All good mentoring relationships begin with a personal relationship. As your people get to know and like you, their desire to follow your direction and learn from you will increase. If they don’t like you, they will not want to learn from you, and the equipping process can slow down or even stop.

To build relationships, begin by listening to people’s life stories — their journeys so far. Your genuine interest will mean a lot to them, and it will also  help you to know their personal strengths and weaknesses. Ask them about their goals and what motivates them. Find out what kind of temperament they have. You may not want to equip a “numbers person” for a job that deals primarily with disgruntled customers.

And one of the best ways to get to know people is to see them outside of the world where you lead them (i.e. work, whether paid or volunteer). People are usually on their guard at work. They try to be what others want them to be. By getting to know them in other settings, you can get a glimpse of who they really are.

Try to learn as much as you can about your people and do your best to win their hearts. If you first find someone’s heart, they’ll be glad to offer you their hand.

Adapted from The Maxwell Daily Reader

On a boat in the Sea of Galilee, Israel, with my bride, Margaret.

Hello from the USA! Thank you very much for all your good wishes and prayers for us as we toured Israel. I truly enjoyed helping my friend and pastor, Tom Mullins, lead the group from Christ Fellowship Church. We had a fantastic time.

At any rate, I’m back on American soil for the time being. And we have a lot going on this month.

Remember the book? The one that YOU helped me create right here on the blog? Well, it’s finally on its way!

Two weeks from today (March 30) is the official publication date for Everyone Communicates, Few Connect in the US and Canada! If you’d like to read an excerpt of the “finished product” RIGHT NOW, go to Scribd.com, where you’ll find the prologue, chapter 1, and a very nice high-resolution picture of the cover. (Perhaps with YOUR face on it?)

If you read the book here on the blog last fall and found it helpful, please consider going over to Amazon and writing a review. And if you participated in the editing process, make sure to also share your opinion on how that went.

Are you following me on Twitter and Facebook? If not, now’s a great time to start. For the next 30 days, I’ll be sharing updates with quotes and thoughts on the power of connecting.

ALSO…

On Twitter beginning March 30, I’m giving away signed copies of the book (provided by the publisher, Thomas Nelson). Don’t miss out; giveaways will be Tweeted every day until they’re gone.

And finally, over the next two weeks, I’m speaking in Florida (also streamed live online) and North Carolina. Check Upcoming Events in the sidebar for all the details.

Have a great week!

As you might know, I’ve been traveling these last two weeks. Most of the time, I had the privilege of touring Israel with a group from my church, Christ Fellowship.

From teaching about the Sermon on the Mount while actually ON the Mount to visiting the Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem, everything in our experience was wonderful and deeply meaningful.

Well, maybe not everything…

We also made sure to have fun. For example, as “captain” of my bus, on the first day I suggested that we come up with a better name than “The Blue Bus.” Creative, right?

Well, because my bus was full of smart-alecks, the name chosen was …

“Baalbusters.”

Yep.

Once we had a name, then of course we had to have a song. And then a handshake. And then matching ballcaps, and a banner…

Let’s just say that things might have gotten out of hand when we choreographed and performed the song.

And of course with the number of cameras and smartphones on the trip, we knew that everything would end up on YouTube or somewhere like it.

Little did we know that it would actually be posted on Vimeo, BY the Christ Fellowship team. In High-Definition.

I hope you enjoy:

PS I posted regular Twitter and Facebook updates while on the trip. If you want to keep up with my day-to-day experiences – and receive some of my favorite quotes and thoughts – be sure to follow me.

If you’ve spent any time on this earth, you know that life contains conflict. And there are times in the life of every leader when he or she needs to fight. But if you fight all the time, you can wear yourself out. That’s why it’s important to pick your battles.

To gain a better perspective on when to fight back and when to “let it go,” practice the following disciplines:

1. Spend time with people who are different from you. This helps you appreciate and understand how others think and work. You will be less inclined to judge or battle them.

