoke to the heart. That is what is missing in our world today. Personal communication, when you communicate with your eyes and speak from the heart YOU WILL CONNECT.

• 38 MacNeal // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:18 am

  This is absolutely amazing reading, the point that really stands out to me , is that connecting brings every thing together. How many leaders, executives and pastors have a great vision and excellent potential in leadership? But they lack the ability to truly meet a person at that place where a difference and a change will be made. Thank you John Maxwell, so many things written here has my name all over it. ” The ability to be effective in any area is the ability to connect through effective communication “

• 39 Kasaandra Roache @inspiremany // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:26 am

  I love it! My favorite part is the part on high vs. low achievers! I look forward to reading more.

• 40 Stephanie Cruz // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:30 am

  wow!! … its amazing… i never thought of it but its soo true. I always wondered why i thought i had the talent and was always trying to make things right but i didnt seem to succed and now i realize its because i wasnt connecting at all … your book has been a blessing to me so far … the examples are perfect, they make their point so well.. so im really longing to read the next chapter. Thank you so much for letting us be part of it!

• 41 Tamella Davies // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:37 am

  I was delighted and intrigued with your opening statement. to think that a lifetime of words would fill a library. God tells us that we will account for every idle word we speak. until now i have never thought of my words as filling a library. and the question I feel we must ask ourselves is Have the words we have spoken made a difference in the lives of others? How much of what we have said during our lifetime would be placed in a trashy novel or should have been thrown out with yesterdays news paper. and how much of it would have enough significance, enough value to be place in the rare book archives? this is a concept worth serious thought. to be a great communicator we must endeavor to make every word count.

  I look forward to Chapter 2.

• 42 Cynthia Wesley // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:42 am

  Hello Doctor Maxwell, you have hit the nail on the head. I call you a doctor because of your expertise in this matter. I am in ministry school in Houston, Tx, Hazel Hughes Ministries and she first introduced us to you and your book “Contagious Leadership”, which was awesome. It was a requirement for the course. But after reading the intro to this book I think that it need to be a requirement as well.

  There are a lot of leaders in churches who are not able to communiate or connect with their congregation and they are frustrated, their churches are empty. And I see even in my class, the ones that don’t no how to communicate or connect, no one wants to even be around them.

  Keep up the awesome job in training and equipping the body.

  God Bless
  Pastor Cynthia Wesley

• 43 ani victor // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:16 pm

  Before i comment, i want to say that this book is timely and already connecting. bcos it preachs peace(care) and that is what the world neeeds.
  i believe that every body has what it takes to connect with people in our inside, the problem is our ability to express it out wardly and connect with people. please teach us how to connect with people.
  Terrorism can be stop if we can connect with the terrorist.
  for me, am looking for means to connect with people who want to pay their bills so that i can help them pay their bills from their home without going to the bank in my coutry nigeria.
  please sir advice me on what to do.

• 44 Michael Barnes // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:34 pm

  Doctor Maxwell,
  It is just amazing and timely this new book of yours. Thank you for the insights shared ahead of it being published. True, effective communication builds relationships. I have heard it said we were given “two ears to listen twice as much as we try to talk from our one mouth.” This has always been a good one for me.
  Bless you John!

• 45 Adam Reineke // Sep 1, 2009 at 12:38 pm

  “How much more healthy would your relationships be if you excelled at connecting?”

  Should this read:
  “How much healthier would your relationships be if you excelled at connecting?”

• 46 Awesome article on influence by John Maxwell « Person of Influence // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:24 pm

  [...] http://johnmaxwellonleadership.com/2009/08/31/connecting-increases-your-influence-in-every-situation... [...]

• 47 Sandie // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:29 pm

  John, it’s exciting to me that you are willing to share this this valuable book with us in this way. It’s obvious to me when I meet someone who is a “connector” because I immediately feel their desire to know me or in other cases, to listen to me. I have all of your books and I find myself routinely referring them to others when conversations lead to a subject that I know you have written about. So many of us have skills but need to develop that talent of connecting. I’m looking forward to improving my own ability to be a great communicator. Thank you John.

• 48 Anne-Marie Moutsinga // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:37 pm

  Reading Chapter 1 made me looking forward to reading the rest of the book because I’m curious to see if this connection between people is going to focus on “new Americans” as well. What I mean by “the new Americans” is people coming from different part of the world…people with different cultural backgrounds. I think, one reason that Obama won the presidential election last year was because he had the power to connect not with Americans only but with the rest of the world, respectively.

• 49 Lucia Diaz // Sep 1, 2009 at 1:45 pm

  This is a great chapter! I specially like the difference between “High, Average, and Low Achievers” I was able to identify my place, and now I know what’s the next step I must take to become a High Achiever =-) Thank you!

  There is only one thing i would change..
  “It’s not enough to just work hard. It’s not enough to do a great job. To be successful, you need to learn how to really communicate with others.”

  From reading your previous books, i understand there are many blank spaces between this lines, and I also know there are a lot more variables to achieve success. But, if someone picks up this book, and has never read another one of your books before, this is what they should also know about your teaching in success…

  “It’s not enough to just work hard. It’s not enough to do a great job. To be successful, you need to work smart, identify, and perform an extraordinary job. However, greatness will not be achieved unless you learn how to really communicate with others”

  God Bless You!!
  Hope this helps…

  Lucia Diaz

• 50 Candace Sargent // Sep 1, 2009 at 2:38 pm

  Thank you John for writing on almost my most favorite subject: connecting! I’m really excited about reading your upcoming Chapters…you’re gifted, John, so keep em comin!!!!:)))

  Especially in this age of heavy digital connection, people feel isolated and disconnected even when they are “connecting”…a little like being alone in a crowded room. In fact, Twitter has added to the problem because you’re projecting out by tweeting a quick thought, wise saying, status, funny joke, news bit…you’re not chatting back and forth and listening which is a big part of the satisfaction of connecting; therefore, people can start to get that dreaded feeling of talking and no one’s listening.

  As you outlined quite well John, there’s so many words that it’s overwhelming, more so than any other time in history! So, I believe the technical/instructional part of the book should be lean because a there’s a line that if we go over, people start to hit the wall, go blank and have to reread to extract out the nuggets.

  We can be liberal with the supporting personal/interesting/story examples because of course, people relate to and will always enjoy high-interest reading; even these should be well-chosen where they hit the center bulls-eye, stories people easily remember and can’t wait to retell like retweeting:)

  I’ve found people retain much better and faster when you present the complete scope/summary picture up-front somewhere in the first few pages…and even better if it’s a picture but if not a pic, at least a simple, clear scope outline. Then follow that outline in a nice lean momentum of detail, sprinkled with high-interest, humor and pictures to refresh them and seal the deal on high assimilation and retention. John, you’re supporting examples of the presidents and their debates was a brilliant bulls-eye!!!:)

  I always check my first-read impression comprehension: what did I take away from this Chapter? I recalled you’re excellent presidential debate examples first because the contrast was crystal clear, then the message: good connecting skills will help me in many areas of my life and really lead to being one of those successful people who “live a charmed life!”

  When we consider scope, it has to start with the person because if they don’t take an inventory and have a basic plan they are progressing through even if it’s slow growth, they will be chronically self-absorbed with their own problems and therefore, look inward, not outward…you have to be able to look outward and active listen etc. with people or you’re dead before you start!

  Oooops I’m getting lengthy here, breakin my own rules haha so I’LL STOP!!

  Candace Sargent

• 51 Patty // Sep 1, 2009 at 3:32 pm

  John,
  I really enjoyed reading chapter one. It is so true, people thinks that by talking more they are connecting but it is far from reality. In an age of techonology in which we should be able to communicate and connect better it is where we are lacking the most. May God continue to use you in the this area.

  God bless
  Pattt

• 52 Bob Gio // Sep 1, 2009 at 3:36 pm

  John,

  Thanks for providing us a gift of enjoying your manuscript. I believe you are writing about an important ingredient for leaders of today and future leaders of tomorrow. Certainly Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale and others who came on earlier, had some good things to say about this important skill. I would also recommend that you look at Ben Zander’s “The Art of Possibility” which contains some great quotes.
  Today, because of new technologies that are responsible for creating virtual communities, the focus on connecting with other is on volume; who has the most friends, who has the most connections on LinkedIN, etc. Connecting with others leads to a life of fulfillment and warmth and long as the focus is on the individuals in question and it is genuine. Too often today, connecting means selling someone something or having some other hidden agenda. I think you should have a chapter on “Genuine Connecting.”

  Bob

• 53 Sandie // Sep 1, 2009 at 3:39 pm

  John, it’s exciting to me that you are willing to share this valuable book with us in this way. It’s obvious to me when I meet someone who is a “connector” because I immediately detect their desire to know me or in other cases, to listen to me. I have many of your books and I find myself routinely referring them to others when conversations lead to a subject that I know you have written about. So many of us have skills but need to develop that talent of connecting. I’m looking forward to improving my own ability to be a great communicator. Thank you John.

• 54 Sara Canaday // Sep 1, 2009 at 3:45 pm

  I’m enticed and sold on the soon to be published book. Thank you for giving the subject the real estate it deserves. Connecting is important, but as your story of the airport security guy points out, connecting with people at every level is critical. As speaker, I put forth the same effort in connecting with my audience, regardless of their socio-economic background, job title, age group and/or politics.

• 55 Rick Shafer // Sep 1, 2009 at 4:00 pm

  John,

  Thanks for giving us the phenomenal opportunity to connect with you and influence the book in a way I’ve not experienced before.

  The first chapter already has me wanting to turn the page to chapter two. Do I really have to wait until September 14th?

  Great concept! I’m looking forward to the journey and opportunity.

  Rick Shafer

• 56 Rowantre2 // Sep 1, 2009 at 5:11 pm

  Mr. Maxwell, using the online community to connect with this project is innovative and very clever. I look forward to the practical application chapters where you teach us how to connect beyond the superficiality and anonymity of social networking, it would seem that it really is not enough to listen, true connection occurs when those with whom we interact believe that they have been heard.

• 57 R. MORENO // Sep 1, 2009 at 5:48 pm

  What I hate, when the right side ending words of the page are not straight or justified. Maybe it’s just on the the web site

  Connecting is Key, paragraph typo; “that that”
  in the 1st sentence;

  Mr. Maxwell, love your books

• 58 Simon Herbert // Sep 1, 2009 at 6:36 pm

  Awesome first chapter, John! So many positives in each paragraph! The four characteristics of the successful presidents wasn’t as obvious as your other point, for me. The comparisons between Reagan and Carter, and Clinton and Bush, were far more effective. Looking forward to the next chapter, but I’ll read this one again at least a dozen times no doubt between now and then! God bless you!

• 59 Cathy Welch // Sep 1, 2009 at 8:57 pm

  John, I am so thrilled that you are putting out a book about connecting with people and the success that being fully present with another human being can bring to yourself, the other person and the impact it can and will make on the world.

  I work as the office manager/foundation director/board of directors’ liaison and human resource manager for an orphan care ministry – obviously a small org. Being able to use people skills, make eye contact and engage with someone as if they were the only thing that mattered at the moment is a huge key to effectiveness in all of these roles.

  However, the place I see the biggest impact is in ministering to people who are down and out. The homeless, people in recovery, lonely people, etc.

  I sing with a gospel trio and a few years ago we were singing at a nursing home. In the run around business of finding someone in the facility who could give us permission to move dining tables in order to set up our equipment, I stood at the closest nurses station and quietly waited for someone to ask if I needed help. While I waited, a lady in a wheel chair in front of me, back to me, head hunched over almost in her lap, sat motionless. Her right arm was up on the counter of the nurses station but otherwise she was completely drawn in to herself.

  Since we were there to encourage and minister to the seniors in this home, I was drawn to go around this woman, lean down and ask her how she was. Expecting no response, it took my breath away when she turned her head toward me, lifted her head a few inches north and with delight dawning on her face she said, “I’m fine! My name is Abigail and I used to be a school teacher.” I could only imagine how long she ahd waited for someone to notice her. People are people everywhere and in every situation, wouldn’t you say?

  Can’t wait to read more of our book, John. I’m already thinking about who I can share it with that could use the wisdom and I’m looking forward to growing in this area even more! Take Care, Cathy

• 60 TJ Ermitaño // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:22 pm

  Here in the Philippines, connecting with people is harder!

  during the early days, Filipinos tend to be gullible (from the Spaniard rule up to the Japanese occupation) but now, some of my countrymen toughened up…most of us are now skeptical with people in power or people in the political arena who is trying their very best to connect with us! Except for a genuine couple whose sincere attitude to sympathize with the Filipino people, during the Marcos regime, had changed this country around.

  The late Philippine Senator Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino and the late president Corazon “Cory” Aquino conveyed their love for their country and their countrymen…I won’t go into details, but if you research their stories (during and after the martial law here in the Philippines), you will see how they connected with the people of the Philippines…i can still remember what Ninoy said before he was assassinated…he said “The Filipinos are worth dying for”

  I’ve been living on this saying:
  “People won’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care”

  Good luck on the book…i can already see that it’s going to be a good one!

  Oh yeah…i missed your sessions here in the Philippines…i ran out of tickets! Hope to attend one of your sessions when you come back!

  God speed!

• 61 Samantha // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:35 pm

  When I began my career as a high school agriculture science teacher in the fall of 2007, I was fully prepared with my class policy letter to pass out to my students. The most important part of this letter being the rules for the class. I have always been a stickler for discipline and organization. Mainly because I want my students to be fully prepared for the responsibility of adulthood once they graduate. After the first year, I found that I was extremely exhausted and disappointed with my job, the students seemed to not care about anything. Whether it was instruction in the classroom or preparing for competitive events the students seemed to lack the motivation. I soon realized that the true problem was in my communication and connection with the students. They did not want to be constantly lectured to and told WHAT to do. I soon learned to work WITH my students and sharing the roles of teacher and student. Now I find my job to be much more enjoyable. I truly believe that what is said is not nearly important as the emotion and motivation behind it.

  I loved the first chapter and look forward to incorporating these principles into my classroom, my curriculum and my teaching methods.

• 62 Cathy Welch // Sep 1, 2009 at 9:56 pm

  I forgot to mention your reference to the Serenity Prayer. Did you realize there is a much longer version and it is used in the Celebrate Recovery program out of Saddleback Church started by Pastor John Baker and his wife, Cheryl. The remainder of the prayer is:

  “…Living one moment at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it; Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. AMEN”

  This prayer in its entirety is read aloud in unison at the beginning of all Celebrate Recovery meetings.

  I did some fact checking on the author of the prayer and found (according to internet sites) that Niebuhr wrote it but many pieces of it are attributed to writers as far back as 400A.D. Here is the site reference where I found the most information:

  http://www.aahistory.com/prayer.html

  You’ve probably researched this and know much better than me about the origins, I just found this interesting…..

  For What It’s Worth, Cathy

• 63 Andy Heller // Sep 1, 2009 at 10:17 pm

  Dear Dr.John Maxwell, at first I didnt want to read the on-line chapter because I didnt want to spoil the fun of when one of your books comes out, but I decided to take part of the creation process of one of your books! That, I thought would be great fun!

  Connecting – I am self-employed in the barber business for 17 years now. That’s awhile. I’ve been in it long enough to know what will make a successful shop –
  3.Location – a good location helps but its not everything.
  2.Quality of Work – This is more important then location, but its not the most important thing in a barber shops success.
  1.Connecting with People – This is by far the most important of the three. Why? If you have a great location, but dont connect with people, that location doesnt mean a thing. There are other shops that have great locations that have barbers that do connect with their customers. That leaves quality of service. While that it very important, it still isnt everything. I’ve heard many people say about fellow barbers “He didnt always give the best haircut, but he sure was a great guy. He’s the kind of guy you just loved to go see every month!” I’ve heard that more then a few times of fellow barbers. In this business, its a personal business. If I look at all the really successful barbers in North Dakota, the only thing they all had in common was the ability to connect to their customers and to connect to outside pepole who they brought into the shop as new and future customers.

  Another reason connecting is the top key to a barbershop’s success is my own testimony. When I went into the business and bought my own shop, I had a hard time with people relations. I was making a living, but even I could see I could do better if I was better at customer connecting. It has taken me years to get better. I’m not as good as I would like, but I am much better then I was before. I’m a work in progress on this one.

  Connecting with people I found is more black and white, then shades of gray. Some people have it and others dont. You can work on it and get better, but if you dont have the right mindset you will have trouble. I’m proof that a person can get better, but it takes work and that work involves putting the other person first. At least its that way in the barbershop. Some of the really successful barbers made each customer feel as if they were his special customer. They connected and it worked.

  Anyways…I enjoyed the first chapter. I did take some notes on it and I hope that it okay. I look forward to the next chapters and the book!!

• 64 Fran Foreman // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:05 pm

  He equaled Reagan’s ability to connect one on one as well as while looking into a camera. Comment: This sentence needs edited.

  Comment about Chapter 1: It seemed a bit repetitive at times. The examples of how connectedness are demonstrated are easy to understand. The example about the person speaking speaking only English and other person translating seemed a little out of place because that seems to be more of a communication barrier, which in turns causes a disconnection. But prior to that example you were explaining how people could have fine communication skills (getting along with others for example) and still miss being connected.

  My question after reading Chapter 1 is this:
  What happens when several attempts to connect are not received or simply rejected. How do you handle the rejection? How can you turn it around and make it into a connection, for example with coworkers, peers, etc.

• 65 Fran Foreman // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:11 pm

  I look forward to seeing what you have in Chapter 2. I love the idea of having your readers get a “sneak peek” and provide feedback. What a great strategy for CONNECTING TO YOU AUDIENCE. Thank you for you hard work and dedication to connecting.

• 66 Connie Martinez // Sep 1, 2009 at 11:52 pm

  Great first chapter. I am looking forward to reading the book and gaining more insight on how to truly connect to others. I saw a lot of myself in the first chapter. I do feel that I have mastered the art of connecting, but I also know that there is much more to learn. Thank you for such wonderful words of wisdom.

