Archive for August, 2009
Connecting increases your influence in every situation
Posted by: | CommentsChapter One Synopsis
Connecting Increases Your Influence in Every Situation
Maybe there was a time when people could succeed in life without communicating effectively with others. I tend to doubt it, but if so, that time has passed. It’s not enough to just work hard. It’s not enough to do a great job. To be successful, you need to learn how to really communicate with others.
Haven’t you ever gotten frustrated in a presentation because you weren’t able to communicate your ideas as effectively as you wanted to and people just weren’t getting it? Haven’t you ever wanted to help your boss understand how hard you worked and how much value you add to the company so that you could get a well-earned raise or promotion? If you have children, haven’t you wanted to get them to listen to some of your wisdom so that it would help them make good choices? Haven’t you wanted to improve your relationship with a loved one or make a positive impact on your community? If you can’t find a way to do that, you will be unable to reach your potential, you won’t succeed in the way you desire, and you’ll be forever frustrated.
So what’s the secret? Connecting: the ability to identify with people and relate to them in such a way that it increases our influence with them.
The good news is that connecting can be learned. How do I know this? Because I didn’t start out as a good connector at all. I had to become one the hard way – I watched great connectors and did what I could to develop skills like theirs. I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I kept improving.
If you are facing connecting challenges, as I was early in my life and career, you can overcome them with connecting choices. My goal for this book is to help you develop the communication advantage by learning to connect with every kind of person in any kind of situation.
I believe that almost everything we become and all that we accomplish in life comes as a result of our interaction with others. If you also believe that to be true, then you intuitively know that the ability to connect with others is one of the most important skills a person can learn. It’s something you can begin to improve starting today. This book will help you do it.
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Everyone Communicates, Few Connect – Coming soon!
Posted by: | CommentsCan you believe it’s almost the end of August? This week I’m in San Diego, using the break between speaking engagements to work on ideas and outlines for my book for 2011.
And of course, NEXT week is the launch of the interactive writing experience for my 2010 book.
News to you? Then be sure to read this introductory post.
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On the first of September, Chapter 1 of my upcoming book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, goes LIVE. The chapter will be available for you to read in its entirety – and provide feedback in the comments.
- See a typo? You’ll be able to tell me.
- Don’t “get” a concept in the way I explained it? Ask me for clarification.
- Disagree? You can state your case.
- Want to contribute a personal story that illustrates an idea in the chapter? You’ll be able to share it.
The comment section will be the place for you to contribute to this book. So get ready to share your ideas on September 1. (You’ll only be able to read and share your input on Chapter 1 for a limited time, so don’t delay.)
To be notified every time we post new content, you can subscribe to this blog via email or RSS feed.
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And today, to whet your appetite, here’s the PROLOGUE to Everyone Communicates, Few Connect:
Last month I received an overseas phone call from Sangeeth Varghese, author, columnist, and founder of LeadCap, an organization developing leaders in India. I enjoyed talking to Sangeeth, but we had a problem. Our phone connection was bad. I bet we got disconnected nearly a dozen times. One minute we’d be enjoying our conversation on leadership, and the next minute the line would go dead.
Everybody’s had that happen during a phone call. It’s the reason Verizon did their “Can you hear me now?” campaign. When your phone drops a call, you know it, don’t you? And what is your reaction? How does it make you feel? Annoyed? Frustrated? Angry?
Have you ever thought about why you react the way you do when you get disconnected? Being disconnected wastes your time. It interrupts the flow of what you’re trying to accomplish. And it undermines your productivity. The bottom line is that connecting is everything when it comes to communication.
You know when you don’t have a good connection on the phone, but how about when you’re communicating with people in person? Do you know when a connection has been made? Can you tell when the connection is starting to go bad? Can you identify when the “call” has been dropped?
Most people have an easy time knowing when the connection is good on the phone. But they have no idea if they’re connecting with others in other everyday situations.
How do I tell? How do I know that I’ve connected with others? I look for the signs. When I interact with people, whether one on one, in a group, or with an audience, I know I’ve connected when I sense . . .
- Extra Effort – people go the extra mile
- Unsolicited Appreciation – they say positive things
- Unguarded Openness – they demonstrate trust
- Increased Communication – they express themselves more readily
- Enjoyable Experiences – they feel good about what they’re doing
- Emotional Bondedness – they display a connection on an emotional level
- Positive Energy – their emotional “batteries” are charged by being together
- Growing Synergy – their effectiveness is greater than the sum of the contributions
- Unconditional Love – they are accepting without reservation
Any time I interact with people and I see evidence of these signals, I know I’m connecting. I’ve learned what it takes to connect with others, and I’ve learned to gauge when I’m succeeding.
How are you doing when it comes to connecting? When you interact one on one with someone important in your life, do you receive these signals? When you lead a meeting or attend a group function, are these connecting characteristics evident? When you speak to an audience, do you connect with them in such a way that you’re not only effective at communicating, but it’s also a highly enjoyable experience for you and them? If you can’t answer these questions with a resounding yes, then you need to improve your ability to connect with people. Everyone talks. Everyone communicates. But few connect. Those who do take their relationships, their work, and their lives to another level.
If you want to learn how to connect and thereby become more effective in everything you do, there’s good news. Even if connecting with others isn’t something you’re good at today, you can learn how to do it and become better tomorrow. And that’s why I wrote this book. In the first part of the book, I’ll help you to learn the five principles that are foundational for understanding how to connect with people. In the second part, you’ll learn five practices that anyone can do to connect with others—regardless of age, experience, or natural abilty.