2. In matters of personal preference or taste, give in. Keep the main thing the main thing. If you don’t save your energy for what really matters, you’ll wear yourself out and wear out your welcome with others.

3. Don’t take things too personally. In general, hurting people hurt people. And they’re also easily hurt by others. Keep that in mind when you’re on the receiving end of someone’s anger.

4. Practice the 101% Principle. Whenever possible in a difficult situation, find the 1% that you do agree on and give it 100% of your effort.

5. Be a servant leader. If your mindset is to serve rather than be served, you will be less likely to encounter resistance.

The best team doesn’t always win;
it’s usually the team that gets along best.

Adapted from Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork

But Agrippa did answer: “Keep this up much longer and you’ll make a Christian out of me!” (Acts 26:28, The Message)

This week I’m in Israel, touring with Christ Fellowship Church (Palm Beach, Florida). And just a few days ago, I taught a lesson in Caesarea, the ancient city built by Herod the Great right on the Mediterranean.

As you might have guessed, this lesson relates to my Christian faith. But I don’t share it here in order to impose it on you, but rather because I believe that Paul can teach all of us – whether we agree with him or not – a thing or two about the power of connecting.

After all, as the above quote from Acts indicates, Paul was such an effective witness to his faith that he almost convinced King Agrippa.

How did Paul’s testimony have such a powerful impact?

1. He immediately connected with King Agrippa.

In only a few words, Paul established common ground with Agrippa. Not only that, but Paul also appealed to the king’s intellect and ego.

Agrippa spoke directly to Paul: “Go ahead—tell us about yourself.”

Paul took the stand and told his story. “I can’t think of anyone, King Agrippa, before whom I’d rather be answering all these Jewish accusations than you, knowing how well you are acquainted with Jewish ways and all our family quarrels.”

Clearly, Paul had done his homework. He understood Agrippa’s point of view and what he cared about, and he used that knowledge to immediately create a connection.

2. He was vulnerable and open about his past.

Finding common ground is a two-way street. While it’s important to focus on others to understand them, it’s also critical to be open and authentic so that others understand you. Paul did it by telling his own story – the good, the bad and the ugly – to the king:

From the time of my youth, my life has been lived among my own people in Jerusalem. Practically every Jew in town who watched me grow up—and if they were willing to stick their necks out they’d tell you in person—knows that I lived as a strict Pharisee, the most demanding branch of our religion.… For a time I thought it was my duty to oppose this Jesus of Nazareth with all my might…. I stormed through [Christians’] meeting places, bullying them into cursing Jesus, a one-man terror obsessed with obliterating these people….

One day, …right in the middle of the day a blaze of light … poured out of the sky…. Oh, King, it was so bright! We fell flat on our faces. Then I heard a voice in Hebrew: ‘Saul, Saul, why are you out to get me? Why do you insist on going against the grain?’

I said, ‘Who are you, Master?’

The voice answered, ‘I am Jesus, the One you’re hunting down like an animal.

3. He expressed his conviction.

Just as Paul was honest about his past, he held nothing back when sharing his passion.

[the voice continued], ‘But now, up on your feet—I have a job for you. I’ve handpicked you to be a servant and witness to what’s happened today, and to what I am going to show you.’ …What could I do, King Agrippa? I couldn’t just walk away from a vision like that!

Whether you agree with Paul or not, don’t you find his passion contagious? If you had been there as he spoke, wouldn’t you have wanted to hear more of what he had to say?

***

Connection, authenticity, and conviction: what a powerful combination. Scottish philosopher and religious skeptic David Hume was once observed early one morning hurrying to hear evangelist George Whitefield preach. When asked where he was going, Hume answered, “To hear George Whitefield.” Puzzled, the questioner asked if he believed what the evangelist preached.

“Certainly not!” Hume replied, “But Whitefield does.”

Everyone communicates. But if you want your communication to be truly effective, do what Paul did. Listen, speak honestly, and be passionate. Then you’ll be communicating at the highest level, and maybe others will rush to hear what you have to say, too.