• 67 Kent Sanders // Sep 2, 2009 at 12:20 am

  John, thank you for tackling this topic of communication in your next book. I have been waiting for a long time for you to write a book about this! Thanks so much for sharing these chapters with us. I love the innovative idea of giving us a peek at the material, and the change to influence it.

  I teach at a small Christian college in St. Louis, and one thing I have learned about teaching is that you can be a good classroom lecturer, but if your relationship with students outside the classroom is poor, they may respect your ability as a communicator, but they will not love you (or even like you). Communication is important, but relationships are even more important. This applies especially to a setting where we’re training people for Christian ministry–a type of work that is built on relationships!

  You will be happy to know that I am also required students to read some of your material on attitude development in the first part of my freshmen course “Introduction to Ministry.” In another course, the students are required to listen to the section on attitude from your “Four Skills Seminary Never Taught Me” seminar. Great stuff!

• 68 Doug Wilson // Sep 2, 2009 at 1:57 am

  John, thanks for opening this resource up to us! What a privilege to watch it take shape — and perhaps even participate.

  A couple of observations.

  1. Herb Kelleher clearly is a great example of a leader who connects. However, the story about the ad in USA Today really didn’t tell us anything about how he connected — what exactly did he do that “let people know he cared about them”? Perhaps a different Kelleher story would give a clearer illustration of his ability to connect.

  2. A minor point, but in the Jorge Rodriguez illustration, you said the law man had “a pistol to the bank robber’s head” but also “Rodriguez could see the man’s badge” — which seems inconsistent.

  3. The section titled “It Starts with Your Attitude” didn’t really discuss how your attitude impacts your ability to connect.

  4. Your observations about how several past Presidents have connected (or not) raised a question in my mind. I’m not trying to get into political mudslinging, but will you discussing the difference between connecting and charisma? Some politicians and leaders are more likable, winsome, personable or gifted at persuading — therefore, they have the ability to connect. But connecting can also be manipulative and disingenuous. After all, Hitler and Mussolini appear to have been good at “connecting” with people. But someone could “connect” yet not have much to say, or convince people of something that isn’t even true. Aristotle highlighted the importance of a speaker’s character is the communication process. Isn’t the strongest “connection” made when the speaker has credibility (ethos, or authenticity, or perhaps Steven Covey would say “congruency”), is able to tap into the emotions and psychology of the audience (pathos), and also provides a clear, coherent and compelling message based on truth (logos)?

  (It’s just a thought!)

  Love you, John! Thanks for the interaction you have invited!

• 69 Rachel Setzer // Sep 2, 2009 at 3:03 am

  Hi John!
  I’ve been reading _Talent is Never Enough_ and going through the workbook, and I’m quickly becoming a big fan of your work. I look forward to reading more of your new book.

  The only comment I have on the posted selection (other than I can’t wait to read more!) is the bit about Bill Clinton… you might want to parse that in a different way… considering Clinton’s …repeated indiscretion in connecting with members of the opposite sex.

• 70 lois mwende // Sep 2, 2009 at 5:01 am

  JOHN wow! you just spoke to me n what you learned in your early age just relates to me…i cant wait the next read to get to know the ‘how to’ part of it.Iam too learning & especially the humour part…this is GREATEST..it speaks deep within..
  Thankyou 4 the opportunity to view this book. YOU are a blessing.

• 71 Aldo Raharja // Sep 2, 2009 at 5:07 am

  John, that’s really great. I think I need to work at building my connecting skill. Can’t wait for Chapter 2 of your book.

• 72 Larry Baxter // Sep 2, 2009 at 10:01 am

  John, thanks so much for trying this approach with your new book. Doing so puts into practice what you’re talking about as we’re connecting in a richer way with you and the text.

  This is a great first chapter and emphasizes and element of communication many of us miss or don’t catch on to until a little later in life. Until recently I’ve neglected this relationship between connecting and influence and am trying to grow in both. There are two points I hope you get to make strongly in this book –

  1. Connecting is not just for extroverts, not just for people looking to sell themselves or a product, but for anyone who cares about other people and wants to influence them to become the best they can be.
  2. It’s not self-serving to be more intentional about making connections and helping people identify with you when done with the right heart attitude.

  I know there are many thousands of people who have turned their backs on the message you are sharing simply because they see attempts to connect or network as self-centered. Anything you can do to shed light on this view would be of great help! – Thanks again, can’t wait for Chapter 2.

• 73 Brian Tkatch // Sep 2, 2009 at 10:57 am

  John, nice content and examples.

  1) The chapter is called chapter 1. It could just as well be called the introduction, as it introuces the need for the rest of the book.

  2) The chapter is written in conversational style. That is, it is written as if the reader were listening to it, as opposed to reading it. Is that intended?

• 74 Fran // Sep 2, 2009 at 11:34 am

  John,

  Great job on Chapter 1. I especially liked the reference to the serenity prayer. I think its a great way to express the way your inadequacy of connecting made you feel and help people find the courage to try to connect. One part of connecting that I found fascinating is your environments influence on your connection awareness and how your connect. One way I can describe this is in generalizations of where someone is from. If you from the Northeast you might tend to have a tough skin and a little more averse to connecting where as people from the Midwest don’t have that guard up and are more likely to put forth the effort to connect. Where you are from is so important. These things have always interested me. Keep up the good work in the rest of the book!

• 75 Freddy Villarreal // Sep 2, 2009 at 11:36 am

  John,
  Thanks for letting us in early on the start of another great book! Love your stuff. I have been using it for years to teach young pastors in our apprentice program here at http://www.freedomlifechurch.com.

  Even though we are still in the early years of our church, we have experienced amazing growth very rapidly. I believe one of the reasons for this is the sense of “connection” people feel with the messages.

  I once heard a pastor say that a message prepared with your mind will reach a mind, but a message prepared with your life will reach a life. So, we have applied that to every message we preach at FLC. It amazes me how such a wide demographic of age/race/ religious background have come together by practicing the simple principle of sharing the messages of our life with them. If you or anyone reading this wants to see what I am trying to describe, just go to our website and watch an archived video of this past weeks message.

  Thank you Dr. Maxwell and feel free to pass along anything you find there. No need to contact me for permission. It is all to the glory of God anyway!

• 76 Brian Heagle // Sep 2, 2009 at 12:34 pm

  Chapter 1, in baseball parlance, connected.

  Thank you for sharing – and I’m confident every Chapter will swing for the fences!

• 77 Tom McCrea // Sep 2, 2009 at 12:47 pm

  I thought the first chapter was very good. Thanks for the wisdom.

  My only observation is, what will those that read this book in five years think about the recent historical/presidential stories? While I find it very relevant will they? I think the stories should stay in but wonder if there is a way to add a paragraph that would connect with next generation connectors? Just a thought. I hope it helps.

  Thanks for your wisdom and insight. It is very helpful!

• 78 Tom McCrea // Sep 2, 2009 at 12:47 pm

  I thought the first chapter was very good. Thanks for the wisdom.

  My only observation is, what will those that read this book in five years think about the recent historical/presidential stories? While I find it very relevant will they? I think the stories should stay in but wonder if there is a way to add a paragraph that would connect with next generation connectors? Just a thought. I hope it helps.

  Thanks for your wisdom and insight. It is very helpful!

• 79 Brittany Turner // Sep 2, 2009 at 1:59 pm

  Love it!

  Question, is there supposed to be two “” between Senor and Jorge?

• 80 Jonell Hermanson // Sep 2, 2009 at 2:32 pm

  Thanks for the 1st chapter, I am so excited for the rest of the book. As a Leader I realize the importance of connecting, I just never thought to bring it to peoples attention. Because I love to connect with people, I think everyone does and didn’t put the process together that some people need help in that area. This chapter was a huge heads up for me and will use it with my Team. Thanks for your hard work!! You make the world a better place! God Bless You!

• 81 Carlos Velasquez // Sep 2, 2009 at 4:21 pm

  The word “that” is repeated twice on the second line after the title”Connecting is a Key”. The story about the mexican robber is great. The comment on chinese getting to know each other befre a meeting is a good tool before teching a big class (comment 20 by Linsay Fawceet). Hope comments where shorter and to the point. Good and very interesting book.

• 82 Rhonda Thomas // Sep 2, 2009 at 5:31 pm

  What a great begining! My eyes have been opened and my curiouisity has been piqued. I EXPECT to become a better communicator after this encounter.

• 83 Andy Heller // Sep 2, 2009 at 5:38 pm

  I don’t know Dr.Maxwell if you wrote this or not. I had this written down on a sheet of paper.
  “One of the reasons why people don’t communicate well is because they have had bad experiences when trying to express their point. Many times those unsuccessful experiences have resulted from poor timing and insensitivity to God’s leading.”
  Again, I didn’t write this, but I had it written down from something. It also said “Timing is extremeley important in good communication.”

  Maybe Dr.Maxwell you wrote these, I don’t know. But I thought I would pass them along to you.

• 84 Shantanu Kulkarni // Sep 2, 2009 at 6:20 pm

  I was laughing for 3 hours after reading your “spanking” story. I was at work – and that gave me a chance to connect with them and lead more of my co-workers to this new book! … what a train of events! thank you!

• 85 Jana // Sep 2, 2009 at 7:30 pm

  Hi
  ! I love the first chapter as well as the intro. I hope that you talk about “Body language” and eye contact at some point. This is one sure way of knowing if the person that you are “connecting” with is really interested in connecting with you. Also, the connector can use certain types of body language to show the listener their interest, care and concern.

• 86 Peter H. // Sep 2, 2009 at 7:43 pm

  Mr. Maxwell,
  I found the first chapter to be a great hook for the rest of the book. It is a little upsetting that I will have to wait to read the next chapters. As I read it I jotted down some notes, thoughts that came to mind as I read your work. You’ve probably already covered these items in the subsequent chapters, but here they are.
  How can we as leaders define and overcome the difference between the courage to interact and the confidence speak out? I have the courage to engage people but because I lack confidence in what I have to offer I find myself speaking quickly from being nervous, or stuttering over words, or sometimes I feel like I put my foot in my mouth most of the time and as I do this I quickly lose my confidence to further sustain the conversation. It really just breaks down to me doing some mental triage so I don’t look like a complete idiot.
  As leaders we should be utilizing technology, but my question is where do we draw the line? There are so many “networking” sites out there; facebook, myspace, twitter, flickr, linkedln and the list goes on. Are we to substitute facebook friends for real people? I’m old fashion, I prefer to sit down with someone over coffee and have an actual conversation. I am not naive, I realize that leaders need to utilize these tools, but to what extent? I recently saw a movie and one of the jokes in it was that these people obsessed with facebook brag that they have over 200 friends on facebook, but none in real life. I am just curious what your opinion is on this subject.
  What about over communication? How do we maintain a genuine, sincere connection with so many contacts, especially if some is an introvert, such as myself? One thing I cannot stand is when I am talking to someone and they’re just giving me lip service. I feel irritated because they are just wasting my time, so how do I prevent myself from doing the same thing while I am making an effort to connect?
  Over all the first chapter was great and I enjoyed reading every word of it. Your ability to connect to people even through a book is inspiring. I look forward to reading the rest of the chapters and then the book when it comes out. Thanks for this unique opportunity.

• 87 Clint Neill // Sep 2, 2009 at 7:55 pm

  John,

  This is something that has opened my eyes!! I have always been great at communicating with people when even some of my high teachers can’t. If one of my friends is having trouble in a certain class I usually can help them understand the concepts. Thanks to this first chapter I know why!! Although, I do have trouble connecting with certain types of people I have connected overall well with most people. I can’t wait for the next chapter!!

• 88 Lew // Sep 2, 2009 at 7:58 pm

  John,

  Your topic in this book is so timely! The project I am in right now has a very low engagement and my manager and I were discussing what could have went wrong. And we concluded that it was communication! Communication of team leads-their connection to their members.

  I have come to learn the art of connecting to people and it has worked quite well. I just came from Europe for 1 year as project coordinator and I was able to use this skill to represent the company whre I’m in and my country, The Philippines as well.

  May God continually anoit you John!
  Lew

• 89 Vickie // Sep 2, 2009 at 11:26 pm

  Thirteen years ago when I started my business, I was told not to run my business with my heart. Thirteen years later, I still run my business with my heart. Caring about the lives of others, taking an interest in who they are, and caring enough to pay attention, connects. Those same people that told me that 13 years ago, think that’s exactly what I sould do today. I love this statement, “You will only be able to reach your potential—regardless of your profession or chosen path—when you learn to connect with other people.” It’s so true, I wouldn’t be in my business today, if I didn’t care about the people I work with and service.

• 90 Twitted by TaraEly // Sep 3, 2009 at 12:53 am

  [...] This post was Twitted by TaraEly [...]

• 91 Milton Solorzano // Sep 3, 2009 at 1:04 am

  My professor shared the other day how her 11 yr old daughter said to him “Dad, I have many friends”. He asked her how many? His daughter replied “almost 200″… “60 on MySpace, about 40 on facebook, and another 100 following me on twitter”.

• 92 Mike Otis // Sep 3, 2009 at 3:48 am

  John,

  Thanks for letting us be a part of your book writing process…….Isn’t technology great?….Breezed through Chap 1 a few nights ago, and just kind of let it sit….wasn’t sure what I wanted to write, however, after glancing at it tonight, I realized crash, cope, or change and being proactive stood out to me (just to name a few).

  It’s very easy to get overwhelmed with information overload if it’s not managed properly, however, when utilized as a tool……Wow!, what a powerful tool, and a great way to connect with others……..and it’s true at whatever level your communicating at, be it personal or business, human relation or interpersonal communication skills are key to connecting, and keeping things moving forward……..and in today’s business environment, where the bottom line is more important than ever, it seems as though some may have lost sight of the human element, which isn’t new, however, at a time when America and the World are rebuilding, I think it’s extremely important to remenber the importance of human resource capital.

  As the U S is rebuilding itself, I’d like to thank you for writing this timely book, and tell you I like all the examples you’ve shared in chapter 1, including your own personal examples…………..It just illustrates wherever you are in life (White House, Corporation, School, Home,…..Cantina,
  the list goes on!), the ability to communicate, and connect with others does make a difference.

• 93 Mark // Sep 3, 2009 at 7:12 am

  Sometimes we fight, sometimes we surrender. Usually we surrender too early accepting someone else’s opinion as our own. We are afraid we’ll lose so we decide to run out in front of our wagons waving a white flag when we should be circling the wagons and loading our guns.

  Is life a battle? Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Some battles are based on pride instead of values. Too often I’ve been wrong and won the pride value only to advance into another more untenable position and end up falling from a higher plateau. But our value battles must be fought! Even if we lose we advance. We win ammunition for the next fight. Surrender from these battles is cowardise.

• 94 dizon ma. carina c. // Sep 3, 2009 at 7:25 am

  I am a huge fan of Dr. John C Maxwell i even made a collection of his daily devotion in equip and have it book bind. and i also love collecting his article. i even joined him in twitter and link him in my blog as well. I pray that I will meet him in person here in Angeles City Pampanga Philippines. God bless

• 95 Dagny Griffin // Sep 3, 2009 at 8:55 am

  Although I have heard of Dr. Maxwell, I’ve not read any of his work before- something I will have to remedy after tasting this delicious little excerpt.
  It’s wonderful content on a timely subject with great comparisons and fun anecdotes .
  My following comments, though, stream from my experience as a Composition teacher and editor. Hopefully they will be helpful to you in the editing process.
  First, there is a lot of switching between first, second, and third person, especially in the beginning, and it tends to be a little confusing. The general rule of thumb is no needless switching within a paragraph. What I mean is mixing first person(I, we) with second person(you) and third person (he, she it) for no apparent reason as I see here in the first and second paragraphs. It is not as effective as choosing just second or third person.

  Second, the arrangement of the Jay Hall information was really confusing. Perhaps a table or chart of some kind might be more helpful for this content.

  Third, there are several times (outside of the testimonies) that the copy is weakened by the author’s obvious and unnecessary assertions. For instance, Paragraph 2 -” I read that…,” “I tend to doubt that…” (par 3), “I am convinced more than ever…”(par 15), and so on. Although these types of phrases are perfectly acceptable in speech, these are not necessary in a book. It is the author’s book and his assertions need no introduction.
  I also think the last two paragraphs would work better as preface material.

  Hope this helps. And may Dr. Maxwell’s words continue to be a blessing to multitudes!

• 96 Sharon // Sep 3, 2009 at 10:51 am

  I really like what I am reading. The message is very good and I’m looking forward to reading more.
  Here are my comments:
  * I think that there is too much “build-up” at the beginning. It is appropriate to lay a foundation, but it feels repetitive and makes me want to skip over some of it once I get to the point where I understand that communication & connecting are important.
  * Since Connecting and Communicating are similar but not the same thing, it might be helpful to use them consistently. In the example about Ford, you start the paragraph with “connecting is crucial” but then end with “to succeed, people must be able to communicate well”.
  *I really like the examples by the way. It helps illustrate the concepts you are explaining.
  * Bill Clinton was a good connector, too good, in fact, in some ways, which got him into some trouble. The sentence “he seemed never to miss an opportunity to try to connect” might be reworded so that it doesn’t remind people of those times when he tried to connect but perhaps shouldn’t have. I also have to question how good a connector he was when he could look at the camera straight on and lie about his actions; surely that was not indicative of a good connector.
  * Obama is able to connect with people for reasons other than just his communication skills, I believe. Calling him a gifted communicator may be an exaggeration. Trust is a critical element of connection, and many people don’t trust what he is saying. You might want to tone down your praise of him or you will lose the reader who doesn’t share your opinion of Obama.
  * You talk about wanting or learning to connect beginning when you were a child, yet I wonder if you were really thinking about it that way at the time, or if, in hindsight you realized it was what you were trying to do.
  * With respect to connecting with Margaret’s mother, I daresay you must have connected with Margaret too. It feels a bit like you understate Margaret’s feelings towards you by saying that her mother was so involved.
  * In the Courage to Change section, there is a sentence which begins “So during that season…”. I read back to see if I could figure out what season you were referring to. Perhaps a word other than season would be better.
  * The paragraph that starts “To communicate effectively and to lead others….” ends with a comment about your need to communicate in your marriage, which seems misplaced. Marriage is not about leading. I think your point in this paragraph is related to initiative rather than leading, isn’t it?
  * The example about the bank robber is more about communicating effectively than connecting, and as such, I’m not sure it really fits.
  * The differentiation between High, Average and Low Achievers were very good. If you present it in a tabular format or another ‘grouping’ type format I think it would be helpful.
  * The sentence “if you travel much, you know that area in an airport…” should have a second that to make it more readable I think.
  Great job on this chapter! It is truly very helpful information. I can’t wait for the 2nd one. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to read this in advance!

