“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.”
~George MacDonald

In the Law of Solid Ground in my 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, I asserted that trust is the foundation of leadership. But that’s not all. In reality, trust is necessary in ALL good relationships. Good marriages, business relationships, and friendships all require trust. Without it, there can be no open and honest interaction, and the relationship will be only temporary.

How do you gain the trust of others?

Manchester, Inc, a consulting firm in Philadelphia, used a survey of more than 200 companies to discover the best ways for leaders to build trust with employees. They found that people who engender trust…

• Maintain integrity.
• Openly communicate vision and values.
• Show respect for employees as equal partners.
• Focus on shared goals rather than personal agendas.
• Do the right thing regardless of personal risk.
• Listen with an open mind.
• Demonstrate compassion.
• Maintain confidences.

In addition to this helpful list, I would add that a critical way to GAIN trust is to be willing to GIVE trust.

Former US Secretary of State Henry L. Stimson remarked, “The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way you can make a man trustworthy is by trusting him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”

Haven’t you found that to be true of yourself? We all want to be trusted. And by taking the leap of faith to trust in someone, you give them a gift that they usually want to repay.

As you strive to invest confidence in others in the same way you would like it invested in you, take comfort in the words of Camillo Benso di Cavour, who said, “The man who trusts men will make fewer mistakes than he who distrusts them.”

Adapted from Ethics 101

This past week on Twitter, I’ve been sharing some of my favorite quotes on priorities and time management.  Important topics for every generation, priorities and time management seem to become more and more crucial every decade.

Today, in the age of the smartphone and social media, even technology has joined the fight for our most precious commodity: TIME.

A few decades ago, I came up with three critical questions on priorities. They still serve me well today, and I hope they’re valuable to you.

Before any decision on where to invest my time, this is what I ask myself:

1. What is REQUIRED of me? Any realistic assessment of priorities in any area of life must start with a realistic assessment of what you must do. For you to be a good spouse or parent, what is required of you? To satisfy your employer, what must you do? If you lead others, then what must you personally do that cannot be delegated to anyone else?
2. What gives me the greatest RETURN? As you progress in your career, you begin to discover that some activities yield a much higher return for the effort than others. After determining requirements, focus on choices with a high return on investment (ROI).
3. What gives me the greatest REWARD? If you do only what you must, along with what is effective, then you will probably be highly productive. But you may not be content. I think it’s also important to consider what gives you personal satisfaction.

Note: These questions are meant to be asked IN ORDER. Many of us would love to skip down to #3 and focus on the most rewarding/fun/exciting activities. But no one can be successful who doesn’t possess the discipline to take care of the first two areas before adding the third.

The time that you have on this earth is precious – every minute of it. As Ralph Waldo Emerson advised, “Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.”

~Adapted from Today Matters

A few years ago, I read an article about a young man who, at age 23, went to work as the senior pastor of his first church. He found the experience very intimidating because he was to be the spiritual leader of people who had children and grandchildren older than he was.

How did he handle it? By showing his people respect and asking them to treat them in kind. To make his standard clear to everyone, he shared ten rules for respect that he promised to live by, and he asked his people to do the same.

Here are his rules:

1. If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
2. If I have a problem with you, I’ll come to you (privately).
3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I’ll do the same for you.)
4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say, “Let’s go see him together.” (I’ll do the same for you.)
5. Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
6. I will be careful how I interpret you.
7. If it’s confidential, don’t tell. If anyone comes to me in confidence, I won’t tell unless (a) the person is going to harm him/herself; (b) the person is going to physically harm someone else; (c) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
8. I do not read unsigned letters or notes.
9. I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. Do not let others manipulate you; do not let others try to manipulate me through you.
10. When in doubt, just say it. If I can answer without misrepresenting something or breaking a confidence, I will.

His story intrigued me because I had faced a similar situation early in my career. The young pastor’s list reflected what I’d learned in my own experience.

Most people greatly desire the respect of their leaders. And when leaders give it freely, I believe it creates a very positive relational environment. As author Alfred Glasow said, “The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.”

“The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a creative mind to spot wrong questions.”

~Sir Antony Jay

When problem-solving, it’s so easy to fall into the rut of uncreative thinking. We can focus so much on answers and solutions that we lose sight of the question. And if we’re asking the wrong questions, we’ll often end up with the wrong answers.

How creative is your thinking? When faced with a problem, do you immediately turn to the tried-and-true solutions that you’ve always used? Or do you open your mind to new ideas? A good way to do that is to start asking some right questions, like these:

•        Why must it be done this way?

•        What is the root problem?

•        What are the underlying issues?

•        What does this remind me of?

•        What is the opposite?

•        What metaphor or symbol helps to explain it?

•        Why is it important?

•        What’s the hardest or most expensive way to do it?

•        Who has a different perspective on this?

•        What happens if we don’t do it at all?

You get the idea—and you can probably come up with better questions yourself. Physicist Tom Hirschfield observed, “If you don’t ask, ‘Why this?’ often enough, somebody will ask, ‘Why you?’” If you want to think creatively, you must ask good questions. You must challenge the process.

From How Successful People Think

Nineteenth-century writer Walt Whitman struggled for years to get anyone interested in his poetry. He became very discouraged. But then he received a note that read:

Dear sir, I am not blind to the worth of the wonderful gift of Leaves of Grass. I find it the most extraordinary piece of wit and wisdom that America has yet contributed. I greet you at the beginning of a great career.

It was signed by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I can’t help but wonder what might have happened to Whitman had Emerson not invested in him by writing those kind words. That note must have been like fresh air to Whitman, who breathed in its encouragement and was inspired to keep writing.

You don’t have to be a professional writer like Emerson to make a difference in someone’s life. Just taking the time to write a note of encouragement is evidence of your willingness to invest in that person.

from 25 Ways to Win with People