Ready? Let’s get started.
Update September 1: Comments for this post are now closed.
Today’s Daily Reader: Put others first
Posted by: | CommentsToday’s blog post is an excerpt from The Maxwell Daily Reader. I loved compiling this book, with the goal of offering the reader one leadership principle per day for an entire year. Each one-page entry is drawn from one of my earlier (pre-2007) books, and is designed to be put into practice right after reading.
An added bonus: Besides providing a wide variety of leadership lessons, The Maxwell Daily Reader offers a good survey of my writing up until 2007.
What follows is the entry for today’s date: August 21.
Put Others First in Your Thinking
When you meet people, is your first thought about what they’ll think of you or how you can make them feel more comfortable? At work, do you try to make your coworkers or employees look good, or are you more concerned about making sure that you receive your share of the credit? When you interact with family members, whose best interests do you have in mind? Your answers show where your heart is. To add value to others, you need to start putting others ahead of yourself in your mind and heart. If you can do it there, you will be able to put them first in your actions.
But how can anyone add value to others if he doesn’t know what they care about? Listen to people. Ask them what matters to them. And observe them. If you can discover how people spend their time and money, you’ll know what they value.
Once you know what matters to them, do your best to meet their needs with excellence and generosity. Offer your best with no thought toward what you might receive in return. President Calvin Coolidge believed that “no enterprise can exist for itself alone. It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others; or failing therein it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist.”
(from Failing Forward)
Put others ahead of you in your mind and heart today.
Value-added Links
Posted by: | CommentsGetting ready to help me with my book? Only two weeks until the first chapter goes up right here on this blog.
If you follow me on Twitter, you probably saw my posts about opportunities to view my teaching on TV and online last week.
But trust me: I, of all people, understand anyone’s reluctance to adopt yet another piece of technology. So if you don’t get my Twitter updates, here’s where I was on TV last week (and can be seen online now):
God Will Give You Hope, 8/9
Joyce Meyer’s Enjoying Everyday Life
View recent episodes: Attitude Adjustment 1 and 2, 8/10 & 8/11
Praise the Lord with Matt and Laurie Crouch on TBN
View episode from 8/13
I hope these videos serve you well. I’m not used to being on television that much, but I certainly appreciate the opportunity. On TV, here on this blog, and on Twitter, my primary goal is to add value to your life.
And if you’re ready to take the plunge into social media, take a look at my tips on Twitter for Dummies (i.e. ME) at the bottom of this post.
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One final announcement:
GIANT Impact is hosting an event just for CEO’s. Exchange will be in New York City November 4-6, 2009.
I always look forward to this chance to focus my leadership principles for a specific group. If you lead a large company and are looking for teaching tailored to your needs, please click the banner below for more information. (Early Registration Rate thru August 31)
What do YOU think I need to say about communication?
Posted by: | CommentsAre you ready to help me make my next book better?
Thank you again for all the suggestions you made about future books you’d like to see me write. In two recent posts I addressed a few of the ideas that I received from you and pointed out the books I’ve already written that answer some of your questions.
But there was one more topic for which I got a lot of requests. Here’s just a sampling:
- I would love to see you write a book on communication.
- Perhaps you could write on communicating clearly, assumptions and perceptions
- What about leadership and communication? There is so much to say yet about this topic, and this is really decisive in leadership.
- I am not sure how much you have already written about how leaders communicate, but that seems very relevant!
If one of these was your question (or if you would just like to know what I have to say regarding communication) I have good news:
I HAVE in fact written a book dedicated to the topic. It’s called Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.
The secret to communication — whether one-on-one, in a small group, to an audience, or in a meeting — is connecting. If you can connect with people, you can communicate with people. This is something I learned early in my career, and it has helped me as a husband, father, friend, communicator, and leader. I cannot image what my life and my career might have looked like had I not learned how to connect.
What? You haven’t heard of this book? I’m not surprised. Because it hasn’t been published yet! And believe it or not, that’s even better news. Why? Because you, my blog readers, will get to see it before anyone else does. You’ll also get a chance to tell me what you think about it before it goes to print. And if you give me a story in response to one of my chapters that adds enough value to it, I’ll even include it in the published book!
Here’s the plan. On September 1, 2009, I will post the first chapter of this manuscript right here on the blog. I’ll encourage you to give me your feedback and comments. While the chapter is up, you’ll be able to tell me exactly what you like, what you don’t like, and what you think is missing. We’ll make changes based on the feedback that we believe will add value to the book. And if we use your comment or story , we’ll also quote you in the book.
We’ll leave that first chapter up for two weeks; after that, we’ll take it down and post the next chapter. From then on, we’ll post a new chapter each week for you to read and comment on.
A chapter will stay up only a week, so keep in contact. If you think you’ll have trouble remembering to check each week, then subscribe to my RSS feed so that you receive a reminder. I need your input as part of the revision and editing process. And when the book comes out in the spring of 2010, you can check to see whose comments made it into the book.
I’m really excited about this process. Every book I’ve written over the last decade and a half has been a collaborative experience. I’ve sought the advice of good thinkers and leaders as I’ve outlined and written. (After all, one person can do nothing of significance alone.) But this is the first time I’ll be able to connect so broadly with my readers before a book has been published. I know you will make the book better.
So get ready. This fall is going to be a lot of fun!