• 97 Joshua Robbins // Sep 3, 2009 at 3:02 pm

  As always, you remind me to expand my vocabulary. Although I love how you connect with your readers in the first chapter as well as as the others. Your personal experiances and history helps me understand what your teaching me and how to apply it to my experiances in lessons I am learning. You are changing and improving young man’s life who doesn’t no how he can thank you enough. Thank You, and please don’t stop writing.

• 98 Peter H. // Sep 3, 2009 at 3:59 pm

  If I could offer a quick opinion, the title, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Different, that seems a little broad to me. I might just be nitpicking here, but I think it would help define the book to someone who’s just reading the cover if you changed” people” to “communicators” or something similar.

• 99 Debbie Reno // Sep 3, 2009 at 4:12 pm

  Another great read! I really enjoyed the “connection” of using first person. You have written it like it is a one-on-one conversation with the reader, which really drew me into the chapter. Made the reading go quickly.

• 100 Jennifer Miskov // Sep 3, 2009 at 4:57 pm

  Hi John, Thanks for sharing! Just a few things in regards to the chapter that I wondered about…
  Question: Are some personalities more apt to connect than others? and if so are there ways to learn practically how to connect with others? How deep does a leader need to connect with his or her people for it to be a true connection rather than just a saleperson type connection?
  Are you going to talk about how deep verses shallow the connection has to be to be effective?

  The television show Friends made it so big because people wanted to feel like they were connected to a community, this might draw in your audience aged 20’s-30’s.

  Howard Schultz from Starbucks fits into high achievers.

  Are you going to get into how to connect via the internet/social networking? And what are the costs verses the benefits of that kind of connection?

• 101 Srikrishna // Sep 3, 2009 at 5:17 pm

  Great book at the right time. I am looking forward to read more. It is needed in this internet age where every one talks about internet, email, facebook , video games etc.. It is so true that personal touch can not be replaced with technology. Thank you for the brilliant idea to write the book. I definetely would like to learn more about connecting with people.

• 102 Rick Clack // Sep 3, 2009 at 9:55 pm

  This information is an inspiration, an innovative and intuitive approach.
  I am looking forward to gleaning insights from upcoming chapters.
  I enjoy the aspect of connecting with people. I have always felt that everyone I meet is an investment in my life. Not all investments have been positive but my life is enriched by every investment. Each one has formed the person I am today.
  Thanks

• 103 Stacey Morgan // Sep 3, 2009 at 11:02 pm

  Thank you for allowing a sneak peak into this book. It could not have came at a better time. I am a nurse and just recently accepted a supervisory position. I work at LeBonheur Children’s Hospital and our organization has adopted the principles of Jim Collins Good to Great, (I notice you mention him often.)

  I have learned a lot from your audio tapes. I drive an hour and a half one way to work, so I use that time to learn leadership skills. I have listened to Running with the Giants, Thinking for a Change and A Rise to the Top…(not many audio tapes out there and my CD player doesn’t work). I listen to them several times to catch the points I may have missed the first time. I have been able to practice many of the techniques and have seen a difference in only 3 months of leading. The unit I work on is very far from being a “team”. I accepted this position because I wanted to make a difference and help the associates become a team. I had no idea how I was going to do, but God did. He will use us, you and me, to unite this unit. Because you are willing to share what works, others can benefit.

  I am glad I only get to see one chapter at a time so that I can absorb it and have time to implement changes. I am also working on my Pediatric Nurse Practitioner License and know that these skills will be extremely important in my practice. Thank you once again and I can’t wait to share the results with you.

• 104 Bethany // Sep 3, 2009 at 11:04 pm

  Hi, Dr. Maxwell!

  What a privilege to participate in your coming book! Each one is always a treasure.

  Two thoughts came to me as I read this chapter:
  1. As you close with “Almost everything we become and all that we accomplish in life comes as a result of our interaction with others,” I am reminded of the quote of Abraham Lincoln, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Too many today proclaim to be self-made. However, we truly are standing on the shoulders of giants. By connecting with those of the past as well as those of the present we enable ourselves and those around us to make a difference. Therefore, our current life as well as our legacy can serve as a connection to others.
  2. This also reminds me of the old quote “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

  Also, will you be addressing those who communicate and connect genuinely versus those that communicate and connect for their own agendas?

  The second paragraph of the chapter (with the 16,000 words/day fact in it) is very thought provoking and challenging. It made me want to read the chapter (and coming ones) carefully to make sure I learn to use my words to connect and make a difference (versus idle chatter).

  Thank you again. Looking forward to Chapter 2!

• 105 Charlene Hatton // Sep 4, 2009 at 1:19 am

  Didn’t like the start. Felt the Bush bash was way too harsh & unmerited. & Obama is way too new & fresh to deserve such praise.

  I feel Bush’s begining was very good & he was a great communicater – yes, the last year or so… was sour. Yet, let us not paint with such a wide brush! Do not taint him so as history will change – as time tells all truths. Laura is (first lady) one class act! Hillary is brazen & haughty ~ she will also be found out – just as Obama’s true colors are coming to light, right now. I’d stay away from these political ‘hot buttons’ ~ and go with more dignified examples of our past… say George Washington and Jimmy Carter?? (LOL) Will come back to read the later – too late for me now. Hope my comments help & aren’t too harsh. I love you in Christ, John! I’m the one who had you autograph 12 books for
  Christmas at Royal Palm, and attend every leadership conference and bought every book too. Keep up the awesome work. You are my friend & I’m yours too.

• 106 Htaik Seng // Sep 4, 2009 at 5:00 am

  If you want to connect do it now!

• 107 Jennifer // Sep 4, 2009 at 11:20 am

  What a wonderfully innovative way to intro a book! Thanks for allowing your readers to be active participants in it’s development – an obvious connection right there.

  I, too, have asked myself what it was that I was doing “wrong” or even simply wondered what it was that I wasn’t doing at all in regards to being successful in certain areas of my life. I think this chapter was the “lightbulb” for me.

  A few years ago, I had THE most amazing job as an Administrative Assistant for a real estate office. The communication on all levels was so effective and all of the connections so genuine that the synergy was palpable.

  It was at this job that I was introduced to your works, specifically “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, “The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork”, and “The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player”. The office took the video/workbook workshop in groups and everyone came away with something new learned and something more to offer. I was so inspired by it that I ended up conducting some of the workshops and I’m not normally a group leader/speaker!

  With that said, and in having read through the other readers’ comments, I too have some questions that I’m curious to know whether they will be addressed in future chapters.

  1. Janet George (#29), Jana (#84) and Bethany (#103) raise a valid point, and a concern that I share. What do you do with/how do you identify someone who is attempting to connect for their own edification and not because they have a genuine interest in me/another person? Just as importantly, what if you KNOW someone whom you suspect as operating in this manner?

  2. Ruth Demitroff (#33) – as did several others – mentioned the “wow” factor of the book/bookshelf/library analogy. I consciously try to “be the best person I can be everyday” and try to govern my actions by asking myself prior to putting them in to motion whether what I’m about to do fits that motto. I don’t know if I’ve been paying as much attention to my words in that manner and I thank you for stressing that importance.

  3. Peter H. (#85) questioned the substituting of real friends for FB (or other social networks) friends. I, myself, do not and save but for three or four individuals on my “friends list” are all people I actually know/have known in real life. And, as a result of social networking sites, I have actually made genuine connections/re-connections that have blossomed into real life friendships or rekindled ones. My BFF I actually met on CafeMom, and much like the woman who was instrumental in tying her neighbors together, I reached out to her as she was isolated and fairly new to the area. It can be done!

  4. Which brings me to Milton Solorzano (#90) who told us of the 11 yr. old girl who seemingly counts her MySpace, Facebook and Twitter friends as “real”. It is a very sad testament to the way things are today for our youth and proof positive that it is of the utmost importance that parents be sure to not only educate, but demonstrate the difference between that and true connections. As the mother of 16 yr. old twins who are up to their necks in all of it – plus online gaming – I’ve had to fight the battle a few times myself.

  5. Lastly, about Jennifer Miskov’s (#99) question about personality lending itself to the “ease” of connecting – I believe it does. I am an ENFP by Myers-Briggs analysis (www.myersbriggs.org, if anyone is so inclined) and definitely feel like making genuine connections easier than it would be for others. I also agree wholeheartedly with your standpoint that it CAN be learned.

  I’m sorry for the excruciatingly long post. Thanks again for the opportunity and I definitely will be following this! I’m actually an aspiring entrepreneur and have started engaging “fans” of my FB page by asking for their feedback during the development phase. It’s not catching on like I’d hoped, but I’ll keep trying to connect!

• 108 Danny Simon // Sep 4, 2009 at 11:40 am

  Hey!
  Great First chapter and I loved the prologue! In fact you really connected with the phone call illustration!
  I am from India too so that went great! I have followed up on many of your books, tapes, sermons and you are right when u say that leaders need to connect; leaders touch a heart b4 they touch a hand! In fact I love the title of this book too; I think truly one area where people lack today is the ability to truly connect with someone else. Especially in marriages! So many are breaking up today because of that.

  Only the first part, I think its a great illustration on the US Presidential history; although I do think you went in a little deeper on that. I did have to take a little time on understanding that bit.
  The part with your history was really excellent!

  I also think about where you talk about attitude; the illustrations, did u take them from your older books? I remember reading them! But somehow it didn’t seem to explain the attitude bit that well.
  I think all the rest was too good! As usual the regular John Maxwell style! Waiting to read chapter 2!
  Amazing one more thing, your courage and confidence in letting us read through this b4 it actually gets published! Really admire that!

• 109 Melissa Albers // Sep 4, 2009 at 12:32 pm

  More talk isn’t the answer……

  As a professional speaker and coach, I specialize in teaching leadership teams to work more effectively, by utilizing the strengths and blindspots of the group as a whole. Much of this is driven first by helping people identify their own style of communication and connection – as well as a snapshot of how this fits with everyone else around the table. I’m always facinated by the groups that have complete agreement on strategies and initiatives – but through communication breakdown, fail miserably. It is tremendously rewarding however, to see people ‘flip their switch’ – have an a-ha moment – recognize how communication is often the issue – not the topic being discussed.

  I’m reminded of a team session I was facilitating in Kansas City a few summers ago. This particular group (there were 15) was the executive team of a large real estate development firm. The COO was a kind man, smart, cool under pressure and quite discerning. Unfortunately – others didn’t see him that way – but felt rather that he was stiff, uninterested and ‘unavailable’ during group discussion. The poor guy – I felt sorry for him. I had participated in a number of phone calls with him in preparation for this session, he felt misunderstood and didn’t know how to change the perception. I decided to set him up a bit during a particularly challenging part of our workshop. I asked him for his feedback on a rather complicated scenario. He sat quietly for several moments (painful and looooong moments for the rest of us!). He then carefully explained his opinion in exactly three sentences. Each well crafted, each extremely accurate. I waited. Nothing. I said, “Is that it?” He replied, “I’m out of words.” The room hung in suspense – wondering how the faciliator would deal with a pending embarrassment. I burst out laughing and said, “Dear One – my husband would absolutely drop to his knees and thank the stars if I came home one day and announced I was out of words!” Everyone burst out laughing, including our dear COO. It was a wonderful moment to be authentic and transparent – he took the bait and ran. He went on to explain that his wife and kids wished he’d talk more – and his co-workers started to chime in on their similar opinions. We used that moment to brainstorm ways to bring him out during group conversations, and it was the start of a wonderful change for all of those folks that day.

  Mr.Maxell – you are on my dreamboard this year. I’d like to meet you somehow – and according to my board – it should happen sometime prior to March of 2010! Thanks for the opportunity to weigh in on your book. It’s a lot of fun, and I’ll look forward to chapter 2!

• 110 Kevin Phillips // Sep 4, 2009 at 1:18 pm

  Great chapter. I do think this sentence should be reworded: “He equaled Reagan’s ability to connect one on one as well as while looking into a camera.”

• 111 Kevin Phillips // Sep 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm

  I love the analogy of a nuclear power plant disconnected from the grid. Very apt.

• 112 Darren // Sep 4, 2009 at 1:40 pm

  Hi John,

  Thanks for posting this. I’ve found two possible typos.

  The first is in the following heading point.

  “3. I Wanted to Make a Difference Not Just Know About the Difference”

  I believe there should be a comma after the word difference, since there are really two parts to that sentence. That would make it flow better. I think it should read like this:

  “3. I Wanted to Make a Difference, Not Just Know About the Difference”

  Secondly, I also agree with Patty in comment #10 that “direction correlation” should be “direct correlation.”

  Just my suggestions. Thanks again and can’t wait to read more.

• 113 Martin Press // Sep 4, 2009 at 1:56 pm

  Love the concept (both of the book and the forum) I thought this first chapter was a great intro to this disscussion. I will be interested to see in what direction you take this especially when it comes to new media and technological advances when it comes to connecting – As you briefly said in this chapter there has been an explosion of “social networks” IM’s and forums but does that equate to more connectedness?

  Looking forward to subsequent chapters.

• 114 Marc Millan // Sep 4, 2009 at 6:14 pm

  John:
  Fantastic. Love it so far, I’m a musician who studied public speaking in College becuase I knew it would matter. Glad I did.
  The one thing I found myself doing most of the first chapter was wondering what your definition of “Connecting” was but it came much later in the chapter. Maybe move that up earlier? So that your perspective is defined early on as you discuss the potential value and pitfalls of communicating well or poorly.
  Looking forward to chapter 2

• 115 Barry Cameron // Sep 4, 2009 at 6:36 pm

  Good afternoon, John. I have a copy of almost every book you’ve ever written, sell them in our bookstore and recommend them often. This new one looks like a winner. I’m also impressed with the way you are getting input from your tribe. You asked for suggestions so here are mine: The opening about communicators focuses on Presidents. When I think of great communicators I don’t normally start there. I was just wondering if you should broaden this opening with other examples/illustrations of communicators. Second, one of the quotes you shared from Margaret was that years ago “you bragged too much.” There are a number of statements in this first chapter about you. I know you don’t think it’s all about you. And I don’t think you want it to sound like it is. Finally, the listing at the end of High Achievers, etc. Is there a way you can make that flow better. The information is great and with a couple of small tweaks would be terrific.

• 116 Carolyn De Jesus // Sep 4, 2009 at 10:30 pm

  I remember when hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans that I felt very saddened by the people of Louisiana. I felt compassion. Then I worried that I might have friends who live there that might need a place to stay. Remembering that the friends who were native from New Orleans were stationed in Hawaii, I said to myself, “boy, I’m glad I don’t know anyone there.” I felt a sense of relief knowing that I didn’t have to worry anymore. I sent money, like many Americans and others from around the world did, out of a sense of moral obligation.

  It wasn’t long before I went back to my daily routines and forgot about what the victims of the hurricane were experiencing on a daily basis. About a few weeks later I received a call from a local Crisis Pregnancy Center in which I did volunteer work for, asking me if I could drive to New Orleans to deliver Diapers and Baby Formula. I accepted the task and began the 14 hour journey into the north part of New Orleans. As my companion and I drove into the hurricane devastated area and began to feel something that I had not felt before: Identification. I began to discover something about the victims of New Orleans that I had not been able to do via television: that what I was driving into was REAL. From afar, it seemed as something from a movie.

  Once we arrived to deliver our supplies; my friend and I decided we would drive around and see, first hand, the magnitude of the devastation. We drove into a neighborhood and saw a couple in their late fifties emptying their house of water-damaged items. We knew that the city did not have electricity or running water, so we pulled up next to their house and asked if they could use a cooler full of ice, sodas, water and fresh fruits. As they walked to the van, I could see tears on the woman’s face. They had obviously been working for hours and the heat were wearing them down; but not as much as the despair that hung invisibly upon her shoulders. We stayed with them for a few hours, listening to their story. We helped with what we could, but by the time they knew they needed to quit, before the sun would set, my friend and I felt the same overwhelming feeling of despair they felt. The work was overwhelming, the resources were few, and their strength was wearing out. Inevitably, we all hugged and wept in each other’s arms. Words were not necessary. The connection was made the moment my friend and I began to identify with them.

  As we drove away, making our way back to North Carolina that very evening, my friend and I continued to weep silently for the next two hours. The only sound that broke the silence and carried us in thought the rest of the journey home were these words I uttered: “I no longer can say that I don’t know anyone in New Orleans. For today I have left behind family.”

  It isn’t the compassion that moves us to give, or to say something encouraging that makes a genuine connection. It might meet their immediate needs, but it will not keep a lasting impression. It’s the willingness to identify with people on their level, in their situations, in their culture, and sometimes, even in their language. Identification will automatically lead to connection. It is that identification that will give our words an ear that is willing to listen. (It is because of Jesus’ identification with my infirmities and acquaintance with my grief that I am readily willing to listen to what He has to say to me.)

  This is my story and I pray that it will help you. This is how I have been able to connect with people.

  I look forward to chapter 2! Great Job!

• 117 Trudy Metzger // Sep 4, 2009 at 10:39 pm

  “Wow” seems a somewhat generic response to an incredible chapter! However, it is what comes to mind as I finish reading. I have a short attention span but, not only did I stick with it, I was captivated. My mind has a habit of reading a few sentences, finding some great inspiration and then being distracted as I write a chapter of my own in my head, before returning to the book. This time I read all the way through in one sitting with none of that! In part this because it is one of my two favourite topics, but mostly because the writing flows so well! Can’t wait for chapter 2!!
  There were a few typo’s here, but I will mention them in a separate post because I have a story to share….

  My family always joked that out of 16 kids I was the ‘spokesman’ for the family. Starting at about age 10, I was the one who would talk to every salesman or Jehovah’s Witness who showed up at our door. By the time they left our home, I would have them questioning their own product or religion, while still developing a friendship with each individual. To an extent this was a natural gift, but it was further developed as a survival skill in our home.
  Raised in dysfunction and brutality, I witnessed a lot of physical violence, even death threats, as far back as I can recall. However, I personally suffered less physical violence at the hands of my parents than most of my siblings did, which is not to say that I am not scarred by the memories. To this day I am told I was a spoiled “Daddy’s girl”. I never saw it that way and didn’t understand why my siblings did because it wasn’t’ that my father spoiled me by giving me gifts that they didn’t receive. In hindsight I see that he treated me different emotionally. Chapter One of your book helped me recognize that it was because of my communication skills. I connected with my father’s heart.
  As a child, when Dad would say he wanted to talk, the sheer terror of what he might do to me would grip my heart and I physically had to resist the urge to run from him. I would smile and ask questions, then listen as he told stories of his childhood – stories that were filled with the same terror I had of him. These ‘visits’ started in my late preteens and continued until I left home at age fifteen.
  With an understanding of the child that lived inside my father’s memories, came the ability to influence him. Several times during my teen years I was able to negotiate with him, preventing acts of violence, and later in life this understanding opened doors to healing.
  When I was 21, my father was arrested and placed in a secure psych ward and I was the only family member who had the courage to go spend time with him. Again we spoke candidly, connecting at a heart level, about his childhood and what had led him to that place. Never did I endorse or justify his actions, in fact, he allowed me to question things that no one dared to confront. By appealing to the inner man that I knew was lost behind the violence his defences disappeared and he told me things that were incredibly vulnerable. When I left him that day, I gave my father a hug for the first time in my life.
  Eight years ago, when my father became very ill at age 71, I drove 146 miles several times a week, to sit by his bed in the hospital. My husband and I were expecting our fifth child and this gave opportunity for us to talk comfortably about taboo subjects like pregnancy and parenting, which led to him reminiscing about his parenting skills. My father asked for forgiveness for the years of abuse and violence he had inflicted on his children. He wept as he spoke blessing and honour over my husband and me for choosing to give our children a loving and stable home.
  A year later, when he was battling an intense fear of death, I knew I had won his heart and his trust when he called me just to share that fear with me. I encouraged him to cling to the truth that he was a forgiven man and let go of the other voices.
  It is the only time in his life that my father shared such a personal struggle with me and it is the greatest honour he gave me. Several months later my father passed away and as I stood beside his grave, I kneeled down and rested my hand on his heart. My only regret was the time that had been lost, but that regret faded into the realization that I had connected with Dad’s heart.

• 118 Trudy Metzger // Sep 4, 2009 at 11:30 pm

  Again, Chapter One is wonderful! There are a few typo’s and one or two syntax issues that I’d like to share for your consideration.

  “And as Carter made a case to be reelected, he…” (should it be: re-elected)

  “He equaled Reagan’s ability to connect one on one as well as while looking into a camera.” (Comma after “one on one”)

  “His inability to connect, alienated people before his performance as president did.” (I would suggest a comma here to make the sentence more readable & easier to understand.)

  “It perhaps reached a nadir in (the) response to Katrina.” (Here I would suggest taking ‘the’ out and if anything put in ‘his’.)

  “I am convinced more than ever that that good communication…” (“that” is duplicated)

  This is my kind of book and if Chapter One is any indication of what is to come, everyone should read it because everyone needs to connect! Thanks for sharing this with us. The thrill of reading it before it’s in print is especially exciting!
  Trudy

• 119 Terry Smith // Sep 5, 2009 at 12:27 am

  Great start John! Your transparency and passion for drawing out the best in others is evident in every word! I cannot help but feel that if I was truly a “Subject Matter Expert” at a particular topic and did not have the ability to connect well with people, my expertise would not reach its full potential and quite possibly be of help to no one. Thanks for all you do John, I appreciate you, Terry

• 120 Steve McMahan // Sep 5, 2009 at 7:09 am

  John, you’ve got me interested and wanting to read the next chapter(s). As I read ch 1, my thought was…Ford, Carter and Bush are used as examples of people who were not successful. However, they all rose to be presidents of the US. Most people consider that to be successful. Were they connecting before, and then lost it. Or is connecting not really so important after all. They were all high achievers or they would not have become Presidnet.

  Thanks for this opportunity to preview the book.

• 121 dizon ma. carina c. // Sep 5, 2009 at 9:41 am

  I will wait for your book. I love to read it I really love to see it soon. Thank you very much.

• 122 Kathy Gerstorff // Sep 5, 2009 at 10:50 am

  Reading this chapter on connecting makes me think about opportunities to brighten someone’s day and raises my awareness so I can make it a part of my success strategy.

• 123 Katherina H // Sep 5, 2009 at 11:02 am

  What a great book! I can’t wait for chapter two. I want to learn more about connecting. I could get along well with people, but I am not a connector. Three times a week I took my son to his preschool. While waiting for him, I usually sit with other moms and talking with them. We do enjoy our conversation, but none of them I could call “friend”. I saw there was some group of moms. I mean when they want to go somewhere else before the school ends, they would go with particular moms. I always become the one who received the good- bye waves. Recently I realize this condition and I realize that I was lack of friend. I want to change and more open to people. I hope your book will teach me to connect with others. Thank you.

• 124 Doug Wilson // Sep 5, 2009 at 2:43 pm

  John, I wanted to share an observation and a story.

  (1) On your use of President Obama as a model of a great communicator, you might want to be aware of Bert Decker’s recent re-assessment (at bertdecker.com): he suggests that “President Obama is no longer the premier communicator – which is remarkable as he was elected largely because of his speaking ability. I even named him as #1 in my Top Ten Communicators of 2006. It’s not about the words – he does have very good speech writers – it’s about the authenticity.

  …it is also now apparent that he is too scripted and aloof in formal situations, and halting in the informal situations. Not the great communicator.

  … he was, and is, a great orator – but I think the teleprompter is now getting in his way. He has to go to another level. Martin Luther King, JFK, Roosevelt, Clinton and Reagan rarely read from teleprompters – except on formal and State occasions. And their greatest moments were not when they were reading – it was when they were speaking. From the heart. Authentically.”

  I think Decker’s observations here concern precisely what you are writing about: the importance of an authentic connection from a communicator.

  : :

  (2) When I read your chapter, I remembered a wonderful example of connecting. Frank Laubach was a missionary in the Philippines during the 1920′s and 30′s. While living on the island of Mindanao he worked with the Maranao people, but had little success in educating them. Every evening he would climb Signal Hill to be alone with God. He once said, in frustration, “I was up there one night asking God: ‘What can you do for a hateful people like these, murderers, thieves, our enemies, betel-nut chewers, dirty and filthy.’ ”

  These are his words of what happened on a December night in 1929 (recounted in Richard Foster’s “Streams of Living Water,” pp. 42-43):

  : :

  One evening I was sitting on Signal Hill looking over the province that had me beaten. Tip [his dog] had his nose up under my arm trying to lick the tears off my cheeks. My lips began to move and it seemed to me that God was speaking.

  “My Child,” my lips said, “you have failed because you do not really love these Moros. You feel superior to them because you are white. If you can forget you are an American and think only how I love them, they will respond.”

  I answered back to the sunset, “God, I don’t know whether you spoke to me through my lips, but if you did, it was the truth…. Drive me out of myself and come and take possession of me and think Thy thoughts in my mind….”

  My lips spoke to me again: “If you want the Moros to be fair to your religion, be fair to theirs. Study their Koran with them.”

  : :

  Climbing down Signal Hill, Laubach told some local priests that he wanted to study their Koran. “The next day,” he notes, “they crowded into my little cottage, each with a Koran under his arm. They were bent upon making a Moslem out of me! So we went to work with great zeal.”

  : :

  The result of Laubach’s decision to connect with the Moros was literally world-changing.

• 125 Connie Bergeron // Sep 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm

  John, I’d like to see you address how to connect when you’re painfully shy. When you’re afraid of people. You want to connect, but you have this mountain of fear in the way.
  As for me, the Lord led me to be a Mary Kay beauty consultant. Now I’m being lovingly motivated to approach people and talk to them. It’s still very scary. Uncomfortable for them and me. Which doesn’t help! Thanks for reading. And help!

• 126 Laurie Akau // Sep 5, 2009 at 6:59 pm

  John – i like your book concept. May i share with you my method of knowing when i am connecting with people. i call it my internal Click-O-Meter. My senses intuitively give me immediate loop feedback on whether i am connecting with someone and whether i want to continue the conversation or relationship. if a person registers high on my Click-O-Meter, then i know that i’m onto something good. I use the same internal measure for connecting in group presentations . the word connect represents a multitude of skill sets, and i am glad to read your first chapter on such a basic yet elusive quality of leadership. Looking forward to chapter 2. Aloha and Mahalo for the preview.

• 127 Cindy Fisher // Sep 5, 2009 at 8:40 pm

  Thanks for the book preview! I am currently reading “Leadership Gold” and loving it!

  I love the story about the caps in your brother’s back pocket. I had tears running down my face as I tried to read it to my husband.

  A couple of notes – The section on SWA in the paragraph starting “Jay Hall …” should “direction correlation” be “direct correlation”?

  The list of High, Average and Low achievers may work better in a table or box with each in a column. It was a bit hard to follow the way it was.

  Looking forward to chapter 2!

• 128 Pastor Stephanie Eagle // Sep 5, 2009 at 8:43 pm

  Hi John,

  You’ve heard it said, “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.” When we genuinely connect with people, we travel at warp speed a direct route to the land of influence and endless possibilities.

• 129 Charlotte // Sep 6, 2009 at 2:39 am

  Great start! Thank you. I’m also enjoying The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. Looking forward to reading chapter 2.

• 130 Anthony // Sep 6, 2009 at 9:20 pm

  Great chapter! I really like the content and the stories that are used throughout the chapter.

• 131 John Gallagher // Sep 6, 2009 at 10:09 pm

  John, Great stuff. I agree. If there are two leaders with similar knowledge, generally the one who can connect will be a more effective leader. A good connector can likely get by with a little less knowledge.

• 132 David Dalka // Sep 6, 2009 at 10:30 pm

  It’s been interesting to watch you transfer your offline brand online and now take a page out of the Naked Conversations book by writing in this way.

  It’s inspirational to my upcoming activities.

• 133 Polly Scott // Sep 6, 2009 at 10:54 pm

  Even though you are an expert, I think it needs to be softened somewhat in that area in your first chapter. The personal examples of how you improved are good. The fact that you mentioned that your son-in-law learned from you came across somewhat egotistical – even though true.

  I do not read the books of one very well-known woman who writes extremely good topics because she goes on so much in her books about how great she is and how her ministry has touched so many people. I just couldn’t “stomach” it to read through her books.

  The overall content of the first chapter is very good, and I look forward to reading more.

  I haven’t found that to be generally true with your books (and I’ve read a lot of them). Just wanted to point that out in case it’s slipping into your work.

  Sincerely,
  Polly

• 134 Andrea // Sep 6, 2009 at 11:04 pm

  John, this is definately the kind of material we need to be able to access in this twenty first century. I just completed a course on transformational leadership, where we looked at the work of past leaders, Fidel Castro, Marcus Garvey, Ghandi, Sam Walton, Jack Welch, Oprah Winfrey, Norman Manley, to name a few and it is their excellent communication skills that made the difference in their individual leadership styles. They were able to connect with their followers. Excellent book! Excellent approach .

• 135 Judy Fossgreen // Sep 6, 2009 at 11:06 pm

  Hi John,
  Lee and I just retired and moved to Idaho to be near our grandkids. We found Boise to be very friendly. After reading your Chapter I on Connecting I realize it is partly because we totally connect with people—our grandkids, our kids, the grocer, clerks, teachers, etc. To give total 100% attention to another, using their name and having eye contact with a smile brings about a connect. It totally changes the atmosphere.
  Jay Hall’s list was true of teachers (I came out of 36 years in that field).
  This book is going to be fun and hopefully teach others how to connect and enjoy their life so much more.
  God Bless,
  Judy and Lee

• 136 Mark Patrick Brooker // Sep 6, 2009 at 11:45 pm

  Way to go John,

  You hit the target again. Unless we care about others our life has no meaning. Christ taught us this but we need the reminder daily……..you have given us a good start. Can’t wait for the next chapter.

• 137 Bud Louse // Sep 7, 2009 at 6:07 am

  Great chapter. Thanks!!

  Just one thing that may have already been pointed out. To us in the the UK it is particularly off-putting to see a book on communication with such bad grammar in the title!!

  It ought to be Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do DifferentLY

• 138 vixon // Sep 7, 2009 at 10:07 am

  wow this is from the master of leadership himself, the funny thing is that my friend and I have been trying to work connecting with as many people as possible but this chapter has just given it a new meaning, and it is coming at a time when people in our world today feel insecure and need someone they can run to and feel safe and willing to pour out their heart to,
  in a world where people need to be reached out to beyond leadership or work place but in their personal lives as well.
  i do hope to light my little corner with love starting from now by connecting with someone not for what i can get but for what i can give.

  To John Maxwell my distant mentor.

  Vixon
  Nigeria

• 139 Philip TFL // Sep 7, 2009 at 10:15 am

  So practical and down to earth insights! This is a challenge to me to take relationships to a higher level. These comments are great contributions that I also enjoyed reading. Looking forward to the rest. Thank you John for being a blessing.

• 140 Johnny Benavides // Sep 7, 2009 at 2:31 pm

  John,

  I cannot express how much You’ve hit the nail on the head ,for me I grew up in a not so social back ground,yeah I had alot of charisma but I didnt like connecting with people becuse I thought that I would be submitting to them,but
  now that i’am finding out for my that pretty much through my entire life I’ve never been able to connect to any one but my family.
  I am willing to learn and have many books trying to find the right process or order on how to connect,I’ve been resding some of larry crabs
  book “Connecting”. it’s grate and I cant wait for your book to come out soon.
  Man, every thing you’ve talked about I’ve experienced so far, I cant wait to move forward.
  I cant wait to try some stuff out and I wish There was an exercise to try out after every chapter you publish,I know I would jump right in to do it.
  God Bless,
  Thank you.

• 141 Deb Ingino // Sep 7, 2009 at 3:30 pm

  Connection is the key isn’t it! You have captured in chapter 1 precisely the reason why I began MyWiredStyle.com, to help parents connect with their children in their God given strengths. I love the stories you shared from your childhood, it is indeed in those early years, where great connection can really help unleash each of us into a successful future.
  Can’t wait to read the rest~

• 142 Linda G. Smith // Sep 7, 2009 at 6:23 pm

  I enjoyed reading the first chapter and found your writing to be crisp and informative. I like the stories, and you are a master storyteller.

  You referred to Mr. Bush as President Bush, but you didn’t refer to President Obama as president, nor did you use his first name, Barack, as you did when you mentioned the other presidents. He is the president and deserves to have us address him with his proper title. No matter if we voted or didn’t vote for him.

  My feedback is as follows:
  The Serenity Prayer has been abreviated and I encourage you to use the whole prayer. I am sure that you have a copy. If you don’t chose to, please put … and a notation that this is not the complete prayer and where the reader can read the entire prayer.. It’s a beautiful prayer in its entirety. I’m sure that Reverend Niebuhr would have liked that. You probably studied his writings, but many have not.

  Under the subtitle, “The Courage to Change,” I would suggest reversing the number four and the number three bullets because that order correlates with the prayer.

  I enjoyed the story about the CEO of Southwest Airlines. I am flying on that flight to attend the American Association of Christian Counselors. I like their service, too.

  The story about Jorge Rodriquez is a keeper and it’s that dry humor, reflects that behavior that is so like us.

  I am a person of color and know so well how important it is to help people to see beyond my skin color when it is a barrier for them. I like the quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. (you’ll have to check the accuracy) when he said, “People fear each other because they don’t know each other. They don’t know each other because they have not been properly introduced.” That might be a useful quote for somewhere in your book.

  I was energized by reading your first chapter and look forward to reading subsequent ones. I applaud you for asking for people to give you suggestions, etc. You are doing what you are writing about, connecting . You practice what you preach and teach. And someone who asks for evaluations, seeks to be excellent in what he or she is doing for the Lord. May God bless you so you can be a blessing to others.

• 143 Fasanya Adeola // Sep 8, 2009 at 7:06 am

  Whoa! Cant wait to read the next chapter. I’ve read a lot of your books, but this one is want I really truly need. Connecting has always proved to be difficult for me,mostly because i give up on the difficult ones(i mean people) i pray this book will teach me how it’s done. More grace Mr Maxwell. Fasanya Adeola
  Nigeria

• 144 Brian Tkatch // Sep 8, 2009 at 8:51 am

  @Linda G. Smith

  It is common to refer to the sitting president without the title “President”. It shows a certain level of endearment.

• 145 OGUNSAKIN ADEYEMI // Sep 8, 2009 at 11:46 am

  Hi, Dr. Maxwell, this will be another great book from you. I’ve always being influenced by your books especially those ones that centres on leadership. I know this would also help me to connect more with people. Yemi in NIG

• 146 Alejandro Pozo // Sep 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm

  Great book, congratulations!

  I want to share next points:

  1. Sometimes we thing that increase our influence in others by connecting is only based on benefits we obtain for it, but when we focus also in other’s needs and benefits the results could be amazing.

  2. Clearly I agree that all succesfull conections begin witt my own right attitude in life (my family, my work, my friends …). No matter how many problems, dificulties or special situacion in I’m living in, if I have the right-positive attitude to solve and work on them, it will be reflected on the quality of my connections with people; otherlese if I have a negative attitude, I will be reflected in my relations with others. It could be a good test to review us internally to take out: bitterness, anger, lack of forgiveness or anything that could be a barrier between successful connections.

  3. I have done a matrix based on the results of Jay Hall correlation between achievement and the ability to care for and connect with people that I want to send just for your review; sometimes when we use diagrams or visual content we can said more than a thousand word. Please let me know an email direction I could send this matrix.

  Thanks a lot for this opportunity to read and take in count our comments!

  Regards,

  Alejandro Pozo from Monterrey, Mexico

• 147 Munish Varma // Sep 8, 2009 at 1:43 pm

  John, thank you very much for sharing your book-in-progress. Like all of your other books I’ve read, this chapter has already made a big impact on me. As an introduction to increasing my Connecting skills, I am now committed to having this as a dominant thought process in my interactions with people, and I am really looking forward to getting more nuts & bolts information in the upcoming chapters.

  I do have one suggestion for this chapter which might bring more clarity to the section. I am referring to the section where you describe the difference between High, Average, and Low achievers. I thought the points made would be much clearer if they were presented in table format, having the following columns – Low Achiever, Average Achiever, High Achiever. Put the columns in this order, then fill the content with the points you’ve made. The presentation is emphatic, as it stands now, but this may add another degree of clarity.

  Thanks again John.

• 148 James MASIMER // Sep 8, 2009 at 2:09 pm

  Vision leading toTruth.In the heart brings about connection.A knowing. That is communication to the personal leval!

• 149 Mark Ralls // Sep 8, 2009 at 7:37 pm

  As I was reading the chapter and came across this paragraph it reminded me of an encounter many years ago.

  “How much more healthy would your relationships be if you excelled at connecting? What would your marriage be like? How much happier would your family life be? How much better would you be at getting along with your neighbors if you were able to connect with them?”

  I have been married for thirty years this past August 2009. To be married that long and be happy you must learn to connect. One of the lessons I learned about eighteen years ago that improved my marriage was to change how I speak about my wife to others. I used to tell people about her fault. My focus was always there. Then one day a man who had been married for 50 years at the time asked if I wanted to improve my marriage and my relationship with my wife. I ask Stanley what I had to get her to do to make her better. Stanley told me that she was not the problem, I was. He told me that yes she most likely had areas that needed to improve, but I could not change her I could only change me.

  He said that the most important thing I could do was change the way I spoke about her. In doing so I would change the way I thought about her and in turn change the way I acted toward her. Well I love my wife very much and wanted a great marriage. So I did as Stanley advised. Things did not change overnight, but the did change.

  I can now say that I do not remember the last time I complained to anyone about any of my wife possible faults. I sitting here writing this I would have a difficult time really finding one. No she is not perfect. Close. But not perfect. I just choose to make my connection to her more important that identifying her faults.

  Mark

• 150 Grace Bower // Sep 9, 2009 at 1:24 am

  WOW – Number 150 on 09-09-09 from New Zealand! The comments that resonated with me are the following that I agree with or would like to see used somewhere in the book.
  37 – Brian – Jesus looked them in the eyes and spoke to the heart
  41 – Tamella – Excellent word picture of the different values of our spoken communications.
  50 – Candace – The need for greater emphasis on connecting with words and the new use of social media that is a different level.
  68 – Doug – Good points at number 4 entry
  77 – Tom – good point about the sustainability of political comments as time passes
  96 – Shaun
  114 – Mark
  116 – Carolyn – Katrina Story that will last well as an example of identification and heart connection
  117 – Trudy – A powerful story that deserves to fit in somewhere in this book
  I would like to see more use of the word Connection and less of the word communication as this is the main point of difference with this book.
  I loved the use of personal discoveries and the mentoring of the son-in-law and would personally like the end bit at the beginning of the chapter as it has me wanting to emulate John and his protege.
  Could this first chapter be up maybe a little longer so a wider audience can start the journey with you? Even if they can’t comment on the chapter just to give them the background.
  Thanks John for opening your draft to the ordinary people – I’m sure the responses will enrich the finished product and widen the audience as more people invest in it’s production.
  Look forward to your response to the comments in a blog post sometime.

• 151 Martin Thong // Sep 9, 2009 at 2:07 am

  Hi John, i felt connected to you just by reading this chapter. I love your real life examples, very apt with a tingh of humour. Keep it up, mentor and friend.

• 152 Pinkan Chrisnindia // Sep 9, 2009 at 11:17 am

  Hi John….
  I really Love your first chapter. God spoke to me through it. I am student of Communication studies. I found that I very lack to connect with others. I feel not confidence. This year I learned from my failures.

  I promise I will overcome the ‘giant’.

• 153 José M. Pujol H. // Sep 9, 2009 at 11:15 pm

  Hi Dr. John Maxwell’s team , I am from Mérida – Venezuela, it’s very exciting be able to contribute to the development of this book. I think that the communication has to see with the way in which we communicate to ourselves with our parents and the way in which they were communicating with others. It would be interesting that it was possible to speak a bit about this. We copy what we see to do them. There is necessary a process of renovation of the way in which we see the communication. The communication they are bridges that are established and that are fortifying as they travel.

  It might comment of the different ways in which communicate the persons of different countries.

  I think that you might speak a bit about the conflicts that you have found to communicate with persons of other countries.

• 154 Shyju // Sep 10, 2009 at 9:32 am

  I’m not here to advice, but to tell u that u’ve lived your book by opening it for people to edit- basically i’m saying, good job connecting!

  Loved the first chapter, already feeling a perspective change, waiting for the next chapter.

  Sincere question, if you let people read the book here, wud they want to buy it wen its out? God bless you anyway
  Love from India.
  Shyju

• 155 Dale Hart // Sep 10, 2009 at 10:40 am

  I once spoke with a legislator from Arkansas during the Whitewater scandal involving the Clintons. He told me Bill Clinton would never be connected to wrong-doing involving the pursuit of money. He commented that money didn’t matter that much to President Clinton and that he was much more concerned that people like and support him. He continued, “If President Clinton walked into a room of 500 people and there was one person who did not like him, that is who he would immediately seek out in an effort to connect with and “win over” that person.”

  While I did not respect President Clinton for much of who he was, he did understand the importance of connection. It paved his way for political success and kept him surrounded by supporters even during times of personal and political upheaval.

  There’s an old saying that, “It’s a lot easier to hate someone you don’t know.” It’s all about connection.

• 156 Tom Martin // Sep 10, 2009 at 11:51 am

  John,

  I’m glad you posted the reminder on Twitter this morning, great chapter with a practical application for everyone, especially those of us in a sales environment.

  To connect is to join, but to make a connection there has to be rapport as defined in Webster. This is what I try to help our sales force to see as their role in transitioning a lead into a prospect, a prospect into a customer, and a customer into a client. It is those connected clients who become our greatest advocates we have to help grow our business. And if an investment in connecting yields dividends of multiplicity in your professional life, think of what you will gain by making a similar investment in connecting with your family, friends, and where you serve in your personal life.

  Thanks for the preview of the new book!
  @TomMartinATL

• 157 Tom Martin // Sep 10, 2009 at 11:55 am

  John,

  I’m glad you posted the reminder on Twitter this morning, great chapter with a practical application for everyone, especially those of us in a sales environment.

  To connect is to join, but to make a connection there has to be rapport as defined in Webster. This is what I try to help our sales force to see as their role in transitioning a lead into a prospect, a prospect into a customer, and a customer into a client. It is those connected clients who become our greatest advocates we have to help grow our business. And if an investment in connecting yields dividends of multiplicity in your professional life, think of what you will gain by making a similar investment in connecting with your family, friends, and where you serve in your personal life.

  Thanks for the preview of the new book!
  @TomMartinATL

• 158 Emily // Sep 10, 2009 at 12:14 pm

  For me connecting with people is something that I’ve kinda figured out as I’ve watched real “Pro connectors” at work.

  One of the greatest tools I’ve found to be effective in connecting with people, is affirmation.
  As soon as people feel like they are important to me and that I value their opinion, the door to communication is open.

  I guess the second tool I use is asking questions or discussing topics that effect them on a regular basis.
  This helps them to feel like I know where they’re coming from and can understand their situation.

  I usually try to use different type of phrasing too depending on what age group I’m with.
  If I’m talking to young people, I’ll throw tons of slang and movie quotes into conversation. If I’m talking to adults or elderly, I’ll use more proper English and make reference to things that influence their generation.

• 159 kiera Roberto // Sep 10, 2009 at 12:39 pm

  aloha!

  loved this first chapter, definitely has me impatient for the rest to come out! thank you for sharing your experience, insights, and wisdom with so many, you are a godsend to leaders everywhere, and their followers even more so. mahalo,

  kiera Roberto

• 160 Al Getler // Sep 10, 2009 at 3:05 pm

  Dr. Maxwell, there is something different about your writing style in this first chapter. It could be that you have connected with the topic that is your complete strength (ala Marcus Buckingham). I read and felt things about you I have not picked up in some of your previous works. I really connected with this material and look forward to more.

  The piece on Herb Kelleher certainly points to a true connector. In 2001 at a conference in San Francisco, Herb was scheduled as our luncheon speaker. A group of my colleagues and I decided to get together an hour before lunch was scheduled to begin to sit and catch up with one another. As our group talked, I noticed Herb walk in with a small entourage.

  “Herb,” I shouted across the extremely large and empty ballroom, “come on over and join us!” And, to our surprise, he did.

  For the next ten minutes Herb Kelleher was the center of the universe. He joked with us, made us laugh and asked us each our name. He wanted to know who had flown on a Southwest flight and what each person thought of the experience. I asked if it was true he actually helped out on the flights and he stated he had just handed out peanuts that morning.

  When I told Herb my sister had literally just booked her first flight on Southwest out of Baltimore he asked me to convey the message to her that she should never fly another airline again. At that point I dialed her number, handed him the cell phone and said, “You tell her.” And he did. He left her a voicemail message threatening to have her hunted down if she ever flew another airline again. Our group howled with laughter. My sister erased the message thinking it was a madman. Then she listened to my message telling her not to erase the previous message.

  Herb Kelleher could have continued to walk by us to do his sound check and then enjoyed a meal before his speech. Instead he stopped, took the time and connected with every single person in that group.

  Being a connector comes with responsibility to connect even when you don’t feel like it or have the time. Herb proved that.

  My brother-in-law, Don, met Bill Clinton after he left office. He was told to stand in a certain spot at a small airport and wait for Clinton to make the short walk from the SUV he was to get out of onto a private jet. When the moment came Clinton stopped, shook Don’s hand while gripping his elbow and looked him straight in the eye asking him his name and how he was doing. After a chatting for a few seconds, he turned Don and took a picture with him. He then shook his hand again and was on the plane. Don will never forget that moment of connection.

  Finally, I am a big fan of late night TV and my wife Nancy and I have had the chance to see both Jay Leno and David Letterman in their studios. I enjoy them both for different reasons, but I feel connected to Leno. He roamed the audience and answered questions. When I asked to take a picture and aimed the camera at him, he pulled the camera from my hands and handed it to the guy sitting next to us instructing him to take a picture of Nancy, Jay and me. That is a connection.

  This might become your greatest work. This electronic world is disconnecting us. I am glad you are doing something about it. As always, thank you.

• 161 Timothy // Sep 10, 2009 at 3:41 pm

  Hi John,

  We already miss you here in PARAGUAY, had a great time and hope you did as well.

  I am really like your new book. This first chapter has some great practical applications. I really look forward to this book. God bless

• 162 Lorenzo mcGrew // Sep 10, 2009 at 5:02 pm

  John:

  Looks excellent to me !!!

  Thank you for letting us review part of your new book.

  Looking forward to read the book 100 %

  Exito!!!

  God Bless

• 163 Amy King // Sep 10, 2009 at 5:40 pm

  Hi John–What a great topic to write on! I’ve been reading your work for over 15 years and recommend you often. I read this chapter with delight. I have 3 main comments:
  1. In the following paragraph, you use “or” too many times. Perhaps you could use “perhaps” or “maybe” part of the time. Great ideas, though.

  “Have you ever experienced similar things? Maybe you are the most skilled person in an area at work, yet you fail to receive the assignment? Or you work hard and produce, but others don’t seem to appreciate what you do. Or maybe you desire to build relationships with the people around you, but they don’t seem to listen to you the way they do to others. Or you want to create an effective team—or just become part of a good team—but you are made to feel like an outsider. What’s the problem? It’s connection. To succeed with other people, you need to be able to connect.”

  2. Your illustration regarding high achievers vs low/average achievers reminds me of James O’Toole’s book, Leading Change: An Argument for Values-Based Leadership. His conclusion and the direction you are going seem similar.

  3. I agree with one comment above about GW Bush’s connection with the American people regarding national security and “keeping the war over there.” It was critical. I feel you might be a bit hard on so recent and earnest a President. Back off a little, or you may alienate your conservative audience. He did struggle with connecting, and it’s sad; however, he connected well enough to win re-election and should be given his due.

  Can’t wait for the next chapter. I’ll reread this one once more before the 14th. And I’ll recommend participation by several other leaders in our community. Thanks for this opportunity to share in your work.

• 164 Dorina Goetz // Sep 10, 2009 at 8:15 pm

  John,
  I am so glad you are writing a book about this subject matter because I cannot agree more that connecting is the key to communication, in fact the key to success. I have experienced this throughout my military career.
  I am a woman in the military and many times people look at gender and rank before they listen to what you have to say. It’s unfortunate but it happens every day.
  Early in my career and before I even joined the Coast Guard almost 6 years ago I discovered the desire people share to connect with others. You stated in your book , “People are hungry to connect, and most will do anything they can to feel connected.”
  Today I am experiencing huge success due to the fact that I genuinely desire to connect with everyone I meet. The audience is always there in every situation you just have to take the time to value everyone you meet. In the military many people miss valuable life lessons to be learned from others because of rank. I have a strict rule to treat everyone exactly the same no matter if they are an Admiral or a non-Petty Officer. Because of this rule I constantly connect with people throughout the Coast Guard, many times over just a phone conversation.
  I have realized that in order to be a great leader and communicator I must strive to care about everyone I work with, for, and encounter.

  Thank you for your time. I am honored to share my thoughts with you. Looking forward to Chapter 2.

• 165 Robert Ferguson // Sep 11, 2009 at 9:08 am

  John, another great book in the works. Like all your books, you connect well with your reader on a personal level.

  The concept of connecting can also be applied to organizations as they seek to connect with Customers, Employees, Owners and Significant others (as Ken Blanchard refers to these as C.E.O.S. in his book Managing by Values). In the section ‘It can make or break you’ you provide some great examples by referencing US presidents. It would be nice to include a comparison of successful and defunct organizations and how their ability to connect made a difference.

  And in the section ‘It starts with your attitude’ you reference a terrific example with Southwest Airlines. Some firms like Southwest have figured out how to incorporate their unique differentiation into their core values. It would be great to highlight the need for organizations to including connecting as a core value, in a way that supports their differentiation.

  Thanks for sharing and your leadership.

  Robert

• 166 Abaunza // Sep 11, 2009 at 9:43 am

  John:

  Looks excellent to me !!!

  Thank you for letting us review part of your new book.

  Looking forward to read the book 100 %

  Exito!!!

  God Bless…

• 167 Debbie // Sep 11, 2009 at 1:40 pm

  Great first chapter. I have a thought on the statement “His inability to connect alienated people before his performance as president did.” I believe it goes further – that the inability to connect made his performance a non-issue. Because of the failure to connect, there is not anything that President Bush could do right in the eyes of many. (I do believe that many connected to President Bush). Failure to connect can negate any positive performance and magnify any mistakes. I contrast Bush with Obama – Obama is regarded as a good communicator, but for many, there is a lack of trust because he is too smooth and polished – and therefore a failure to connect, despite his skill.

• 168 Marie // Sep 11, 2009 at 5:00 pm

  I started the chapter with great hope; but I found that the examples/stories, especially the ones towards the end of the chapter, did not “connect” or resonate with me. I felt as if another sentence or two, explaining the relevance of the stories and examples, fleshing them out, would help me remain engaged with the book.

  I’m hoping a later chapter will deal more specifically with social networking. Social networking really points out our need for connection as well as some limitiations of electronic media to meet these needs.

  Finally, I have to agree withe Debbie’s comment on this page: Obama is too smooth and polished in many ways for older generations (I’m Gen X) leading to distrust in the “used car salesman” sense. Younger generations, who are more in tune with Obama’s social media communication style, do not seem to have this innate distrust.

• 169 Dave Findlay // Sep 11, 2009 at 5:57 pm

  This was great. Like Marie, I found that some of the latter examples/stories did not connect as well with me (ie. the Herb Kelleher story and the Steve story). Calling someone by name is the start to connecting, for sure. The Rodriguez story was funny…predictable, but very funny.

  I loved it, really. I’d like to see a section or chapter on connecting at home. Communication at home continues to be a big problem, and connecting there, with our spouse and children, is vital. Am looking forward to more.

• 170 Jennifer // Sep 11, 2009 at 11:33 pm

  I really enjoyed getting this glimpse into your book, and my interest is definitely piqued to continue reading as the chapters are posted.

  I did have one part that made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. The Clinton, Bush and Obama comparisons just didn’t do it for me at all. I know that books are supposed to be timeless, but I think this part of history is just too fresh, and partisanship over the differences in Bush/Obama just too great right now for these types of statements. What you said regarding their ability (or lack thereof) to connect with others simply put me in defense mode and disconnected me from the points you were trying to make. Maybe after Obama has served his term(s), we can look back on history and more accurately assess his connecting ability and the successes resulting from that ability. Also, if you’re going to criticize Bush’s lack of communication skills, at least give him some credit for things he did well behind the scenes. Maybe take it from the perspective of good intentions, good ideas, but couldn’t get buy-in due to his inability to connect. Your words pretty much tell me you think he was a failure as president, and Obama is America’s answer. I’m pretty sure this was not the slant you wanted to take, but that is how it comes across in the wording.

  Thanks for the opportunity to provide input. Looking forward to chapter 2.

• 171 Sohail Pirzada // Sep 12, 2009 at 2:04 am

  John, you are the Guru of Leadership. I agree and can’t wait for 2nd chapter, thanx for sharing.
  The cement that is keeping this world together is the relationship we have with others, and the first step is to connect to build the relationship.
  And, approximately, the distance between the mind and the heart is 18 inches! It is true that the shortest distance could be when it is from heart to mind, while the longest distance one can ever travel is from the mind to the heart and is perhaps hardest journey for any marketer.
  In your example of “Jay Hall of the consulting firm Teleometrics” clearly illustrates that to connect with people is to touch their hearts first before their minds.

• 172 Sohail Pirzada // Sep 12, 2009 at 2:22 am

  BTW, I agree with your assessment of Bush and Obama!

• 173 Anthony T. Gitonga // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:52 am

  John, You have a way in getting across your message. This is an interesting read. I feel I have to start communicating all over again, so I may connect.

• 174 Dema Barishnikov // Sep 12, 2009 at 12:17 pm

  John, you reminded me that communication does not necessarily mean connection. As a pastor, I realize that besides proclaiming theological truth to the people I need to connect with their hearts. Connecting with others lets them know that they are important and valuable.
  I agree with your assessments for Bush, Clinton, and Obama. Though when Bush was running against Kerry, I think he was able to connect with people better. During the election one of the malor networks remarked that Kerry comes across just as a politician and people feel more drawn to Bush for he seems to be the guy you would invite for “backyard grilling.”
  Thank you for inspiring me. Looking forward to chapter 2.

• 175 Robin McCoy // Sep 12, 2009 at 12:35 pm

  I am so excited for the release of this book! Working with volunteer teams in the area of Guest Relations and First Impressions, connecting with others is vital. Oh to be able to teach this to others… Everyone wants to connect with others, but so many have difficutly. I think the bottom line in this is that you have to genuinely care about people and you have to be able to exhibit that in you thoughts, your words and your actions. This means taking time…slow down…stop… and really listen and feel what others are feeling. Everyone wants to know that someone cares about them.

  Under It Can Make Or Break You…

  Last sentance about the President (which is so true as much as I admire the man) does not flow well with the rest of the paragraph… I had to read it several times…its missing a word or could be reworded…
  “His inability to connect alienated people before his performance as president did.”

  Lastly – when I was a litte girl, we moved to Key West, FLA. I used to pick, pick up, find, etc. coconuts and sell them to the tourists for a dollar. I would show them how to peel them and how to open up the coconut and get out the milk…I had a blast and connected with everyone of them…I reminded them of their grandchild, plus I was motivated by the thrill of the sale, and I loved showing people how to maneuver a coconut. Charisma, energy, level of trust, but I also knew my audience…I was quite successful…and reaped more than just the dollar…I made new friends.

  Thanks John! I look forward to chapter 2

• 176 Mike Otis // Sep 12, 2009 at 4:11 pm

  John,

  This is my 2nd comment…..My first was about a week ago (#92)……Just read an article on Obama calling on Americans to “renew our common purpose”, http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/12/us/politics/12obama.html?ref=politics, which clearly demonstrates he is a gifted communicator. Now, some may question his authenticity, however, that just goes to show you, you can’t please all the people all the time. I was aware of his power to communicate and connect during his Presidential campaign. Same thing with Arnold Schwarzenegger before he was elected Governor. I didn’t intend on bringing Bernie Madoff’s name to this topic, however, he’s an example of someone being a gifted communicator who abused people, and the system too.

  When I graduated from college, and had been looking for that “ideal” job for a few months, and coming up short, I took a Dale Carnegie communication course. I figured I could use all the help I could get, however, I didn’t realize how much more confident I grew as a result of speaking in front of people…..I recently read Warren Buffet enrolled in a Dale Carnegie course after he graduated too. He said, “not to prevent my knees from knocking when public speaking but to do public speaking while my knees were knocking”,” Warren Buffett Speaks”, Janet Lowe. I always knew I had something in common with Warren Buffet, and it’s not in the bank……..yet!

  Everyone communicates on a different level, and also at a different level, and today, there numerous ways people can communicate and connect in our fast paced, technology driven, ever-changing, multi-cultured society, as well as numerous ways to communicate and not connect. However, I think it’s the individual who treats others as equals, or with respect, doesn’t talk down to anyone, doesn’t attach any unnecessary baggage to the communication, and doesn’t “sweat the small stuff”, who can make a connection, whether it’s personal, or business, one on one, with a group, or in a presentation. For lack of another description, I’ll just call it a win-win situation. It’s the difference between a low achiever and a high achiever.

  Regarding Obama’s call on American’s to “renew our common purpose”, after speaking, “he stepped out into the crowd to shake hands, growing soaked without an umbrella in the pouring rain”……….Some may not think that’s a big deal, however, to me, it speaks volumes about his character, which may not be one of the 5 skills or qualities of successful presidents, however, it shows his charisma and his ability to connect.

• 177 Leonor // Sep 12, 2009 at 4:25 pm

  John,

  This is very powerful and effective! What you write about is so true and kept me “connected” the entire time I was reading it. I can relate to all you mentioned and understand that many of us fail to connect even though we communicate.

  Thanks so much for sharing! This only confirms that you truly care about our feedback…..I appreciate it!

• 178 Chike Ekwueme // Sep 12, 2009 at 9:38 pm

  I think the simile that captures the value of connecting is the part that
  Compares lack of communication skills to a nuclear power plant disconnected from the grid: you’ll have incredible resources and potential, but you will never be able to put them to use! Although a little long, I think this first chapter fittingly demonstrates the essential nature of this topic. Thanks for the opportunity to share

• 179 Catie Perschke // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:19 pm

  Thank you for speaking to one of our greatest needs/desires. There are many books available that address the technical aspects of communication; this chapter reaches into the heart of the subject. It invites you to examine yourself and make decisions, then promises to offer practical solutions in subsequent chapters.

  As a mother of seven children, connecting is key to my children’s future. If we, as parents, fail to connect with our children, we have no ability to influence their lives and decisions. The next generation needs parents, grandparents, and other adults to make the effort and sacrifice of connecting. We have found that joining our children in their world is essential. We have them as ‘friends’ on Facebook. One of my favorites is texting. We can share important thoughts, sympathy, encouragement, etc. in a room full of people or across the miles.

  I enjoyed your personal stories and examples. They helped me to relate your material to my own life and gave me a starting place to examine myself.

  Looking forward to the next chapter and the changes in my life as I begin to deliberately choose to connect.

  Blessings!

  One editorial item: There is an extra ‘that’ in the first paragraph, second line after the heading “Connecting Is Key”.

• 180 Robert Carey // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:21 pm

  John,

  Your book are always uplifting and filled with tactical steps to improve. The first chapter on connecting is one that everyone should make a higher priority. I have felt both insecure and secure in come relationships in business and the deciding factor always came down to the connection and my investment in the relationship.

• 181 Pastor Gerald VO Rancho Cordova // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:25 pm

  AWESOME!!! I met you at Granite Bay CA church for Pastors, still a big fan, God used words to connect with us & the word is active, living, the right words that is. You have a gift that has helped me connect with people, rapport is the key, people open up to people that they feel care. The old saying, nobody cares how much you know til they know how much you care. A JM classic.

• 182 N C Walker // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:28 pm

  Great job John. I will be looking forward to reading the rest. The life examples are relatable. Can’t wait for more….

• 183 James Higginbotham // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:32 pm

  John,

  I’d love to hear more, in this chapter or another one, how to connect in but not become absorbed into a “good ol’ boy network.”

  The primary reason is that I’ve noticed, even within the church, that there are a variety of closed networks that seem to ignore those outside of themselves. While connecting with those that you can help and they in turn reciprocate back is useful, dealing with these more closed networks is frustrating and leaves me feeling “dirty.”

  Great job as always, and thanks for utilizing community feedback for your book!

• 184 Twyla Allen // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:35 pm

  Awesome! Dr. Maxwell, thank you for sharing your next book with us. I totally agree that we have to be great at connecting in order to be effective communicators. I can not wait for the 2nd chapter. May God bless you as you encourage and inspire God’s people to become the leaders he intended us to be.

• 185 Jimmy Baughcum // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:39 pm

  John,

  Great chapter. Again, thanks for letting me be on your team back from 1999 to 2001. I saw you connect then and appreciate your leadership and vision.

  A typo was mentioned earlier in the section “It starts with your attitude” The words “direction correlation” should be “direct correlation.”

  Great job and I look forward to connecting over the rest of the book.

• 186 lydia maria gonzalez dross // Sep 12, 2009 at 10:45 pm

  I truly agree with your concept idea that communication and connection do sync together. The connection piece is the part where we influence or redirect what we are trying to communicate. Body language communication is a big indicator how we convey our message to the party we are attempting to connect with. How we represent ourselves in the communicatioin can persuade the hearer and make a long lasting relationship or it can terminate what ever it is you are attempting to communicate. It is as almost if you need to go to school and learn how to communicate. It is better to just say what is in your heart and the connection will take root. I hear wonderful speakers all the time but sometimes if does not come from the heart– it is not going to connect with my heart. Connection is an important piece of human survival. Connecting with people you don’t know to complete a big project takes faith, and assurance of your gift of communicatiion.

• 187 Ron // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:04 pm

  Good stuff. I hope you will talk about the part that discernment (as a gift of the Spirit) plays in connection. If we approach a situation/relationship with an adgenda that prevents discernment, we will find it hard to connect. Obedience and openness strengthen our capacity to connect with others. I admire your work. Keep it up. It helps us.

• 188 Stenovia Curry // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:05 pm

  Whow! Yes that is the word that I feel should be used for this first chapter. This chapter makes you look at the man in the mirror, which is yourself. If you think you communicate well just reading this chapter it will have you rethinking your skills. I now see that communicating and connecting aren’t the same. I’m so looking forward to chapter II. Mr. Maxwell you continue to bless us all, thank you!

• 189 Joe Windham // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:07 pm

  Hey John,
  Enjoyed the chapter. One thing I’ve always wanted due to the rich applicable content in your books, is having somewhere to write. Maybe a lined right margin or lined noted area at the end of each chapter after you share a summary of the key points. Just a thought! LOL

• 190 D Mann // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:07 pm

  Great 1st chapter. You have hit another button – communication. You have bless my life form my 1st leadership conference I attended in Texas in the mid-90′s. Can’t wait for the rest of the book. My feedback would be if we can grade our current President on his true effectiveness since we are so early in this term. Yes, without a doubt during the race, his communication level was greater than his opponent, but up against past Presidents it may be dating the book the as the chapters in his presidency are yet unwritten.

• 191 Fradel Barber // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:11 pm

  I think putting your chapters up for people to read and comment on is a brilliant idea. As someone who is very shy by nature, but constantly working on myself to improve my communication skills, I find this very valuable. Chapter 1 was great! I am looking forward to the rest. I’m hoping you will include a part of your book on ‘keeping your connections’
  -Fradel Barber

• 192 Rick Alanis Jr. // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:19 pm

  I think that this is a great book so far and much needed!
  There was something you said that caught my attention. You said that we can overcome many of these things by “making connecting choices”
  I love this statement because I think that’s what it all comes down to. I don’t know if that’s how you meant it but I feel that in order to connect with people, for many of us it doesn’t come naturally. We have to make a conscious decision to connect with the people around us.
  Whether it is because of our fears, insecurities or feelings of inadaquacy, many times we just let things be the way they are never seeing any type of change. But if we began to make a conscious decision, and choose to connect with people then we will be able to see change! Not only in our life but in the lives of everyone that we interact with!

• 193 Angela Chrysler // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:21 pm

  Hi, I reread this today and am looking forward to not only reading this for myself but to pass onto my sales field. I run a direct selling business that thrives on people connecting that is what networkers / direct sellers do and this will help them do it better and quicker. My dad, our founder, Dick L oehr was the best connector he made everyone he met feel important and he connected with them. I think it’s because he truly valued them as a person and that is important when connecting. When he passed away it was clear he connected at all levels. A grocery checkout gal in south florida got teary eyed when my mom and I were there a couple weeks after his passing without him, the guys who cleaned his car stopped by for a monthly cleaning and lost their breath when we shared he passed away and the list goes on on …a connector is missed by all. I strive to connect everday b/c it’s importan, it matters and that’s what my dad taught me. Thanks again for doing this! god bless

• 194 Tammie Dobson // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:21 pm

  This was very thought provoking. After reading this, I discovered that I dont always connect with people. Your example of the pilots and your son in law Steve, allowed me to see that connection is not difficult. I also though about a friend of mine who is a great connector and she doesnt even know it. She can talk to anyone no matter what the situation. I am excited about this new book and cant wait to read the next chapter. Thanks sharing this most important information.

• 195 bill spinks // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:23 pm

  The very thing I need most. Thank you for writing it, and sharing that you struggled with this early in life.

• 196 Terri Trapp // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:25 pm

  I will be looking forward to reading the rest. The life examples are relatable. Can’t wait for more….

• 197 @BenDawe // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:28 pm

  Hi John
  I found myself nodding along to this. As a 40 year old Australian I enjoyed the references to the US Presidents. You may consider including some other international figures who were able to connect, like Princess Diana (as compared to Prince Charles).
  Overall I found the piece light and readable while tackling a giant issue.
  A highlight statement for the back cover:
  “The ability to connect with others begins with understanding the value of people.” Just about says it all!
  Thanks for the chance to comment.

• 198 Gail McKenzie // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:29 pm

  I am speaking at my first big event this month.. http://www.sisters4life.info and I would love to be confident that I am going to make that audience connection. I am hanging on every word….come on Chapter 2

• 199 Edison Choong // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:31 pm

  Connection indeed takes time. Often in the rat race, leaders of position doesn’t care about the value of time and hence pushes everyone till the objective becomes one that that is connected with the pusher.

  This in itself is the beginning of a falling and failing organisation. Everyhting indeed rises and falls on leadership.

  The one who is connected with the people succeed because they understand the function and time required to fulfill any organisational goal together through achievements of individual task.

• 200 Brit // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:35 pm

  1. I think the Bush and Obama comments/ comparisons are going to be interpreted based on personal bias (people seek out information that supports their opinions/ beliefs not questions them) so I’m not sure you can win with including those presidents as examples.

  2. Is this a typo in the Reagan section? I seems like the quote is missing better off NOW…

  “Many remember his closing remarks in which he asked people, “Are you better off than you were four years ago?” Reagan told his audience”

  3. For me, the Steve story felt flat.

  4. I would’ve liked to see your definition of connecting earlier in the section.
  Thanks for sharing!

• 201 Tiffany Wright // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:38 pm

  As with every John C. Maxwell book, I am intrigued! I am reflective, and motivated to bring my leadership to another level. Sometimes we get so focused on the doing that we lose sight of the connection that we are making or breaking. I’m and excited about the book coming out! I want to read more!

• 202 Brian // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:53 pm

  John,

  Love the chapter and looking forward to the rest.
  What is the difference between ‘connecting’ to help get promotions, and kissing you know what?

  I work at a University and have seen people get promotions by what many of us would describe as embarrassing themselves to get ahead. What they are doing is clear and obvious. Look forward to reading the rest of your new book.

• 203 Chuck Bernal // Sep 12, 2009 at 11:59 pm

  John,
  Great job – excellent subject. I NEED this book in my own life and I am looking forward to reading the coming chapters. Thanks for this opportunity.
  I have been doing some reading recently regarding connectivity in the context of technology, specifically the internet. I am amazed at how integral internet connectivity is to our lives and how easy it is to take it for granted until it stops working. The most recent example was the crash of Google’s Gmail service on September 1st that left over 150 million users unable to “connect” to their email accounts for almost two hours. Google released a statement calling it a “Big Deal” and was carrying out a thorough investigation as to the cause.
  Dror Shuchman wrote a very insightful article regarding the importance of internet connectivity in our 21st century culture. I have included a link to the article as well as a powerful quote.
  http://cooperator.com/articles/1252/1/Wireless-Internet-Connectivity/Page1.html
  “In this ever-changing, technology-driven society, the importance of Internet connectivity is on a par with the importance of electricity in the early 20th century. Electricity’s endless applications made it an essential household utility—and like electricity, the importance of the Internet has been reinforced by the innovations that make use of it . . . Internet connectivity has extended beyond a convenience to a necessary foundation for real-time interactive communications, and new wireless technologies like Wi-Fi allow this new foundation to be deployed more quickly, easily and economically throughout any property than previously possible.” (Wireless Internet Connectivity: Are You Ready for the Future? By Dror Shuchman)

  This article is germane to the entire premise of Chapter One in your book. Shuchman writes, “Internet connectivity has extended beyond a convenience to a necessary foundation for real-time interactive communications . . .” For many people, the idea of relational connectivity seems like a nice “add-on” much like choosing optional equipment on an automobile. But in reality, connectivity is the foundation for all healthy, growing relationships and it’s significance can not and must not be underestimated. It is only at the point of connectivity that true relational communication can take place.
  Taking the Google metaphor one step further: Google had servers storing all the email accounts for those 150 million users and each of those 150 million users had desktops, laptops and smartphones equipped with the capacity to connect to those email accounts, but there was one huge problem – there was a “glitch” in the whole system that prevented connectivity so neither Google nor the email account holders could communicate with one another. How sad it is to know that each of us is hard-wired by our Creator with the capacity for connectivity but because of a “glitch” in the system (human fear, selfishness and isolation) we don’t make the vital connection that each of us needs.
  As of right now, Google is still trying to isolate and repair the glitch to prevent further problems. Most of us, rather than trying to fix the problem, continue to let the glitch prevent connectivity and we live with much LESS than we could be experiencing. How sad it is to imagine a world without internet connectivity. How much sadder it is to imagine a world where each of us has the built-in capacity to connect with one another but we choose not to do so.

• 204 Wade D. Sadlier // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:00 am

  Thanks for this timely book in my life. I have felt frustrated in many ways the past number of years in trying to move beyond current levels, and striving to reach more potential. You have unwittingly identified my roadblock. I didn’t realize it was my inability to connect with others that was responsible for the stalemate I felt. Now I feel hope that I can learn the valuable lessons on how to connect with others, and am looking forward to the rest of the book. Thank-you.

• 205 Deeleea // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:09 am

  I’m not a people person. I get so enervated by long conversations and large groups. However, in the business of connecting the thing that has helped me the most is the simple act of making an effort to remember someone’s name. It’s a skill I’ve cultivated and it has paid dividends in customer relations and my teaching career!

• 206 Lisa Kovalchik // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:12 am

  John-
  Thank you for sharing your book ahead of time! I think chapter 1 is very insightful. I definitely agree that truly connecting with others is one of the most important keys to success in both our business and personal lives. One thing that stood out to me is the part where you talk about how people crash, cope or change in response to challenges. I grew up learning how to cope very well and was able to keep going through many hard times as a child, teenager and young adult- however, I struggle with really moving on to the level of change and being more proactive, and I realize I need to do that to achieve my potential! I look forward to reading more- thank you!

• 207 Terry McReath // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:00 am

  Anything that you write is always in depth and in tune. I thank you John. I love this new approach to teaching communication to the world. We are most defiantly living in the communication generation. one of the many things that I love about Jesus is his way to communicate compared to what has been taught by religious sects. Jesus would never come straight at you with scripture, instead he would approach you with a simple story that would intertwine scripture to teach you value lessons. Jesus knew for him to gain the trust of the person or group, that he was speaking to, he would have to come to where they were in there thinking, instead of making them feel like they should automatically Come to where he was in his thinking. Of course he could have blew their minds with his knowledge, yet in his wisdom he knew that they where not ready for it. I call that compassion communication. A good story about a farmer in the field planting some seeds or a story about a Father with two sons one leaving and then coming home again, would be his wise chose in teaching them new deep knowledge about his Kingdom. He knew how to make people feel comfortable about what he wanted to teach them. At the same time, even using that technique he knew some would still disagree with him. He would then focus on those that seemed interested in what he had to say, teaching them the deeper things of what he was saying. if he where here today he would be doing the same, using todays technology to do it. Now the beautiful thing in all this to me personally is, how he spoke to me in my own heart after all that I’d been through growing up. He never come at me with a religious tone. It was always a gentle loving word, drawing me little by little, closer and closer to him. I call this the drawing communication. I was raised in a home that was full of drunken chaos. My dad was an alcoholic. I never knew anything about church or anything about the bible, until I was twenty four years old. Drugs and drinking was all I ever knew. On top of that, all my growing up years all I remember is my dad calling me stupid, telling me I’d never be able to do anything or ever amount to anything. Many times he would Hold me down making my sisters slap me in the face while he would just laugh and taunt me. This kind of thing and more went on daily. Because of all that I was always behind in school. My mom has pictures of me in the first grad with black eyes from fighting. Never had the courage to even get up during show and tell in the second grad, if the teacher tried to make me I would go into a rage. I was Scared to talk to anyone. Yet they thought I was just mean. But didn’t know the pain. By the time I was in the seventh grad I probably stayed in the office more than the class room. Because of what my dad was doing to me at home, it had built so much rage and hate in me that I would fight anyone that even looked at me wrong. I even lost it so bad in the fifth grad that I knock out one of my class mates during class. The class mate was a girl. She got in the way while me and someone else was fighting. Because of that rage, I didn’t know what I was doing till it was done. I would black out in my anger rage. Ended up dropping out of school at sixteen. Never done home work, never read books, ever. Words do matter parents. Here’s the beautiful part about Jesus. When he came to me at the age twenty four, he began a process on me that was miraculous, looking back on it, it was super miraculous. It has been a journey of healing and change, that I never knew could happen to me. I remember telling myself after first getting saved, that there is no way that I can change. Long story short, I’m now forty three years old and Jesus has proved me wrong. Since the beginning of my salvation I have read multitudes of books, including my favorite, the bible. I have always loved where Jesus was speaking. The red letters. I Have sense the beginning written five books and now working on writing a movie script. To know me, from the past, that is a miracle, trust me. Jesus taught me to forgive my dad first, and then ten years after that, my dad gave his life to Jesus. Saved,Yeah. Another Miracle. Then he began a process on me to teach me how to communicate with others. It seems like its taken me longer than some, my scares where deep. Even now I have to ask Jesus to help me Overcome some of those scares. I taught kids class for eight years. He taught me first to communicate with children. Which was another miracle. Then he moved me to adults. Which, I found Myself stuttering a bit because, still in the back of my mind the enemy would try to use those words that my dad would say to me. That’s one of the things I still have to ask him to help me overcome even after all these years. My point in sharing all of this is, no matter what our back ground may be or what we had done to us. Once Jesus finds us, his ultimate goal is to teach us how to communicate with others. He is our ultimate example in every area of our existence. Especially in communication. without communication the gospel would never get out. We think in our arrogance as a human race that technology has been discovered by us and only for us. Yet,Modernization and technology has been allowed by the creator of all things for the sole purpose of communicating his beautiful story of salvation to a lost and dieing world. He knows that we all had different back grounds and different characters,yet he knows best of how to train us up in our character to be able to communicate his gospel to the world. You too can Find your way to communicate without the taste of condemnation or religious needles. No matter what your back ground may be, it is the future that will make the difference in someone elses life. Forgive me John for being so long in this. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you have already communicated to the world. it will go on forever. I hear it every where that I go. We’ve all been touched by your zeal to communicate. The cool thought to me, because it conserves me, is that yours and others, writings, will go on even after your gone. Helping all the generations to come for all eternity. Especially those during the time of the antichrist, they will surely be looking for some answers to help them make it through. Even into eternity, generation after generation of God’s creation will go on reading what is being communicated now. Looking ahead is the wisdom of eternity. Terry McReath, soldier of Jesus Christ my Lord, over and out. Read more of my testimony on my facebook page. Google: Terry McReath for Info.

• 208 Cassandra // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:03 am

  In the classroom, I teach that connection is key. Leadership is about connecting with people. Serving customers is about connecting. Raising kids… connecting. Thanks for the opportunity. I’m looking forward to reading more.

• 209 Jeanne Goldman // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:14 am

  Hi John,
  WOW what a GREAT first chapter you left me with wanting to read more. You are bringing to the forefront of what every interaction should be which is a connection. I work in a business where interaction takes place daily and if you fail to connect it’s hard to try to follow up esp if your in sales or in a customer based enviorment to make the ultimate goal which is a sale. I can hardly wait to read chapt. 2

• 210 Nová doba | CCO Lab // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:25 am

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• 211 rodney stewart // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:40 am

  i think connection is based on the chemistry between people, sometimes it is just not there and when that is the case there is no point in trying to force the connection because we usually begin to use manipulation as a way to influence the other person when trying to connect which is always wrong even when you think that what you want to communicate is very important, the end doesn’t justify the means. Jesus is the greatest example of connecting with people without manipulating them.

• 212 Thomas Watson // Sep 13, 2009 at 3:43 am

  In the spirit of being a “connector” I must say that this has been the one thing that has enabled me to be a successful Army Chaplain. While other Chaplains were in the books I was going outside the wire to meet and shoot the breeze with my commanders and soldiers, even to the lowest levels. People will never know that you care for them until you show them.

• 213 Grace Bower // Sep 13, 2009 at 5:43 am

  Response since no 150 – 188 – love Joe’s suggestion to have a space for written reflection at the end of the chapter 196 – Reference to Prince Charles and Princess Diana excellent illustration of connection and non-connection. When they were first married they came to Christchurch NZ. I was on the wrong side to see Lady Di – we were all wanting to see her and Prince Charles was really grumpy about it. I don’t even remeber taking a photo of him but I could have touched him by the photo but i was straining to see her on the othere side!
  202 has a lot of points to include with the electricity picture and the internet connectivity as a foundation for interactive commnunication.

• 214 Brenton Chomel // Sep 13, 2009 at 6:08 am

  John –
  Thankyou for allowing us to do this. I enjoyed what I read and having heard you preach, can hear you talking through the pages.
  My only hesitation/disagreement was of your Bush/Obama comparison. The Carter/Reagan comparison was a more realistic one. Obama is very similar to our current Australian Prime Minister Rudd and South Australian Premier Rann, who are very good at “connecting” with (and manipulating) the media, but not with people per se.
  Having said that I will share this story with you that can be applied in various ways – possibly with “connecting???” I have used it as an introduction to a sermon I titled “Who’s Driving The Bus?”
  I am a bus driver in South Australia.
  I used to drive long distance coaches between Adelaide and Mt Gambier a journey of about 5 1/2 hours (c. 250 miles). On Fridays the driver travels down and back in the one day with a relief driver on the return journey at a small town 3 hours from Adelaide.
  On this particular Friday I had a double decker coach with a full capacity. I got down to Mt. Gambier pretty much on time, had a couple of hours rest before the return journey where I departed with only a couple of passengers on board. At Naracoorte (one of the towns along the way) I picked up a young lad (about 11-12 y/o) board who was travelling unaccompanied. His grandfather put him on with the consent form and requested that the lad travel upstairs because he had never before travelled on a double decker. I complied with the request, even though unaccompanied children would normally travel downstairs up the front close to where the Coach Captain can keep an eye on him.
  So we got going, had a 1/2 hour meal break at Bordertown and arrived at Titinara right on the dot of 9pm where my releif driver was waiting. No time was lost. I jumped out of the seat and he jumped in and we got going again. Now by this time it was very dark and the only lights inside the coach were the floor lights. I had been showing a movie and the movie finished, so I said to my releif that I had better go check on this young fellow.
  Now what you have to understand is that in a double decker, the top half is pretty much cut off from the bottom half and it is almost impossible to know what is happening up there or vice versa.
  So here we are travelling at 100 kph (60mph) along The Dukes Hwy in pitch darkness and I venture up the stairway with my flashlight in hand.
  I spotted the young fellow sitting behind the stairway and went up to him and said,”I’m just checking that you are ok.”
  His eyes were nearly bulging out of their sockets in the darkness and he said: “Yeah, I’m OK, but (wait for this now..) WHO’S DRIVING THE BUS?”
  I said, “Don’t worry, I have it set on auto-pilot!”
  “Can you do that?” he asked.
  “Sure,” I said. “I do it all the time. Just hit the Cruise Control and away we go…!”

  True story!!!

  I had to ‘fess up to him, but I think you could say that a “conection” was made!!!

  Feel free to use the story (if you wish) in future chapters/books/sermons ( with credit of course). As I said it can a variety of applications. Bus drivers/coach captains have lots of stories some of which can be pretty unbelievable.

  Love your ministry.

  Regards and blessings,

  BC

• 215 Bill Fix // Sep 13, 2009 at 7:36 am

  When I met you for the first time, I had been invited to one of your talks, I have no idea what you talked about but I will never forget how I met you. I was standing in the first row. This tall smiling guy came in late and stood beside me. He turned smiled shook my hand and said, “Hi, I’m John.” We spoke for several minutes and sensed a general interest in me. Then someone introduced you! That friendly guy took the stage and from that time on, I have listened to you in books, CD’s and live. You really are a tremendous connector and we can learn much from you. Thanks for this first chapter.

• 216 Wendi Weir // Sep 13, 2009 at 7:58 am

  What a timely book chapter for me to read. I only just was introduced to your writings last December and had the chance to hear you in L.A. in March of this year. I am looking very forward to your session here in town in a couple of weeks.
  I am rapidly approaching 60 and am very cognizant of how closed my life feels because of my lack of skill in communicating effectively. My husband’s gift in connecting with people is one of the things that drew me to him many, many years ago. I feel I have been very disciplined these past few months in terms of trying to find the resources and mentors that will help me become a better me and this first chapter is very exciting to me. I’ve heard/read many times that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I believe that when the student is ready, she will be able to see the teacher who has always been there. It’s like when you buy a new car, you start noticing all of the other cars on the road that are the same. They were always there but because of your own change of focus, you now see them. I can see by all of your writings that you have been there for many years writing your books; the difference is that I am now ready to see! I so look forward to the coming chapters as a guide to helping me get beyond my prison of being a poor communicator.

• 217 Gary // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:06 am

  How wonderful the thoughts that you share John. I can hardly wait for this book to come out. I have spent some 40 years before the public speaking, yet at times have been unable to connect. This is a timely book that many a leader needs to get their hands on.

• 218 Billy Hawkins // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:14 am

  Awesome Chapter!!! never underestimate the impact of your timely books!

  Would be great to see a ‘vintage quote’ used from a previous book of yours.
  One of yours I recall which profoundly impacted me on communication which goes well with this chapter.
  “I do not communicate with you so you will understand. I communicate with you so you will not misunderstand.”

  A lack of communication will sever connection.

• 219 Marcos Gaser // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:23 am

  Great first chapter!

  After reading the chapter and glancing over the comments, I have the feeling that there is too much emphasis on connecting as “effective communication”. I think that connecting means also “active listening” Many times is easier to connect through listening than through talking.

• 220 Tes Casin // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:02 am

  In one sentence, connecting is letting the other person know that you care.

  I’m looking forward to read the rest.

  All the best!

• 221 Tes Casin // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:15 am

  And speaking of ‘connecting,’ what a courageous approach to share the manuscript to the public before publishing.

  Great leader, an epitome. You inspired us always, Mr Maxwell.

  God bless!

• 222 Steve // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:51 am

  Along with authors Tim Sanders and Dan Miller, John Maxwell is again reaching out to us with his heart and wisdom.

  There are to many leaders without communications skills and also to many folks that are very bright that gave up on reaching those leaders. Hopefully we will learn how in John’s new book.

• 223 Chin M C // Sep 13, 2009 at 10:42 am

  Great skill to learn and implement in our personal and professional lives. If we were to make connection whenever possible , not only we open up ourselves to others but we make others happy too . John’s new book should make us come pretty much ALIVE !

• 224 Diana Dominguez // Sep 13, 2009 at 10:56 am

  Great first chapter. Can’t wait to read the rest! This is something I definitely struggle with, so I’m looking forward to learning how to effectively communicate with others. Thanks, Mr. Maxwell!

• 225 Jeremiah Nyachuru // Sep 13, 2009 at 11:13 am

  There you go ,demonstrating the authenticity of what you write by allowing the readers to make inputs to the book. As a contributor you feel to be part of it.
  The world will be a much better place when we learn to cummunicate and CONNECT! You are surely a difference maker.
  Are you taking any pre-orders for the book or sell chapters only, cant wait for march 2010 ! This is the most important element of our social network marketing business.

  Nevertheless I thank you for the glimpse. It was a pleasure to meet and shake hands with you at Abundant Life ,Bradford ,England.

  All the best.

• 226 Ryan // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:13 pm

  Thanks for allowing us to connect. You took a communication risk by bring others into your personal workshop to review, judge, and comment on the quality of this chapter. Based on the number of responses, it emphasizes the importance of your message and demonstrates how connecting with your readers (in this case through the Internet) can open doors of opportunity to make you and your product even better.

  I continue to learn the joys of connecting and challenge myself as a leader to write and/or prepare statements which will:

  1) Make my colleagues feel their work does not go unappreciated or unnoticed;
  2) Understand where we are going as a team and what needs to be done to get there; and
  3) Encourage feedback and allow them an opportunity to improve the overall process by placing their fingerprint on it.

  Doing this has made me realize a very important fact – great communication (either written or verbal) creates connection which directly results in: fewer colleague turnovers, an enjoyable working environment, balance, drive and a determination to succeed.

  Hopefully your readers will experience personal success through connections – but maybe just as important – realize the value these connections will have on others around them and enjoy watching the trickle-down effect which will touch all aspects of their lives.

• 227 Ryan // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:18 pm

  I am a teacher and a coach, and I really have to “connect” with my students and players. One of the keys to connection for me is “building a relationship.” Showing interest in them outside of what you are trying to communicate reinforces that what you are saying relates to them. I think you hinted at this in the last part of Chapter 1 discussing your son-in-law. I liked the first chapter and I am looking forward to the rest. I really enjoy you leadership-wired and have shared it with others. I am constantly trying to connect with others and I am sure your book will help. “If they don’t know you care, why should they care to listen?”

• 228 tami rush // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:36 pm

  earlier this year i joined twitter…actually i joined over a year ago but it scared me…i love twitter and i love feeling connected to people all over the world . your chapter triggers this….as does my thoughts about twitter… rev run ..tyra banks kim kardashian…mariel hemmingway…kathy ireland…alicia keys………and many many more are the most kind twitterers…they connect so well to others that i have to remind myself that i do not officially know them even though i feel like they are my dearest friends….this i feel sets them apart from others…..then there are a few recognized names that twitter…but it comes across they dont want to be twittered back..by comments i have read that they say to others that must have twittered them in twitter land …what i find odd in that is that if you twitter you may get twittered back as twitter is a place of connection….everyone communicates..few connect..i love it…it fits with so much i have been thinking of for months,,,what i have noticed for example ..because of the connection i feel on twitter from alicia keys i have noticed i listen to her music now because i want to learn more about her or anything that i run into with her name on it i read or watch i “retweet” anything she wants retweeted or i think should be……i feel a loyalness to her that before twitter did not exist…..and i would say this about every good connector ..i have noticed i am less likley to do the same for some i had admired that i have observed on twitter that seem not so connecting to all…i have less appeal toward them…realizing some people have zillions of followers and cant twitter to each one individually..rev run still comes across connecting he sends a general message to all….making him a good connector….so in my observations of myself ..when i feel connected to someone i am going to spread the good word about them more…i will buy more from them…i will support their causes….and i notice i will support them in things i was not really interested in before but am willing to open my mind more because they were the one that brought it to my attention..whatever “it ” may be……..i look forward to chapter two..thank u for this..

• 229 Ed Lopez // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm

  I feel I am outgoing and believe in connecting/ networking. Like everything else in life though, you won’t bat a 1.000 . Not sure if you address this in other chapters. Well , I know its just something you have to get better at by doing it all the time like Steve. Saw you in Manila back in 04. You have been back twice since then and I made mistake of not going. I will keep my ears open for next visit of yours Dr. Maxwell.

• 230 Charles D Martin // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm

  Thank you for all your service too the growth of others. It is truely an impressive position you have taken to thrive people forward. I’ve been blessed to have read multiple books written by you and have been blessed by your presents live on three occasions being associated with world wide.

  The text was very good and very enlightning only feedback I would like to pass though you will probably discuss it in later chapters is teaching connecting and share it with children especially. I truely believe that our culture has halted connecting for our children and next generations are loosing sight of the value in people as opposed to things. We may be loosing our value in connecting with youth therefore lack of mentoring and lack of modeled leadership. Thank you

• 231 Metamor4sis // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:58 pm

  By doing this, you walk the talk. Look forward to seeing how to maintain a life of connecting without burning out.

• 232 Bobby Capps // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:13 pm

  Great chapter on connecting… Isn’t it true that no matter what you say or how well you say it, what is heard is what matters.
  Seems to me that connecting increases the probability of being heard, opens the relational gates to being heard and maybe even allows people to drop their defenses.
  But I’m still curious, once connected, what is heard?

• 233 Tim Skinner // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:25 pm

  Hi John!

  “We exist for connection, and what we do with that existence is build more connection!”

  “Our very existence on this planet is for connection with the creator and His people; Jesus sums it up with the greatest commandment” matt 22:37-41

  In some of Jesus last words after resurrection and preparing to leave earth He gave us a mission, “mission connection” or as the bible states “The Great Commission” matt 28:19-20

  “What we do with this gift of existences is to connect more people to the Creator and His people, this is the Great Commission”

  Love the start of your book!
  Tim Skinner

• 234 Alisha Callahan // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:42 pm

  Hi John,

  I really enjoyed reading the first chapter. And am excited for the rest! I can connect with just about anybody on a one on one conversation. But when it comes to having a conversation with two or more people I sit back and let them do all the talking and have a hard time putting in my input. I would appreciate any help in this area. Thank you and your friend from world wide group, Alisha

• 235 Shari // Sep 13, 2009 at 2:20 pm

  Even though I have learned to be a connecting person, it has been difficult when I am an introvert at heart but have pushed myself to be more of an extrovert. I look forward to the rest of the book. I hope that you discuss how a basically shy person can learn to step out of her comfort zone and initiate contact more effectively.

• 236 Piya Medakkar // Sep 13, 2009 at 2:28 pm

  When I read your message on Twitter that you are gonna come up with a book on effective communication I was excited!! After reading the first chapter,I believe it is important to be a good communicator to explore your potential. I’m really looking forward to be amotivator in life. I come from a background where I was many times put down, mocked at and was laughing stock!No regrets now at all! I know “past is gone and can’t be relived”,well this is from one of your books “Today matters”, apoem by Dale Winterwood. I love that poem. I have taken a printout and clipped it on my bulletin board. I am healed from those experiences but I wanna be a motivator in the lives of ppl I come across. The simple reason is that one feels he/she is capable of doing the task because you believe in him when you encourage him(yes genuinely). I wanna share my experience: In my school days I was conscious that boys look at me with wrong intention and that kept growing in my mind . When I walked on roads, certain men use to eve-tease and I graded all men alike.Such insecurities hindered my friendly attitude towards men .Now I am totally free from that mentality,thanks to Jesus! In my masters, I had acne on my face and again I felt ppl avoided me because my face did not lok pleasent,now I ‘m healed and have a good skin! I am generally quiet when I outside. I usually do not approach the other person and even if I do,the conversation stops at “how are you?, how’s work?how’s family and good day!”, then full stop! Next time I see the same face, I repeat the same agenda…sounds funny but I wanna improve. This book will help me I’m sure. Thanks a lot .God bless you

• 237 Laurinda // Sep 13, 2009 at 2:35 pm

  Very cool first chapter. Here are my observations from reading:
  1. you convinced me early on the importance of connecting, but your argument continued. They were all great stories, so I can’t tell you what I would cut out.
  2. The courage to change section, Pt 1. There Were Things I Could Change but I Didn’t Know How & Pt 3. I Wanted to Make a Difference Not Just Know About the Difference ~ seem too similar, could they be combined into one point.

  I started to wonder the difference between connecting and communicating in the chapter because you were using them interchangeably. So maybe a clear definition of connecting and communicating up front would help

  My biggest ah-ha from chapter: When people get frustrated they either crash, cope or change. Having coping skills isn’t enough.

  I hope you go into lots of details on ways to connect with people.

• 238 Hershel Kreis // Sep 13, 2009 at 2:39 pm

  Awesome!!! I was able to glean a number of things from this chapter that I hope that I will be able to use in my job.

  In Him,

  Hershel

• 239 Lepang Ferguson // Sep 13, 2009 at 2:50 pm

  I think that this is the beginning of something incredibly powerful. When I first put up my website, the first quote I had on the site was a quote by you: “Educators take something simple and make it complicated. Communicators take something complicated and make it simple.”
  I am a born educator, that’s my greatest passion, to teach and to expand people’s knowledge in various areas.John, i come from a background that is still very dependent upon culture. I feel that if your book could also address “connecting under different cultural contexts” it would be a great read. I always tell people that great leaders can connect with anyone: the poorest and the richest, the youngest and the oldest, black and white. I feel that one of the most important topics in the book should be about “How Leaders value humanity and development”, mainly because i feel that connecting with people, is being able to capture their “spirit”, and this is not only cultural, but most importantly “HUMAN”.
  From my point of view, and from my background, Africans are still dealing with very deep-rooted beliefs about connecting with people in the first place, and this would be a great opportunity to connect with those who are in a position to “reach out”, almost as if encouraging future leaders to reach out to their communities and encourage such things as education, but also being able themselves to encourage others to reach out in the same manner. That’s only when we will be able to connect entirely with the Western World. I look forward to rest of the book and i hope this has made a difference.

• 240 Jill Beckstedt // Sep 13, 2009 at 3:04 pm

  Wow… Thinking For a Change helped create and clarify what is INSIDE me.. now this book will help me get it OUT! I cannot wait to get a hardcopy I can hightlight, take notes in the margin, and teach to others!

• 241 Judy // Sep 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm

  Great, can’t wait to learn more about how to connect.

• 242 Ruth Post // Sep 13, 2009 at 3:30 pm

  Dear John

  I thank you for the opportunity to participate in the birthing process of your new book. It most certainly is a great honour for me.

  From my own personal experience, I would like to share the following:
  I used to be in ministry about 6years ago and then a lot of bad things happened and I got hurt tremendously. The more I would get hurt, the more I would withdraw and the more I became insecure and the less I was able to connect with anyone, even my family.

  Only after I made the decision to connect with myself first of all, my confidence began growing and am I now able to begin connecting with others again. If a person cannot connect with him/herself it is so much harder to connect with others.

  May God bless you through the process of this brand new book.

  Kind Regards
  Ruth Post

• 243 Nancy Jakubowski // Sep 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm

  Great Job as always! I love this, Thank You for sharing with us early!!

• 244 Sam Buchmeyer // Sep 13, 2009 at 4:07 pm

  I find the inclusion of Dallek’s five skills and qualities of successful presidents to be highly relevant to the concept of “connection” because they describe anyone in a position of influence. Two that I find especially important are charisma and credibility/trust. Charisma done “wrong” creates an air of insincerity. A component of credibility/trust is competence. A lack of sincerity and competence are both barriers to any real connection.

• 245 Ravi Butalia // Sep 13, 2009 at 4:08 pm

  Hello John,

  Connecting with others effectively requires courage. In sharing the first chapter of “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” so warmly and so openly, you have clearly demonstrated one the great qualities of great communicators and connectors – love of ones fellow human beings. Where there is love, there is also kindness, compassion and respect – attributes that make the hearers heart more receptive and open. Thanks ever so much! You make a great difference in this world!

  Best wishes,

  Ravi Butalia

• 246 Sandy Gorman // Sep 13, 2009 at 4:53 pm

  Only a leader and author with true connection skills could ask for reflections on the internet while publishing a book so close to ones heart.

  I was selected as Teacher of The Year for an elementary campus in Dallas, Texas. Then I was selected in the top 8 elem. teachers for the district. The teachers and my administrators noticed that I had a special rapport with the students. The students wanted to achieve. I realized after reading Chapter 1 that I was connecting. I went to the Thesaurus and found association, connection, affiliation, rapport, bond, liaison, link, and correlation listed under relationship. My goal was to build a relationship with each student. The students wanted to achieve because they knew I really cared.

  During my presentations to teachers and administrators at the local, state, and national levels, I held their attention. I didn’t realize that I was connecting until I read your Chapter 1. In order to connect, the leader needs to care about the members in the audience. The audience knows that if the leader cares just like the student in the classroom knows if the teacher truly cares. In order to get attention, the leader needs to pay attention. I liked the way you compared the connecting and communication skills of individuals in leadership.

• 247 Mike Otis // Sep 13, 2009 at 5:16 pm

  John

  If you haven’t heard of this book, check it out…..I heard about it a few weeks ago while listening to an audiobook (Goals) from Brian Tracy…………The book is called, “Pushing To The Front”, written by Orison Swett Marden…….It was first written in the 1890′s after Orison Swett Marden lost his hotel in the midst of a depression, and decided to write a book to motivate and inspire others to persist in spite of the challenges facing the nation.

  Just a quick note from the publishers of his book……”Dr.Marden in “Pushing to the Front”, shows that the average of the leaders are not above the average of ability. They are ordinary people, but of extraordinary persistence and perseverance”…..”There is inspiration and encouragement and helpfulness on every page”.

  I haven’t read it from cover to cover, however, I have taken a look at several different chapters, and it’s truly amazing this book was written over a hundred years ago, because there are several nuggets of wisdom that can be applied to succeeding personally and in business today……..and alot of these nuggets are related to connecting with others through interpersonal communication.

  Looking forward to Chap 2

• 248 Wanda // Sep 13, 2009 at 5:56 pm

  You are right on Mr. Maxwell. Communication is so important in life: Friendships, relationships, marriage, in the workplace, business, politics, preaching the Gospel. Not just communication but as your new book tells us-connecting. Thank you so much for another great. We really need this and I look forward to reading each chapter. Wanda Fay Gladwill

• 249 Lea Carey/winewithfriends // Sep 13, 2009 at 5:58 pm

  Hi John, connecting with others is one of the most memorable and fulfilling experiences; I find that great listeners are great communicators.
  Much success to you,
  Lea

• 250 Tim Buttrey // Sep 13, 2009 at 5:59 pm

  John, once again you have mined a concept that all of us recognize but few of us understand. I am going to love this book because it will apply to those who are not necessarily “leaders.” Everyone wants to connect just like everyone wants to be loved! In fact, it is impossible to love well without a deep emotional connection. My journey has taken me into working with couples and men. I do a lot of marriage counseling and one of my most important tasks is to help each couple reconnect. Whether it be poor or unhealthy communication, busyness, or even very important tasks, becoming disconnected is the death knell of any relationship. I know, it happened to me. Now I want to have a PhD in connecting with my wife and the people I care about. Connecting is a very other-centered skill. Genuine connecting won’t happen unless I am truly interested others.

  I can’t wait for chapter two – and then the entire book.

• 251 Tim Buttrey // Sep 13, 2009 at 6:08 pm

  One more thing…John, do you really remember the names of those kids in first, second, and third grades? I’m impressed! I guess you connected more than you thought you did. And I connected much less than I thought I did. Oh well.

• 252 Jeff Engebose // Sep 13, 2009 at 6:21 pm

  John, love the concept (as always with your books)!

  I’m not sure if this chapter is the one to mention it, or if it’ll be brought forward in a future chapter, but I hope you’ll talk about electronic media and it’s ability to help you connect. My belief is that while electronic media can introduce a connection, especially over long distances where we may not have had the opportunity to meet a person, it appears that in this age of technology so many people are failing to “connect” as they tend to hide behind these formats. I believe Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc can all be part of a connection, however we are missing something if we don’t have that “real” conversation.

  It’s much easier to send an email, yet so much more impersonal. How many times have we misread someone’s words due to a lack of context or tone in an email/post?

  In the end, I have to go back to something a mentor taught me a few years ago. Yes, sending an email may be quicker or easier, but you won’t build a relationship that way. Pick up the phone. Talk to that person. See them in person.
  I don’t want a connection with my keyboard, I want a connection with a person!

  looking forward to the next chapter!

• 253 Marissa Briones // Sep 13, 2009 at 6:37 pm

  Hi John,

  Thanks for all your hard work along with your team of wonderful people!

  First for typos:
  (1) Under “Connecting is Key,” I found double entries of the word “that” on the first sentence of the first paragraph. It says (caps mine), “After spending forty years as a leader and communicator, I am convinced more than ever THAT THAT good communication is all about connecting.”
  (2) Closer to the end, under “It Starts with Your Attitude,” on the 4th paragraph, I think you meant to say “direct correlation” instead of “direction correlation.” It says: “Jay Hall of the consulting firm Teleometrics has studied the performance of 16,000 executives and found a DIRECTION CORRELATION between achievement and the ability to care for and connect with people.”

  I’m grateful that you are helping us learn to really connect. I like the questions you posed; they are the questions that many are asking:
  *How do we choose which messages to tune in and which to tune out?
  *How can you make your words count?

  You have effectively pointed out through the use of stories and illustrations that if we want to succeed, we must learn to connect. Thank you for the examples you’ve given us.

  The nuclear power plant was a powerful word picture for me. Thank you!

  What you said about “coping” under “The Courage to Change” served as an awakening for me; it was how I’ve often dealt with frustration. I desire to learn more and change, so I”m looking forward to what you have to teach us.

  Thank you for your life-changing work!

• 254 Carla Conrad // Sep 13, 2009 at 6:39 pm

  SO looking forward to the continuing chapters – I have thought that communication is my passion – that’s why I mixed my design work with broadcasting – to effectively reach more people – but this post (and the forthcoming chapters) has me re-evaluating that thinking, open to my passion may be ‘connecting’!. In student mode for Dr. Maxwell’s teaching!

• 255 Renu // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:05 pm

  Hello,
  There is a typographical error in the section “More Talk Isn’t the Answer” in the last sentence of the second paragraph. Rodriguez has been wrongly spelt as “Rodriquez”. The”q” should be a “g”.

  Forgive me for asking, perhaps this may be irrelevant to the story and a stupid question, but wouldn’t Mexico be out of the jurisdiction of a Texas Ranger even around 1900?

  I really enjoyed reading the first chapter and look forward to reading the next one. Good work! I feel that it connects well with the readers. Thanks for sharing.

• 256 Trudy Metzger // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:06 pm

  Waiting with great anticipation for Chapter 2! Caught myself counting the days last Thursday – that’s a good sign!

• 257 Vicki Znavor // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:26 pm

  Love your work – I own every book you’ve published – thank you.

  I like this first chapter. The only “message” I think could be enhanced is that often in this fast-paced world we want to simply check the box – “yes, I’ve communicated with this person”- our goal is simply to complete a task and that’s ok in many transactions but not all of our communications should be thought of as “transactions”. It’s this differentiation that requires that a different approach depending on the desired/needed outcome.

  Thanks so much for sharing this work and opportunity!

• 258 Anonymous // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:32 pm

  This opening chapter is amazing. I can’t wait to read more. I have been trying to get this message across to the college students I work with each and every semester. You have hit the nail on the head with this one.

  I really think this is applicable for anyone. However, I wish you could write a book specifically for teenagers and young adults on this subject because this is oftentimes where they fail in the road to adulthood.

• 259 Gina Brady // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:57 pm

  This was great stuff and I look forward to reading the second chapter! I agree that connecting is the key to building people and helping people. Too many people rely on technology in this day and time! Very good stuff John and I look forward to reading chapter 2! God Bless!

• 260 Franisz Ginting // Sep 13, 2009 at 8:58 pm

  PLEASE READ THIS:

  Can we still really connect if we lie? I mean, for example, we can do all things (speaking in front of audiences, etc.) while we are keeping a lie in our lives. Should we confess our lie(s) or sins so that we can start REALLY communicate and connect…?

  Thank you, Dr. John Maxwell, for writing this important book for us.

• 261 Sumesh // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:01 pm

  Dear John,

  Another inspiring book, cannot wait to read the upcoming chapters. This is one thing I have wanted to improve and change. Connecting is crucial for everyone and just social networking without personal touch may not be sufficient in today’s fast pace world. I am sure you will also throw some light upon HOW to connect in the future chapters personally and impersonally. I love the first chapter and your idea of collaborating with us is innovative. My wife and I are big fans of your work.

  Thanks for the opportunity,
  Sumesh

• 262 Franisz Ginting // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:08 pm

  ANOTHER INPUT:

  We read and see writings, and hear talking everywhere. But, not all of us really think, read, see, and listen.

  (a paraphrase of William Wallace’s “All men dies’ not all men really lives.”)

• 263 Franisz Ginting // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:11 pm

  ANOTHER INPUT:

  We read and see writings, and hear talking everywhere. But, not all of us really think, read, see, and listen.

  (a paraphrase of William Wallace’s “All men dies; not all men really lives.”)

• 264 Charles Coachman // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:21 pm

  Mr. Maxwell,
  For years I have listened to your tapes/cd’s and read your books and even came to listen to you and Bill Hybels when you came to speak in San Jose a few years back. Your words have helped me to listen more carefully to what is being said and to look at a person more carefully to understand the words that are not being said.
  For years I felt like I was not worth much, but after accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and then being introduced to your books in church I began to see myself in a much different light.
  In my career as a Realtor, the ability to connect is the difference between putting food on the table or deciding that I will just go on a water diet. I know that your words and the ideas that you will introduce will help me to move forward in my career. Servant minded leadership and service to others are a couple of ideas that I picked up from you and Zig Ziglar that have changed my life in countless ways. Now I look forward to your latest book and a chance again to listen to you speak at another K-W reunion.
  May God continue to bless you!

  Charles Coachman
  San Jose, CA

• 265 Betty // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:29 pm

  John,

  I love your books! I took your class Learning the 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership a few months ago and it was wondeful! I would like to do more of your classes!

  This book will be as exciting and informative as the others that you have written! Can not wait to read chapter 2.

  Thank you for the opportunity to read Chapter one before your book is released!

  God Bless!

• 266 Daniel Schultz // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:36 pm

  Fantastic! It transcends personality and gifting and is something we all can apply and understand. Its something I didn’t really think about yet now when reading about it, its like a flood light that pops on in a small dark room. I WANT MORE!

  Thank you John – I love all you write and stand for.
  -Pastor Dan

• 267 Jack Sparling // Sep 13, 2009 at 10:18 pm

  John,
  Great first chapter and timely topic for me. Looking forward to chapter 2. Peace and blessings.

• 268 Connecting is all about others. | John Maxwell on Leadership // Sep 13, 2009 at 11:57 pm

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